Subject: [RANMAesque] NARRABUNDAH 1/2 Volume III, chapter 2 - Nicole's Story
From: Nicole Wylie
Date: 9/19/1997, 11:49 AM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com






                        
                       NARRABUNDAH 1/2
                               
             created by Urac Sigma and Suzy Styles
                               
                               
                    Volume III, chapter two
                               
                       Nicole no Hanashi
                               
                        by Nicole Wylie
                               
                               
                      CAST OF CHARACTERS
                               
                       SIGMATOME RATBAT
                  Hydrotransexually enhanced
                               
                          TENDO SUZY
    Blood and thunder, or should that be thud and blunder?
 
                          TENDO FIONA
                      Sweetness and light
                               
                          TENDO NIKI
                        No special 'K'
                               
                         SIGMATOME LEN
                         Panda-monium
                               
                       SIGMATOME NICOLE
          Fond of frogs, and obessesive about seppuku
                               
                       HAPPOUSAI GRAHAM
                  Hentai on fire (no kidding)
                               
                          TENDO BOBBI
                        Long brown hair
                               
                  MATT THE GUIDE AT JUSENKYOU
                    Desperate and dateless
                               
                         TOBOKI CALLUM
                   Prince of Pressure points
                               
                              An
                          AIR HOSTESS
                               
                               A
                 MAN IN BLACK LATEX AND RUBBER
                               
                               A
                             JOKER
                          of a Jester
                               
                      No, there's still no
                            LOST BOY
                       in this sequence.
                   I'm getting there, though.
                               
                               
                               
              TITLE SEQUENCE.
 
              [Hentai!  plays  in  the  background.  Suzy   and
              Ratbat  do  an assortment of martial arts  poses,
              impossibly high anime leaps etc.]
 
 SUZY [VO]:   Nicole no Hanashi.
 
 
 
              1. DR CALLUM'S SURGERY.
 
              [Shortly after last episode.]
 
              [Pan shot through a window, we see Ratbat-kun  in
              a  heap on one of the first aid cots. He's  being
              treated  by  Dr Callum while Suzy, Niki,  Nicole,
              and the skeleton, Hoppy-chan, look on.]
 
 CALLUM [doing  his  pressure point thing]:   There we go, your
              energy  should  come back soon,  with  a  bit  of
              food, and then you'll be fighting fit.
 
              [Nicole,   looking  downcast  earlier,  brightens
              noticeably at this last.]
 RATBAT:      Arigato gozaimashita.
 
              [There  is  the sound of the door to the  surgery
              opening...]
 
 FIONA [OOV]:  Hello? is anyone there?
 
              [Dr   Callum's  eyeglasses  start  to  fog  over.
              Ratbat, Suzy and Niki start to look panicked.  Dr
              Callum goes into the next room...]
 
 FIONA [OOV]: Oh,  konnichiwa.  I heard Ratti-kun  got  himself
              into another scrape at school. Is he all right?
 
 CALLUM [OOV]:Desperately  ill.  Dying of  love.  Do  you  like
              chicken?
 
 FIONA [OOV]: [giggles  at  Callum's 'joke' ] Hai,  Chicken  is
              very  nice,  in fact, I brought you  a  plate  of
              chicken,  to  say thank you for  patching  up  my
              family all the time.
 
 RATBAT:      Chikusho! Your sister's in there!
 
 NIKI:        Right, let's get out of here.
 
              [Nicole  moves towards the door, but  before  she
              can open it, Suzy grabs her.]
 
 SUZY:        Not like that! You want to get us all killed?
 
 NICOLE:      Killed?
 
 SUZY:        Well, seriously maimed - we have to sneak out.
 
 NICOLE:      I  thought  you  said he was the best  doctor  in
              Neribanda!
 
 SUZY:        Hai... It's a long story...
 
 NICOLE:      Condense it. To one word.
 
NIKI:        Love.
 
 NICOLE [as if this explains everything]:   Oh.
 
 SUZY:        Yes, well... [Nicole interrupts.]
 
 NICOLE:      I've seen it before. Now to enact plan 'koi'.
 
 RATBAT [VO] :Mmmmmm... Carp. Oishii.
 
 NIKI [VO, impressed]:  Wow! she has a carefully composed  plan
              for these situations?
 
 NIKI:        What should we do?
 
 NICOLE:      Dunno, I'll think of somethin'.
 
