Greetings!
THose of you who have forgotten, and those of you too new to have read
earlier chapters, Mikado Ichiban is a mock-tv series, based off of the
exploits of Mikado Sanzenin, bit character from Ranma 1/2.
Episodes 13 and 14 are pretty much complete, though I am only posting 13
today. 14 is sitting on a machine sadly not net-able at the moment.
I -will- get it up to the list, probably tomorrow or the day after.
But for now, episode 13 of Mikado Ichiban...
--------
[Open on stately Shiratori manor's kitchen. Juyza is waiting
impatiently in front of the toaster, arms crossed, and tapping his foot.]
Juyza: [Muttering] Damnable slow technology...
[Juyza turns his attention to the fridge, and looks for a can of Jolt.
As he ducks down to look in the fridge, the toaster pops up, and out
comes a pop-tart. Juyza rattles around the fridge for a few more
moments..]
Juyza: Don't tell me we're out of Jolt...
[As he continues to root through the fridge, Azusa's ryo-oh-ki,
Lafayette, hops into the kitchet, and up on to the counter. It sniffs
around curiously for a few moments, and it's eyes go wide at the sight
of the pop-tart in the toaster - it's orange.]
Lafayette: Myaaa!
Juyza: In a minute, fuzzball...
[Lafayette ignores the comment, and hops on top of the toaster. It
bites onto the end of the pop-tart, and manages (after some effort) to
pull it free. Unfortunately, Lafayette is now on his back, with the
Pop-tart on top of him. Juyza stands up from the fridge, shaking his
head. His back is to the events taking place beside the toaster.]
Juyza: Need caffeine... Must have... [Makes a face] Coffee.
[Juyza opens one of the cupboards, and pulls out a can of coffee
beans. Meanwhile, Lafayette has gotten out from underneath the
pop-tart, and prances around it a few times in celebration. She begins
to take bites at the edges of the orange coating, taking a few moments
to realize that this is, in fact, not a carrot.]
Lafayette: Myah! [Sticks out it's tongue, and hops away]
[Meanwhile, Juyza has gotten the coffee going, and turns back to the
toaster, which is of course now empty. He blinks, then sees the
half-eaten pop-tart on the counter.]
Juyza: [His eyes narrow] Fuzzball... Oh, fuzzball..
[Lafayette sticks its head around a counter, looking at Juyza innocently
(not to mention cutely).]
Juyza: [Points to the pop-tart] You did this, didn't you?
Lafayette: Myaaah?
Juyza: Don't act so innocent. [Takes a step forward, remaining bits of
pop-tart in hand] Not only is there no Jolt left, but this... Was
the last one!
[Juyza takes another step forward, and Ryo-oh-ki makes a mad dash for
it. She rushes out of the kitchen, through the living room, and into
the entrance hall beyond. Juyza rushes after, but has a sudden,
untimely meeting with Azusa's hammer.]
Azusa: Don't touch my Lafayette!
[Azusa hmphs, picking up her Ryo-oh-ki, and walking upstairs.]
Azusa: You better get going, or you'll be late for class!
[Juyza, lying flat on his back, grunts a reply.]
Juyza: {Sanzenin, you've got a hell of a way of 'solving' your
problems.. I'll be sure to repay the favour, soon..}
------------------------------------------------------------------
[scene fades to black, theme music starts playing.]
[An series of images flash (to the drum beat of the theme song) on the
screen: first one of Mikado, then one of Azusa, followed by a group
picture of Phrank, Josie, Mikami, and Ryuuken. It flashes one more
time, showing a picture of Mikado being hounded by Hikaru-chan as Chance
looks on in the background. It is replaced with a slow pan of Kolkhoz
High School, the sun sparkling in the background. Mikado skates by,
graceful and calm as a horde of females follow him. Josie is cheering
in the background, while Phrank is sitting down, looking at her
wistfully. The scene changes to an ice rink, where Mikado and Azusa are
fighting against a large group of people. Noticeable characters are
Ranma, Ryuuken, Kazue, and Wakai. Azusa breaks off from the fight to
pick up a coin that was dropped on the ice, and all of the skaters
descend upon Mikado. This scene ends, and the camera opens on Mikado
posing. Azusa jumps on screen, hugging on to him tightly. The
animation stops with Mikado trying to get away from Azusa, who is
pulling at the tie he is wearing. The music stops, and the screen fades
to black.]
------------------------------------------------------------------
Mikado Ichiban: Zembun Otoko!
Episode 13 : Revenge of the 'Intellectually Advanced'
[Open upon Hikaru Sanzenin, diligently reading one of his textbooks,
taking notes, cross-referencing a few points. He sits back from his
work, and then shakes his head.]
Hikaru: Feh. They call this an 'brilliant' physics book? Still
expounding that bunkum about relativity..
[He continues to pore over his books as a phone rings in another room.
Hikaru ignores it. Initially.]
Mikado: [Talking into the phone] Hello? Oh, ah, hello Hikaru! I'm
rather... What, you want to talk to Hikaru? [Relief flooding
into his voice] I'll get him right away.
[At the mention of this, Hikaru's eyes glaze over. Before Mikado
reaches the door to Hikaru's room, he's already rushed past.]
Mikado: Hikaru, Hiyama's on... [Watches as Hikaru scoops up the phone]
Never mind..
