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                           PRESENTS...

   Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Tournament BETA :
                          Round 1 Results

     A Street Fighter / Darkstalkers / Toshinden / Ranma 1/2
       Samurai Showdown / Groove On Fight / Teenage Mutant
         Ninja Turtles / And Many Others Reader-Voting
                      Tournament Fanfic

                 by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

     (All characters copyright other people, obviously.  If I
     ever even considered claiming that these were my own
     characters I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where
     I'd be forced to eat my own super combos to live.)

-=-

AUTHOR'S NOTE : Here are results of Round 1's voting!  I got TONS
of votes.  Thanks to everybody who participated!  Round 2 will be
posted in a week or so (School is crunching me down; here's to
hoping) and I look forward to the amusement to be derived from
it, and so should you. ^_^



MATCH 1 : DAN vs. MICHELANGELO

     Michelangelo advanced, nunchaku (or 'Num Chucks' as they are
known to american gangstas who wanna pretend they're bad)
whirling in the air.
     The pink-clad warrior of power and might was undaunted by
the advancing mutant, shaking his muscular forearm in a taunting
way.
     "HA! Your pathetic wooden sticks do not scare me!" Dan
laughed, before Mike smacked one against Dan's head at an upwards
of 15 MPH.
     Dan spun around in the air a few times like a comedically
paced combat special effect and smashed into the stone arena
floor with a sickening thud not unlike a bushel of tomatoes
landing on pavement from fifty feet.
     Mike laughed.  "Radical!  This is gonna be easy."
     But Dan was on his feet, rolling into a taunting position
before Mike could finish chuckling hysterically. "HA!  My head is
that of STEEL!  It will take more than that to harm me!"
     "Okay, that means I just hit it again," Mike noted.
     "I DOUBLE DOG DARE you to hit me!" Dan laughed.
     So Mike hit him.
     "Ow," Dan whined.
     Whack.
     "Ow!"
     THUD.
     "Quit it!"
     Pow.
     "That hurts!"
     Whoosh.
     Dan had rolled backwards, before the man-beast named after a
famous painter could strike.  "This insult to my person has not
gone unnoticed!  I, DAN, shall finish this quickly!  Prepare to
face the might of my ULTIMATE TECHNIQUE!!"
     Mike was about to just hit the dork again, but he recalled
the words of his sensei. 'Quit leaving your socks on the floor,'
Splinter had told him.  'They smell.  Remember, in combat, never
underestimate your opponent.  Many skilled warriors will mask
their true skill to raise confidence, then unleash the power of
the TRUE warrior upon you while you mock them.  Be wary.  And
take out the trash.'
     This is why Mike, instead of kicking the crap out of Dan
like he should have, decided to... um... turtle up, and get
defensive.
     A spark of blue ki energy swirled weakly around Dan's
upraised forearm, and he engaged the Taunting Legend Ultimate
Technique.
     Roll.
     Taunt. "OOSHA!"
     Roll.
     Taunt. "DOSHTA DOSHTA?!"
     Roll!
     Taunt! "RAISHU!"
     ROLL!
     TAUNT!! "RAWRAWRAWRAWRAWW!!!"
     JUMP!!
     LAND!
     Adorably girly little thumbs-up. "Yoyuusu!" Dan cheered, his
ego patting itself all over the place as it always did after
demonstrating his prowess.
     Unprepared for this, Mike fell over laughing, rolling on his
round l'il shell.  "AHAHAHHAHAA!!  DUDE, that was SO FUNNY!  Do
it again, do it again!"
     The sad truth about Dan's brilliantly dense strategy is that
sometimes it works like a charm.
     "SAIKYO-STYLE SELF TAUGHT SHOTOKAN NEAR ULTIMATE TECHNIQUE!"
Dan shouted, as martial artists tend to do before unleashing nine
kinds of holy hell on someone.  He ran forward, and cut loose
with a wildly uncoordinated flurry of kicks, punches, slaps,
knees to the groin and other attacks which, when combined,
accumulate to one big can of whoop ass opened on Michelangelo's
little unsuspecting green butt.
     "DAN'S CERTAIN VICTORY RELYING ON NOBODY BUT MYSELF *FIST!*"
Dan screamed, as he wailed on the turtle, before polishing the
mutant off with his patented Shiny Dragon Punch, which failed to
shine, but did knock Michelangelo out of the ring.
     Dan laughed, then clenched his fist and gazed dramatically
to the sky.  "I win again!  OYAJIIIII!!!" and cried tears of
manly warrior's emotion.
     The crowd was Stunned.
     But the verdict was final...

[RESULT : WINNER DAN (34 votes), Michelangelo (33 votes).]

     "Allow me to explain," Skuld said, pulling down a diagram
from Wasyuu's Diagramspace with colorful joystick illustrations.
     "Dan's attacks are really not very good.  However, if he's
charged to standard Ki-level two or three, his 'Double Back
Quarter Circle With All Kicks' combination, the Certain Victory
Relying on Nobody But Myself Fist, actually is pretty good!  If
you're stupid enough to let him use it, of course."
     "I had fifty bucks on the turtle," Urd sobbed.
     Skuld giggled.  "Maybe next time, oneesan!"