              [Niki  does  one of those hugely contorted  anime
              faces and collapses to the floor with a crash.]
 
 NICOLE:      Niki,  get the door. On no account let the doctor
              back  in.  Suzy,  open  the window.  Ratbat,  get
              ready to move!
 
 SUZY:        But we're on the second floor!
 
 NICOLE:      There  are  two exit routes from this  room.  The
              first  is through the door into the main  surgery
              entrance,  where Dr Callum and your  sister  are,
              and  from there down broad, no-slip steps with  a
              handrail into the street. The second is  out  the
              window  with a slippery ledge, then down a  badly
              moored  gutter pipe with a straight drop  of  two
              floors  onto concrete if we slip. Which route  is
              likely to incur the most casualties?
 
              [Suzy  moves  decisively towards the  window  and
              opens it.]
 
 SUZY [Sigh]: I  suppose  it's  not  like we  haven't  done  it
              before...
 
 CALLUM [OOV]:Ah, where are you, Hoppy-chan?
 
              [All  four freeze. Ratbat grabs the skeleton  and
              chucks  it through a crack in the door.  Silence,
              then  there is the sound of Callum waltzing  with
              Hoppy-chan. Fiona is laughing politely. All  four
              breathe a sigh of relief. By this time, Suzy  has
              the window open.]
 
 
 
              2. OUTSIDE CALLUM'S SURGERY.
 
              [Suzy clambers out onto the sill, followed  by  a
              now  improved  Ratbat. Niki  slithers  out  next,
              with  the  air  of someone used  to  doing  these
              sorts  of  things. She's remarkably dexterous  at
              climbing, Hmmm. Finally, Nicole climbs out.]
 
 NICOLE:      You're very good at this sort of thing, Niki,  do
              it often?
 
 NIKI:        Hai,  whenever a bet goes off wrong,  and  people
              are a bit, y'know...
 
 NICOLE:      I see.
 
             [By  this  time, all six people are on the  badly
             moored  drainpipe. Which is breaking out of  it's
             moorings and starting to sway.]
 
              [Sound  effect - overstressed bolts  ripping  out
              of their holes.]
 
              [A  second sound effect, this time a huge  crash.
              There's  a  cloud of dust in the  alley  way,  it
              clears  to show a pile of people. Suzy is on  the
              bottom,  tapping  long, well manicured  nails  on
              the  concrete. The camera moves up. On top of her
              is  Ratbat, who takes that moment to collapse  to
              her  feet. This unfortunately leaves Niki hanging
              in  mid-air.  Well, hanging for a  moment...  The
              pile re-collapses and reshuffles.]
 
 ALL EXCEPT RATBAT:RATBAT NO BAKA!
 
              [Fade to black.]
 
 
 
              3. OUTSIDE DOJO.
 
              [The  camera  shifts down to the four  people  in
              front  of the Dojo. Under the layers of dirt  and
              the  ripped  clothing  we see  they  are  Ratbat,
              Niki, Suzy and Nicole.]
 
 NIKI:        I  swear  Ratbat, you're liable for  damages!  If
              any  more of my nail polish flakes off, I'll sue!
              Ratbat no baka!
 
 NICOLE [VO]: I  look  a mess, and fourteen. I wanted  to  make
              such   a  good  impression  too!  Oh,  Len,  Len,
              Len...sighs,  one  would  almost  think  it   was
              love...  why  didn't you commit  seppuku  like  I
              asked?
 
              [They enter the dojo.]
 
              [Cut to:]
 
 
 
              4. LIVING ROOM.
 
              [Len  and  Bobbi are playing shogi  and  drinking
              scotch.  Len  is  a  human at the  moment.  Enter
              Niki, Suzy, Ratbat and Nicole.]
 
 NICOLE:      Ohayo, Len dear. It's me, Nicole.
 
              [Len's  eyes  bug. Bobbi uses the opportunity  to
              move  some  pieces on the board.  Len  then  sees
              Nicole is fourteen.]
 
 LEN:         Ha.  Very funny joke. Well done kids. [Wipes  the
              sudden  cold  sweat from his  brow]  you  had  me
              there for a moment.
 
 NICOLE:      No,  Len,  it  really is me. I just  got  into  a
              little  trouble at a place called Jusenkyou  when
              I was looking for you in China.
 
 LEN:         But... But... you can't be her!
 
