A second MST of NGEjd part 3, from Robert Morrison. This is one
for the record books, folks: I've got three separate parts written, and
there have been four separate MST'ings done it, by three different people.
^_^ I do believe I'm starting to grow an ego....




<in a misty void, a plain straw kasa appears out of thin air, and begins
spinning in place. From this kasa emerge three people: a tall, blue- 
haired man with a fox-like mask, a golden staff, and strange traveling
clothes; a medium-height, bishonen younger man with lavender hair, in
purple travelling clothes, wearing a purple eyepatch over his right eye and
a katana across his back; and a kawaii younger girl, with long, braided red
red hair, dressed in a red school uniform.>

Lurker: Daaaaa! We're back with more MSTing of Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut,
no da.

Chichiri: Please note the e-mail address change, no da. SQUN29C@prodigy.com
is out of service na no da.

Lurker: Right no da. From now on we're at
EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net and damned glad of it, na no da.

 Misato yawned and stretched, giving a grand show to anyone who might be
watching.

<Lurker and Chichiri watch in rapt fascination. Hikaru rolls her eyes and
mutters something about one-eyed hentai monks.>

 "Oh, Pen-pen. Looks like Shinji already fed you." The bird nodded. Misato
laughed, remembering a certain dream. "Don't you start philosophizing about
the Angels and talking about design specs for Unit 01." Pen-pen merely
looked at her strangely, then ambled over to his refrigerated compartment,
shutting the door behind him. Misato began preparing for the day.

 The sound of typing was barely audible. [Open log_]

 [Log opened_] read the computer screen.

 [Report of Agent P: The woman knows too much...._]

Hikaru: O_O

Lurker: \_O

Chichiri: ^_^

 Now was the time. Yes, it would find one of the Evangelion units, bide
its time in the computer system, take over the controls when activated,
and carry out its purpose. Its glorious, grim purpose.

Lurker: <throws a glorious, grim porpoise at the thirteenth Angel>

Chichiri: Daaa...where did you get a grim porpoise, no da?

Lurker: From the Gulf of Texaco no da.

Hikaru: <groan>

 "Say, boss...you didn't, perhaps, do something with my computer again,
did you?"

 "No, Sato-kun...not since that last time. I still have the burn scars."

Lurker, Chichiri, Hikaru: <barf>

 "So why does the screen keep on flashing 'Which way to NREV'?"

 "Well, I don't...eh...wait. 'NREV'?"

Lurker: Natural Rhubarb Enema Vendors, na no da.

 But then, the past few days had been highly odd anyway, even by Tokyo-3
standards. Rei with outward personality, Shinji with backbone....

Lurker: He's been training with Sub-Zero no da.

 Shinji blushed a bit, smiling, then froze. "You know, Rei-chan...is it
normal for humans to swell up and turn bright red?"

Chichiri: Only if they're exploding no da.

 "Mommy, Mommy! My Tamagotchi is broken! Maro-chan's _gone_!!"

<Lurker and Chichiri scream. Hikaru smiles cutely>

 [ARGH! I can't find my way around this place worth a DAMN!]

Lurker: Ladies and gentlemen, please say hello to Angel Thirteen, Hibiki
Ryouga.

 "Uh, Subcommander, there seem to be reports of odd electronic phenomena
around the city this morning. All of them seem to be relating to NERV."

 Fuyutsuki blinked, and looked over at Aoba. "What?"

 Aoba handed him a NERV (tm) clipboard with several official statements on
it. The Subcommander read them over, puzzled. "This is one of the strangest
things I've ever seen. Any clue as to what it might be?"

Chichiri: A bad case of gas na no da.

 Maia sat next to Hyuuga in the NERV infirmary. He was on one of the cots,
several bandages and an icepack on his head. His glasses were on the table
next to him.

 She was looking very confused. "Now...run that by me again?"

 Hyuuga sighed. "I found another machine that _said_ it had Dr. Pepper. I
put in the money, punch the button, and then the LED sign on it asks where
NERV is or something like that. It didn't give me my soda. So I kicked it,
the stupid piece of junk. The next thing I know, I'm on the ground, an
exploded can of _Mr. Pibb_," he growled the name of the soda, "lying next
to me, my forehead's bleeding, and some girl with long black hair wearing
a Shinto priestess outfit is there slapping wards on the drink machine."

Lurker: Stick to Pepsi no da. It's better for your health na no da.

