A cold wind cut accross the shadowed water of the canal.  A lone
figure sat on the cold bank with his back to the cement wall.  For the third
night in a row Ranma was lost in thought.  The last year had been a
seemingly endless mass of chaos and torment.  Pain had followed his every
move.  The conflicts and the other problems that had plagued him had finally
played out only a few months earlier.  For a year he had endured.  The
bombed wedding had been the final straw.  Akane had broken off the
engagement, his mother had disappeared in search of his father, and he had

I honestly don't see Akane dumping him over the bombed wedding, especially
as this rather directly contradicts the final panels of the manga.  But
given you've decided to take it that way, let's see what develops.

lost in his memories Ranma turned to give the canal a final glance.  Leaving

Lost in his memories, Ranma

        Elsewhere in the city five young women sat around a large fire.  The
last week had been an emotional rollercoaster for the group.  Leda had

I think Lita is the usual 'americanized' spelling.

        After hours of questions had been answered talk soon turned to
school.  It would start two days, and they would all be going to high
school.  Talk of coarses to be taken, and common intrests were flying about

Talk of courses to be taken, 

that they need to learn to better defend themselves after the events of the
last months, and so three had signed up for the self defense class.  While
Rei had signed up for an escirma class and  Mina had decided on kendo.

Their school offers escrima?  Wow.

doubts kept resurfacing, but he put them aside.  Looking at the papers that
Dr. tofu had prepared he saw that they explained his curse perfectly.  Smiling

Dr. Tofu

to break in to a fit of histerical laughter.  he laughed.  Afterall how often

After all

 was it that people saw a sex changing matial-artist?    This would be an
intresting year.

interesting year.

No more fiances to bother him, no more stress from the worries of being

fiancees

<fiances would be MALES :)>

killed by an insane martial artist, and best of all he had finally escaped
his father.  Picking a piece of paper from a small pile Ranma looked at the
schedule for the year English, Cooking(Which his mother had insisted on),
Math, Public speaking, history and a
martial arts course at a TA.  Stretching Ranma dragged himself into bed not

line break problem

a TA?

        Ami woke to the sound ofher alarm blareing loudly in her ear.

of her alarm, blaring loudly

Groaning loudly The blue haired girl jumped out of bed, rushing through an

Groaning loudly, the blue

early morning ritual that had been instinctual for much of her life.  She
had finished geetting ready in leass than 45 minutes having rushed through

getting ready in less than 45 minutes, having rushed

        Leda Stretched as she heard the alrm blaeing dragging herself out of

Lita stretched as she heard the alarm blaring, dragging herself out of 

bed she staggered across the room smashing the offending clock.  Sighing at

bed, she staggered across the room, smashing the offending clock.

the fact that she had awakened so wearly Leda staggered into the shower, and

so early, Lita staggered

files would be worth the time it had taken to have them assembled.  Laughing
Ranma Bounced down the halls dodgeing around student at speeds that defied
logic.  Only to be suddenly stopped saw his home room.  Taking a seat he sat

Laughing, Ranma bounced down the halls, dodging around students at speeds
that defied logic, only to suddenly stop when he saw his home room.
Taking a seet, he sat

suprised, Melvin said he saw ya, at some reastraunt."   Turning to Ranma,
Molly introduced the matial artist to her blue haired friend.  

martial artist
 

        After several minutes of the jabbering young girl Ranma's nerves had

girl, Ranma's 

reached a ragged edge.  Even with his endurance he could hardly stand the
girls high pitched voice.  Finally when hope seemed to be lost for him the

girl's 

a grim faced instructor walked into the room, with the principal trailing
behind.  Scanning the room they finally spotted Ranma.  They quickly walked
over to the young martial artist and  hurled a bucket of cold water at the
Ranma's back.  Theresulting silence was deafening. When the change took

The resulting silence

        Ami paled, at the spectecal before her.  The Boy who had been
sitting next to

line break problem

at the spectacle before her.  The boy who had been 

her had just turned into a girl.  The Red head turned glaring at the

redhead

sputtering old man who had thrown the water on her.   "You could have asked
before you did that.  I would have been willing to demonstate, it for you.

demonstrate it for you.

