Valentines day, deep space.
Dave Lister sat in his bunk, intently watching the monitor. On the screen
the 2064 world champion Rugby game played out. This was the tenth time
Dave had watched it, but damn it had been a great game.
The game vanished from the screen to be replaced with the balding face of
the ship's computer.
"Hey Holl!" Dave complained. "I was watching me game!"
"Sorry Dave, but I found something..."
"Can't it wait? I wanna see how the game turns out."
"...we've got dial tone on one of the vidphone lines."
"So, it's a malfunction. I'll fix it later."
"I don't think so Dave. The signal seems to pop up between decks 43 and
44."
"Well, make a call on it. If nobody answers it's just busted, OK?"
"What number do I dial Dave?"
"How about zero? Let's see what the operator looks like."
The monitor went blank, a single duel-tone sounded then four rings. The
display lit up with a young woman's face. She was darker skinned than
Dave with white hair and green triangles on her cheeks and forehead that
matched her eyes.
"Hi, I'm Urd. You have reached the goddess help desk..."
"Good one Holl!"
"...I'll be right over to help with your problem." She took off her
headset and poked a foot through the monitor.
"Great effect Holl!"
The woman continued through the monitor screen and dropped to the floor.
She wore a red Chinese dress slit up the sides all the way to the tops of
her thighs. Dave felt a certain tightening as he saw just how curvy and
drop dead gorgeous she was.
The monitor went to static as she left it then snapped back to Holly's
face.
"Uh, intruder alert Dave."
"Oh right, tell me another one."
"She's not quite human Dave."
"Then how did she come through the monitor screen?"
"I don't know Dave."
"Give me a break, it's Rimmer in drag again, right? Great voice Smeghead,
you really know what I like."
"If you weren't the last man alive, I'd kill you for that."
"Yeah, right, go on."
"Well, I'm here to offer you a wish. You may wish for anything you like,
but you only get one wish."
"OK, you've outdone yourselves this time. This is too rich." Dave got
down from his bunk and walked around the woman.
"Well Dave, what is your wish?"
"OK ``Urd'' I'll play along. I wish that a woman who looks just like this
would stay with me forever." Dave pointed at Urd.
Urd spun around as a brilliant light shot from her forehead marking and
then fell back into Dave's arms.
He froze. She had physical substance. She was warm and soft and alive.
"What is it you feline delinquent?" Rimmer followed Cat into the room
then froze as he saw the woman in Dave's arms. "What is that!"
"I told you I smelled a woman!"
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I can't actually write "Ah! Smegami-sama!", because:
A> I don't write lemons.
B> Any story starring Urd and Cat that isn't a lemon is a damn shame.
Henry J. Cobb hcobb@slip.net http://www.io.com/~hcobb