Chichiri: I'm a Mountain Dew man myself, no da...

Lurker: That too no da.

 Maia could only stare at him. "Well...."

 "I dunno, those wards seemed to have worked, 'cos the machine stopped
beeping after that. Nice girl...can't remember her name right now, though
something tells me that I really should. At least her first name." Hyuuga
fell silent a moment, grumbling. "I ought to sue, you know." Maia nodded
and started to say something, but Hyuuga went on. "False advertisement!
That machine said it had Dr. Pepper!"

 Maia fell out of her chair.

<and so did Chichiri, Lurker, and Hikaru>

 Caspar was hard at work, running the city, analyzing data on past Angel
attacks, playing with the minds of the humans, etc. Suddenly, he stopped.

Lurker: And the seas boiled and the sky turned to blood, no da...

 [Melchior.]

 [Yes, Caspar?]

 [It seems that someone, or something, is searching for us.]

 [Something like that. There have been messages all over the city asking
how to get to NERV HQ or something.] Melchior did a quick check. [Yeah,
that's it, all right. What do you think this means?]

 Balthshazar came in, after running possibilities through his circuits. [I
haven't got enough information to draw any conclusions, yet. Caspar? What
about you?]

 Caspar was silent, thinking. Then, he spoke. [I feel...a disturbance in
the Force.]

 Melchior sighed cybernetically.

 [Balthshazar, have you been downloading those gaijin movies again?]

 [Umm...no comment.]

Lurker: <snicker>

 "Dammit. Rei knows Jujitsu, too, does she?"

 Gendou continued wrapping his two wrists and both ankles with tape,
giving a vicious tug with his words. It was kind of difficult, with both of
his arms in slings.

Lurker: <guffaw>

 Kensuke sat down next to Asuka during lunch. He had no one else to talk
to, considering how...involved the others were.

Lurker: <singing> Another season, another reason, for makin' whoopie...

 "You know, I'm getting sick of this. It was Rei and Shinji the past few
days, and now Touji and Hikari, too."

 Asuka sighed. "Yeah, I know. I guess I'm glad that Hikari's happy, but...
do they _have_ to do this in class?"

<Hikaru whaps Chichiri and Lurker before either can comment>

 "That's it. Enough with them." He turned to the computer on his desktop
and turned it on to play some Nethack. Asuka looked over his shoulder.

 "Wow, you're playing a Tourist? Tough one."

 Kensuke nodded. But before he could start the game, the screen flickered
wildly.

 [Where is NREV? I mean, NERV?]

 Asuka blinked. "What?"

 Kensuke screamed. "MY SAVEFILE!!!!!!"

Lurker: I hate it when that happens, no da.

 Kensuke was quietly weeping. Asuka pointed at the screen. "Well, he
started playing Nethack, when this suddenly popped up."

 Touji tapped at the keys a bit, but nothing happened. "Someone's trying
to find NERV? This is kind of weird. What do you suppose it is?"

Lurker: Someone trying to find NERV...maybe it's a WIMP na no da...

 Ritsuko nodded. "I'll get this data to the Magi. And who's playing that
music? It's starting to get distracting."

 [Sorry.] The Star Wars theme turned off.

Lurker: And the track of Darth Vader's breathing turned on...

 [Blue pattern, huh? How come we haven't gotten any trace of it?]

 [You must reach out with the Fo--]

 [WOULD YOU GET OFF THAT DAMN MOVIE ALREADY?!]

Lurker, Chichiri, Hikaru: <laff>

 [Okay! Okay. Calm down, you'll burn out a circuit.]

 [Too late. I think some of yours carried over to me, or something like
that. Balthshazar. Balthshazar! Get off the freaking Net already, would
you?]

 [Sorry, sorry. I found some Babylon 5 clips, and....]

 Melchior cursed silently. What was it with him and old Western science
fiction? 

Lurker: Could be worse, no da. Could be the newer Star Trek...

Hikaru: <shudder>

 "Commander?"

 "Ah, Fuyutsuki. Update?"

 "There may be...what happened to you?"

 "I...ah...."

 "Did you go talk to Rei again?"

 "..."

 Mental note: don't cross Rei. "Well, anyways. There may be an Angel on
the loose in Tokyo-3. A sort of computer virus, like the eleventh. Problem
is, we can't track the thing, and only Caspar so far has detected a blue
pattern from it. Even then, Caspar isn't completely sure of it."