Now I have to explain this."  Sighing Ranma told his told of the fateful

Sighing, Ranma

trip to Jusenkyo, her face becoming grim as she reached the point of explaining
 the curse lines of pain clearly etched in the young woman's face.   As Ranma's 
tale unfolded many of the student backed awayfrom the martial-artist, as did 

away from 

the principal who was holding the bucket.  The only people in the room who 
had not yet moved were Ami who was used to the strange and unussual, and
Molly who was still talking, haveing only paused long enough to hear Ranma's
story before she continued to bombard Ranma with the gossip that had been
circulating around the area the last few months. 

Heh :)
 

       Turning from Molly, Ranma's face split into a cheshire grin.  Looking

nice metaphor.

at Ami's Conscerned expression.  "Don't worry you'll get used to it after

concerned expression.

I get hit with water a couple times.  Names Ranma by the way."  Smiling 

Name's Ranma

        Finally breaking her silence, Ami spoke excitedly at Ranma. "How
doese the change work exactly?, and what are the tempreture gradiants
involved to activate your change?"  The wide grin on her face reminded Ranma

Heh! :)

        
        Slumping in his chair Ranma sighed.  The tention in his body

tension in 

        The lunch hour had finally arrived, and Ranma had only just spotted
Ami when his sences warned him of impeendung danger, though it was only just

sense warned him of impending danger, though it was only just

noticable.  Ranma, had only just sat down to give her the explanationshe had
wanted.  With a heavy sigh, and heavy heart Ranma started his tale.
"Jusenkyo, valley of accursed springs, this place has destroyed lives and
ruined souls.  This is where my life was torn apart.  My father had decided
he wanted to take me to all of the training grounds of legend.  Here is
where I gained my curse and gained lost one of the few people I have called
friend.  Even now I can see the events, of that day in my mind.  The true
curse of Jusenkyko only became clear to me recently though it has plagued me
since the day I first felt the chill of it's water.  Chaos is drawn to me
like a moth to the flame.  My--"

I can't quite see Ranma say 'Chaos is drawn to me like a moth to the
flame'.  Ranma doesn't talk like that.  (Except when I write him.  This is
one of my big flaws as a writer...my characters tend to talk like me.)

 >         

               Suddenly a flight of arrows rained down from the sky.  The
only thing that Registered in Ami's mind was fear as She saw the arrows
ibedded in the ground all about her.  She had been left untouched.  The
shattered remaines of a dozen arrows lay about her in splinters, and a dozen
others were in Ranma's hand's The Pigtailed boy had two wounds from the
attack one arrow had pirced his right shoulder, and a long bloody gash had
been torn down the length of his left arm.  Even with his wounds he was
still standing.  

This whole paragraph needs a ton of spelling fixes and grammatical fixes.
 

        A shadow moved from wall, to reveal A robed teen.  "Saotome, the
amazons time has come. The seals are broken, and the elders send thir
condolences.  You land will fall and all you hold dear shall be destroyed."   

amazon's time has come.  The seals are broken, and the elders send their
condolences.  
 

         Before anyone could move the robed figure disappearedin a swirl of
shadow.  

Before anyone could move, the robed figure disappeared in 

Comments:
1.  I don't really see Akane dumping Ranma because of the bombed wedding,
but if we take that as given, the rest of the story flows well from that.

2.  Your plotting is good.  Characterization seems okay, although Molly
isn't THAT bad :)

3.  Your spelling and grammar need a LOT of work.  You also seem to have
some formatting problems.


John Walter Biles :  MA-History, Ph.D Wannabe at U. Kansas         
ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu       
rhea@tass.org              http://www.tass.org/~rhea/falcon.html
rhea@maison-otaku.net      http://www.maison-otaku.net/~rhea/

      It sought to scour him to ash, but he would not burn.  It tried to 
crush him, but he would not be broken.  It tried to blow him away, but he 
would not move.  He locked his mind around it and struck back with his 
anger, binding it with the power within himself.  He had gone beyond 
rage, into the calm at the heart of the hurricane of his anger.  By 
turning his anger outward, he mastered it, and now he did the same for 
the power.

                                   --from 'Power', the first third of my
unfinished story, 'Parallel Lives'.