[Mikado smiles wryly, and leans up against a wall, watching Hikaru as he
speaks.]
Hikaru: Hiyama, it's.. Good to hear from you!
Hikaru-chan: [Over the phone] It's good to hear you too, Hikaru! [Now
Hikaru's entire face has a glazed expression.]
Hikaru: R... Really?
Hikaru-chan: Of course! Hikaru-kun, you know how we have that math
test coming up soon.. Could you help me with it?
Hikaru: S... Sure! I could head over right now..
Hikaru-chan: [Giggling] No need! I needed to head to town anyways, so
I thought I'd stop by your place afterwards!
Hikaru: S.. Sure, you can do that..
Mikado quirks an eyebrow curiously.]
HIkaru-chan: Good, I'll be over in an hour! Jya ne! [click]
[Hikaru smiles, holding the receiver, looking off... Well, not at the
wall in front of him, that's for sure.]
Hikaru: ...bye.
[Mikado shakes his head, and waves a hand in front of Hikaru's face.]
Mikado: Earth to Hikaru.. Do you read me, little brother?
Hikaru: [shakes himself into consciousness, and focuses on Mikado.]
Mikado! Oh, yeah, I'm here... {But I have get him out of
here..}
Mikado: So what was that all about?
Hikaru: Uhh, nothing really. Hiyama just wanted some help with her
homework.
Mikado: She's coming over here, then?
Hikaru: No! No, she's not.. I've got other things to do..
Mikado: [nods] I see.
[Mikado turns away, walking off towards his room. Hikaru is about to
follow..]
Mikado: I suppose it doesn't matter; I have plans for the evening
anyways.
[Hikaru face-faults. Mikado grins as he walks by, towards the front door.]
Mikado: Jya ne, brother..
[Hikaru mumbles something, probably not very nice, from the floor as
Mikado leaves.]
-=-
[Some time later, Hikaru has managed to get himself off the floor, with
a vengeance. He's changed clothes, it looks like his hair saw a brush
recently, and it even looks like he did a bit of cleaning around the
house. A somewhat elated expression is on his face.]
Hikaru: [Looks at his watch] She should be here any time...
[Hikaru checks his reflection in a mirror, fidgeting and generally
fussing over himself. For extra measure, he starts buffing the mirror,
cleaning the floor, doing pushups.... Finally, the doorbell rings.
Hikaru is up like a shot, at the door in an instant. He pauses, gathers
himself, and opens the door. Waiting there patiently is Hikaru-chan,
who is carrying books under one arm, and holding a gift-wrapped box in
the other.]
Hikaru: {She brought me a present?} H.. Hello Hiyama-chan!
Hikaru-chan: Konnichi wa! [She steps inside, past Hikaru. She gasps at
the decor.] Wow! You sure have a nice place!
Hikaru: [still holding the door, watching Hikaru-chan walk around]
Yeah..
Hikaru-chan: [still peeking around curiously] Ne, Hikaru-kun, is
Mikado-sama around?
Hikaru: No, no, he left just a while ago..
Hikaru-chan: [looking a little downcast] That's too bad.. I even
brought a gift for Dar-ling... [shrugs it off, putting the
gift down on a nearby table, and rushes into the living
room.] Ne, Hikaru-kun, let's start studying!
[Cut back to Hikaru, who's now gripping onto the doorway a bit harder
than he was before, his eye and mouth twitching..]
-=-
[Cut to a small, exclusive restaurant, where Mikado is seated opposite
Nabiki. They are eating and drinking silently, Mikado giving the
occasional smile in Nabiki's direction.]
Mikado: I'm so glad you agreed to see me again.
Nabiki: Oh no, the pleasure is all mine, Sanzenin.
Mikado: Just Mikado.. We're friends here, are we not?
Nabiki: 'Friends', Sanzenin? My sources tell me you're usually after
more than that.
Mikado: Can a man not change?
Nabiki: Does he?
Mikado: [smiles] A mysterious woman you are, Nabiki Tendo.
Nabiki: No mystique. Just common sense. Which, I suppose, could seem
mysterious to some people..
Mikado: And witty, too. [raises a glass of wine] And willing to see
me, despite my 'flaws'. A generous character?
Nabiki: Just... Curious.
Mikado: [takes a sip of his drink] Well, I hope that I may shed some
light into your questions..
Nabiki: Good, good.. {Tell me all you wish, oh rich 'friend' of mine..}
-=-
[Back at Sanzenin Mansion, the Hikarus are poring over text books.
Obviously some time has passed - it's starting to get dark outside.]
Hikaru: And by taking the square root of the equation, you can..
[Hikaru-chan is starting to go cross-eyed, and slams her head down onto
the table.]
Hikaru-chan: I'm never going to learn all this in time!
[Hikaru tentatively reaches out, giving her a light squeeze on the shoulder.]
Hikaru: Hey, you've got me here. I'm going to make it my mission that
you learn this stuff so well, you'll never have to study it
again..
Hikaru-chan: Really?
[Hikaru nods, which bolsters Hikaru-chan's spirits. She sits back up,
and salutes.]
Hikaru-chan: Well then, give me your orders, Hikaru-sama!
Hikaru: [Trying his best not to look excessively goofy] Uhhh... [Shakes
his head] Right! Okay, first we start with the basics...