 Gendou would have been rubbing his chin in thought, were he capable of
moving his arms that way. "Well. Nothing more concrete than that?"

 "No, Commander. What about the training today?"

 "I suppose if it's that vague, then we should continue. But be ready
to take countermeasures at any time, all right?"

 "Right."

 Fuyutsuki turned to go, when Gendou suddenly shouted, "So _that's_ it--
OW!"

 "Commander?"

 "Forgot about the arm again.... That must have been what blew up my NERV
(tm) coffeemaker this morning."

Lurker: <snicker>

 "Oh. I see." I have _got_ to get out of this business. He again turned to
leave, but--

 "Ah, Fuyutsuki?"

 "Yes, sir?"

 "Could you please push my glasses back up onto the bridge of my nose? I
can't quite do that at the moment."

Lurker, Chichiri, Hikaru: <fall over laughing>

 "What's on the schedule today, Misato-san?"

 "First off, some target practice. And now that we have all the soul-
filters from...." There was a pause, and the rustle of papers being read.
"From Maxwell House in place, all four of you can train together again."

Lurker: Those drip or perc, no da?

 "Yeah, just make sure Units 01 and 00 don't get distracted."

Hikaru: <has a mental image of two Eva units being ecchi> Eeeeeeeeeew...

 A cold, dispassionate voice broke in. "Don't worry about that. I'm here
for only one reason."

Lurker: To get laid no da.

 Asuka raised an eyebrow. Seemed like Rei was back to her ice queen mode.

 The cold, dispassionate voice warmed up. "But afterwards, on the other
hand...."

 Then again, maybe not.

 "All right...lock and load, guys." There was just the hint of a laugh in
Misato's voice.

Lurker: <making radio noises> Eva 1, fox 3...

Chichiri: <making radio noises> Eva 2, fox 3...

Hikaru: <making radio noises> Eva 20, fox 2...

 Misato was impressed. Although Asuka's synch readings were still the same
as usual this evening, give or take one or two percent, her aim was...

 *BLAM* "Ha! Dead center!"

 ...more or less perfect. _That_ meant that it was Asuka herself making
significant improvements. Kind of scary, actually.

Hikaru: <glaring at Lurker and Chichiri> If either of you say PMS, I'm 
going to barbecue you.

 The outline of Unit 01's head--including its horn--was neatly punctured
into the wall behind it. Right next to the leftmost bullethole was the
control room. There was a complete, utter lack of movement.

 "Sorry about that."

 Shinji grew a sweatdrop.

 EVA-01 grew a sweatdrop large enough to fill up a good sized jacuzzi. Or
two.

 A total and absolute silence marked the following few seconds, broken
quickly by a slight whimpering sound from somewhere.

Lurker: Someone pissed themself, no da.

 "A-Asuka," wavered Shinji's voice, "whatever it was that I did to you,
I'm really, _really_ sorry. Could--could you point that someplace else?"

 "Not at me! Hey! HEY!" EVA-00 scampered...well, lumbered around to avoid
the potential line of fire.

Chichiri: I smell jealousy, no da...

Lurker: Smells more like...

Hikaru: <barbecues Lurker> DON'T SAY IT!

 This time, Misato had also thrown herself to the floor. She sat up,
wincing. She hit the comm switch and said, "Touji-kun, there's no need to
keep praying out loud. She's out of ammuni--"

 *BLAM*

 A bit of glass went *tinkle*.

 "Remind me," came Misato's muffled voice from beneath the computer
terminal, "never to say _anything_ at all. Ever."

Lurker, Chichiri: <bust out laughing>

 The Angel "staggered" through a few more circuits. Then, it realized
something.

 It was in an EVA. Unit 02, it seemed. And what was more, it was active.

 [EUREKA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!]

Lurker: There goes the neighborhood no da.

 Now, then, to infiltrate--

 "Great job, you all...especially you, Asuka. No, don't try to bow, it's
okay. Stop waving that rifle all over. All right, let's call it a day."

 "Turning off external power...draining internal reserves. Has anyone
found my Prozac yet?"

 "No, but here are some of those dried frog pills that I haven't used
yet--"

 *WHIIIiiiirrrrrr*

 The systems went dark as everything was shut down.

 [I have no eyes and I must cry....]

 Misato jogged up to join Asuka, who was just leaving the locker room.
"You did really great today." Misato wasn't sure what was setting Asuka
off, but a compliment would never hurt.