MATCH 2 : KASUMI vs. PRINCESS TOADSTOOL

     The two combatants sat at the low kotatsu, exchanging smiles
and sipping tea.
     "Yes, boys can be very unpredictable," the Princess agreed. 
"Mario, for example, is always getting himself into trouble.  And
every time I get kidnapped, he comes and rescues me; but he never
considers that maybe I want to rescue myself.  It's so hard to
make men recognize a woman's independence."
     "Oh, that's very true," Kasumi nodded.  "I'm very
independent, myself."
     "You are?  What do you do for a living?"
     "I keep father's house clean and cook his food," Kasumi
smiled.
     The Princess looked Puzzled.  "How is that living
independently?"
     Kasumi finished her tea, and moved to refill it.  "Well,
it's very simple, actually.  Since I decide what the family will
have for dinner, and how to decorate the house, and what to do to
keep everybody comfortable and happy, basically, I'm the leader
of the house.  Why, without me, the entire building would
probably collapse within a week and everybody would die of
starvation!  Of course, I don't remind father of that.  It would
be very impolite."
     "Oh, too true," the Princess agreed, all smiles.  "It's
always a wise idea to be polite."
     Kasumi smiled, and sipped her tea.
     "Waaaah, oneesan!  They aren't hitting each other!" Skuld
complained.  "This is BORING!"
     Urd checked her stopwatch.  "The ten minutes is almost up,
too.  I have NO idea how to call this... who's going to win?  He
said no draws allowed..."
     "HEY!  FIGHT ALREADY!" Skuld called to the two proper ladies
in the arena of combat.  "You're almost out of time!"
     "Ano?" Kasumi asked, looking up.  "Oh my.  I forgot.  We're
supposed to be fighting!"
     The stadium shook with the force of 500,000 facefaults.  An
intricately carved stone pillar cracked and fell over, bonking
the Princess directly on her little crown and flattening her in a
very cartoony manner.
     When the dust finally cleared, the only voice in the stunned
silence was a pleasant soprano, asking : "My goodness... are you
alright, Toadstool-san?"

[RESULT : WINNER KASUMI (61 votes), Princess Toadstool (6 votes)]

     "Waaaah!" Skuld cried.  "Now I gotta rebuild that arena
ring!  Do you know how hard it is to synthesize really cool
looking marble?"
     Kasumi was already busy dusting the wreckage, humming a
happy little song to herself while she worked.



MATCH 3 : POPURA vs. DAVID

     It was a very weird match.  In this corner, an absolutely
adorable little magical girl with lots of really funny attacks;
in the other, a trenchcoat wearing chainsaw toting angst boy. 
Kind of like Magical Knights Rayearth meets Chow Yun Fat.
     Then it got weirder when Popura somehow PIFFLEd into a
baseball uniform, with a small blast of sparklies, and smacked
David over the head with a Louisville Slugger with a loaded core.
     David reeled backwards.  "OW!"
     Popura giggled, PIFFLEing back to her normal magical girl
costume and rushed in, waving the plastic staff which costs 19.95
at Toys R Us.  "I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha!!"
     David held up the chainsaw to block, the fairy wand striking
against it with a shower of sparklies.  The fight continued in a
flurry of chainsaw swipes and costume changes, PIFFLE-dust flying
all over the place.
     But in the end, David wasn't getting much luck.  He had
range, but she had wildly unpredictable behavior; he found
himself being thrown around by a rhythmic gymnastics ribbon,
smacked by cricket bats, slam-dunked like a basketball and even
judo-thrown.  Things were looking grim, at least, as grim as a
man-beating delivered by an adorable little moppet could.
     Then the Idea hit David.
     "Hey, I bet you can't do caber-tossing!" he yelled at his
opponent.
     Popura paused.  "What's that?"
     "Oh, it's when you put on a Scottish kilt and throw logs,"
David smirked.
     The grrl giggled.  "I can do that!  I can do ANY sport!" and
in a PIFFLE, she was resplendid in kilt and toting a log.
     A log which David promptly went Overdrive on, chainsaw
flying and flashing as the log was chopped into little pieces
suitable for putting in your fireplace at home.
     Popura blinked, her favorite weapon now gone.  It PIFFLEd
back into a plastic wand, now busted and broken.  The batteries
rolled off somewhere, falling out of the casing.
     David smirked.
     Popura sweatdropped.
     "MOMMMYYYY!!!" she shrieked, and ran like hell, right out of
the ring.

[RESULT : WINNER DAVID (39 votes), Popura (28 votes)]

     Skuld grumbled, pushing around a vacuum cleaner.  "Next time
we do this," she muttered, "NO more fighters with sparklies." 
She went through two vacuum bags trying to clean up the mess.



MATCH 4 : BIRDIE vs. SPLINTER

     Birdie swung the chain attached to his wrist around in a
menacing arc.  He kept it manacled to his arm because when he
didn't have it like that, he kept forgetting where he put it.
     Here, he put it directly between Splinter's eyes.  With a
solid THWACK that made most man-rats in the audience wince in
sympathy, Splinter went down like a load of bad cheese.
     "HAH!  Birdie beat Mickey!" Birdie gloated.
     Splinter rose.
     The hamster wheel in Birdie's head squeaked a few times
before this registered.
     "You supposed to stay down!" he complained.
     "If my destiny is to be on the floor, then perhaps you
should be putting me there instead of playing childish games,"
Splinter said, not unfriendly, but not friendly, either.
     Birdie turned red.  Steam came out of his ears.  Thinking
wasn't easy for him and the little rodent was making him think. 
He didn't even bother pondering how angry that made him, he
simply charged forward, and smashed his head against the mouse's
noggin.  Splinter fell down, skidding a few feet from the impact
velocity.
     "Oooooh!" Birdie grunted, pleased.  He started to comb his
hair when Splinter got up again.
     This time, the ancient sensei didn't bother waiting for
Birdie to recover his wits.  After all, there WAS a time limit in
effect.
     Summoning his inner chi, his whole of being focused itself
to a single point of golden glowing energy.  His fingers snapped
into a prayer position, as his intent built itself.  Brick by
brick the method shaped itself into his mind.  The whole process
took less than a second, before Splinter unleashed the ultimate
technique.
     "Boot to the Head," he stated calmly, and kicked Birdie in
the head.
     The massive chain-wielding maniac went soaring three hundred
feet through the air, before smashing into the stadium seating
head first, collapsing a few rows of chairs in the process. 
Fortunately, this was heaven, so nobody important was hurt,
except maybe Birdie, who did not, technically, count.
     The wizened old mouse had a seat, relit his candle, and
resumed meditation without a pause.