[The scene pulls back slowly to show the whole room, and then the
household.]
Hikaru: {Just you watch Mikado, I'll win her from you yet..}
-=-
[Cut to a street in Nerima, where Mikado is walking with Nabiki. Mikado
looks up at the moon, and sighs, putting an arm around Nabiki. She
quickly, but gently, pushes it away. Mikado shrugs, and continues
walking along. Soon, they end up in front of the Tendo household.]
Mikado: [Bows] Thank you for the lovely evening. Allow me to show my
appreciation..
[Mikado takes a step towards Nabiki, but she puts a hand to his chest,
holding him back.]
Nabiki: It was a lovely evening. Let's keep it that way.
[Nabiki steps back, and opens the gates to her yard. She smirks.]
Nabiki: But feel free to try again..
[Nabiki steps through, and closes the door behind her. Mikado is left
standing there, with a curious expression on his face.]
Mikado: [Quietly] Such a fascinating woman.. Tendo, your lips will be
mine..
[Mikado produces a single red rose from his jacket, and sets it down in
front of the entrance. He walks off into the night.]
-=-
[It's now very dark outside, as the Hikarus continue to read and review
their texts.]
Hikaru-chan: [Dubiously] So the answer would be.. 42, right..?
Hikaru: [Sighs, looking at the equation] That's... Absolutely correct!
Hikaru-chan: Really? [Jumps up] All right! Thanks Hikaru-sama!
[Hikaru-chan gloms onto Hikaru, who hugs her back happily. They both
jump up and down for a moment, smiling widely. As they stop jumping, a
door can be heard opening and closing. The Hikarus are still holding on
to each other when Mikado walks into the room.]
Mikado: Oh! Sorry I interrupted.. [Walks back in the direction he came
from, and heads upstairs.]
Hikaru-chan: Dah-ling! [Drops Hikaru, and runs after Mikado] It's not
what it looks like!
[Hikaru-chan runs off. Once again, Hikaru is left to stew on the
floor.]
Hikaru: I was.. So... Close!! [Hikaru's eyes start to flash, fire and
brimstone are all around..] That, was the final straw!
------------------------------------------------------------------
[Ad break. A picture of Mikado, being chased by Hikaru-chan, who is
being chased by Hikaru.]
[Cut to a beach front, teeming with people.]
Commentator: The beach can be a dangerous place. To counteract this,
teams of brave men and women are hired to protect the public. However,
on one certain beach on the Japan coastline, a certain group of
lifeguards actually may be more of a problem than a solution..
[Pan across the Ranma 1/2 cast (in Movie 2 character designs), all
carrying floaters, wearing tight swimming clothes. Cut to a lot of nice
angle shots showing off their.. Talents.]
[Cut again, to a scene on a beach. Ukyou has just dragged an
unconscious woman out of the water. Almost instantaneously, Mikado is
on the scene.]
Mikado: Fear not, I shall perform mouth-to-mouth on this poor child..
[Ukyou rolls her eyes at the silly posturing display in front of her.
She leaves once all the females around start complimenting Mikado on his
technique..]
[Cut to a dock, where Akane, Ryouga and Ranma are standing. In the
water below, a child is screaming for help. As usual, Ranma and Ryouga
are arguing.]
Ranma: Go rescue the kid, pig-breath.
Ryouga: [snarling] No, YOU get into the water!
Ranma: You!
Akane: Fine, -I'll- go!
[Both Ranma and Ryouga turn, fear in their eyes, as they see Akane jump
into the water, and sink like a dead weight.]
Ranma: Aw man, not again...
BAYWATCH 1/2
Another production that shall never be brought to you by
YRN Productions.
------------------------------------------------------------------
[The next morning, back at the Shiratori household. Juyza is sprawled
out on the floor of the living room, various papers splayed all around.
Most of them read 'Anti-Mikado Device', and most of them are crossed
out. He's chewing on the end of a pencil, staring at a blank sheet of
paper.]
Juyza: Hmm.. How to discomfort Sanzenin, subtly, without causing myself
harm.. Damn this is hard.. If only I could get other people to
do my work for me.. [an image of Ryuuken fades in, looking
hopeful] ..Successfully. [the image shatters to pieces.]
[As he ponders, he hears the familiar happy humming of Azusa. Glancing
at the papers all around, he sweatdrops. In a near-instantaneous
motion, he rushes around the room, picking up every sheet of paper, and
tosses them down a nearby staircase. He's breathing heavily when Azusa
walks into the room. Azusa walks into the room cluelessly, holding a
large book in her hands.]
Azusa: Good morning, Ju-chan!!
Juyza: For some.
[Azusa pouts, and plops herself down onto the couch. She opens the
book, and start looking through it.]
Juyza: What you got there?
Azusa: Nothing you'd be interested in!
Juyza: When you're in my room, it interests me. [picks up the book,
which he sees is actually a photo album] Reliving the past,
rugrat?
Azusa: Azusa just found this! It was in Mama-san and Papa-san's old
room, in the closet.
Juyza: [Muttering] I thought you gave them the clean sweep when you
decided to re-fit all our rooms..
Azusa: Azusa just wanted to show you the pictures! It from when
Azusa and San-chan went on our training trip to China!
