Having neglected everything in my life including my trips to the comic 
book store, my health, food, sleep etc. I have FINALLY managed to get 
together a readable, yes readable, version of the first entry in my 
first fanfic, Ranma 1/2: The Fiancee He Never Had. Sure it was pointless
but I'll do anything to get rid of all the E-Mails I've been getting 
telling me I screwed up. Anyway, in case you forgot, this is a story I 
made up where Ranma gets hit on the head and everyone starts acting the 
opposite of the way they normally do (i.e. Ryoga actually has a sense of
direction.) But I'm not going to give away any more details cause I 
really need to do something else before I lose my mind!! So here it is 
revised, retyped and other words that start with re that I can't think 
of right now. 

-The Emperor


Ranma 1/2: The Fiancee He Never Had
By Stephen Schlueter

Prologue:
It was only nine o' clock in the morning and already I was getting 
lectured by pop over an argument I'd had with Akane. The lecture was 
always the same. Somehow I think pop believed that I would suddenly 
forget what he had said in his last lecture. 
"Why are you always yelling at me?!" I shouted, not that it ever did any
good. "How come you don't get on Akane's case for clobberin' me every 
five minutes?" 
"Now listen, boy" pop began, this was the way he always started out. "We
aren't asking you to marry her..." pop paused for a moment. He always 
screwed up there and he never did anything about it. "At least.. not yet
that is." 
"The point your father will eventually make.." began Mr. Tendo "is that 
it wouldn't kill you to at least try to get along with Akane." 
"That's right, boy!" pop began again. He lectured for maybe two minutes 
before I dumped a bucket of cold water over his head. Even with those 
stupid signs he wouldn't be able to keep up the lecture. 
"Don't you ever get tired of hearing your own voice, old man?" I said. I
decided to try and leave before Mr. Tendo picked up the lecture or pop 
got his hands on a kettle of hot water, whichever came first. 
Just then, speak of the devil, who should walk in but Akane. I suppose 
all you sentimental types out there are expecting me to go on about how 
I really do like Akane. Well, it ain't gonna happen. Akane and I have 
made it quite obvious that we hate each other. I insult her, she hits me
with whatever large, heavy blunt object she can get her hands on such as
rocks, tables, mallets or whatever is handy at the time. 
"Same old lecture again?" asked Akane looking somewhat smug.
No one ever blamed her. They always blamed me.
"The only reason you two don't get along is because you were set up by 
Saotome and myself" said Mr. Tendo "If you had met any other way you 
would probably get along fine." 
Akane and I stared at each other for a long moment considering what Mr. 
Tendo had said. 
"Yeah, right." I said "You don't know what your talkin' about. Akane and
I have got nothing in common. We're like complete opposites." At that 
moment I was sure I heard at least a few sarcastic remarks. "If you can 
come up with one reason why Akane and I should get along I'll gladly 
hear it." 
Pop held up a sign that read: "How about 'opposites attract'?"
"Nice try, old man." I said and left.

I really hated wasting time on the old man's lectures. Especially on 
weekends. I had a whole bunch of things I could've done today but right 
now wherever I could possibly go was a potential death trap. I could go 
to see Uuchan but with my luck that idiot Tsubasa would be lurking 
around. If I went to see Shampoo she'd probably mug me with affection. 
Not to mention that that old ghoul, Cologne, would mug me with guilt for
not liking Shampoo and if Mousse was there he'd probably just mug me. 
I was beginning to think I would've been better off listening to the end
of the lecture. 
"You left before breakfast this morning." said Nabiki.
"Huh?" I turned around "What are you doing here?"
"Uncle Saotome wanted me to go look for you. Besides I didn't have 
anything better to do." replied Nabiki "I would've figured that by now 
you'd have learned how to ignore that lecture." 
Nabiki was always giving me advice. She wasn't like her sisters. She was
sarcastic, scheming and deceitful. A lot of the things people have 
called me. Though she always did have something better to do than have a
conversation with her would-be brother-in-law, usually it involved 
conning someone out of cash. Someone was usually Kuno. 
"I don't get it." I said "Why does the old man and everyone else have to
blame me for everything?" 
"It's the price you pay for popularity."
"Popularity?" I said "How am I popular?"
"Well.." said Nabiki "You could start with that weird reaction you have 
to cold water." 
"Like I've ever really wanted that." I grumbled.
I guess Akane and I could've been friends at least, if I had stayed a 
girl that is. When we first met she didn't seem to mind me at all. She 
actually liked me. Until that unfortunate incident with the bathtub that
kinda' gave away my little secret. I was planning on telling them 
anyway. Just not the way it happened. 
"Besides.." said Nabiki "How many people really don't like you?"
"You want a list?" I asked "There's Ryoga, Mousse, the old freak and god
knows who else. I seem to be making enemies on a weekly basis." 
"Well.. I guess you're right." said Nabiki "I don't really get Ryoga 
though. If he's suffered so much why doesn't he tell anyone what it is."
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." I said.
Ryoga always had an excuse to attack me, when he could actually find me.
His first excuse had been that I was indirectly responsible for the fact
that cold water caused him to turn into Akane's annoying little pet pig 
P-Chan. These days that was his back-up excuse. His usual excuse was 
something like: "How could do that to Akane??!!" or "How dare you 
(INSERT SOME INANE AND INSIGNIFICANT EVENT SUCH AS BREATHING ON AKANE 
HERE) like that!!!!" Ryoga was always overdramatic about everything. He 
hadn't been around lately. Probably because he had accidentally wandered
into Europe trying to find his way home or something. 
"As for Mousse.." Nabiki continued "even if he was looking for you he 
probably forgot his glasses and would wind up attacking a statue or 
something." 
That was an understatement. Mousse was even stupider than Ryoga. He 
never wore his glasses even though without them he made numerous stupid 
mistakes including: mistaking a stuffed toy for Akane, mistaking Akane 
for Shampoo and mistaking me for Shampoo. As the list goes on the 
mistakes only get stupider. 
"Well, I could live with being attacked every so often by those 
losers.." I said. "I'd be better of dealing with them than dealing with 
Akane. She's such an idiot at times.." 
"Uh.. Ranma.." began Nabiki.
"And that macho personality..."
WHAM!!!!
I guess I should've seen that one coming.

