This is the great and powerful Emperor here back with the last and 
longest entry in Ranma 1/2: The Fiancee He Never Had. I was considering 
making two parts out of it but I decided not to drag it out too long. 
Anyway now that I've had time to recuperate from the insanity I suffered
from writing the first two parts I realized how boring sanity can be and
immediately started work on the third part. Normal life is overrated 
anyway. 

-The Emperor


Ranma 1/2: The Fiancee He Never Had.
By Stephen Schlueter

Chapter Three: Strange Bedfellows (and I mean strange!)

Normally I wouldn't have fallen down the stairs like that. Though I'm 
pretty sure I heard a Mousse and Ryoga insisting that I had amnesia and 
somehow I'd also forgotten my sense of balance. 
As, once again, I lay on the ground out cold I began to wonder if maybe 
I was suffering some memory disorder and things really weren't the way I
remembered them. I thought of the argument I'd had with Akane soon after
she'd found out I was a guy. The argument was about who was to blame 
concerning the bathtub incident. As always she blamed me. I was about to
take off for China when I felt the need to remark: "By the way.. you 
took a pretty good look at me too." That had been a pretty good 
argument. "Besides" I had gone on to say "it's no big deal for me to see
a naked girl. I mean I've seen myself plenty of times, right?" I 
would've won had I not continued with: " And I'm built better to boot." 
This resulted in Akane hitting me over the head with a table.
Getting used to my somewhat unusual curse took a long time. Getting used
to Akane was a lot harder. Somehow she was always in earshot whenever I 
said something about her. It always felt like fate had some sort of 
obsession with playing practical jokes on me. 
I expected to wake up at the bottom of the stairs or, once again in Doc 
Tofu's office but once again somehow I was back in Akane's room. It was 
about four in the morning. Just then I noticed that there was someone 
beside me. Someone who was sleeping. Someone who was Akane. 
There are people who, when confronted with a situation like this would 
panic. This was my solution. I think I might have screamed but mostly I 
just tried to get out of there. I wasn't even successful at this. 
Somehow I seemed to be going downhill at everything lately. 
"What is it?" asked Akane.
"W-what are you and--" I said trying to actually say something 
intelligent. 
"Oh, that's right." began Akane "I forgot about your amnesia."
She approached me the way someone might approach an small injured 
animal. 
"And falling down those stairs can't have helped." Akane continued.
"What's with you anyway?" I asked. "You never act this nice to anybody."
"Well that's odd." said Akane. "Why wouldn't I be nice to my own 
fiancee?" 
I decided not to answer that.
The next couple of hours were spent as Akane explained everything that 
had happened since we met. Then I told my version, which was incredibly 
different. 
"I hit you with a table?" asked Akane.
"That's right." I said.
"I can't imagine anyone being that temperamental over anything." said 
Akane. "Let alone how well someone cooks." Akane got up. "I'm certainly 
glad that I'm not really like that." 
"Uh.. right..." I said.
This had to be some kind of coma-induced hallucination or something 
because there's no way my memory could be that screwed up. Akane talked 
for some time trying to reassure me that I was not losing my mind. This 
only added to the fact that she seemed concerned that maybe I had lost 
my mind. There's only so much of Akane acting calm that I guy can take 
before he gets bored and falls asleep. My limit was about twenty 
minutes. 
When I woke up the next morning I was certain that I would wake up back 
in reality. But there were a few unusual things about my surroundings. 
The room seemed bigger and another thing was that I wasn't at the Tendo 
Hall. 
I looked out the window and I was somewhere completely different. Then I
realized where I was. I wasn't at the Tendo School of Martial Arts... 
I was at the Saotome School....

Chapter Four: A Kiss Is Still A Kiss.

Okay, now how the hell did I get here? I was starting to question my 
sanity. First the whole opposites thing and now this. This was either a 
really strange dream or an extremely elaborate practical joke. Or maybe 
there really was something wrong with my memory anything seemed possible
at this point in time. 
The house looked a lot different than I remembered it. The furniture was
all different and the walls only had pictures of me and Akane. This was 
really unusual since I never recall a moment in time when Akane and I 
had been able to stop arguing long enough for anyone to actually take a 
picture of us. 
But there seemed to be quite a few.
The house was quiet and empty. Though with my luck Akane was in the 
house somewhere just waiting for me to pass by so she could give me a 
big hug and cause me to go into shock or something. Akane acting 
affectionate is something you never get used to. I was surprised I had 
lasted this long. 
I got downstairs and looked around for a couple of minutes. The way I 
figured it I was probably married to Akane and somehow I didn't remember
anything about it. That was the most logical conclusion so I figured it 
was probably wrong. That was until I noticed the wedding photos on the 
mantle. There are days I hate being right. 
Akane was in the kitchen. These are the words that no one who knows 
anything about Akane wants to hear. The only thing more deadly than 
Akane's temper is her cooking . Of course considering that everything 
seemed the opposite of the way I remembered it there was a good 
possibility that Akane was some kind of master chef or something. 
	I walked into the kitchen.
"Oh, good morning, dear." said Akane in a cherry almost Kasumi-like 
voice. "I didn't hear you come in." 
I was never going to get used to that.
"Uh.. right." I said.
"By the way..." Akane continued. "Ryoga's stopping by again today...."
Hey. Why not?
"Honestly..." Akane went on "if you keep spending time with your friends
you won't have any timeleft for your training." 
Of couse. Ryoga is my best buddy. It's just some kind of fluke that all 
my memories of him contain the quote: "Saotome! Prepare to die!!!" 
Something wasn't right with all this. Nothing was right with all this. 
It was all too weird. Too artificial. Too.... 
SPLASH!

Epilogue:

"Wha.. huh? who the..." I sat up and with a start. I was back in the 
Tendo Hall. I was soaked. Akane stood in the doorway with an empty 
bucket. 
"Sorry, Ranma. I tripped." she said.
"Oh dear." said Kasumi. "Are you all right, Ranma?"
Kasumi was acting normal. Which for her is described as sweet but 
slightly vacant. 
"Yeah." said Nabiki. "Akane really must have nailed you. You were out 
for the whole weekend." 
I let out a sigh of relief. It had just been all just been a result of 
Akane hitting me over the head. Having a lot of people like you as fine.
But that had been a little bit too much like a rerun of the Twilight 
Zone. 
"Well" said Nabiki "He can look on the bright side. This is the first 
weekend in months where he didn't have something weird happen to him." 
"I wouldn't say that..." I said as got up and left to find a kettle of 
hot water. 

THE END


Well, that's it. It took me a long time to figure out an ending for this
thing. Now if you'll excuse me I've gotta get some sleep. 























 


 
 
















 

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Emperor Stephen "The Mega Man" Schlueter
Leader Of The Crimson Empire
"It's not like I start the fights or anything.She just overreacts to 
every little thing!" -Ranma Saotome
------------------------------------------------------------------------