Juyza: [Juyza flips through the pages] Yeah, that was two yea... Hey
wait a sec, what's this place?
[Juyza points out a photo to Azusa. In the photo, Mikado and Azusa are
posing in front of a set of frozen pools, with bamboo poles all around.]
Azusa: That? That was the main part of our training trip; we went to a
place called, Jhusenkyou, I think.. It was cute, lots of
animals all around!! But Azusa wasn't allowed to take them
through customs...
[It's obvious Juyza isn't listening at this point.. He's staring
straight ahead while Azusa babbles on.]
Juyza: {Jhusenkyou, eh? Two years ago.. About the time he became a
real skating dynamo... And it was about the same time that his
lady-killing days started up, too..} [Juyza quirks an eyebrow]
Hmm.. {This could be enlightening, as -well- as satisfying...}
-=-
[Over at the Sanzenin house, another mind is deep in thought.. Hikaru,
stewing silently in his room, a look of calculated fury in his eyes.]
Hikaru: This has gone on long enough, Mikado...
[Mental images go through Hikaru's head: Mikado and Hikaru-chan
embracing (Hikaru-chan embracing Mikado, at least), and her eventual
departure, after much deliberation, laughing and smiling.]
Hikaru: I was the one who got her to smile.. You don't even care..!
[Mikado locking and deadbolting the door after Hikaru-chan leaves,
wiping his brow.]
Hikaru: I'm going to bring this to a head, if you aren't.. And I
believe I know how to do it, too...
-=-
[Another day passes, and it's time for school once more. Juyza is
meeting with Ryuuken in Takai park, with a large Panda in tow.]
Juyza: Are we understanding each other here?
Ryuuken: [Slowly] You're telling me that.. Mikado went to a set of
magical pools two years ago, and the Mikado we know now, may be
his 'cursed form'?
Juyza: [Nods] At Jhusenkyou.
Ryuuken: Okay... What's the panda for?
[Juyza produces a tea kettle, and pours hot water over the panda. It
changes form, and becomes a middle-aged, balding man. Ryuuken takes it
rather well.]
Juyza: Proof.
Genma: I still don't know why I'm doing this...
Juyza: You don't want -those- pictures become public knowledge, do you?
Genma: [Sweats] No! Of course not..
[Genma pours cold water on himself, and pulls out a sign.]
Genma: [Sign] I'm just a panda bear.
Juyza: [Grins, handing Ryuuken a leash.] Go ahead and educate the
masses about this important discovery, would you?
-=-
[Meanwhile, at Kolkhoz High..]
Hojo: You know, it's been rather quiet lately.
Gato: Yeah, I feel like I haven't even existed for the last week.
Makimura: No kidding.. So what do you wanna do?
Hojo: [Dramatically] The same thing we do every week, Macky!
Gato: [Slaps his head] Not another sure-fire-failure of a plan..
Hojo: Ha! Such confidence.. No, we're going to make a plan that works
this time!
Makimura: Like, what's the plan, then?
Hojo: I don't know yet.
[Gato and Makimura both face fault. Hojo grins confidently.]
Hojo: No worries though. I'll think of something..
-=-
[Cut to another part of the school, where Ryuuken is talking to a large
group of girls, while Genma plays idly with a beach ball.]
Girl1: That's incredible! And Mikado is cursed just like this panda is?
Genma: [Sign] I'm really a man!
Ryuuken: Not exactly. We don't know what his cursed form is..
Girl2: What do you mean?
Ryuuken: Well, it might be the other way around. Mikado might in
reality be a plain, even ugly guy, but uses his beautiful
cursed form to get close to girls!
Girl1: No! I can't believe it!
Girl2: But he never does go to public baths, I hear.
Girl3: And he's always near the ice, which is cold water, right?
Girl1: No! You mean he might be something like...
[Mental image of the girls: Mikado having steaming water from a
teakettle poured on him, and turning into Ryuuken.]
Girls: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Ryuuken: HEY! Why am I in there?!?
-=-
[Yet another part of Kolkhoz..]
Boy1: Hey, did you hear about Mikado?
Boy2: What, that he's cursed or something?
Boy1: I hear that if he gets hit with hot water, he'll turn into an
ordinary shmoe..
Boy2: I heard that he'd turn into a panda..
Girl1: I can't believe my Mikado-sama's been lying to me this whole
time!
Boy2: Heh, who would've thought he wasn't Mr. Smooth after all?
[The students walk off, but someone else heard this conversation.. Hojo
stands there, thinking to himself..]
Hojo: Ya know, I think it's time we formed the 'Kolkhoz Hot Water
Brigade', boys...
[Fade out with the three stooges all smiling with anticipation. Just as
it fades to black...]
Hojo: And to put icing on the cake, why don't we get Clark to help us,
too?
------------------------------------------------------------------
[Ad break. An image of a clueless Mikado, and lots of the rest of the
main cast in SD form popping out of his hair, holding water balloons.]
[Black background. Cue music - Underground's "Mmm, Skyscraper, I love
you"]
BEFORE THE ASCENTION OF TETSUO
[A wide shot of Neo-Tokyo, teeming with lights, cars and bikes moving
around at blinding speeds.]
BEFORE THE DISASTER
[A tiny singularity begins to form around Neo-Tokyo stadium, rapidly
expanding outwards, engulfing the entire city. Fade to black.]