              [Enter Fiona, carrying a pot of hot tea.]
 
 FIONA:       Oh,  hello. I'm Fiona, you must be one of  Suzy's
              little school friends. Would you like some tea?
 
 NICOLE:      Oh, er, hai. Arigato.
 
              [Takes   the  tea  and  pours  it  over  herself.
              Nothing happens. Nicole doesn't notice.]
 
 NICOLE:      Ohayo  gozaimasu.  Watashi  wa  Sigmatome  Nicole
              desu.
 
 BOBBI:       If  you wanted a hot bath, all you had to do  was
              ask.
 
              [Fiona conjures a towel out of nowhere.]
 
 FIONA:       The bathroom is down the hall.
 
              [Ratbat,  Suzy and Niki are staring. So  is  Len,
              confused.]
 
 SUZY:        Hang  on,  what is going on? I saw her change  at
              school. I saw her change!
 
 FIONA [blushing]:  Suzy! Polite girls don't watch when  others
              get dressed!
 
 SUZY:        Wha--? Oh, no, you've gotten it all wrong. I  saw
              her  turn  into a middle-aged lady when  she  got
              wet.
 
 NICOLE:      What's the problem? [realises] Oh, chikusho.  How
              did that happen? But I am your wife, Len.
 
 LEN:         Uh-huh.  Sure.  You're fourteen!  How  could  you
              possibly  be  my  wife when my  son  is  sixteen?
              quietly   although  you  do   bear   an   uncanny
              resemblance to her at that age...
 
              [Gazes  off  into the distance, his face  showing
              fond  recollection.  Nicole  smiles.  Len,  still
              gazing  off,  begins  to look  lecherous.  Nicole
              notices and hurriedly continues...]
 
 NICOLE:      Okay,  how  about I prove it? I know things  only
              your wife could know.
 
 LEN:         Right,  go  ahead, tell me something only  Nicole
              and I know.
 
              [At  this  stage  Bobbi jumps up,  blushing,  and
              runs  over  to Fiona. She quickly covers  Fiona's
              ears. Suzy and Niki look insulted.]
 
 NICOLE [to Bobbi]:Hentai!  Well,  Len,  there's   that   small
              fortune  you  embezzled from your old  master  of
              the  Rejinra  school of fighting, and  from  your
              friend, Bobbi. There's also...
 
 BOBBI:       NANI...?
 
              [Len  looks from side to side, trapped. He  grabs
              the  now  cold teakettle and upend  it  over  his
              head, turning into a panda. Len then holds  up  a
              sign that reads 'OK, it's her'.]
 
 NICOLE:      A  panda!  Kawaii. I almost like you better  this
              way. No more bald spot. I take it you fell in  at
              Jusenkyou as well.
 
 FIONA:       Why  don't  you take a bath and get  cleaned  up.
              Then you can tell us all about your trip.
 
 NICOLE:      Hai. Arigatoo.
 
 FIONA:       Suzy,  Ratbat,  how about you find  some  clothes
              for our guest while I wash hers.
 
 NIKI:        What about me?
 
 FIONA [looking  trapped]:     Oh, er...[sighs]...I  guess  you
              better help Suzy and Ratbat.
 
              [Niki's  face stretches into one of those  really
              evil grins that she does so well. Dissolve.]
 
 
 
              5. BATHROOM.
 
              [Nicole  is  just  stepping out  of  the  shower.
              There is a click from the wall. We see that  Niki
              is   on  the  other  side,  taking  photos  while
              looking   through   the  one-way   mirror   she's
              installed.]
 
 
 
              6. NIKI'S LAIR.
 
 NIKI:        Heh  heh, Kunou Jarrah should pay handsomely  for
              these photos.
 
              [Behind her, Suzy comes into Niki's room.]
 
 SUZY:        Niki,  I found some clothes for Ni-- What're  you
              doing?
 
 NIKI:        What I'm always doing - groping out a profit.
 
 SUZY [mock sexy]: Oooh Niki, you can always grope my profit.
 
              [Then  Suzy  sees the mirror. Or rather,  through
              the  mirror. Before she can bash Niki, smash  the
              glass,  and recover every scrap of film in Niki's
              room  she sees the handle on the outer door  turn
              and the door open:]
 
 
 
              7. BATHROOM.
 
              [Coming  through  that door  humming  contentedly
              with  a  towel around his neck is a  small  grey-
              haired  pervert we all know and hate.  Nicole  is
              still  naked and brushing her hair. He sees  her.
              She  doesn't  notice him. He  stops  humming  and
              starts drooling.]
 
