Since then, however, I have had the chance to actually see Omakee
Theatre, and the idea of telling a story which engaged in a broad bit of
self-parody overcame me.

	What follows is the result.

This is great timing...both as an omake piece *and* as a BlueSeed piece...

[1] A long and complicated story in and of itself.

And just to get you back for saying that, you've just set up both the next
part of ReGenesis *and* the re-release of my BlueSeed fic quite nicely.

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	"Ohayouuu gozaiiiiimaaaaaasu!" sang Sagakuchi Koume as she walked 
into the office of the Terrestrial Administration Centre, smiling in a

way

that would usually have indicated that she had just acquired a weapon of
mass destruction.

<winces at the thought of Koume with yet *another* weapon of mass
destruction>

	Takeuchi Ryouko and Matsudaira Azusa had been having a breakfast
conversation at Ryouko's desk, and were at a loss to explain her sunny
mood, since she wasn't displaying a new toy.  TAC Director Kunikida was
meeting with Fujimiya Momiji's teachers, in his role as her substitute
parent, while Yaegashi Yoshiki was out sick.  "Well, you certainly seem
in high spirits," noted Azusa.

<steals Koume's bottle of spirits and drains it in one gulp>

	"Oh, yeah!" Koume exclaimed as she dropped into her chair, sliding
her legs onto her desk and grinning even wider as she brushed back her
orange hair back.  "I had a *great* date last night!  An incredible

time!"

Yiiiiiiiikes! Koume on a *date*!? Whoaboy...

	"Oh really?" Ryouko asked.  "Anyone we know?"
 
	"Mayyyybee," Koume grinned, leaning her chair back.

	"Come on, tell us who she was," Ryouko prodded.

	Koume's face twisted in shock and her chair fell over backwards.

.....................no kidding. Everyone duck, I have a feeling Koume's
gonna produce a heater any second now...

	A few moments later, her head poked up from the floor.  "NANI?"
she shrieked.  "What do you mean, 'who *she* was'?"

	Ryouko and Azusa blinked simultaneously.  "You mean that you were
out with a man?" Azusa asked.

	"WHY IN THE NAME OF TEZUKA WOULD I BE OUT WITH A *WOMAN*?!"

	"Well ... Koume-san, you *are* almost militantly unfeminine, you
know?" Ryouko began to explain.

<chuckle>
 

	Koume shot up instantly.  "Excuse me?  So now we're stereotyping,
and anyone who doesn't want to run around acting all girly with ribbons

in

their hair is a *lesbian*?"

	"Well, of course not!" Azusa interjected, a bit hurt at the
insinuation.  "There was a much more important reason to think that you
were a lesbian."

	"Like *what*?" Koume barked.

	"Well, remember who's directing this omakee, Koume-san."

<snicker>

	Koume paused, and ran to Director Kunikida's locker, flinging it
open.  There, she saw the TAC's collection of Blue Seed tapes.  "Blue

Seed

Omakee Theater Volume 23," she muttered, and seized the tape when she
found it.  She popped it in the VCR, and fast forwarded past the opening
sequence, snickering as she always did as the SD-Momiji's panties were
exposed -- but not *too* loudly, as she realized that Ryouko and Azusa
were standing on either side of her.

Heh...
 

	She paused the tape as the screen listing the directorial credits
was presented, since she didn't want the short to get any more
self-referential than it already had.  She sounded out the katakana of

the

director's name: "Korisu Dabaasu".  Koume paused.  "Who the hell is

Korisu

Dabaasu?"

	"Silly, that's the Japanese pronounciation, his real name is Chris
Davies."

	"What the hell is an American --"

	"Canadian," Azusa interrupted.

	"-- doing directing a Blue Seed Omakee?"

Good question. And for that answer we turn to Yaegashi-san. 

<Yaegashi appears, sniffling loudly into a Kleenex>

Yaegashi: Well, you see, I was supposed to direct today's omake, but I came
down with a bad case of sinusitis, so I asked a friend of mine from the
Internet to fill in for me. 

And why, in particular, a gaijin?

Yaegashi: Nobody in Japan wanted the job. All the omake directors were sick
of getting shot to pieces by the cast.

And there you have it, folks...

	"Makes no sense to me either," Ryouko admitted.  A stray gust of
wind blew up the hair that covered the left side of her face, revealing
that it was covered in scar tissue.

Funny, I always thought we'd find a boomer eye under there...