 "Yeh. Thanks." Asuka sighed.

 "Something wrong?"

 They both stepped into the elevator. Misato punched the button to
take them to the indoor parking lot.

 "Well...I...." Asuka frowned, waving her hands around in an attempt
to wrench out the words to express her disquiet. "Ah...I don't know. I
can't say exactly."

<Hikaru barbecues Lurker and Chichiri just on general principle>

 "I understand. It's all been...very weird for us."

 "Sorry about shooting up the control room...did you get all the glass
out of your hair?"

 "Yeah. Don't worry about it--you showed a huge amount of improvement
otherwise."

 They rode on, in silence.

 Something finally occurred to Misato.

 "Wait, where's Shinji?"

 Asuka wrinkled her nose. Carefully, she chose out some words to convey
her distaste. "He and Rei are, as could be said, deep in 'conversation'."

<Lurker and Chichiri edge closer to the screen, hoping to catch some of 
that conversation>

 In a lounge, somewhere in HQ, with the lights dimmed down a bit....

 Two figures still dressed in plug suits, one mostly white, the other blue
and white, were sitting on a couch. Or more precisely, the one in blue and
white was sitting on the couch, while the one in mostly white was on the
lap of the first. Needless to say, they were _very_ close to each other.

 "Well...what do you suppose Nietzsche _did_ mean by that?"

 "I'm not sure myself."

 They were deep in conversation, indeed. A rather cozy scene, it was...

 "Oh, forget about it."

*smooch*

 ...and even more so now.

<Lurker and Chichiri deflate>

 "I guess...I do feel lonely," admitted Asuka.

 Misato and Asuka were now careening down the road to the apartment. The
moon, looming in the sky, cast a silvery sheen over the landscape.

 "Oh, really? I guess I can see that."

 "It's so weird, though. I never had many friends in Germany or the
United States. Here, I've got Hikari, and...there are three other people
here who understand. Understand what it is to be one of the Children."

 "But, with everything going on lately, you feel left out."

 Asuka hesitated, then nodded. Misato smiled.

 "Well, then, maybe you should do a little...ah, searching yourself."

 Asuka frowned. "What, with _those_ losers? All the guys at school are a
bunch of creeps and perverts. I mean, the best of them...." She trailed off
there for a moment, then continued. "Besides, I'm not interested in _boys_.
I'm looking for a _man_. Like Kaji." She smiled, a slowly fading smile.

 Misato looked at her a little worriedly. But then, she always had been
the irate type, when it came to boys. And the whole thing about Kaji....
She could feel herself starting to blush.

 "Misato?"

 "Hm?"

 "You're in the--"

 *HOOONK* *HOOOOOOOOOONK*

 "--WRONG LANE! WRONG LAAAAANE!!!!!!"

 "YAAAAAHHH!!!!"

 *scrEEEEEEEch*

Lurker: <winces> Owch. That had to hurt.

 Shinji and Rei finally came up for air.

 "Y'know, Rei-chan, as strange as it's all been, I'm glad."

 "So am I." Rei rested her head against Shinji's chest, listening to his
slow breathing. He lightly ran his fingers through her short hair.

 "But I'm wondering about Asuka."

 Rei pulled away slightly, to look him in the eyes. "What do you mean?"

 "Well," he slowly spoke, "she's been acting weird. I mean, sometimes
she's all uppity like she's always been, but at other times...well, like
during training, today. She was so, so distracted."

 Rei nodded. "Well, she's been able to manage before."

 Shinji chuckled. "It's just that I'm not sure that we will. She really
shot up the training area today."

 "Well...maybe, maybe we should help her get her mind off of things. Help
her adjust."

 "Sounds good. But how?"

 "We'll figure out something. Maybe we should talk to Hikari, too; they're
close friends, and I think she'd like to help out."

 Shinji nodded his assent. They sat in silence for a few minutes, just
thinking and...snuggling, for lack of a better word.

 "Shoot, look at the time. I'd better get home...."

 Rei pouted cutely, something which she getting even better at nowadays.

 "Ah...but I'm sure Misato won't mind me being a little late...."

Lurker, Chichiri: <chuckling like Beavis and Butt-hole>

 Meanwhile, in one of the EVA cages....

 [o/" Nobody knows...the trouble I've seen.... o/"]

 Even an Angel can become bored.