 GRAHAM:      Mmmm, Pretty onna...
 
              [He  jumps up and tries to glomp. Nicole screams,
              and  then  performs  a  weird  shaking  movement.
              Graham  is  first bashed by and then  thrown  off
              her  chest  to smash into the door.  Nicole  then
              wraps a towel around herself.]
 
 NICOLE:      �Hentai! [pauses] Haven't we met somewhere...?
 
 GRAHAM [with dawning  recognition] Uhhh. I  gotta  go...Glomp.
              Yeah, that's right. Glomp.
 
              [He pales, slithers to his feet and runs out.]
 
 
 
              8. NIKI'S LAIR.
 
 SUZY [Ogling the  towel  wrapped  chest]:That's  what  I  call
              'carrying concealed'!
 
 NIKI:        I  never  knew you could do martial arts  with  a
              chest!  Still,  she  is  trained  in  Rejinra   -
              anything  goes.  I  wonder  how  fearsome  Ratbat
              would be, what with having four and all...
 
 SUZY [miffed]:    Not very, she's flat.
 
 
 
              9. BATHROOM.
 
              [Nicole turns to face the mirror.]
 
 NICOLE:      A  very  useful technique, I find. And a  set  of
              weapons you can take anywhere... Just pop 'em  in
              a  good  bra  and airport security  doesn't  pick
              them up. Although the White House... Never mind.
 
 
 
              10. NIKI'S LAIR.
 
              [Niki  blushes  and  hastily drops  a  curtain  [
              black silk of course] over the mirror.]
 
 NIKI & SUZY [VO]:   Shit!   Am  I  caught?  Nah,  she'd   have
              yelled...Unless  she's  letting  me  stew  for  a
              while. Oooh, I hate it when this happens.
 
              [Dissolve.]
 
 
 
              11. NIKI'S LAIR.
 
              [A short while later.]
 
              [A  freshly  washed Nicole is in  the  room  with
              Suzy,  Ratbat  and Niki. She's still  wrapped  in
              the  towel.  Niki  is  rummaging  around  in  her
              wardrobe.]
 
 NIKI:        I  still  don't see why I shouldn't get paid  for
              this.
 
 NIKI [VO]:   Well,  I'll get my fun and my photos  out  of  it
              anyway...
 
              [Cut to:]
 
 
 
              12. LIVING ROOM.
 
              [The  living room where Bobbi and Len  are  doing
              the  usual.  Behind them is the  doorway  to  the
              hall.  Suddenly Nicole runs past,  still  wearing
              only  a  towel  and  her katana.  She's  followed
              closely  by Niki, Suzy and Ratbat-chan. There  is
              brief tussle out of range of the camera and  then
              Nicole  runs past again, this time in  a  can-can
              girl  outfit.  The other girls  follow  her.  Len
              looks  up at her and Bobbi uses this interval  to
              cheat.  Nicole  runs  back  the  other  way   now
              wearing   a   sailor-suit  with  knee-high   pink
              boots.]
 
 NICOLE:      Back, back, fiends! Back!
 
              [This  time  it's Bobbi who looks up.  Len  moves
              several  pieces.  Nicole runs  past  again,  this
              time  wearing mid-calf boots in a creamy  colour,
              a  pair  of very short shorts, and a shortsleeved
              midriff  top  with a mandarin collar  and  sleeve
              edging,  topped by a headband of the same colour.
              She is screaming and firing off a blaster.]
 
 LEN & BOBBI [VO]:     Isn't    this    great?    Prefabricated
              distractions.
 
              [Once  more,  Nicole runs past. This  time  she's
              wearing  a  pair  of purple thigh  boots,  and  a
              purple   armour/swimsuit  thingy  with  a   clear
              facemask.  Turning, she fires  a  host  of  small
              heatseeker   missiles  back  down  the   corridor
              before  vanishing  behind the door.   She  enters
              the   room  a  moment  later  wearing  a  gorilla
              costume,  the  head tucked under  her  arm.  Niki
              staggers  in after her, holding a pink  strapless
              swimsuit  with  a gunbelt/ knifebelt  around  the
              middle and a rabbit's tail on the end.]
 
 NIKI:        But wait, there's more...
 
