In another post, Chris Davies wrote:

       A while ago, White Wolf asked a variety of FFML authors to submit
a short parody of their work, using the set up of RpM's "The SurReal
World" as a starting point.  Unfortunately, nothing seems to have come of
this -- White Wolf said he'd be releasing the compiled parodies on
September 1, and he hasn't replied to my mail on the subject.

I, too, was asked to contribute to this project.  Unlike Chris, I haven't
attempted to e-mail WW to ask him about the delay, so I'm going to
hold back my contribution for the moment.  (If I do subsequently post
it, it'll have a "2 of 2" in the header.)

This was a piece I wrote for the project before I knew what was really
wanted.  I had been planning to post it after the main piece was published,
but, well...

The following story takes into account the never-completed "part 6" of
Surreal World, in which Nodoka moves in to the house and Urd and
Washuu decide to attempt to get Ranma and Ranko together using a
love potion.

    ----    ----    ----


     The orange sun floated above a shimmering horizon, a bubble
of searing light sustained by its own heat above the irregular
sillhouette that was the Tokyo horizon. The dust of a dry,
rainless day at the end of a week of dry, rainless days made the
sky of the western horizon a burnished bronze in the light of the
setting sun, fading to hot azure at the zenith and indigo to the
east.  The cars in the street reflected the monochromatic light
from their tight-shut windows as they passed, passengers riding
in air-conditioned comfort through the pounding heat.

     On the roof, Ranma sat and watched the world go by, thinking
about nothing in particular but feeling somewhat sorry for
himself.  It had been one of *those* days, the equal of the very
worst of his days at the Tendou dojo.  True, Akane hadn't
malleted him at any point today, but when she saw the film she
would want to... and what his mother had said to him had him
wondering if just perhaps he might yet find himself cutting
himself open in one dawn's golden light.

     Sweat beaded on his skin in the still air, but even though
the tiles radiated the heat absorbed from the brutal sun, here he
could be alone and, hopefully, his day wouldn't get any worse.

     ==================================================

     Kyosuke, Ranma, Ataru, Urd, Washuu, Nodoka and Nuku-nuku
     are in the kitchen.  Ranma is cooking.  The doorbell
     rings.

KYOSUKE:I'll get it.

     Kyosuke get up from the table and leaves the kitchen.  Cut
     to a view of the entrance hall.  Kyosuke opens the door.
     A girl is standing demurely in front of Kyosuke, but we
     can't see her head because of the camera angle.
KYOSUKE:     May I help you?

GIRL:   Is Saotome Ranma here?

KYOSUKE:Yes, he's cooking breakfast.  And you are?

GIRL:   I'm his fiancee.

     Kyosuke jerks in surprise.

KYOSUKE:Oh?  You'd better come in, then.  I'm sure he'll be glad
        to see you.

     Cut to the kitchen camera.  Ranma is still cooking, but
     Urd, Washuu, and Ataru are looking curiously through the
     doorway into the entrance hall.

KYOSUKE'S VOICE:  So, which one are you?

     Kyosuke enters, followed by a smiling Ukyou.  The
     occupants of the table are looking curiously at the new
     arrival.  Ranma glances away from his work to see who has
     arrived, and blanches.

RANMA:  U-u-ucchan!

UKYOU:  Ranchan!  Long time no see!  [she runs over and throws
        her arms around his neck]  Glad to see me?

RANMA:  [glancing at camera, hands making pushing motions, his
        face white]  W-what are you doing here?!

UKYOU:  I came to see *you* of course, silly.  Can't your own
        fiancee visit you?

RANMA:  Yes, err, no, um, I mean...

     Nodoka stands and faces the pair.  Ranma stares at her in
     panic.

NODOKA: I thought you were engaged to Tendou Akane-chan, Ranma.
        Who is this?

     ==================================================

     Ranma is in the back yard, practicing.  The sunlight
     glints off the sweat beading his bare torso as he moves
     through the forms of a kata with confident precision.  He
     finishes the form, and turns to face his audience.  Nuku-
     nuku, who is wearing short shorts and a brief top, claps
     joyously.

NUKU-NUKU:  Is that today's game, Ranma-kun?  Can I play it
        please?