[RESULT : WINNER SPLINTER (62 votes), Birdie (5 votes).]

     "Oneesama, can I get a pet mouse and make it into a mutant
martial arts sensei?" Skuld asked.
     "Maybe for your birthday," Belldandy smiled.


MATCH 5 : CASEY JONES vs. M.A.D.

     It was the battle of the mentally unstable persons.  Mad
scientist squared off against crazed vigilante; one with a hockey
stick, the other with a Coat of Arms and Other Deadly Stuff.
     Neither paused before attacking.  Casey used his standard
'Run at them screaming while waving your stick' method, which
usually works against litterbugs, jaywalkers and people whose
license tags have expired.  Unfortunately for him, M.A.D. had
taken out a yo-yo the size of a head cheese and sent it whizzing
in his direction.
     The yo-yo string entangled around Casey's hockey stick,
jerking it out of his hands.  Casey's brain acknowledged the lack
of weapon, and promptly pulled out a baseball bat instead.
     M.A.D. yanked that away, too.
     So Casey pulled a cricket bat.
     Gone in moments.
     Lacrosse stick.
     Javelin.
     Croquet mallet.
     Ping-pong paddle.
     Shot put ball.
     Unfortunately, M.A.D. hadn't judged the mass right on that
last one, and when the yo-yo went whizzing back to him, the iron
ball SMACKED nicely right in his face.  The scientist went down
like a sack of scientists, and failed to rise again.
     Casey Jones assumed a victory pose, carrying the only weapon
he had left, a rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle.  "A
fate that befalls ALL criminals in my sight!" he declared, and
laughed evilly until nice men in white coats took him back to his
quarters.

[RESULTS : WINNER CASEY JONES (38 votes), M.a.d (29 votes)]

     Skuld bawled.  "He got ELIMINATED?  He was gonna show me how
to plasma-shift a sector of reality to bend the fabric of space
and time into a hypercube of infinite mass!  Awwww, nuts!"
     "Hey, what'd we tell you about messing with the space-time
continuum?" Urd warned.
     "Not to do it until I ate all my vegetables."
     "Right."



MATCH 6 : KUROKO vs. Kunou
     Kunou advanced one foot, wooden stick waving around from
groin level menacingly.  "The insult, the grievous error on your
behalf will not go unpunished, strange silent one!  For low is
the sway that reaps like a harvest, as Tatewaki Kunou shall
defend his name, his honor and his family against your
insubordination.  Like the monsoons of the spring season, the
great powers of nature unleashed in relentless fury, so is the
justice of my sword upon the infidel.  The wise one who does not
cross my path walks freely; all those who oppose me walk less
freely.  Therefore, with kami by my side--"
     Kuroko pointed up to the box seats.
     "--with kami sitting somewhere above me," Kunou corrected,
"I punish you.  Prepare yourself!"
     With that, the kendoist charged, battle stance raised in
anger as he ran with the speed of the gazelle, the charging might
of the rhino and the unchallenged authority of the mountain lion
right into Kuroko's swinging flags, which bisected the kendoist's
mighty wood.
     Kunou, half the man he used to be weaponwise, looked
surprised at the short stick he now held.  And laughed.  "It will
take more than that to stop the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!"
     So Kuroko did division by two again.
     "How are you cutting my sword with a pair of flags?" Kunou
asked, incredilously.
     Kuroko just shrugged.
     Enraged, Kunou tossed his flaccid staff aside.  "Very well! 
Then I shall fight you hand to hand!  Even weaponless, Tatewaki
Kunou shall triumph!  HAVE AT YOU!!"
     Kuroko sliced Kunou in half.
     Looking surprised, both halves landed in Little Takahashi
Devil Pose #46, and the match was over.

[RESULTS : WINNER KUROKO (41), Kunou (27).]

     "Oops," Urd commented.  "I think we're going to need some
masking tape, or something."
     "I'll fix him!" Skuld cheered.  "Oh boy!  I get to
cybernetically reconstruct someone for under five million
dollars!  This is going to be fun..."



MATCH 7 : MIZUKI vs. MARIO

     Mizuki panted, rubbing her extremely sore head, and wished
she had the foresight to pack some Nuprin in with her evil
artifacts of power and destruction.
     It was utterly unthinkable.  She, the immortal soul of evil,
risen from the underworld and siphoned into this body of
spiritual power that humans tremble and cower before, was getting
her head stomped by that annoying little plumber.  Literally.
     Mario's raccoon tail flickered behind him, tanuki ears on
his hat.  He floated just out of Mizuki's reach, no matter how
many times she tried to swipe at him, to send giant blasts of
dark energy at him; he would dodge, bounce around with that
'boing boing' sound and then jump on her head.
     "Give up?" Mario asked, leaping out of attack range again. 
"Or do you want-a me to dip into the 64-style powerups?"
     "YOU DISGUSTING LITTLE THING!  I AM MIZUKI, PUPPET OF THE
DARK GUY!" Mizuki said.  "DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIEEEEEE!"
     Mario actually wasn't having as easy of a time as it looked. 
The crazy lady was fast; demonically fast, appropriately enough. 
Plus, no matter how many times he jumped on her head, it just
wasn't doing enough damage.  He tried a fire flower, but the
little Poik Poiked fireballs just bounced off.
     When all else fails; new tactics.
     Mario kicked a nearby stone pillar, cracking it nicely like
he would any other [?] block.  He caught the stone structure as
it fell, jumped in the air, and hurled the ton of masonry at
Mizuki with the force of a really large piece of marble coming at
you really really fast.
     Mizuki, mind still locked on 'This CAN'T be happening'
didn't react quick enough, and got clobbered.  Buried in a small
crater under the debris, she twitched a few times, then went to
visit the penguins in dreamland.
     "YEEHOOO!" Mario cheered, doing some victory jumps, before
bounding out of the ring like a Gummi Bear.

