Heh, this was quite a suprise even to myself, but
after reading Chris' fic take on Omake from out of the
blue (seed), I just had to do this. Such a shame, I
was saving this idea for one of my current fics, but
I think it'll work just fine for this little parody. Maybe
I'll just do it again later...

Amazing! I've broken my writer's block streak!
Maybe the next episodes of my fics in the works will
finally come out!

Without further ado, here is...
 

========an exercise in futility=========

                         Blue Seed
                   Omake Theatre Plus

                     The Great Battle
               Written and Directed by 
                    the Demon Sword

==================================

The TAC are in a helicopter flying over a great expanse of
forestland that is decaying and rotting into nothingness.

Mamiji: Oh no! <Majimi's chest pulsates>

Matsudera: What is it, Mamiji?

Mamiji: The Aragami... they're everywhere!

Takeuchi: Sir, we have arrived at the destination point.

Kunikida: I see. The moment we have dreaded is about
     to come to pass.

Koume: <locking the clip of her big gun> Aw, what're
     you all so worried about? Let's just get out there
     and blow them all to hell!!!

Yagashi: <gesturing> That may not be a wise course of action.

[In a clearing in the forest below is a huge army of demonic
plant creatures, also known as the Aragami.]

Kunikida: <fiery background> I don't care how many of them 
     there are! This is the final stand! If we fail here, all of
     Japan will be destroyed!!!

Takeuchi: Sir! You're so confident! You must have some secret
     strategy devised that will allow us to win!

Kunikida: Well, I didn't want to reveal this earlier, but I think
     it's time to reveal my hidden trump...

[Everyone leans forward to hear what Kunikida's trump is]

Kunikida: ... when we're about to fail, I'm sure Kusanagi
     will show up and save us!!!

[The TAC facefaults]

Koume: WHAT?!? You sent us on this suicide mission and
     that's your only strategy?!?

Kunikida: <unperturbed> Enough of this. Takeuchi, land this
     thing and let's get on with it!

[Ryoko lands the helicopter before the Aragami army and
the TAC file out, guns blaring]

Kunikida: Everyone spread out and keep shooting like
     a lunatic!

Mamiji: But Mr. Kunikida, isn't that a very dangerous
     tactical maneuver to do?

Kunikida: Don't worry! According to the 16th Law of Anime,
     the Aregami Horde can't possibly hit us because we're
     outnumbered!

Mamiji: Oh, okay...

<The screen fades to black and red and white streaks of
light flash across the screen>

Yagashi: What's happening?!?

Koume: You idiot! That's how the animators always portray
     a gigantic fight scene like this one! It keeps it simple
     yet highly intense at the same time! 

Yagashi: Is that so...

[The battle commences. Unbelievable, Kunikida's prediction
comes true! None of the Aregami can even come close to
hitting any of the TAC, no matter how badly they are positioned!
However, soon the battle comes to a point where the Aragami
numbers are dwindling...]

Ryoko: Sir, I've killed my 121st aragami and- AAAGGGHHHH!!!

[Ryoko is hit by a vicious looking aragami and she is flung
lifelessly away.]

Kunikida: TAKEUCHI!!! <the head of the TAC blows the Aragami away>

[A momentary lull in the battle, miraculously provided by the
director, allows Kunikida to kneel by the injured Ryoko's side]

Ryoko: Sir... I'm sorry I couldn't last <cough blood> longer...

Kunikida: Quiet, Ryoko. You'll pull through.

[A pool of blood forms beneath Ryoko]

Ryoko: No... I should have been... more... careful...

Kunikida: It's not your fault.

[The pool of blood has grown and is now drenching up
Kunikida's pants.]

Ryoko: I wish I could've told you...

Kunikida: Hush. [placing his fingers on her blood-stained lips]

[The pool of blood is now so high that it has almost
inundated Ryoko's body]

Kunikida: You've lost so much blood. How come you're not dead yet?

Ryoko: <underneath a pool of blood> Grrrglle Blup Bubble Glup....

[Kunikida lays her gently down in her own blood.]

Kunikida: By all that is holy, I swear that I will avenge her death!!!
     <the background behind Kunikida flares wildly in a spectrum
          of colors and background effects>

[The battle is once again joined, but the Aragami are
simply too many for them. Even though more than
19/20ths of them had been killed, there were still
enough to finish the weary TAC off]

Matsudera: <emptying another round of anti-aragami
     bullets on the plant demons> Sir! How come we still 
     haven't run out of ammunition? I only designed
     these weapons to have 6 shots per clip!

Kunikida: Haven't you learned anything? This is an
     anime! We never run out of ammo!

Matsudera: I see.

Kunikida: <fires his weapon and suddenly, but
     all tha results is an empty click>

Kunikida: Ma-masaka!!!

Mamiji: <her weapon also clicks, just as everyone
     else's> We never run out of ammo, eh?

[Kunikida throws his useless weapon away
and falls to his knees]

Kunikida: Why?!? Is it so much to ask for that it must 
     be denied me?!?!

Mamiji: Don't take it so hard, Mr. Kunikida!
     We gave it our best shot. There were
     simply too many of them! We can't do anything
     for Ryoko now, but I'm sure she's happy that
     we did our best!

Kunikida: I'm not talking about that! Where the
     HECK is Kusanagi!?!!?

[Mamiji bigsweats]

Koume: Don't worry, sir! I'll take care of this!

[Kunikida, Mamiji and Matsudera look in surprise
as Koume takes Yagashi and plants a big wet kiss 
on his lips]

Yagashi: Mmmppphhhh!!!!

Koume: YUCK!!! <as she throws Yagashi away>
     That was disgusting!

[But it seems that that small action caused an
incredibe ripple in the ranks of the aragami]

Aragami 1: Uuughghhh!!!!

Aragami 2: Blech!!!

Aragami 3: No!! It's proto... <unable to end its sentence
     as the aragami all crumble into dust>

Mamiji: Miss Koume! How did you do that?

Koume: These evil anime hordes are all the same.
     In Macross, all that bimbo did was sing a song.
     In Nausicaa, that brat just helped this little
     baby insect. All you have to do is show a disgusting
     display of TLC and they're done for!

Matsudera: Koume, that was brilliant!

Kunikida: Dear Ryoko, I was able to fulfill my vow!!!

[Suddenly, a flash of movement comes across the screen]

Kusanagi: Hey, where are all the aragami?

Koume: You jerk! If you'd come earlier, I would'nt have
     had to embarass myself like that!!! Shi ne!!!

[Koume proceeds to empty her already empty magazine
of anti-aragami slugs into Kusanagi. Guess the ammo
only runs out during the exciting scenes ^_^]

=====END======