THEY WERE JUST KIDS.
[Cut to an empty highway, wreckage all around. Suddenly, seven
motorbikes zoom by, led by a sleek red bike. They all have cocky grins
on their faces, as they pass by another group of bikers, wiping them all
out.]
THEY WERE..
[The bikes all kick into overdrive, rushing off towards downtown
Mega-Tokyo.]
THE CAPSULES
An Akira fanfic / mini-series
------------------------------------------------------------------
[Fade back in to Kolkhoz High. Mikado is striding down a hallway,
looking more and more curious as he notices people staring at him.]
Mikado: [Straightening himself] {They must be awed by my new
wardrobe..}
[Indeed, Mikado preens his new silk clothes rather confidently as he
walks along.]
Mikado: {They should be used to my incredible presence by now, though..
Ah, but I suppose I would be daunted by me too, were I not
myself..}
[Looking more confident, he struts into home room. As he walks in, the
room goes quiet. He shrugs it off, and sits down at his seat. He
notes a lack of gifts on his desk, and raises an eyebrow. Moments
later, Phrank pokes him in the back.]
Phrank: [Leaning forward, whispering] We need to talk.
Mikado: About what?
Phrank: Just trust me, after class, stay behind. Don't accept any other
invitations..
Mikado: Oookay...
[The class passes on uneventfully. The teacher drones on, the class
sleeps- the ususal stuff. Finally, class ends, and the students file
out. That is, except for Mikado, Phrank, and Josie.]
Mikado: Well now, what's this all about?
Phrank: A test.
[Phrank pulls a water gun out of nowhere, and squirts Mikado with water.
Aside from Mikado jumping back in shock, nothing happens.]
Phrank: [To Josie] See? I told you it was just rumour..
Mikado: [Sputtering water] -What- is just a rumour?!
-=-
[Meanwhile, in another home room, Hikaru and Hikaru-chan are talking.]
Hikaru-chan: Wow Hikaru, with your help, I really did well on today's
quiz!
Hikaru: [Smiles] A 'B-' is a start. We've still got the major test
coming up.. Do you want some more help tonight?
Hikaru-chan: Would you? ..Oh, but what if Dah-ling walks in on us
again? I don't want him getting the wrong idea..
Hikaru: [Flinching only slightly] Oh don't worry, there'll be no
confusion tonight..
Hikaru-chan: I really do need the help... Okay! [Thinks] I should be
able to get over to your place by six..
Hikaru: [Nodding] Six it is.
Hikaru-chan: See you then!
[Hikaru-chan runs off, leaving Hikaru to think to himself.]
Hikaru: No confusion at all.. Just truth.
-=-
[Lunchtime at Kolkhoz High, a classroom currently occupied by eighteen
or so women clad in Mikado(tm) brand clothing (shirts, caps, etc.) This
is the Mikado Sanzenin Fan Club, and their meeting is getting
underway...]
MSFC president: [Standing in front of the teacher's desk] Now, the first
order of busi- [She is interrupted by a knock on the
door, which is answered by a random member.]
MSFC member 1: Can we help you?
Hikaru: Actually, I could probably help you. [Pause] Can I come in? This
won't take long.
MSFC member 1: Okay..
[She moves aside, letting Hikaru walk into the room.]
Hikaru: [Getting up to the podium] Ladies. As you know, I am the
younger brother of your beloved [shudders briefly] Mikado. [the
MSFC nod and sigh collectively] There's something you need to
know...
[The audio fades out; the scene runs for a few more seconds before
itself fading to black.]
-=-
[In a hallway in Kolkhoz, a still-wet Mikado is walking the halls,
eyeing all directions in a rather paranoid manner. Phrank is walking
behind him casually, arms behind his head, looking quite bored.]
Phrank: It's a no-show Mikado, you don't need to worry. No one seems
interested in dousing you..
[Sploosh. Water sails in from a room, drenching Mikado. Again.]
Makimura: Nothing happened?
Hojo: It must've been the wrong temperature!
Gato: I believe it was -you- who suggested the 'wait until he walks by'
method..
[Mikado, suffering his wetness silently, slowly gets more agitated as
they argue between themselves. He makes a hand gesture at the room, and
the arguements stop moments later. Mikado walks off, still fuming.
Phrank blinks for a few seconds, and rushes to catch up with Mikado.]
Mikado: 'No need to worry'?
Phrank: Heh, of course, I -could- be wrong...
Mikado: [Sighing in exasperation] Who got this blasted idea into their
heads anyways?
Phrank: [Shrugs] You got me. [Sarchastically] Who in Kolkhoz could ever
hold a grudge against you?
Mikado: Precisely what I was thinking!
Phrank: [Pause] Right.
Mikado: But this truly is a bad situation. I -do- have a problem with
hot water..
Phrank: [Stops] You mean, you ARE cursed?
Mikado: Well, in a fashion, you could call it a curse..
[Mikado walks off, obviously not wanting to talk further on the subject.
Phrank follows quickly after him.]
-=-
[Cut to a classroom, where the three stooges lay about in a dazed pile.
Chance stands by the window, looking out at the students moving around
below.]
Chance: This kind of activity is extremely unusual.. Deitrich, others
may get the same funny ideas. I want any enterprising
'researchers' to be....convinced, that it's not a good idea.