[RESULTS : WINNER MARIO (47), Mizuki (20)]

     Urd peeled open one of Mizuki's eyelids cautiously as
Banpeis removed the rubble, and saw nothing but white.
     "She's out like Ellen," Urd confirmed.  "This looks serious. 
Skuld, get some Banpei to haul her off to Medical."
     A number of smiling robots wheeled in, loaded Mizuki onto a
stretcher, and skittered off into the recesses of the arena
corridors.


MATCH 8 : LUIGI vs. NARU

     "You MEAN MEAN MEAN MEAN man!" Naru whined, waving her sword
around irritatedly.  "You keep playing tricks on Naru-chan!"
     "Am not!" Luigi laughed.  "Say, want a cookie?"
     "Wai, wai, cookie!" Naru cheered, running over to fetch it. 
Luigi whapped her over the head again.
     The green italian plumber laughed and laughed.  This was
just TOO easy.  He and Mario would be eating victory pizza
tonight, for sure.
     "And now... the final touch," Luigi smirked.  "Say, want a
cracker?"
     "I don't LIKE crackers," Naru said flatly.
     Luigi sweatdropped.
     What followed next can best be described as such : Slash to
the knees, stab through the chest, kicked into the air, juggled
with a Deadly Raise sword spin maneuver, slammed into the floor,
pinned there, face stepped on seventeen times, kicked BACK into
the air, and on the way down, torched by the toddler-flamethrower
of doom's Overdrive Attack and then slashed again and finally,
for good measure, taunted.
     "Nyah nyah!" Naru laughed, tugging at one eyelid.  "I win!"
     Luigi, with X's in each eye, wasn't about to object.

[RESULTS : WINNER NARU (52), Luigi (15)]

     "Didn't I see that somewhere before?" Urd asked, scratching
her head to encourage the memory process along.
     "It's not a ripoff, it's an homage," Skuld nervously
grinned.



MATCH 9 : SD-SAKURA vs. NICOTINE

     The two fighters were the right size; one a superdeformed
android, the other a dinky bhuddist monk.  It was a pretty even
fight.
     Until the Sakura Droid's fuku flared red, and started
shooting laser beams at Nicotine.
     Nicotine swung his staff like a light saber, shiny metal
deflecting the shots off where they could harmlessly kill
innocent bystanders.  One, however, pierced his hat right on
through, and set it ablaze.
     "YEeeee!" Nicotine yelped, pulling the hat off and tossing
it aside.  "Dangerous little toy, isn't it, mmm?"
     "Wai! Wai! WAI!" Sakura cheered, hopping up and down in
place.  Then it spun out of control, whirling like a top and
heading for Nicotine.  He jumped for safety, and landed a few
feet away; only to have to dodge a missile shot from the
android's head, then having to avoid the rotating knives, then
hopping on one foot as the robot shot at his feet with hidden
chainguns.
     "What weird magic is this?!" Nicotine yelped, staff whirling
as he deflected a dozen little bombs, lobbed his way by the
SakBot like a kid throwing stones.
     "It's science and technology!" Skuld cheered from the
sidelines.  "What an amazing invention!  A wide variety of
attacks, and it's CUTE!"
     "It's a thing of evil, is what it is!" Nicotine yelled back,
balancing on the end of staff to avoid SD-Sakura's Big Smiley
Bomb Attack.
     The bomb landed in the moat, went BOOM with cartoony letters
and smoke effects, and splashed water everywhere.  Nicotine got
wet.  His smoldering hat went out.  And Sakura twitched, water
seeping into her circuits.
     Nicotine perked an eyebrow, as the onslaught had stopped for
a moment.  "Innnnteresting," he noted.  Rolling off to the left
and grabbing the prayer bowl he was using earlier, he quickly
filled it with water -- careful NOT to step out of the ring, and
turned to face the robot.
     "Yoohooo!" he waved.  "Over here!  You're an ugly girl."
     Sakura fumed, stomping up and down.  "WAAAAI!!" she
complained, and ran head on at Nicotine--
     Getting a big splash of water right in the face.
     The robot stumbled, electricity sparking between her ears,
hair standing on end.  Nicotine wisely got the hell out of the
way, as the robot teetered and fell over, right into the moat;
the final straw, as it short circuited and exploded like a stray
SCUD missile.

[RESULTS : WINNER NICOTINE (46), SD-Sakura (21).]

     "Awww, I liked it," Skuld pouted.
     Nicotine hopped out of the ring, taking an offered towel
from a nearby angel.  "If you're lucky, maybe that Devilot
demoness will make you another.  For now, I'm off for a smoke and
a drink..."
     "Hey, that creepy girl who came with you lost earlier," Urd
commented.  "Looks like you won't get to fight her."
     "Lost?" Nicotine asked.  "Where is she now?"
     "Hmm?  Medical unit, why?"
     "Excuse me," the monk said, hurrying off.  He didn't look
relieved.