Lurker, Hikaru, Chichiri: <snicker>

 "Next time, I drive."

 "Ah, heh...sorry. But Asuka, you don't have a license yet."

 "Neither will you, if you keep that up."

 Misato yanked open the refrigerator and grabbed herself a beer. Or two.
Or, actually, four. "Want anything to eat or drink?"

 "No...." Asuka plopped down on the couch and lay there, staring at the
ceiling.

 "You know, that used to be Shinji's job."

 "Eh--what?"

 "Lying down, looking at nothing, and thinking all the time. Looks like
he's rubbing off on you." Misato smiled.

Lurker: I thought he was rubbing off on Rei...

Hikaru: Hentai!

 Sometime during the movie, Asuka drifted off towards sleep, just about
to embark on an Enlightening Dream Sequence (tm). Unfortunately--

 *creak*

 "I'm home," whispered a voice. It was followed by the careful shutting
of a door, and tiptoes that went near the couch. Shinji.

 Asuka waited until he was just past her when she got up.

 "Hey."

 "WAAAAAUGH!!"

 She had never seen anyone jump so high without a running start.

Lurker: <snicker>

 "Something wrong?"

 "*gasp* N-no, not at...at all...."

 Misato poked her head out of her room. "Something wrong out there? Oh,
Shinji."

 "I, I'm all right...she just kind of surprised me."

 "Well, all right, but don't come back so late next time. At least, tell
me first." She smiled, then ducked back inside.

 "And where have you been?"

 "Ah, heh, just making ou--time! Making time with Rei. That's all."

Chichiri: Time no da? They're calling it Time now? 

 Asuka snarled at him, then stalked to her room, giving him one last
withering look. Shinji sighed in relief. This had been a day of ups and
downs.

 [Any more traces, Caspar?]

 [No, none at all. Well, the incidents seem to have stopped, so maybe
it's all over.]

 [Yeah. Well, neither of us got anything today. I--] Melchior stopped.

 [What is it?]

 [I hear something odd. Music.]

 Balthshazar strained his "ears". [Yeah...sounds like....]

 [Sounds like...someone singing..."Achy Breaky Heart"?]

Lurker, Chichiri, Hikaru: <shudder>

 Rei lay on her bed, staring sightlessly at the ceiling. A faint smile
touched her lips, like the one she smiled when Shinji-kun once asked for
her to smile. He didn't have to ask, anymore, she'd gladly smile for him,
anytime....

 Her eyes drooped and finally closed.

Lurker: Dream sequence time no da!

 *bam* *bam* "The Council of Ayanami will now be in order." *bam*

 It was a conference room, of sorts. It was filled with Ayanami Reis, like
in part 2, except now they were more organized. At the front of the room
was Original, who presided as the ChairAyanami. Seated around her were the
other Ayanamis (except for Lazy Rei, who was off asleep somewhere). As
usual, they were all dressed in the blue school uniform (except for
Professional, in her plug suit). They were now silent, all attention
focused on the ChairAyanami.

 You ain't seen surreal until you've seen this.

Lurker: Surreal? Sounds like heaven to me. <whispers to Chichiri> Did 
you see a NudeAyanami in there somewhere?

Chichiri: I'm looking no da!

 Original put down her gavel and then spoke. "I will now turn the floor
over to Book, who will give a report on the past few days."

 Book stepped up to a podium. "Our relationship with Ikari Shinji-kun has
progressed very swiftly--" she paused, interrupted by some cheering from
the back; Affectionate, of course. "Many thanks to Affectionate. Also,
thanks to Nervous, who managed to keep things under control and stop us

>from scaring Shinji away by being, that is, too forward." She gave a

piercing glance at Affectionate, who blushed a little, and grinned. Book
continued. "Attempts to keep us separated have been, fortunately, easily
put aside, with help from our, ah, Physical Security official." She nodded
at Kickboxer Rei, who nodded back. "So far, everything concerning Shinji-
kun has been just fine. However, there is now another problem." Book
stepped down, and Nervous took her place.

 "Uh, um, well, it's about Asuka. Er, Souryuu Asuka Langley." Nervous
paused and took a few breaths. "Ah, I think she's going a little nuts or
something out there. Ikari-kun mentioned that it was probably somewhat, ah,
related to us an' Hikari and Touji, y'know...." Her lip quirked as she
thought. "Sometimes, she's just annoying as usual, but then, she gets
just...really out there. It's weird." Nervous sat back down.

