Robert Morrison wrote this one over the summer...he gave me
permission to send it out once I had released part 1.

I've also been writing a bit during this summer; I've just 
finished the first draft of my Evangelion spoof, below. If you'd be 

so 

kind, please take a look over and send back any comments you may 

have. 

Thanks!

Lurker: No problem! Ready guys?

Hikaru: Hai!

Umi: Sure thing.

Fuu: Ee, Lurker-san.

Lurker: Okay! Away we go...

The Sound and the Furry Productions, copyright 6 BC

Hikaru: That sounds so kawaii!

Umi, Fuu: <giggle>

Lurker: <sweatdrop>

 "Shinji-kun, you look a little pale...." Ritsuko looked at the 

plug-

suited lad.

Lurker: Now if she can only find an outlet-suited lad...

Hikaru: <giggle>

Umi: That was lame, Lurker...

Lurker: Well, it could have been worse. I could have said "Insert 
plug A into socket B..."

Magic Knights: <wham-crush-spindle-mangle-mutilate-damage>

Lurker: <roadkill>

 "I...I don't know...I feel...kinda strange again."

Lurker: That not-so-fresh feeling?

Umi: <eyeroll>

 "Baka! Did you forget your soul AGAIN!? You're supposed to hold 

down

the 'RESET' button while you turn the power off!"

Fuu: Well, I guess that means no experience points for him...

 Rei spoke, which sent a chill through just about everyone else. 

Lurker: <shiver> Oh so sexy...

Umi: Excuse me while I retch...

like the exact opposite of how
we felt after eating that _thing_ that Asuka's American aunt sent 

us

for Christmas...you know...that...that 'fruitcake' whozzit."

Lurker, Umi: O_O

Hikaru: Gah...

Fuu: ^_^;;;

 Kensuke's eyes widened. "That was FOOD!? I could have sworn it was 

a

brick!"

Lurker: Could be worse. Akane could have made it.

It was kind of a tingly feeling, like I suddenly got carbonated."

Fuu: I doubt Solo-san would agree with the comparison...

Hikaru: No kidding.

 "A winged anteater," muttered Shinji.

<collective facefault>

 "That thing was more solid than Mount Fuji, man. Well, at least 

before

Suzuhara there sneezed in the cockpit and EVA-03 blew off the 

northern

half of it."

Lurker: Will you get OFF that damn fruitcake already?

Umi: I think he IS that damn fruitcake already.

Hikaru: Umi-chan! <giggle>

 "An anteater."
 "Yes."
 "With wings."
 "Yes."
 Touji scratched his chin thoughtfully. "It must be symbolic," he
declared.

Lurker: Gee, I wonder what that could possibly symbolize...

 "I could have hammered nails with that thing, I KNOW it was that 

hard!"

Lurker: It's a cinch he's not talking about his penis...

Magic Knights: <crush-wham-fold-bend-damage-carnage-harass-torture-
boil-bake-flambe>

Lurker: <Sexy-sounding French dessert>

 Misato stared at the giant purple robot. If she didn't know any 

better,

it seemed like it was thinking. Or maybe it was scratching its 

posterior;

she wasn't quite sure which.

Lurker: Maybe it's...<glances at the three glowering Knights> Urk.

Umi: Don't. Say. It.

The product of the finest human technology. It slices, dices,
and makes julienne fries."

Hikaru: And it comes in four KAWAII colors!

Lurker, Umi, Fuu: <sweatdrop>

 The spa penguin was just coolly standing there, holding a can of 

beer.

"What, you didn't know I can talk? Hey, I was on the design team for 

that

baby." He drank a gulp of beer. "She's a beauty, that one," he 

stated

proudly.

Lurker: <gives Pen-Pen the bird>

Hikaru, Umi, Fuu: <facefault>

 "That's it. No more ham-and-wasabi pizza before I go to sleep."

Fuu: Ham...

Hikaru: And....wasabi?

Umi: <runs for the bathroom, and makes a joyous noise>

 "As she said--it may happen to any of us. We never know." Rei 

lowered

the room temperature by a few degrees. 

Lurker: How could the temperature drop with Rei around? She always 
makes me hot...

Hikaru: <kicks Lurker>

 Shinji attempted to pick up his stack and failed. "What is all of 

this

anyways?"

Lurker: Oh get off yourself, Shinji. Your stack isn't that big...

Hikaru: <bonks Lurker with her sword>

 "Rabbi, are you feeling all right?"
 Ikari Gendou adjusted his yarmulka. "Just some allergies, I think. 

Now

then, turn to page 202. Read carefully over Moses's words riiight 

here...."

Lurker: Oy vey...

 "'That time of month'? I wasn't aware that Rei had a 'that time 

of

month'. She's never _had_ a 'that time of month'. Heck, if women had 

a

'that time of year', Rei would have had to forfeit on account of 

not

showing up. It couldn't be 'that time of month'. Not Rei.

Lurker: <snicker>

Hikaru: Hey! There's nothing funny about *that* time of month!

Umi: Not like you'd know, ne Hikaru-chan?

Hikaru: <scowls at Umi>

Fuu: <sweatdrop times four>

"Um, would you mind not doing that? After what just happened
outside, I'm feeling wary of girls grabbing at my clothing." Wait. 

That

didn't sound right.

Lurker: Oh brother...

Fuu: Lurker-san, you didn't mention that Shinji-san is your brother...


Umi: (mutters) It would explain a lot...