              [Nicole  throws  the  head  at  her.  It  misses,
              landing  in  the  middle  of  the  shogi   board,
              scattering  pieces and breaking  the  board.  Len
              and Bobbi both look distressed.]
 
 BOBBI [annoyed]:  Niki, you've had your fun, now would you  go
              and   get  my  old  school  uniform  out  of  the
              mothballs. It should fit Nicole.
 
 NIKI:        The  proper one or the one you used to wear  when
              you were working in that hentai bar?
 
              [Bobbi blushes bright purple.]
 
 LEN:         Bobbi!  That's a part of you I never  saw!  [more
              quietly] Thank God.
 
 NIKI:        Well? Which one?
 
 NICOLE:      One guess.
 
              [Niki  and Nicole leave, Niki on one end  of  the
              katana  -  the sharp, pointy end, and  Nicole  on
              the other. Suzy, Ratbat and Fiona enter. Suzy  is
             wiping  off  the  last traces of  soot  from  her
              face.   Niki  and  Nicole  return.  Nicole  looks
              very...cute.   She's  wearing  a  black   pleated
              school skirt with knee high red socks with  front
              buckle  school  shoes. On  top  she  has  a  wide
              shawl/sailor  collared white blouse  with  a  big
              white bow under a red school jacket.]
 
 SUZY & RATBAT:    Kawaii!
 
              [She  then  puts  on her rings - these  are  very
              interesting - they consist of a series  of  frogs
              done  in  silver.  When all  five  are  on,  they
              overall  effect is unnervingly that of a  set  of
              brass knuckles done in silver.]
 
 RATBAT:      Maybe not all that kawaii.
 
 SUZY:        Hai.
 
              [Nicole then puts on the katana.]
 
 SUZY:        Definitely not kawaii.
 
 RATBAT:      On one thing we agree.
 
              [At  this point, Graham comes into the room,  and
              sees all the girls together.]
 
 GRAHAM:      Mmmm. So many panties, so little time!
 
              [He grins and jumps, first at Niki, from whom  he
              gains  a black silk bra and panties, with  golden
              yen  signs embroidered on them, then he  proceeds
              to  Suzy, relieving her of a green velvet bra and
              matching panties.]
 
 SUZY & NIKI: Hentai!  [Then  mock sexy, to each  other]  Oooh,
              how come you didn't let ME take it off you?
 
              [Graham,  still  giggling, then goes  for  Nicole
              and  Bobbi.  Nicole's  bra  is  a  front  closing
              sports style bra. Graham is disgusted.]
 
 GRAHAM:      What  the  hell  is  this! It looks  like  a  gun
              holster!
 
              [He  then jumps up, bouncing around, to stow  his
              prizes  in his lingerie sack. Nicole's  ears  are
              going  red.  Suddenly, she  points  a  finger  at
              Graham, and yells...]
 
 NICOLE:      FLEEMU ARRO!
 
              [An  arc of flame lances out from the tip of  her
              finger,  catching Graham squarely in the  bottom.
              His  panty  bag bursts, showering the  room  with
              underwear.]
 
 GRAHAM:      EEEEYOW! That hurt! My panties!
 
 SUZY [pullng a  bra  from off her head]:Wow! Where'd you learn
              to  do  that! Is it a great family secret  passed
              down  from generation to generation of women  for
              dealing with perverts?
 
 NICOLE:      Actually, it's something I picked up from  a  man
              called Clef when I went on a trip in junior  high
              school.
 
              [Suzy, Niki, and Ratbat face-fault.]
 
 FIONA:       Perhaps  you'd  now like to tell  us  about  your
              trip, Mrs Sigmatome?
 
 NICOLE:      Hai.  As  you may know, Len's been very  good  at
              writing  me  letters about how things  are  going
              with Ratbat's training.
 
              [Flashback to:]
 
 
 
              13. OUTSIDE SIGMATOME HOUSE.
 
              [Obviously  some  months  previously.  Nicole  is
              checking  the letter box. She sees a letter  from
              Len and rushes inside to read it.]
 
 
 
              14. SIGMATOME KITCHEN.
 
              [Nicole is reading the letter.]
 
 NICOLE [reading]: ... and our little Ratbat's quite a man  now
              that we've trained at Jusenkyou. This trip was  a
              really  great idea, one of my bright  spots,  eh?
              He's toughened up lots...
 