MATCH 10 : SAKURA vs. LORD RAPTOR

     David pushed through the crowd, trying to make his way to
the arena ring.  When he heard the yelling from the battlefield
and the crowd booooing, he knew something was wrong.
     "Beat it!  Out of the way!  Coming through!"
     And when he heard Sakura's scream, he was SURE something was
wrong.
     Finally reaching the ring, he looked up from the peanut
gallery seating to see the zombie Lord Raptor laughing, while
Sakura staggered around, dazed.
     "Missie, you'll NEVER beat someone who's already dead!"
Raptor laughed.  "You gonna go home or you want me to introduce
you to Mr. Grim first hand?"
     Sakura regained her footing.  This really wasn't going well. 
She was outclassed; the freak didn't have much skill to speak of
other than a berserk rage, but he had the advantage of being
undead and able to contort his body in ways Sakura just wasn't
expecting.  To make matters worse, she was having trouble
focusing her chi.
     She tried again, summoning the glowing ball of light at her
side, and casting it out.  Raptor, who had learned from past
errors, just stepped back and let the fireball piffle out before
it could reach him.  The zombie just laughed again.
     David moved to get into the ring and help Sakura out, but
was restrained by a handful of Banpei Enforcers.  He lopped the
head off one with the chainsaw before they managed to haul him
ten feet back, the minimum safe distance.  First he cursed the
robots, but then by the psychological theory of triggered
cognition, he got an Idea.
     "Sakura, use that thing you used on the robots!" he shouted.
     Sakura, noticing him for the first time, nodded.  She bent
one leg up, ready to slide over and launch into the... actually,
it wasn't the Instant Hell Murder.  Sakura had studied it,
quietly, but never really figured out how it was done; she could
just copy it mostly-effectively, like any other Shotokan
technique she knew.  But maybe it'd be enough.
     The White Zombie, too busy prancing around stupidly, never
saw her coming.
     The explosion from the arena wasn't as impressive as it was
in the narrow corridor, but it was enough to leave afterimages
from the pure white light in David's eyes.  And when the smoke
cleared, the zombie wasn't looking quite so healthy.  Even for a
dead guy.
     The problem was, neither was Sakura.  She wobbled around,
from the energy loss, and was in no shape to continue.
     Lord Raptor snapped out of it fast.  He had just enough in
him to reach over, grabbing Sakura by the shoulders.  His ribs
jutted out, ready to run her through...
     Nobody agreed on what happened next.  Some say there seemed
to be a black line of non-light drawn from somewhere in the
peanut gallery to Sakura before the explosion; others say it was
more of a lightning arc.  Some said nothing of the sort was
there.  But everybody agrees that instantly after, the arena
exploded in a fifty foot pillar of white fire, that consumed
everything around it, blasting chunks of rock upwards like a
volcano on overload.
     When robots had sorted through the rubble, which fortunately
hadn't killed anybody since most people here were dead anyway,
they found Sakura standing in the middle of the crater over a few
smoldering chunks of Lord Raptor, arms folded, and back to the
wind.

[RESULTS : WINNER SAKURA (55), Lord Raptor (12)]

     "WHOA!" Skuld yelped, as her handheld machine thingy
exploded, smoking and sparking.  "What happened?  The Dark Energy
meter went off the scale there!"
     Belldandy almost frowned, looking at the scene before her. 
"I'm not sure, Skuld-chan..."



MATCH 11 : CHIN GENZAI vs. VERMILLION

     Vermillion wasn't pleased.
     Shot after shot he sent flying after the gnarled man, and
shot after shot the old fart dodged.  Verm couldn't tell if the
hairy drunk was skillfully avoiding his gunfire, or if he was
just so wasted on sake that his stumbling and weaving around were
coincidentally keeping him alive.
     Normally, when Vermillion had to go against one of these
silly 'Martial Artists', they would rush at him with a sharp
piece of metal and try to cut his head off.  Easily dealt with;
shotgun, head, boom, done.  Chin wasn't attacking, though, he was
just bobbing around like a Weeble Wobble.  And like a Weeble
Wobble, he would wobble, but he would not fall down.
     Verm stood his ground, confident the old man would make a
mistake somewhere along the line which he could capitalize on.
     Chin had pulled a second jug out of nowhere, and took a
hearty drink.  "AHHH! UME!" he exclaimed, wiping his mouth.
     The gaunt man hmmed to himself.  "Ah, you enjoy
drinking?..."
     Bouncing around, Chin giggled.  "You'll never beat my
drunken shtyl, sht, forma martial artsh!  WOOOHOO!"
     "Too true," Verm laughed.  He fished a flask out of his
coat, and tossed it over to Chin.  "Here, tie one on.  My treat."
     "Why, thanksh you kindley," Chin nodded, throwing his head
back and consuming the entire container's liquid in one gulp.
     The arena rumbled with the impact of the stuff in Chin's
stomach.  His blood vessels opened up like sluice valves on
Hoover Dam, and his system did backflips kicking back into gear. 
The 300% pure black Columbian coffee was burning his alcohol high
out like the white hot fires of Alpha Centari.
     Chin stood rock still, sober beyond sobriety.  He was so
awake to the word and so conscious to existence that reality was
a cheap diagram by comparison.  "What the hell...?" he mused,
trying to figure out what had happened...
     The black-clad card-carrying NRA whacko lept into the air,
unloading round after round from both guns into Chin.  The old
man twitched back and forth, as the energy blasts slammed him
around like a ping-pong ball.
     Verm landed; Chin landed.  But only one of them landed on
their feet.