RANMA:  [nods, smiles]  That's today's game, Nuku-nuku.  Do you
        think you can do it?

     Nuku-nuku nods, and begins to repeat the kata that Ranma
     has just completed.  In the background we hear the ding of
     a bicycle bell.

VOICE:  Nihao, airen!

     Ranma looks up, horrified, just in time to receive a
     bicycle in the face.  He is squashed to the ground in the
     promise pose (that two-fingered pose beloved of the Ranma
     cast).  Shampoo gets off the bicycle and yanks a stunned
     Ranma out from underneath it.

SHAMPOO:Airen!  Wo da airen!

RANMA:  Shampoo!  [weakly tries to push her away]  What are you
        doing here?

SHAMPOO:I visit husband, we go on date!  You promise!

     Cut to a shot from a rooftop camera.  Ataru's head pops
     out of his window.

ATARU:  Wow!  What a babe!  Gotta have a piece of that!

     Cut again to the camera covering the back yard.  Ataru
     drops to the ground, eyes glazed, as Ranma finally manages
     to push Shampoo off him.

RANMA:  Shampoo!  I can't!  I've gotta go to work!

ATARU:  [grabbing Shampoo from behind]  Hey, babe, let *me* take
        you on a date.  I'll show you a good time.

SHAMPOO:Pervert boy leave Shampoo alone! [grabs Ataru and tosses
        him into the fence]  [turns to Ranma again]  But airen
        say take Shampoo on date.

RANMA:  Look, Shampoo, um..., err...  [Shampoo flings her arms
        around his neck again] urk!

SHAMPOO:But Shampoo love airen!  Please take on date?

NUKU-NUKU:  That looks like a fun game!  Can Nuku-Nuku play?

     She leaps towards Ranma and flings her arms around his
     neck with all the appearance of romantic abandon.  Nodoka
     walks into the shot, visibly angry.

NODOKA: What's going on here?  Who is this girl, and why are you
        taking advantage of your cousin, Ranma?

RANMA:  Um... erk... err... help?

     ==================================================

     Nodoka and Ranma are alone in the living room.  The doors
     are closed.

NODOKA: Ranma, I am sorry to say that I am genuinely disappointed
        in you.  Truly, I expected better of my son.

RANMA:  But mom, it's not--

NODOKA: Wait until I'm finished, son.  Not only do you have not
        one but *two* other fiancees, but you also lead on that
        Kodachi girl!  And even worse, under the pretense of
        playing games, you get your *own* *cousin* to hug and
        kiss you in a most unseemly manner!  What is next, son?
        Will you start peeking in the bathroom?  Perhaps dress up
        in women's clothes?

RANMA:  Bu-but...

NODOKA: [hisses]  I thought you were manly, my son.  Was I wrong?

     ==================================================

     "Hey, Ranma!"

     Ranma turned his head to look back at his open window.
Ataru was looking out of it, and behind him stood Kyosuke and
Urd.  "What is it?" he asked in a toneless voice.

     "You wanna go to the pool?  We're goin'!"

     Ranma stared at Ataru for a long moment then shook his head.
"Nah."  He turned his attention back to the skyline, taking a
moment to wipe sweat from his eyes.

     "Come on, man, you look really hot.  Whatcha doin' sittin'
out there, anyway?  Let's go where it's cool!"

     Silently Ranma shook his head.  Kyosuke grabbed Ataru's
shoulder.  "Come on, Ataru, he doesn't want to go.  Don't bother
him."

     Ataru sneered.  "Maybe he can't swim."

     Nettled, Ranma turned back to the window.  "I can too swim!"
he yelled.  Then he turned back to face the sun, his face
relaxing into melancholy lines.  "I just don't want to."

     Kyosuke grabbed Ataru, hard.  "Come on, Ataru.  Leave him
alone."

     "Aw, okay, his loss."  Footsteps retreated from the window.

     Urd stuck her head out the window silently and watched Ranma
for a long moment.  Then, coming to a decision, she climbed
gracefully out of the window and onto the tiles of the roof.
Silently she padded over to where Ranma stared at the horizon and
sat down beside him, away from the window.