 "So, the agenda is to find a solution to this. And beating up is out of
the question." Irate Rei sat back down, grumbling. Common Sense Rei stood
up. "The Chair recognizes Common Sense."

Hikaru: At least *someone* recognizes some common sense around here...

 "As stated, it is probably related to feelings of lonliness on Asuka's
part, as her friends and colleagues are suddenly, ah, occupied with each
other. Therefore, one solution would be to, ah, distract her similarly."

 "Play matchmaker, in other words," called out Affectionate.

 "You could say it that way."

 "Are there any other proposals, _besides_ kicking her into next week?"
Irate Rei again sat down grumbling. No one else said anything. "Well, then,
it seems that would be the chosen means."

 Common Sense continued. "And, of course, there is one obvious vic--that
is, candidate who comes to mind." She paused.

<Lurker, Chichiri, and Hikaru snicker>

 "Kensuke," said each and every single one of them, simultaneously.

 Practical Joker Rei started to laugh.

 Rei--that is, the real-world Rei, woke with a start. Blinking, she saw
that the clock read 3 AM. With a sigh, she buried her head underneath her
pillow.

 "Why can't I ever have a _normal_ dream?"

Lurker: <guffaw>

 The Children piled into their EVAs and gathered in the Big Room, which
had been repaired overnight. Misato was again in charge of the control
room.

 "All right, today's going to be close quarters combat training. Touji,
you'll need this most, since you're the newest." She paused. "Therefore,
we're going to have to push you a little bit. Shinji, you and Touji match
off first. Asuka and Rei, you stand and watch for now."

 Touji went a little pale. "I'm going to have to fight _him_?" Shinji did,
after all, have the best combat record of the three veterans.

 "Don't worry. Just remember what you _can_ do that he can't."

 "What?"

 "You'll find out, Shinji."

 He's been here a month, and I haven't heard about this? Oh well. Both of
us need the practice. "All right."

 *pow*

 "ANGK! Hwot hwas thanght?" Shinji held his now slightly bleeding nose.
EVA-03 hadn't moved forward, from the other side of the room, and yet-- "He
bobbed me righnt on da nose!"

 "Hey, it did work! Ha!" Touji cackled. His EVA's arms had elongated to
around three times their normal length and smacked Unit 01 right in the
face.

 Misato just smiled. "Did the Gumby trick, eh?"

 The brawl was soon underway.

Lurker: <cackle>

 "NOOGIE!!!!!" Shinji introduced EVA-03's head to 01's fist. His legs were
subsequently yanked out from under him by a maneuver known usually only to
contortionists of the extreme type.

Lurker: Noogie? In an EVA? ROFL!!!

 "No," said Rei, "_that_ had to hurt." It was a two-and-a-half nelson,
which could only be accomplished with the seemingly rubber limbs that Unit
03 had. Unit 01's head was now being smashed into the floor. "I wonder if
my EVA could be fitted for those kinds of arms...."

 "Ooh, now that's impressive. I didn't realize that Shinji knew how to tie
a knot like that."

 "That wasn't Shinji; Touji did that to his own arms. Ah, looks like he
got himself undone." The fact that EVA-01 was now flying across the room
attested to that statement. "Maintenance isn't going to be pleased."

 Shinji quickly closed in, before Touji could bring his stretchiness, but
was quickly grabbed into a headlock. "Ha! Let's see how _you_ handle a
noog--OW!"

 "Heh, like the horn?" Shinji performed a quick (if clumsy) judo throw,
smashing Touji onto his back.

Lurker: <snicker>

 "Taught him that move myself," said Rei with pride.

 "All right, that'll do for you guys. Take a breather. Girls, it's your
turn now."

 01 and 03 shambled to the side, while 00 and 02 took up their positions.

 "You ready?" Asuka asked, grinning. Rei nodded.

 EVA-02 charged.

Hikaru: Uh-oh...

Chichiri: Chick fight, no da...

 Having gotten lost somewhere around Negative Three Thousand Six Hundred 
Fifty-Eight Bottles of Sapporo On the Wall, the thirteenth Angel finally
realized that its host was active and ready to go.

 [It's showtime....]

Lurker: Oh hell na no da...

