The Bargain
by Ukyou Kuonji

Ranma1/2 characters used herein are the property of Rumiko Takahashi, 
and are used without permission.

The devil sat in his office, chair leaned back, feet on his desk, 
waiting for the next client.  Business was rather slow today.  Very 
few people believed in him anymore.  Which in some ways, was all the 
same to him.  Those that didn't acknowledge his existence generally 
didn't acknowledge his Opponent, either, which put them in his camp 
by default.  Oh, they'd realize their error eventually, but by then, 
it'd be too late.  They'd be his, lock stock and barrel.  So in the 
end it didn't really matter.

It was just so much more *fun* to actually deal with his believers; 
and wasn't that what evil was all about?  Having fun?  There were 
those that worshipped him, and treated him with the godlike respect 
he had long thought he deserved.  That was always thoroughly enjoyable.
Showing up at a summoning or a seance and wrecking havoc were always 
good for a few laughs, too.

And then there was this.  The old soul-for-a-wish bargain.  It wasn't 
a necessary task: thanks to Original Sin, he had default title to 
everyone's soul nowadays.  But he'd always enjoyed the hands-on, 
personal-touch approach.  Besides, if he gave his clients the 
impression that they were getting their soul's worth, they'd stay 
firmly in his camp, and convince others to do the same. 

The other advantage of the personal touch was one he (for obvious 
reasons) never explained to his clients.  It made them feel as if 
he was their friend, as if he had their best interests at heart. 
Of course, nothing could be further from the truth.  And when the 
time came to collect, it made his betrayal that much more painful.
And that was what made it worthwhile for him.  The more pain he 
could inflict on the individual soul, the more suffering he could 
unleash on the world at large, the better.  It was his purpose in 
life, after all.

He did run his risks by conducting business this way; after all, 
there was always The Wish.  A perfect, completely selfless wish 
which, if he was requested to fulfill, he would be unable to do 
so.  Indeed, that wish had the power to condemn him to a thousand 
years in the abyss.  But human nature being what it was, no one 
*ever* had a selfless wish to bring to him.  It was always 'I want 
this,' 'I want that,' and so an, ad infinitum. And at any rate, if 
someone actually wanted to make an altruistic wish, after all, 
wouldn't they go to his nemesis, the Lord High Goody-Two-Shoes 
Himself?

To tell the truth -- much as that went against his grain - the 
business was actually starting to get rather boring.  Not only 
were there fewer personal clients, so many of their requests were 
pretty much the same.  Where were the Messalinas, the Henry VIIIs;
the really *creative* sinners?  Old Faust himself, now *there* was 
a request that taxed his ingenuity.  Took a lot of work to drag him 
down.  But it was great fun, too.  Hitler, on the other hand, was 
a humorless bore.  You do the same thing six million times over in 
the course of a few short years, and it really gets to be a drag, 
no matter how much fun it was in the beginning.

He tried to remember the last time he'd had a good, enjoyable 
workout with a client.  It was too easy nowadays.  Everything 
just slid right down into his domain.  Oh, well... must be thankful 
for what comes my way, ne?

The intercom buzzer jarred the devil out of his reverie.  He took his
feet off the desk, leaned toward the squawk box, and flipped it on.

"Yes?  What is it, Ms. Toadpipe?"

"You have a client to see you, sir."  Ah, yes.

"Fine.  Send her in."  Switch off.

The door opened, and an unassuming young Japanese girl walked in.  
She was a pretty young thing, maybe fresh out of high school, or 
maybe still in her last year; well-proportioned, with her long brown 
hair tied back.  She approached his desk with great trepidation, 
which was no surprise.  Even if at the moment, he looked like an 
ordinary businessman (with perhaps the slightest air of 'yakuza' 
about him), the mere realization that they were dealing with Satan 
himself, in the flesh (heh-heh) would frighten most mortals 
considerably.  This girl, in fact, had more nerve than most, 
approaching without being beckoned.  A quick sizing up suggested 
to him that she was no ordinary girl, despite her appearance.  
Still, best to treat this as an ordinary client transaction, and 
pull out the aces as needed.  There were plenty, after all.

"Good afternoon, miss.  I take it you've come to trade your soul 
for a wish."  She nodded, fearfully.  Maybe I had overestimated 
her, he thought...

There was silence.  The two of them stared at each other for 
several minutes.

Finally, the devil could take it no longer.  In a tightly controlled 
voice, he asked politely, "Well?  What is it that you most desire, 
young lady?  I'm *not* a mind reader, you understand."

"Oh... I'm sorry."  The devil dismissed it with a wave of his hand.
This girl was in a fog of her own making, it seemed.  "Well... what
I want is...

"Could you do this without making any change to myself, whatsoever?
Because I think I'm pretty content as I am."  The devil shrugged.  
Sure, why not?  But then, what is she asking for?

"Oh, good.  What I want, then... is to be made the poorest, stupidest,
most miserable, and most selfish person on earth."

The devil's eyes popped.  It was HER!!  SHE made The Wish!  With a 
great scream, he melted into a puff of smoke, and sank in between 
the floorboards of the office's parquet floor.  Ms. Toadpipe burst
in at the sound.  Discovering her boss gone, she fled the scene.  The
office itself proceeded to cave in and collapse around the girl, who
continued to stand, transfixed, at the chaos her wish had unleashed.

Standing completely unhurt amidst the rubble, Kasumi Tendo put a hand
to her mouth in surprise.

"Oh, my... does this mean I don't get my wish?"

*****

Yeah, I know, I know.  I didn't bring the anime character in soon
enough.  It's just that I'm working on another Faustian-style story,
and while I was, this popped into my head as a way to 'beat the devil.'
Unfortunately, neither Kodachi nor Gosunkugi seems capable of making
The Wish (indeed, I don't think anyone in anime but Kasumi and Bell-
dandy *is* -- and I don't need to tell you, Old Scratch could sniff out
a goddess from a mile away.  She'd never be allowed in).  So I had to 
get it written with Kasumi and sent to you guys at FFML for critiquing
pronto, otherwise I'd forget all about it and it'd *never* get written.

I hope that line about Hitler wasn't too tasteless or anything.
You gotta know, I don't endorse anything this guy says.

Anyway, lemme know whatcha think.  See ya soon!

Itsu mo,
Ucchan   ^_^