     She wore a loose cotton wrap that gaped to show a skimpy
electric-blue thong bikini.  "What's wrong?" she asked gently.

     Ranma ignored her, concentrating on the look the setting sun
gave the world around him, the crimson tinge creeping in.

     Urd tried again.  "What is it, Ranma.  Do you miss someone?"

     He closed his eyes, bowing his head a little.  "Hai," he
muttered after a long moment.

     "You want to be with someone?"

     For another long moment, Ranma sat like a statue.  Then, at
last, he nodded.  "H-hai."

     Urd grinned.  "It's Ranko, isn't it.  You want to be with
Ranko!"

     She was amazed to hear him snort dismissively.  "I see far
too much of *her* as it is."

     She frowned, puzzled.  Wasn't that love potion working?
"Then--"

     "Hey, Ranma!  Last chance!" yelled Ataru from Ranma's
window.

     Ranma looked over his shoulder at Ataru, his eyes hard.
"Just go, why don't you?!"

     Ataru grinned.  "Okay, your loss.  Maybe you'll like this,
though."  And he tossed a bucketful of cold water at Ranma and
Urd.

     Ranma sat, stunned, as the cold water approached then
splashed all over him.  Urd yelled in surprise.  "Aah!  Cold!"

     Ataru stared in bug-eyed surprise, then moved to clamber out
the window.  "Aagh, aa, wow, hey, what a hot chick!  Hey, baby,
wanna--"

     Without a word, Ranma jumped up and delivered a spinning
kick to Ataru that sent him flying over the roof to land with a
thud in the yard on the other side of the house.  Then she
collapsed to the roof again, sitting with her head between her
knees, hands over her head.  "Oh man, I'm dead," she moaned.

     Urd stared in amazement.  "Ra-ranma?  Ran...ko?"

     Ranma lifted her head to stare miserably at Urd.  "Well, now
you know."

     "Bu-but... how?"

     She looked off to the horizon again, resting her chin on one
shoulder.  "It's a curse.  I picked it up during a training trip
with my old man.  When I get hit with cold water I turn into a
girl; hot water reverses it."

     "You... and Ranko... are the same person?"

     Ranma nodded her head again.  "Hai."

     Urd burst into laughter.  Stunned, Ranma watched Urd laugh
uncontrollably.  Then she became angry.

     "Yeah!  It's real funny!  A guy who changes into a girl!"

     Urd just shook her head, but couldn't stop laughing.  Ranma
got up and moved over to where Urd was holding her short-ribs and
shook her by the shoulders.  "What's so damn funny!!"

     "Haheheee... All this time, I've been trying to get you and
Ranko together!  Hahahahaha!"

     Ranma let Urd go and flopped down to the tiles again.
"That's not real likely," she said.  "Maybe mom won't find out,"
she said with brief hope.

     Urd stopped laughing, now concerned.  "Why?  Why would that
be so bad?"

     "You don't know my mother!  My stupid father made a promise
when we left on this training trip.  When I was five years old,
he promised to my mother to make me a man amoungst men, or we'd
both commit seppuku.  When mom first visited the Tendou-ke I
played the role of Ranko, Akane's cousin from the country, 'coz
dad insisted.  But then we found out about the pledge, and ever
since then, I've hidden from my mom, pretending to be Ranko!"
She squeezed her eyes shut against brief tears.  "I've wanted so
often to go to her, to tell her I'm her son, to hold her...
Since she's moved in it's been wonderful, but I've always been
afraid that she'd find out..."

     "So why is that so bad?"

     Ranko jumped to her knees, grabbing Urd's shoulders again.
"Don't you get it?!  I change into a *woman*.  How can that be
manly?!  She's taken me *shopping*, I've acted *cute* for her,
the whole nine yards!  And now, I'm gonna have to slit my belly
when I've only known her for..."

     ==================================================

RANMA:  ...haven't even told A-akane how I... how I....  It's
        not fair!

URD:    Don't worry Ranma, it'll all be okay.

RANMA:  Yeah... maybe she won't find out.  Maybe they haven't got
        a camera up here.

URD:    [Says nothing as she looks up, directly into the camera.]


--
David Eddy -- Senior Consultant, Progress Software Melbourne
dje@progress.com
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/8341