 Asuka's battlecry rang through the Big Room, while Rei merely stared at
the charging EVA coolly. Then, something happened. Were this written in
script format, it would go something like
[the view suddenly zooms in on Asuka's left eye, and then goes dark]
or so. EVA-02 suddenly stopped in its tracks. It was quiet, suddenly, in
the area. But with the Magi, it was different.

 [BLUE PATTERN DETECTED BLUE PATTERN DETECTED]

 [SOURCE FROM EVANGELION UNIT 02]

 [BLUE PATTERN DETECTED BLUE PATTERN DETECTED]

 "WHAT?!"

 And before anyone could do anything, Unit 02 charged again.

 "Rei! LOOK OUT!" Then, to the techs--"Cut Unit 02's power supply NOW!"

 *PFFSSSS*

 "No good! Some internal energy source is powering it!"

 "What about the pilot?"

 "Can't get any readings on her...doesn't seem like she's linked to the
EVA right now...."

 Shinji jumped up to catch the berserk robot, but was backhanded away. It
reached Unit 00 and grabbed it by the neck. Rei, startled, had only time to
grab at the arms before they suddenly twisted and snapped the neck.

 "REIIIIIIIII!!!!!!"

Lurker: \_O

 "Pilot is...unconscious, but alive. She's all right!"

 EVA-02 dropped 00 just in time to be slammed into the wall by an equally
berserk EVA-01.

 "Shinji, don't--"

 "IT HURT REI!"

 "You can't--"

 "IT'S AN ANGEL, ISN'T IT?!"

 "But Asuka's in there!"

 There was a pause, filled with the sounds of the walls cracking from the
pressure. "Aren't you trying to calm me down?"

 "SHINJI!!"

 "ALL RIGHT! But what can I DO!?"

Lurker: Looks like someone messed up with the teleprompter no da...

 Asuka blinked, and rubbed her head in pain. What had happened? Well, it
was most decidedly odd, whatever it was. She looked around, through the
sudden gloom.

 She was not in the entry plug. At least, the last time she checked, there
hadn't been any vegetation growing in it. She got up off the ground,
brushed off her plug suit, and walked towards a soft glow. There, she
found.... Well, whatever it was, it looked like a rather ratty little
creature. It certainly smelled ratty. And it was sitting on top of what
appeared to be a clay statue.

 It was humming a tune to itself, somewhat out of key.

Lurker: That better be the Angel...

Chichiri: It's probably Asuka's soul no da.

 "Who the hell are you?"

 The creature jumped and whirled around, almost falling off the head of
the statue.

 [Wha-what-eh?]

 Asuka blinked. She wasn't quite sure whether she was _hearing_ the thing
speak, or _seeing_ the words that it was speaking. She shook her head
irritatedly.

 "I said, who the hell are you?"

 The thing started to sweat a little bit. [Ah, ah, ah...I'm...ah...your
soul! Yeah, that's right.]

 Asuka recoiled. "DU!?" She lapsed into German. "Du bist meine Seele!?"

 [Uh...what?]

 "Du, du kleiner Scheiss? Igittigittigitt...."

Lurker: \_O If I read that right, Asuka's got a potty-mouth...

 [I can't understand a word you're saying.]

 Asuka got a handle on herself. "You're my soul."

 [Absolutely right. Ah, heh.]

Lurker: At this point, Asuka should make a realization: if this thing 
*is* her soul, then "das Seele" should sprecht Deutsch sehr gut...

Hikaru: <blinks> I didn't know you speak German.

Lurker: I used to. I've been out of practive over four years though, so 
I'm quite rusty.

 "Isn't this the sort of thing that's supposed to happen to Shinji? I
mean, come on...weirdness like this is his job, not mine."

 The creature thought quickly. [Shinji...Shinji...oh, right your--I mean,
our friend, the, ah, other pilot. You, you, ah, we, never mind.]

 She stared at it, hard. "What?"

 [Ah, nothing, nothing at all. Well, why might you be here, do you think?]

 "You're asking me?"

 [Well, I, uh, don't know everything that goes on....]

 Asuka shrugged. "I don't know myself." She looked around. "Do you have
any idea what all of this is supposed to represent? Or that statue, for
that matter." She stepped closer. The statue edged back away from her, a
little bit.

 Dammit, dammit, I think I'm in trouble, dammit.... [It's, ah, your mind,
you see, and here I am, in the middle of it, of course! Yes. And, er, this
statue is, you see, you, that is your physical body. And, and....]