[RESULT : WINNER VERMILLION (43), Chin Genzai (25).]

     "He's mean," Skuld pouted.  "I don't think I want him to be
god.  Can I hit him, oneesama?"
     "Don't worry, Skuld-chan.  I'm sure it'll work out fine,"
Belldandy repeated.



MATCH 12 : SIE KENSOU vs. B.B. HOOD

     Sie blinked, as the uzi rounds slammed into his gut, not
tearing his intestines out through his back along with chunks of
his spine.
     "Hey, that hurt," he commented, rubbing his sore stomach. 
"Shouldn't I be dead?"
     "Awww, maan!" B.B. pouted.  "I forgot to unload my Cartoon
Bullet Uzi Clip (+4 against Darkstalkers)!"
     The arrogant lad laughed.  "All the better for me," he
smirked, and threw a phasing blue ball of ki at the girl.
     "WAAAH!" B.B. yelled, diving out of the way.  She quickly
opened her cheerful little picnic basket, and a cheerful little
missile flew out of it.
     This Sie didn't want to chance; just because the bullets
didn't blow him to kingdom come (where, actually, he already was)
did not imply the rockets wouldn't either.  He dove the floor,
avoiding being hit by the missile which blew up a nearby Banpei
robot.
     Quickly, the older (but not by much) boy zig-zagged towards
the mercenary, avoiding her uzi fire and a few more rockets.  The
two began basic infighting, with punches and kicks and basket-
smacks and slaps and other things, running to and fro, etc, etc.
     By the sixth minute of the match, both were pretty worn
down.
     "Energy... weak," Sie gasped for air.  "Need food... need...
rice ball..."  He fished in his coat for one, and to his horror,
came up empty.
     That's when he noticed the basket.
     "Gimmie that!" Sie yelled, pulling the basket away from
B.B.'s surprised little hands, reaching in, grabbing something
round and stuffing it down his throat in the patented 'Kensou
One-Swallow Eating Method.'
     "..." B.B. Hood ...'d.
     "Ahh, much better!" Sie snickered, tossing the basket away. 
"Now, back to--"
     "You ate one of my grenades," B.B. giggled.
     Pause.
     "What?" Sie asked.
     "Hee hee!  You ate a grenade!  Baka!" the girl laughed,
dancing around in a circle with her puppy.  "I win, I win!"
     Sie hurriedly stuck his finger down his throat, but it was
too late.  With a muffled WHUMPH, the bomb went off; his stomach
bulged comedically, with a rumble sent through the arena, and he
coughed out a small cloud of smoke before keeling over.
     "Rolaids, please," he wheezed, before taking a nap.

[RESULTS : WINNER B.B. HOOD (39), Sie Kensou (28).]

     "Yaay!" B.B. Hood clapped.  A little ring of daisies cutely
spring up at her feet, her pet dog yapping adorably.  "Now, I'll
sing my victory song!" and out came the microphone.
     "RUUUUN!" nearby spectators wailed, trying to beat a rush
away from the scene; but it was too late, she had already begun. 
Cavities started to form.
     "UGHHH!" Urd whimpered, covering her ears.  "I may be
violently sick!"
     "I don't know, I think it's kind of cute," Belldandy
giggled.



MATCH 13 : SD-AKUMA vs. ATHENA

     "HMMH!" Akuma grunted, letting loose with another barrage of
fireballs, which Athena easily danced around.
     "Very good!  You should be so proud of yourself, little
boy!" Athena said, landing on one toe and clapping.  "You almost
hurt me there!"
     Akuma would cry, if it wasn't completely against his nature.
     Contrary to the strange little kid, Athena was really
enjoying this fight.  It was so nice to encourage a youngster to
grow up to be a great martial artist.  But still, the time limit
was almost up... as much as she wanted not to stifle young minds,
she didn't want to lose in the process.
     So, because she thought it was a good idea at the time, she
started her new Secret Technique.
     Akuma started to charge, eyes glowing red with pure hate,
but he froze in mid step when Athena pulled out a microphone, and
began to sing.
     The song wafted through the air, notes curling pleasantly
around the ears of all who could hear.  A song of love, of peace,
of joy; the sort of music that soothes the savage beast.  The
audience clapped along, laughing, realizing that life was
generally groovy and your brother was your friend, and hugs were
exchanged.  Everybody just felt swell.
     Even Akuma couldn't move.  Something about the music spoke
to him, said, maybe, maybe violence isn't the answer.  Maybe
peace is the key to understanding, and that his ways weren't the
right ones.  Perhaps he shouldn't be doing this, hurting people,
destroying them; what better way to earn respect than through
love and generosity?
     Then he realized this was just the Minmei Defense, and once
he was stunned enough with the message of nonviolence, Athena
would jump him and pound his ass into the ground.  So he got the
jump on her first.
     A few angels carried Athena away on a stretcher to be
healed, as Akuma stood in the center of vision for all present,
kanji for 'Heaven' flaring on his back in purest blood red.  The
little guy had pulled through.

[RESULTS : WINNER SD-AKUMA (34), Athena (33).]

     Skuld tapped her monitor again.  "More of that dark energy. 
Something's up."
     Urd laughed drunkenly, and poured Chin another cup of sake. 
"Awwww, don't worry about it, Skuld.  Sure it's just an anomaly."
     From under his bandages, Chin coughed, and twitched.  "Could
you get me a bigger cup?  This just isn't doing it for me.  If I
don't get out of this soberness soon, I swear, my system's going
to go into shock."
     Urd fetched a 320 oz. Super Big Gulp cup.
     "Oh, that'll do lovely," Chin smiled.