Deitrich: [Sniggering from off-screen] I hear ya loud and clear.
[Shuffling noises are heard from the air ducts, as Chance looks out at
the sky, lips pursed in thought. As he stands there, the door to the
room opens. Chance eyes the door, but doesn't move.]
Hikaru: [looking down at the three stooges] I see you've been busy.
Chance: [shrugs] Just doing my job.
Hikaru: Actually, that's what I'm here for.. I need your help in
something, that might make your job a little easier...
Chance: Go on.
Hikaru: I need you to allow some people past house security..
Chance: And 'some people' would be?
Hikaru: Trust me. This should get Hiyama out of yours and Mikado's
hair, for good.
Chance: [Turning around] Well, you've got -my- interest...
[Chance walks towards Hikaru, and they start talking. Fade to black.]
-=-
[Another classroom in Kolkhoz, and another plot. Half a dozen students
are in a semi-circle in front of Kazue, who is pointing out some details
on a piece of paper.]
Kazue: So the plan's simple. We reveal Mikado's cursed, and then I
challenge him. In his weaker state, we'll easily win the rights
to use the arena!
Student 1: How wonderfully simple.
Student 2: There's no way it couldn't work!
[The students laugh manaically for a few seconds.]
Kazue: Everyone got their tea kettles ready?
[Everyone in the room raises a steaming tea kettle.]
Kazue: Good. So here's the deal. You all wait in classrooms with
windows looking out to the main courtyard. I chase him outside,
and you guys douse him.
Student 3: Sounds good to me..
[Everyone else nods, and they disperse out from the classroom. As the
scheming cackles of plotting students dissapate, the laugh of another
person can be heard..]
Deitrich: Another case of dastardly plotting - another nefarious sceme!
Special agent Deitrich streaks off to stop yet another
insidious plan..!
-=-
[Back in the hallway, Phrank is still walking along a few steps behind
Mikado, a look somewhere between curiosity and dissapointment on his face.]
Phrank: I knew I should have used warm water...
Mikado: Don't get your hopes up! I'm 'cursed', but not this ludicrous
shape-changing! Feh. Changing shape with the touch of
water. How could anyone believe such nonsense?
Phrank: If that's not the problem, what is?
Mikado: Well....
Kazue: [From off-screen] Yeah, Sanzenin...
[Both Phrank and Mikado turn around, to see Kazue, wielding a bucket of
hot water, grinning maniacally.]
Kazue: Do tell us what the poor widdle curse is.. [twirling the bucket]
Or maybe I should just find out for myself....?
Mikado: Ah heh heh.... Or, perhaps not..
[Mikado turns and dashes away, dissapearing down a hallway. Kazue
rushes off in pursuit.]
-=-
[Near the front door to the school, Kazue is still chasing Mikado, tea
kettle in hand. Kauze tosses water at Mikado, but none has hit, yet.]
Mikado: I'm telling you, I have a bad reaction to hot water!
Kazue: I'll bet, curse-boy! Get back here!
[Closer to the doors now, Mikado pauses to face Kazue, who stops, then
steps forward menacingly.]
Kazue: Of course, you could just conceed the arena to the swimming club,
and there'd be no need..
[Mikado is about to say something, when a muffled *thwump* is heard.
The tea kettle falls out of Kazue's hand, leaking water.]
Kazue: [Looking down at the tea kettle, which now has a nice
bullet-shaped hole in it] What the...?
Mikado: [Cracking his knuckles] Well. Care to rephrase that, Kazue?
[Kazue looks back up, and drops down into a fighting position.]
Kazue: [Sneers] It'll be more fun doing it this way anyways, Sanzenin.
I've been wanting to do this for some time..
Mikado:[Motioning outside] Perhaps we should take it to a more opportune
location?
Kazue: I don't see why not...
[Kazue relaxes his stance, and walks out the doors first, stretching out
as he exits the school. Mikado follows after, but stops as he sees a
load of hot water drop on Kazue.]
Kazue: OOWW! [Looking up] You're supposed to drench Mikado you idiots,
not...
[Sploosh. Kazue is drenched with more hot water. Mikado stands at the
doors, watching on curiously.]
Kazue: What the HELL are you guys.. [Sploosh] Arrgh!!
[Kazue runs off screaming, water splashing down on him or behind him as
he dissapears around the side of the school. Mikado stands still,
blinking for a few moments, then shrugs.]
Mikado: Hopefully that's the end of that foolishness...
-=-
[Cut to a classroom on the second floor, where a figure is half-dangling
out of a window, a collection of tea kettles on the floor behind him.]
Deitrich: Heh. Another evil plot foiled by the master of disaster,
Special Agent Deitrich. Yeah!
-=-
[An uneventful school day passes, and Mikado heads back home. As usual,
he's the only one around. He finds notes from both Hikaru and his
father, about being out elsewhere. Mikado fixes a cup of tea, and
relaxes in the living room.]
Mikado: Now, an evening of relaxation..
[Mikado sips at his tea, puts it down, and dozes off into slumber,
looking quite calm and peaceful. Naturally, this can't last. Just as
Mikado looks to be fully asleep, there is a knocking at the door. He
tries to ignore it, but the person knocking doesn't go away. Finally,
he gets up, shuffles to the front door, and opens it. Standing outside
is Hikaru-chan, carrying a mass of books. Her face lights up when she
sees Mikado.]