CHAPTER ONE: HELP! I'M TRAPPED IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE!

Whatever Akane had hit me with had to have been at least the size of a 
mail box. I knew it was Akane. Had it been someone such as Ryoga I 
probably would've heard someone shout some three second warning like: 
"Saotome!! Prepare to die!!" Like someone can do that on such short 
notice. Had Akane hit me any harder I probably would've been dead. Then 
again it seemed like I actually might be dead. But I figured I was just 
out cold. When you lead my life you get used to being unconscious every 
now and then due to the fact that Akane often hit me really hard over 
the head with things like tables. 
I almost expected to wake up in Doc Tofu's office but I didn't. I woke 
up in the twilight zone. The twilight zone kinda' resembled the Tendo 
Hall. 
"I think he's waking up" said Mr. Tendo.
I sat up and looked around. Akane, pop, Mr. Tendo, Nabiki and Kasumi 
were all standing around. Something was different. But I didn't exactly 
have time to put my finger on it. 
"Are you all right, dear?" asked Akane sounding genuinely concerned.
'Dear?' Akane never showed any concern for any brain damage I might have
received from her temper tantrums. But she never ever, even in the best 
of moods called me dear. She usually just said something like: "Ranma! 
You jerk!!!" 
Something really weird was going on.
Even though I hadn't said anything Akane assumed I was okay and gave me 
a hug. At first I thought this was some plot on Akane's part to try and 
break my neck or something. But it was just an affectionate hug. I might
have thought it was a joke had she not kissed me too. The type of kiss 
that's reserved for people who get engaged because they actually like 
each other. 
Any normal person would have tried to have found a logical explanation. 
I just scrambled backwards in case Akane really had lost her mind. 
"Akane!! Are you crazy?!!" I shouted.
This is the type of thing you say to Akane when you either don't know 
her or have a death wish. Akane just looked concerned. 
"No." She said. "Are you sure he's all right?"
"I'm fine." I said. "But you're acting a little weird."
Once again Akane did not decide to pick up a chair or something and hit 
me with it. She just seemed concerned. 
"I think we should take him to a doctor." said Nabiki. "I think he's 
lost his memory, father." 
Father? Nabiki almost never called Mr. Tendo father. Then I noticed 
something else. Nabiki was dressed like Kasumi. The dress, the apron the
whole shebang. 
Kasumi on the other hand was wearing a suit and glasses.
"Well, isn't this just the strangest visit" said Kasumi "I come back 
from college and I wind up spending an hour waiting for my prospective 
brother-in-law to wake up." 
College?! This whole thing just kept getting weirder and weirder. I got 
to my feet. 
"Okay, what's the joke here?" I said.
"Joke?" asked Akane.
"Yeah." I continued. "This whole act the opposite thing you have going 
here." 
"Are you sure you're all right, boy?" asked pop. I was surprised that 
the second I woke up he didn't start the lecture again. 
"So you finally came out of it, huh?" a voice came from behind me. I 
turned around and there was Ryoga. "It's a good thing too." Ryoga 
continued as he put a hand on my shoulder. "I was worried about you, 
buddy." 

TO BE CONTINUED...

Well there it is. And in case your wondering, no, Ranma isn't really in 
the Twilight Zone. If you have anything to say just let me know. Unless 
you hate the story in which case: DON'T TELL ME!!! 





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Emperor Stephen "The Mega Man" Schlueter
Leader Of The Crimson Empire
"It's not like I start the fights or anything.She just overreacts to 
every little thing!" -Ranma Saotome
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