              [Flashback Nicole gives a happy sigh.]
 
 NICOLE [VO]: Although now I understand that he...adjusted  the
              truth  a bit in those letters. Anyway, they  gave
              me  a  great urge to see my son again,  which  is
              why  I  came here earlier, though I left thinking
              I  had missed them as they returned to China. [As
              if  to herself with a faraway look] Oh Ratbat, my
              brave  little  man.  How you  must  suffer  being
              forced  to wear a female form! Oh, but be strong,
              we'll  get  the curse removed, my son,  and  then
              you'll  be  as  manly  as  Looks  at  Len   well,
              anyway...
 
              [End flashback.]
 
 
 
              15. LIVING ROOM.
 
              [Cuts  back to the present time Tendo  Dojo.  Len
              and  Bobbi,  having  lost interest  already,  are
              drinking scotch and arguing how best to  fix  the
              shogi board. Nicole continues...]
 
 NICOLE:      I  decided to go and see my son, because I missed
              him  so.  But at that time, I knew only that  the
              last  letter I had was from Jusenkyou As Len  had
              said  it  was  a great training spot,  I  decided
              that they must be there, so off I went...
 
              [Cut to:]
 
 
 
              16. OUTSIDE SIGMATOME HOUSE.
 
              [A  scene of Nicole locking the door with  a  set
              of   keys   on  a  frog  key  chain  and  walking
              resolutely off.]
 
 NICOLE [VO]: ... After getting a little sidetracked...
 
              [Cut to:]
 
 
 
              17. CITY LIMITS.
 
              [Older  Nicole  in front of, and pointing  to,  a
              sign  reading  'Welcome to  Gotham  City.  Please
              drive  carefully' Behind her a funny looking  man
              in  a  purple  jacket carrying a huge  sack  from
              which  are  spilling greenbacks, is being  chased
              by  a  man  in  a  black bat-suit.  Both  are  in
              interesting cars, and both are speeding.]
 
 
 
 
              18. VIEW OF TOWER.
 
 NICOLE [VO]: ... here and there...
 
              [Cut  to  Paris,  older Nicole  is  admiring  the
              Eiffel  Tower. Next to her is a young  lady  with
              her  blonde  hair in a smart bob, and  her  chest
              just   about   bursting  out  of   her   hostess'
              uniform.]
 
 
 
              19. VILLAGE OUTSKIRTS.
 
 NICOLE [VO]: ...  I arrived In China, and began tracing my way
              to  Jusenkyou. After a brief sojourn in a  quaint
              Chinese  village,  one where, I  think,  Len  and
              Ratbat had come before me...
 
              [An  image of angry villagers, chasing Nicole  Sr
              out of the village.]
 
 NICOLE [VO]: I  arrived  in  Jusenkyou, where a strange  thing
              happened...
 
              [Cut to:]
 
 
 
              20. JUSENKYOU.
 
              [The  shot  is  of the dusty road, and  a  weary,
              backpack-laden Nicole (older) walking  along  it.
              As  she walks, the springs of Jusenkyou come into
              view.  Nicole  brightens and picks up  her  pace.
              Reaching  the first pool, she is about to  dip  a
              hand in for a drink, when...]
 
 MATT:        Oi!  Hold  it Missy - Um, honourable  guest!  You
              don't want to be doing that!
 
              [Nicole turns, startled.]
 
 NICOLE:      Uh? Why not?
 
 MATT:        That   pool   is   called  Aahmentrubbel;   three
              thousand years ago, a blue skinned Arabian  genie
              with,  for  some reason, a broad American  accent
              drowned  in that pool. If you'd fallen in,  you'd
              have  had  your  body  turned  into  his...   [to
              himself]  which  would have been  a  real  waste.
              Look  at those hooters! [louder] In every one  of
              these  pools,  some  poor creature  drowned,  and
              because  of  that, the pools have  transformative
              powers. There, done my little spiel.
 
 NICOLE:      Oh!  This  must  be  why Jusenkyou  is  the  most
              dangerous  training ground on  Earth!  Lenma  was
              right, this will make a man out of Ratbat. If  he
              falls into the right pool.
 
 MATT:        Let me show you around.
 
              [They  walk off. Cut back to the road.  Along  it
              is  now  walking  a  very familiar  hentai.  Yes,
              it's...]
 