MATCH 14 : ANITA vs. UKYOU

     Anita stood still, looking at Ukyou with cold, uninterested
eyes.  Ukyou stood still, looking back at Anita with puzzled,
confused eyes.
     Neither had moved from their places for about four minutes.
     Ukyou had tried to engage the girl, taking a few feint-
steps, a few test-slashes in the air with her combat spatula. 
Nothing fazed the girl.  She wasn't going anywhere and wasn't
reacting.
     Truth be told, Ukyou was relieved about this, despite her
confusion.  She didn't want to hurt the girl.  She was beginning
to suspect this tournament was for the birds, and didn't care
about the prize; especially not if she had to hurt someone half
her age to do it.
     But as a martial artist, she knew it would be dishonorable
to her and to the girl, if the girl cared about such things, for
her just to turn around and walk out of the ring.  Hence,
indecision.
     Ukyou sighed.  She holstered her combat spatula, and had a
seat.  Might as well get comfortable.
     She was surprised to see the girl take a seat as well,
mirroring her own motions.
     "Hello?" Ukyou tried, experimentally.  No reaction.  Might
as well try reasoning with Anita, she thought.  "Listen... are
you going to fight me?  Because, well, I'm not really sure I
should fight you, but I don't want to make you angry, so... what
do I do?"
     More silence.  Ukyou waited patiently for a reply for a
minute or two, before giving up.
     "Would it... kill you to say something?" she asked.  "What
is it you want?  Why are you in this tournament, anyway?  Are we
going to fight or not?  What do you want??"
     "Want?" Anita asked, quietly.  So quiet Ukyou had to strain
to understand.
     "Yes, what do you want?" she replied.  "Just tell me.  Or
show me.  Your pick."
     Anita showed her.
     Ukyou saw the smaller girl point to her, and wondered what
that could mean, then felt the series of hits all over her body. 
She flung up her spatula in defense, and got brief glimpses of
what it was; doll heads.
     Anita's doll was spewing out plastic heads in a torrent,
directed by her pointing finger.  Ukyou held out her spatula,
blocking the outpouring.  They drove her backwards those
important few feet to the edge of the ring, threatening to push
her out... in a desperate move, she lunged sideways, and swung
her spatula at Anita.
     A couple stray doll decapitations got knocked back to Anita
by the force of the swing, pelting her; one bouncing smartly off
her noggin, bowling her over and turning her lights off.  The
overswing dunked Ukyou into the moat, but not until after Anita
hit the floor.
     "Oops!  I'm sorry!" Ukyou called, fishing herself out of the
pond and running over to Anita.

[RESULTS : WINNER UKYOU (47), Anita (20).]

     "Is she alright?" Ukyou asked, bending down look where
Belldandy was touching Anita.
     "Yes, she'll be fine," Belldandy smiled.
     "Where's she going now?"
     "To the medical building."
     "I'll go with her," Ukyou said, holstering the spatula.



MATCH 15 : KIYONE vs. REMI

     Kiyone watched the strange little musical note bop up and
down, and up and down, and up and down, and over and smacking
into her like a load of bricks.
     The police officer flailed her arms around, but fell to the
ground anyway.  The witch hadn't moved one step; the note did
everything for her.
     "You know, you could give up," Remi said.  "I mean, hey,
it's okay with me.  I have better things I could be doing--"
     Remi's hat got knocked off by Kiyone's blaster.
     "Not a chance," Kiyone flatly stated.
     Remi leaped into the air, note following, and gestured with
her hand; the note formed a giant dagger, which she quickly
jumped on as it shot towards the ground where Kiyone lay prone.
     Rolling quickly, the knife embedded itself in the floor
right where she was a split second ago, and morphed back into the
blobby little quarter note.  Blaster fire was exchanged with
swipes, as Remi grabbed the note and wielded it like a scythe,
deflecting energy shots and trying her darndest to slice Kiyone
to ribbons.
     The two fighters jumped away from each other, panting from
the effort.
     "You're pretty good," Remi said, pleased.  "But I've got
violin practice to get to, sooo..."
     Much to Kiyone's surprise, Remi gestured and the note formed
a large pipe organ, defying convention of mass laws.  Remi
quickly played a short, dark musical number, and much to Kiyone's
horror, it summoned Death.
     You know you're in trouble when your opponent can have a
giant, black-cloaked skeleton carrying a scythe at their command. 
Realizing this was probably going to hurt and trying to think of
something to do to avoid it, Kiyone's mind grasped for something
to do like the hunt for a bar of dropped soap in the bath.
     That's when she noticed the notes Remi played were pretty
familiar.
     "o/~ 'Enter night, exit light?' o/~" Kiyone sang as a reflex
action.
     The reaper paused.
     "o/~ Take my hand, we're off to never never land, o/~" she
finished.
     Remi frowned.  "Hey.  Don't try to control my reaper!"  She
cracked her knuckles and started a new song, more upbeat; the
specter moved faster.
     "o/~ Millions of peaches, peaches for me! o/~" Kiyone
countered, and again the monster stopped.  "HA!  I know your
weakness!  I'm a MASTER at karoke, after endless hours and vast
sums of money spent on it when Mihoshi and I go out after work! 
I can sing ANY song you can play."
     Remi frowned, and played something more obscure.
     "o/~ Bangkok, oriental setting and the city don't know what
the city is getting! o/~" Kiyone sang.
     More music, this time a swing number.
     "o/~ You get a shiver in the dark, it's a-raining in the
park the meantime! o/~"
     A jazzy song.
     "o/~ Because my love for you would break my heart in two, if
you should fall into my arms, tremble like a flower! o/~"
     A weirdly electronic song.
     "o/~ You're the devil in me I brought in from the cold, you
said your body was young but your mind was very old! o/~" Kiyone
mused.  She grinned.  This would be easy.  "There isn't a song
you can think of that I can't sing.  Heck, I could sing it in
eight notes."
     "How about seven?"
     "SIX, even!"
     "Alright, sing this tune!"  Remi fumed and played six twangy
little notes.
     Without hesitating, Kiyone sang out with "o/~ You only got
one finger left, and it's pointing at the door! o/~"
     Remi facefaulted in surprise, organ and reaper vanishing as
her concentration was lost.
     Kiyone spun her blaster, holstered it and pulled out a
microphone. "o/~ We are the champions, my friend! o/~" she sang
in victory.