Hikaru-chan: DAH-LING!
Mikado: [his mind catching up with events] Ah, Hiyama. How..
Wonderful.
-=-
[Cut to living room of Mikado's house. Mikado is sitting down on the
couch with his tea, while Hikaru sits beside him, happily chatting on.
Mikado nods and smiles in the appropriate places, a bit of a glazed
expression on his face.]
Hikaru-chan: ...So then I told my dance instructer that I had far better
thing to do than practice some silly routines, I had a test
to study for! But now you're here.. And that's even
better!
[Hikaru-chan shuffles a little closer beside Mikado, who puts down his
tea, and moves over a little. He sighs mentally.]
Mikado: {I suppose I should talk to the girl, she seems to mean well
enough.. But I cannot let her go on like this much longer..}
So, you take dance lessons?
Hikaru-chan: [Nods] Yes! I've actually had a lot of directors asking me
to try for their musicals, since I was in 'Downtown Cats'
last winter..
Mikado: Downtown Cats? I recall seeing that one.. And to think I
failed to recall such a beautiful face.. {Arrgh! What did I
just say?}
Hikaru-chan: [Blushing] It's.. It's alright.. I was in a lot of
makeup..
Mikado: [Smiling nervously] Of course.. {I will not make a pass at her,
I will not make a pass..}
-=-
[Outside the living room window, a few bushes rustle. Out of the bushes
pop the heads of two Mikado Sanzenin Fan Club (tm) members. They gape
at the events going on inside the Sanzenin household.]
MSFC member 1: Oh no! Hikaru was right...
MSFC member 2: The little harridan's actually gotten inside his blessed
house!
[They pop back down into the bushes, and move out into the backyard,
where some other MSFC members are waiting.]
MSFC leader: What did you find?
MSFC member 1: She *is* inside!
[Gasps from all around.]
MSFC leader: We can't let this continue much further. Even we haven't
entered those hallowed halls before! As his official fan
club, we -deserve- such an honor above some newcomer.. We
must put an end to this!
-=-
[Back inside, Mikado and Hikaru-chan are chatting. Mikado starting to
look a little more amiable, and Hikaru-chan is as bubbly as always.]
Hikaru-chan: ..So I've been skating since I was ten, which really helped
when I went into dance. They really complimented each
other, I thought, which was why I recently chose to do
skate dancing..
Mikado: ..And all those years of training certainly helped you. I have
to admit, I was impressed with your showing at the rink- your,
ah, 'debut'.
Hikaru-chan: [Giggles] Well, I did my best to impress you!
Mikado: And you suceeded.. You know Hiyama, you suprise me, on a few
levels.. I didn't know you had so much history in skating..
Hikaru-chan: Well, you certainly should know, right? We're going out,
so we should know all that we can about each other!
Mikado: [Falters] Yes, I was wanting to talk to you about that...
[Suddenly, the door to the living room slams open. Both Mikado and
Hikaru turn to face the door, to see half a dozen MSFC members.]
MSFC members: MIKADO-SAMA!!!
[The group of females stampede over to Mikado, and drown him in hugs and
pleadings.]
MSFC member 1: Oh Mikado, how could you prefer this one woman over your
official fan club?!
MSFC member 2: Mikado, we love you! you can't ignore us like this!
MSFC member 3: You kissed me just last week, didn't that mean anything?
Mikado: Ladies! Lad-urf!!
[Mikado is being near-strangled by the mass of glomming females.
Hikaru-chan watches on with a vague look of disbelief, steadily
devolving into sadness..]
MSFC member 4: Waah! Our Mikado is abandoning us!!
Mikado: [Going into instinctive mode, he reaches for that one female...]
Do not cry, my dear..
[Mikado gives the female his 'official greeting', savouring it for more
than a few moments. Only after he finishes the kiss, however, does he
seem to remember about Hikaru-chan..]
Mikado: [Looking up almost sadly] Hiyama..
[But it's in vain. She's already left the room, the door just closing
behind her. Mikado looks a little dissapointed, but doesn't move from
his current position.]
-=-
[Hikaru-chan runs through the entrance room, crying silently. She grabs
her shoes, and is out the door in a flash. On her way out, she crashes
headlong into Hikaru, who goes sprawling.]
Hikaru-chan: Oh! Hikaru-kun!
[Hikaru-chan helps Hikaru up to his feet. They look at each other for a
few moments, and Hikaru looks suprised to see HIkaru-chan crying.]
Hikaru: Is everything all right?
Hikaru-chan: NO! It isn't!
[Hikaru-chan rushes by, running off into the night. Hikaru pauses for a
moment, and then follows after.]
Hikaru: {Worked -almost- perfectly...}
-=-
[A few minutes later, and Hikaru has caught up with Hikaru-chan, who has
fallen to her knees, still crying. Hikaru walks up to her quietly.]
Hikaru: Himama..-chan?
Hikaru-chan: It happened again..
Hikaru: Hmm?
Hikaru-chan: I opened my heart to him.. But it was just another lie!!
Hikaru: Sometimes, just opening up isn't enough.. love's a two-way
street...