 GRAHAM:      Bloody  students, locking me in a cave, and  with
              only  one pair of panties! Talk about 'cruel  and
              unusual'.   And  then  that  four-eyed   giantess
              thwarts my plans to take the dojo! I'm gonna  get
              some revenge soon... After, of course, I pick  up
              some  new  panties. Not to mention  get  back  to
              Tokyo.  Damn  that  boy  with  grey  fedora,  his
              directions are all wrong!
 
              [Looks  into the distance. Sees Nicole.  Eyes  go
              wide and really cutesy.]
 
 GRAHAM:      Pretty  onna.  Well, handsome middle  aged  lady.
              I'll bet she has a decent bra!
 
              [Begins  to drool, and then runs towards  Nicole,
              kicking  up  a  little cloud of  dust  .  Nicole,
              talking  with  the guide, has her  back  to  him.
              Graham  gives  his  foolish  little  laugh,   and
              Nicole   turns.  Unfortunately  [or  fortunately,
              depending  on  your  point of  view]  this  gives
              Graham  an  opportunity to glomp. Nicole  screams
              and  bashes him with her boob-manouvre.  Uncowed,
              Happousai once again approaches.]
 
 MATT:        I   think,  honourable  guests,  that   at   this
              juncture, I'll...
 
              [Sees that both are ignoring him.]
 
 MATT:        ...drop  this formal language crap  and  get  the
              hell outta here!
 
              [He  promptly  does just that. Meanwhile,  Nicole
              leaps  to  the  top of one of the poles,  drawing
              her  katana.  Graham, jumps  atop  another.  They
              then fence around for a bit, Happousai trying  to
              glomp   whenever  he  can.  Miraculously,  nobody
              falls in. Well, until Graham finally gets a  firm
              glomp.  Nicole  leaps backwards  away  from  him,
              misses  the  pole, and falls head  first  into  a
              pool.  At  the  last instant, Graham  jumps  free
              with   Nicole's   bra.  Matt   the   guide   then
              reappears.]
 
 MATT [in best    professional   voice]:      That   pool    is
              Nyannichuan, where a young onnanoko drowned  1500
              years ago.
 
 GRAHAM [fondling  the  bra]:  Well, she's already  female,  so
              that won't make any difference.
 
 MATT:        Uh,  actually... She's a middle aged onna. It was
              a onnanoko that drowned.
 
              [Nicole,   now  young,  comes  to  the   surface,
              spitting  out  water. She drags  herself  to  the
              side  of  the pool and climbs out. Then looks  at
              her  hands. Then quietly, calmly undoes  her  top
              and  looks at her chest, which despite lacking  a
              bra,  hasn't  sagged the way a  forty-seven  year
              old's  should  have.  Grahams'  eyes  get  large.
              While  she does this, her glasses begin  to  slip
              down. She pales slightly, but is still calm.  She
              turns  back  to the now still pool and  looks  at
              her  reflection  for several long  minutes.  Then
              she screams. Loudly.]
 
 NICOLE:      I'm  fourteen! Now I'm gonna have to  do  puberty
              again! WAAAUGH!
 
              [Graham,  looking embarrassed, tries to  approach
              her  to  comfort her. She thumps  him,  hard.  He
              sails  off  into  the distance, to  land  with  a
              thwack  spread-eagled on the road.  He  gets  up,
              looking  bewildered.  This  is  the  first   time
              anyone's  hit  him  so far.  Back  at  the  pool,
              though...]
 
 MATT:        Cheer  up,  it's  not all bad.  Only  cold  water
              gives  you  this shape. Hot water will  turn  you
              back into your older self.
 
              [Nicole brightens.]
 
 MATT:        Though  while you're in this form...How  about  a
              date?
 
              [Cut  to the distant panoramic view. There  is  a
              loud  scream  and the guide comes flying  towards
              Happousai  on the road. He lands head  first  and
              then slowly collapses. Back at the Pool:]
 
 NICOLE:      Paedophile!
 
              [End flashback.]
 
 
 
              21. LIVING ROOM.
 
 NICOLE:      So now I've told my story.
 
 SUZY:        Just one question, though...
 
 NICOLE:      Hai?
 
 SUZY:        How  come  you freaked when you found out  Ratbat
              turns into an onna and yet you didn't blink  when
              Lenma became a panda?
 
 NICOLE [looking embarrassed]:     Um. Well...
 