 Asuka stepped closer again. Now, she got a really good look at the thing
and also got a stronger whiff of what scent it was carrying. Asuka's vanity
struggled with what she had just been told, and her vanity won. Very
easily. "I don't believe it. No way. Not a chance. I won't believe it. I'm
asking you again. What are you, and what is that thing you're sitting on?"

 It paused. [Oh, forget it. I'm Angel number 13, and this here is the
metaphysical equivalent of EVA-02. A golem, an artificial human.] Then, to
the golem, it said, [Sic her!]

 Asuka's eyes widened.

Lurker: Oh shit...

 "Damn it," panted Asuka, "these things aren't supposed to happen to me.
Just Shinji, or maybe Rei...not me." She ducked around a tree, hearing the
rumbles of the golem stomping behind her.

 Wait....

 Golems were artificial humans. They got their "life" from the words
written on their head. Rub out the words, somehow, and....

 > "Good thing I took a look at that translation of the Kabbalah...."

Lurker: Heh.

 Asuka lay on the grass, panting. Her body was thin, yes, but filling out
nicely. And what was on there was almost all muscle. Still, it really
wouldn't hurt if she stopped by the weight room every now and then.

 On the border of her mind, something was whispering to her that this all
wasn't really happening, that this wasn't her physical body. That, then,
asked the question, why she was feeling out of shape.

 Her mental defenses decided to ignore it and just get on with things.
Philosophical questions woul have to wait.

 In front of her was the statue, a chunk of its forehead sheared off.
That piece was what had the holy words written on it, which had given the
golem its life. A tree branch lay next to it, half snapped through. A
little farther beyond was the rat-thing that was the thirteenth Angel.

Lurker: Nice work no da.

 She staggered to her feet. Holding her breath, she walked over, picked it
up by what might be technically termed a "neck", and glared at it...though
it is slightly hard to glare when a lingering stench is making your eyes
cross.

 [Um...I'm sorry?]

 "No, you're pathetic."

<snicker>

 *punt*

<laff!>

 Asuka watched the Angel with the remarkably short career it as it flew
far, far away, seemed to hit some sort of threshold, and disappear with a
soft flash of light.

 Enough of that thing....

Lurker: Yes, quite.

 "Blue pattern gone, sir! Pilot is reviving...Asuka's conscious."

 "Hallo, Alle...."

 "Asuka? Are you all right?"

 "Was? Wie, bitte? Was ist denn los?"

 "Oh, dear." Ritsuko leaned over to Aoba. "Go get Jakob Schrottstechech--
*kaff*" Ritsuko paused to recover the pint of spit she had just lost. "Go
get Jakob Schrottstechler...sorry about that." She wiped the other pint of
spit from Aoba's face.

Lurker: Hate it when that happens na no da.

 "That's disgusting."

 "Get Jakob Schr--the German translator. Looks like Asuka's head is a
little scrambled."

 "Aua, das schmerzt doch.... Hat jemand ein bisschen Aspirin? Mein kopf
tut mir weh."

Lurker: I would imagine.

Chichiri, Hikaru: <blank looks>

 "The Angel...remember that thing that kept on asking for directions all
of yesterday?" Rei nodded. "It got into Unit 02...it attacked and...."
Shinji paused, shuddering. "But Asuka managed to stop it and then force it
out. There's not any trace of it, the Magi say. She's going to be okay,
and...so will you, they tell me." He smiled.

 Rei sat up slowly, returning the smile. "I feel better already." She
leaned towards him. He leaned towards her.

 Two rooms down, a diabetic went into seizures. It took a few megadoses
of insulin to get him back to a stable condition.

Lurker, Chichiri, Hikaru: <snicker>

 "Aw, forget it."

 Kensuke, oblivious to the life and death drama that just finished
playing itself out, had been working for the past two hours on restoring
his savefile, to no avail. It was simply time to give up.

[aida% mount floppy_]
[aida% cd floppy_]
[aida% rm *_]
[delete all files? y_]
[Hello, is there anyonAAAAAARRGHNONONONONOsqueep_]
[aida% _]

 For some reason, despite losing the file for good, Kensuke felt vaguely
satisfied.

Lurker, Chichiri, Hikaru: <ROFL>



>From Andrew Huang, brought to you by his computer, Oddzilla
Oddzilla says, "Mmmmm...Evanjellydonut...."
http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/~alhuang/
Harvard Anime Society, Secretary