Hikaru-chan: [Sniffles] But how come I never get anything in -my-
direction?
Hikaru: [Opens his mouth, and shuts it. Instead, he reaches out with a
hand.] Come on. I think you need to talk to someone...
[Hikaru-chan looks up, gratefully accepting his hand. They walk off
quickly towards some shops.]
-=-
[Back at the Sanzenin residence, and MIkado is at the entranceway,
trying to close the front door.]
MSFC member: Oh Mikado, please let us stay longer!!
Mikado: [Working on the door] Terribly sorry ladies, but I have an
important [Grunt] skate practice tomorrow. It wouldn't be fair
to my fans [Strain] or my coach, if I didn't get the proper
rest.. [Finally shuts the door] Good night!
[Mikado leans back on the door, and lets out a heavy breath. As he
stands up, Chance walks into the room.]
Mikado: I'm not paying you enough, am I?
Chance: Pardon?
Mikado: I hire the supposed cream of the crop of the supposedly best
company in the world, and you can't keep a few fans at bay?!
Chance: Think of it as... A long-term investment. With this one night,
you've eliminated the problem of Hikaru Hiyama, probably for
good.
Mikado: I suppose. [Sighs] And just when I was getting to know her a
little better, too...
Chance: Excuse me? This is a good thing?
Mikado: Well, I have to admit, she's a talented skater, and once I
talked to her, I can see that if she wasn't quite so
'overzealous', she'd quite possibly be a reasonable....
Chance: [Rubbing his temples] I am NOT hearing this....
-=-
[Cut to a small coffee shop, where Hikaru and Hikaru-chan are seated.
Hikaru-chan has calmed down a bit, looking more pensive than sad now.]
Hikaru-chan: What do I do wrong, Hikaru?
Hikaru: Eh?
Hikaru-chan: It seems like there's nothing else in the world but Mikado.
And it seemed like I could get him to like me.. But I
guess he doesn't, does he?
Hikaru: He loves -every- woman. That's the problem. Love is not a
long-term thing for him; it's a moment in time.
Hikaru-chan: Oh.. So I was one of his 'many loves'?
Hikaru: One of the hundreds.. Hiyama, I have to ask, what gave you the
idea he cared for you in the first place?
Hikaru-chan: [Quietly] ....Hope.
Hikaru: Hope?
Hikaru-chan: When I moved here, it was because a man I loved, didn't
love me. It hurt too much to stay.. I thought love didn't
exist anymore.. [Reaches a hand to her lips] But when
Mikado kissed me.. It was like.. Love became an option to
me again.. [Blushing] It felt so right, and so sudden... I
guess... I guess I just wanted to fill a gap in my life..
Hikaru: [Smiles] Love isn't something required to live..
Hikaru-chan: But it sure feels nice....
Hikaru: ...Yeah.
Hikaru-chan: [Sitting up straight] But that's all behind me now.
Hikaru: Pardon?
Hikaru-chan: [Brings her head up proud] I've decided... I'm qoing to
stay away from relationship for at least a year now, so I
can think things out!
Hikaru: [Collapses onto the table] What? But, what about us?
Hikaru-chan: [Laughs] It's okay Hikaru.. [Taps Hikaru on the nose] I
won't end my friendships, just keep away from anything
more!
Hikaru: [Mouth goes open-close-open a few times] G.. Great. I'm happy
for you...
Hikaru-chan: Me too. I'm going to do it! [Stands up] Thanks for the
talk Hikaru, you've been a real help!
Hikaru: Don't mention it.
[Hikaru-chan exits, but not before giving Hikaru a quick kiss on the
cheek.]
Hikaru-chan: See you later!
Hikaru: [Waving] ...Bye.
[Hikaru keeps his smile in place until Hikaru-chan is out of sight.
Once she's out of sight however, he lets out a small sigh, slumping down
on the table.]
Hikaru: [Muttering] Well, that worked out well...
-=-
[At the Shiratori residence, Juyza is sprawled out on a couch, talking
on the phone.]
Juyza: So, people talked about Mikado being cursed, but they didn't
actually do anything?
Ryuuken: [Over the phone] Well, nobody was effective, I know that. It'd
help if I could tell them what Mikado actually turns into...
Juyza: [Shaking his head] A two-headed monster, okay? Thanks for
nothing..
[Juyza puts down the phone, looking terribly displeased.]
Juyza: Bunch of frightened chickens at Kolkhoz anyways. Should've known
it'd be useless... Guess it's just not worth my time..
[Juyza lays down to rest, and almost falls asleep before Lafayette
enters the room, sniffing curiously. It crawls up onto the couch, and
begins poking and prodding at Juyza with it's nose. Juyza, with one arm
covering his eyes, swats Lafayette off the couch with the other arm
instinctively. He then goes back to resting.]
Azusa: Ahem.
[Momentarily. Juyza peeps his eyes open, to see a very cross Azusa.]
Juyza: Uh oh.
Azusa: Azusa told you not to hurt Lafayette!!!
[Fade to black as the hurting starts.]
Juyza: {Furinkan. Maybe someone -there- would be interested...}
-=-
Mikado Ichiban: Zembun Otoko!
Episode 13: Revenge of the 'Intellectually Advanced'
Written by: Eric Jones
With help from: Arthur Edwards
John Evans
Durrant Buchanan