              [Cut to:]
 
 
 
              22. OUTSIDE HOTEL.
 
              [Some  years  previously. In  fact,  it's  during
              Len's and Nicole's youth.]
 
              [CAPTION: Lenma to Nicole, ichiban deeto ]
 
              [Nicole  (in her twenties) is standing outside  a
              flashy  hotel, dressed in an oddly modest animal-
              skin  print  dress. Len walks up,  in  a  Gorilla
              suit.   They   turn   and   enter   the   hotel's
              restaurant.]
 
              [Cut to:]
 
 
 
              23. OUTSIDE HOTEL.
 
              [A  second  flashback: The same place as  before,
              except  now it's a year or so later. Once  again,
              Nicole  is  standing outside,  though  this  time
              she's  wearing a sweet girly blue  dress  with  a
              white  apron  over it. Len walks  up,  this  time
              dressed  as  a fuzzy pink bunny. He then  kneels,
              and proffers her an engagement ring.]
 
              [End flashback.]
 
 
 
              24. LIVING ROOM.
 
 NICOLE:      ...so  I'm rather used to him like this.  [Smiles
              fondly] It suits him, doesn't it, Len dear?
 
              [Len  and  Bobbi  are  still  arguing  over   the
              board.]
 
 NICOLE:      Now  Len  dear,  and Ratbat, you  too.  All  that
              needs to be said has been said, so...
 
              [She  pauses  dramatically. Len  ignores  her  in
              favour  of  the shogi board and the  gin.  Nicole
              sighs  and  turns  to  Ratbat,  who  is  fighting
              quietly with Suzy.]
 
 NICOLE:       ...it is time for you to commit seppuku.
 
              [THAT gets their attention.]
 
              [Fade to black.]
 
              [End   music   Friends  plays,  again   only   an
              instrumental version while over the sound,  comes
              the...]
 
 
 
              END CREDITS.
 
              [Scene  remains  dark  throughout  Suzy's  voice-
              over.]
 
 SUZY [VO] :  Stay  tuned,  next episode, for an eleventh  hour
              hope,  a  desperate ploy, a last  ditch  attempt,
              a...  a  pervert  defying the laws  of  time  and
              space?  Hmm.  maybe  I'll  actually  watch   this
              one.  Nah,  the  previews  always  lie.  Look  at
              Greenwood!
 
                        Sigmatome Ratbat
                          URAC SIGMA
                               
                          Tendo Suzy
                          SUZY STYLES
                               
                          Tendo Niki
                         NIKI O'BRIEN
                               
                          Tendo Bobbi
                         ROBYN SCHOLES
                               
                       Sigmatome Nicole
                         NICOLE WYLIE
                               
                       Happousai Graham
                        GRAHAM HENSTOCK
                               
                    The Guide at Jusenkyou
                     MATT McCARRON-BENSON
                               
                         Toboki Callum
                               
                        An Air Hostess
                            NATACHA
                               
                A Man in Black Latex and Rubber
                            BATMAN
                               
                      A Joker of a Jester
                       DUH. THE JESTER.
                               
                          written by
                          NICOLE WYLIE
                               
              lingual assistance and editing help
                          SUZY STYLES
                          URAC SIGMA
                               
                with many profound apologies to
                        TAKAHASHI RUMIKO
                          URAC SIGMA
                           TIM HODGE
                        STEVEN SPEILBERG
                             CLAMP
                          WALT DISNEY
                           F WALTHRY
                            BOB KANE
                          DIRTY PAIR
                      DOMINION TANK POLICE
                            TARZAN
                          PROJECT A-KO
                    MAGICAL KNIGHTS RAYEARTH
                          SAILOR MOON
    http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/1778/bundahalf.html
                               
  A Coyote Ink Risis production, shamefully ripped off from a
                   Recycladelic Cacti effort
         (c) Coyote Ink Risis/Recyacadelic Cacti MCMXCVII
                               
                                
 
 
 
                         AUTHOR'S NOTES
                                
                                
 No,  I  don't intend to bore you with an Author's Notes  every
 episode,  but  I  thought I'd better explain  that  yes,  it's
 official  -  Warped  Mirror  is now  an  actual  part  of  the
 Narrabundah 1/2 series. It and a couple of odds and ends written
 by  other people will become volume three, which is why  there
 has been some attempt in the editing of this episode to create
 a bit of continuity.
                                                               
                                                    Ja mata nee,
                                                         Nicole
 

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