[RESULTS : WINNER KIYONE (44), Remi (23)]

     Skuld scratched her head.  "Huh?  I'm confused.  What WAS
that song she won with?"
     "Lord only knows," Urd shrugged.



MATCH 16 : MIHOSHI vs. DEVILOT

     The giant pink mecha advanced on Officer Mihoshi, each step
shaking the arena with seismic shocks.  Rotating gun turrets
locked onto her, getting ready to turn her blonde little head
into swiss cheese.
     "OOOOHHHOOHOHOHOOOO!" Devilot's voice echoed over the
robot's loudspeakers.  "My Super-8 is an invention of pure
genius!  Nobody can beat it!  Give up or be squished like a bug
under my kawaii heel!"
     "Kiiyoneee!!!" Mihoshi bawled, crying fountains.  "Waaah! 
I'm scared!"  And with that she opened fire.
     The little shots PINGed and PTAWed off the invincible armor
of the robot with little effect.
     Mihoshi scrambled to her feet and ran away, as the robot
stepped on the spot where she previously stood.  She fumbled
around for her control cube, which was attached to her butt as a
little puffball in traditional fan service fashion, fumbling her
gun at the same time.
     Which is how she managed to scoot the power level on the gun
from 'Safety Stun' to 'Make a Hole in Rock.'
     "Aha!  Got it!" Mihoshi cheered, having grabbed her cube. 
And accidentally dropped the gun.
     The blaster FIRED, in all caps, as the impact on the ground
caused it to go off.  A six foot wide beam of brilliant red
burning hellfire exploded from the nozzle, shooting straight as
an arrow right for the one weak spot in the Super-8's armor,
punching directly through its nuclear power generator and out the
other side.
     A series of loud explosions rocked the arena, as the robot's
various components whizzed through the air, twisted scraps of
red-hot metal whirling for innocent bystanders.  Most got away;
some didn't.  "Oh my GOD!" one exclaimed.  "They killed Kenny!"
     When the smoke cleared, all that was left of the Super-8 was
a pair of 15-foot tall smoking boots, and the escape pod Devilot
had used, which conveniently crashed outside of the ring,
spilling its pilot and her faithful Goons into the watery moat
and causing a ring out.
     "Okay!" Mihoshi cheered.  "Now that I've got my control
cube, I can finally defeat... anooo... moshi moshi?" she asked,
looking around at the wartorn landscape.

[RESULTS : WINNER MIHOSHI (44 votes), Devilot (23).]

     Urd staggered back to her feet, putting out several small
fires in her hair caused by the explosion.  "I think we're going
to need some Bactine down here.  By the gallon."


     God looked down at the smoking ruin that was the arena in
disbelief.  "Wow," he commented.
     "That's all there is to round one, sir," Belldandy said.  "A
good thing, since it'll take Skuld at least a day to repair the
damage..."
     Skuld cried pitifully.


AND SO, AFTER ROUND ONE, THE RESULTS ARE :

ROUND ONE     ROUND TWO     ROUND THREE    ROUND FOUR       FINAL
Dan          \_Dan_________
Michelangelo /             \______?______
Kasumi       \_Kasumi______/             \
P. Toadstool /                            \_______?_____
Popura       \_David_______               /             \
David        /             \______?______/               \
Birdie       \_Splinter____/                              \
Splinter     /                                             \____?____
C. Jones     \_C._Jones____                                /
M.A.D.       /             \______?______                 /
Kuroko       \_Kuroko______/             \               /
Kunou        /                            \______?______/
Mizuki       \_Mario_______               /
Mario        /             \______?______/
Luigi        \_Naru________/
Naru         /

SD-Sakura    \_Nicotine____
Nicotine     /             \______?______
Sakura       \_Sakura______/             \
L. Raptor    /                            \______?______
Chin         \_Vermillion__               /             \
Vermillion   /             \______?______/               \
S. Kensou    \_B.B._Hood___/                              \
B.B. Hood    /                                             \____?____
SD-Akuma     \_SD-Akuma____                                /
Athena       /             \______?______                 /
Anita        \_Ukyou_______/             \               /
Ukyou        /                            \______?______/
Kiyone       \_Kiyone______               /
Remi         /             \______?______/
Mihoshi      \_Mihoshi_____/
Devilot      /             

     Will Mario get revenge on Naru for the beating Luigi took?
     Will Nicotine be able to defeat Sakura.. again?
     Will Vermillion or B.B. Hood prove the better gunfighter?
     Will anybody guess what song Kiyone beat Remi with?
     Will Dan ever not suck?

     All these questions and more, answered, when Round 2 of Magical
Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Tournament BETA arrives at a newsgroup,
mailing list or website near you.