Hikaru: <giggle>

 Rei turned away from the formerly-a-punching-bag-now-stuffing to 

see

Ikari Gendou, tucking away some sort of cloth into his pocket and
running his hand through his hair. She was breathing heavily, doing
marvelous things for her chest.

Lurker: <develops a great interest in Rei's chest>

Hikaru: <notices and honou-no-ya's Lurker>

Lurker: <barbecue>

 "IT'S IN ME!??!?"

Lurker: Enjoy it while you can Shinji. That's the only thing you'll 
ever get in her...

uhh...

Hikaru-chan? Please...please don't do that...no....oh HELL...

Hikaru: SCARLET LIGHTNING!!

Lurker: <ashes>

 "Oh. Gee, who would have figured yin and yang could be so much fun?

"

Lurker: <whams a gong>

Hikaru: <whams a gong>

Fuu: <whams a gong>

Umi: <whams Mokona like a gong>

Mokona: Puuuuuuuuuuu.....

 "That sure was interesting," said Kensuke, warily. The others 

silently

agreed. "Anyways, ah...any ideas on how to...get it back to him?"

Umi: Why do I have a *bad* feeling about this?

Lurker: <shrug>

 "Hey!" Asuka jumped up, making her dress flutter up to some 

rather

indecent heights.

Lurker: <admires the view>

Umi: <whacks Lurker with her sword>

 He sincerely hoped this wasn't going to be anything too weird.

<ominous thunder>

 Finally, Maia and Misato entered the room. He could see Kaji 

beyond the

door they had entered, coughing. Very red in the face, he was. Hmm. 

Oh

well.

Lurker: I knew it...

Fuu: Why do I suddenly smell lemons?

Hikaru: Lemons would be nice right about now.

<Umi and Lurker look at Hikaru strangely>

 Shinji _stood_up_ in his bed.
 "Oh, dear God." He looked at the clock. 3 AM. He shook his head a 

little

and then, with a sigh, slipped back under his covers, and returned 

to

sleep.
 *zzzzzzip*
 "Well, this is it," she said. "Come on."
 Shinji didn't wake up this time.

<collective facefault>

Hikaru: That was strange.

Umi: That was vwry twisted.

Lurker: What a letdown.

 "To tell you the truth, I'm not sure. Why don't you ask your soul,

_she_ started it."

Umi: <imitating Rei's soul> Did not.

Lurker: <imitating Shinji's soul> Did too.

Umi: Did not.

Lurker: Did too did too did too.

 "Maybe she...I'm referring to my soul in the third person...she 

likes

to protect her territory against intruders. I don't know!" The 

anteater

shrugged. Kind of. It shrugged in the way that only anteaters can.

Lurker: Maybe she has an Akane complex...

 Finally, Maia and Misato appeared. Kaji was behind the door...not
coughing, though, just smiling. Maia and Misato were smiling also. 

Shinji

breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn't going to be anything too bad.

Fuu: I smell those lemons again...

<Hikaru's blouse pops open and a half dozen lemons tumble out>

Hikaru: Ah...heh heh...

Umi: I don't want to know.

Lurker: I do!

<wham-crunch-crush-devastation-burn-gale-drench-sadistictorture-
forcedchibiusasexualencounter-swordofdamacles>

 *zzzzzzip*
 Oh, my.

<The Knights blindfold, gag, and tie Lurker, preventing him from 
witnessing this>

 "WHAT!? They're going into MY Unit 02? Why!?"
 Kaji showed Asuka the coin, still sitting on the ground.
 "Oh...."

Umi: Let's just hope they don't make too much of a mess, like that 
time we found Fuu and Ferio in...

Fuu: *cough*

Hikaru: Anou...Umi-chan...urusai...

 Ritsuko took a deep breath and continued. "Now, then. You two...

you two

are going to have to...um. Kiss. And hold it for at least thirty 

seconds,

preferably a little longer."

Hikaru: <snickers>

Umi: <retches>

 Thirty seconds were definitely up by now. Interesting, I feel 

something

soft pressing up against my chest.... Say, why isn't she letting go? 

Wait,

when did she even start to hold on to me? And why are her hands--

HEY!

And.... I'm sure I only have one tongue; what's going...on....

Hikaru: <grinning and eating popcorn>

Umi: <stares at Hikaru incredulously> <whispers to Umi> What's with 
her?

Fuu: <shrugs> Maybe Hikaru-san has hormones after all.

 "Because I'd swear that Unit 02 has a distinctively lecherous look 

on

its face right now."

 "What?"

Umi: <snicker>

Mokona: <slyly> Puupuu puu puu puupuuPUU!!!

 "Shinji-kun," she purred. Rei was purring?

Hikaru: <giggle>

 "You two are such PERVERTS! In MY EVA, too! UGH!! I can't believe 

it!"

Lurker: <finally untied> She just wants some too.

Hikaru: <giggle>

Umi, Fuu: <sweatdrop>

 Rei turned towards the monitor. "What's the matter? Jealous?" She
smirked a bit. Asuka turned even redder, choking on her words.
 "WHAT!?"
 "I'm gonna die," whispered Shinji, glumly.

<applause>

Lurker: That was absolutely hysterical. Good job.






____
------------------------------------------------------------
Ryodachi Kouma
"The Eternal Lost Lurker"
squn29a@prodigy.com
My Web Page is UPDATED! Check it out!
http://pages.prodigy.com/EtLostLurker

no da.


>From Andrew Huang, brought to you by his computer, Oddzilla
Oddzilla says, "Mmmmm...Evanjellydonut...."
http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/~alhuang/
Harvard Anime Society, Secretary