	"Makes *perfect* sense to *me*!" noted Azusa, staring at the ruin
of her colleague's face, aghast.

	Ryouko gave her a dirty look as the wind died down.

	"Well *anyway*, why should the director do dumb things like making
me *gay* or screwing with Ryouko's face?" Koume continued.

Screwing with...uhhh...come on now...let's not go overboard...

...oh, you didn't mean that literally.....*whew*....

	Azusa stared at her with shock written all over her classically
beautiful features.  "Thank you," she muttered, then said aloud, "Don't
you know who Chris Davies *is*?  Didn't you do any research into his
directorial methodology before you came in to do this omakee?  Suppose it
had been one of the serious ones instead of a fluff piece?"

	"I do *not* think something dealing with my sexual identity is
gonna be a fluff piece!" roared Koume.  "And no, no I didn't!"

That's right. Koume's sex isn't fluffy.

...hey, *someone* had to say it...and Kunikida is out doing parental
stuff...
 

	"I'll go get the slide projector," offered Ryouko.

	A moment later --

	-- "What the hell kind of scene change was *that*?" --

A low-budget one.

	-- Ryouko had set up the projector and the screen.  Azusa hit the
lights, and offered to work the projector while Ryouko narrated.  Koume
was still fuming.

Shouldn't have eaten that chili, Koume...

	CLICK.  The first slide showed a young caucasian male in his early
twenties, with a short scraggy beard and glasses over half-shut, sleepy
eyes.

	"This," explained Ryouko, "is Chris Davies, a Canadian fanfic
author."

	"Fanfics are dojinshi, right?" Koume inquired.

	"Well, *text* dojinshi --"

	"Who'd want to *read* about anime characters?"

<six hundred people on the Internet raise their hands>

<snip> 

	"Ayeka and Ryouko -- uh, the one from `Tenchi Muyo', I mean --"

	"Gee," said Koume with an immense amount of sarcasm, "I would
never be able to tell the difference if you hadn't mentioned that."

<snicker>
 

	CLICK.

	"And Ranma and Akane."

	"Now wait a minute.  They *have* a relationship but that's *not*
lesbianism!"

	"They're both *girls*!" Ryouko pointed out.

	"He's really a *guy*!" Koume snapped.

This excuses anything he does in his female body? <sees Ranma headed his
way> Erk. <vanishes in a cloud of lavender mist>

<snip> 

	CLICK.

	"These are Maia and Ritsuko of `Neon Genesis Evangelion' --"

	Koume sniffed.  "At least that's *slightly* more believable than
the doujinshi I saw that hooked up Rei and Asuka.  I can just hear it

now.

`yesyesyesyesyesyes' --" Her imitation of Rei in the midst of sex was cut
off when Ryouko politely bopped her on the head.

<busts out laughing> Oh MAN what a great set-up...
 

	CLICK.

	Ryouko stared at the screen.  "Ano ... who *are* they?"

	"Well, the one with the immense bosom is Jessica Rabbit ... I
think.  But I have no idea who the one that is ... um, *entertaining* her
with that log is."  Koume peered at the screen.  "She kinda looks like
Kijima Rei, from `Marmalade Boy' ... but with a pony tail.  And that
*trenchcoat* ... I'm kind of at a loss."

	"*You* watched `*Marmalade* *Boy*'?" the other two exclaimed.

	"Do you *mind*?"

<snicker>
 

	This time she literally did explode.

<appears, mops up Koume's guts off the walls, floor, and ceiling, and
vanishes>

	"Go read Haldeman!" Koume said as she came unsteadily to her feet.
"Look, I'm *not* a lesbian.  I don't know why anyone would *think* I was

a

lesbian."

	"Well, apparently he only does this to characters he really
likes," Azusa explained.

	"Oh yeah?  Well I don't care if he likes me or not so --"
Instantly, Koume vanished.

	"Boy, he really exercises a lot of directorial privelege," mused
Ryouko.

	It was very silent in the darkened TAC offices.

	"Oh what the heck," Azusa said, and jumped Ryouko's bones.

<rolls eyes> Boy, I never saw *that* coming...

ROFL! Good omake...excellent omake....this is right up there with the
X-File: Kunikida one from volume 3 and the one that bagged on Hayashibara
Megumi...

--------------------------------------------------------------------
The Eternal Lost Lurker
EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net
"God's in His Heaven, all's right with the world."
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