I hope you find this story funny.....Please disregard the spelling and grammar
mistakes. I'm just taking some practice runs with the comedy scene. I wanna try
and break into the habit of tryin' to write a bit more humorous. Well, enough
banter....onto the 'fic.

Enjoy^_^


Jeffrey "OneShot" Wong

Ranma 1/2: A bathroom experience



(Ranma, Akane, Ukyo, and Shampoo, for reasons unknown, are at the mall 
together)

Akane:God, I really have to go to the bathroom. I knew I shouldn't had 
drank that large cup of juice.

Ranma:So, go to the bathroom. Why the hell ya tellin' me?

Ukyo:Yeah, Akane, you go to the bathroom. I'll watch over Ranma honey 
over here.(Glomps)

Shampoo:No. I watch him.(Glomps)

Ranma:.....

Akane:Hmph. I will. It's not like I want to stay here and watch Ranma 
hit on the two of you anyway.

Ranma:What? Are you blind? I'm not the one who's hitting on them. It's 
the complete opposite.

Akane:Yeah, whatever.(Heads toward bathroom)

Ranma:Hey, wait up. I'll walk with you.

Ukyo:Hey, if I have to go to the bathroom, does that mean you'll walk 
me, too?

Shampoo:Aiya. Ranma walk Shampoo also?

Ranma:You've got to be kidding me.(Breaks free from the two girls' grasp 
and follows Akane)

Akane:Why are you coming with me? I know where it is. Why dontcha go 
hang out with Shampoo and Ukyo, since that's what you seem to enjoy the 
most.

Ranma:For the last time, I'm not the one who-

Shampoo:(Glomps again)Why Ranma run away?

Ukyo:You ain't getting away that easily(Glomps)

Ranma:Akane, it's now what you think.

Akane:Hmph. I could care less(Notices the huge line)Damn, I was hoping 
the line wouldn't be that long.

Ranma:Damn, that's one huge line.

Akane:It always seems to be that long for some reason.

Ranma:How come?

Akane:Guess.

Ranma:Hm, girls have a small bladder and hafta go more often. 

Akane:Y-you really think it's because of that?

Ranma:Well, what else? Oh I know.

Akane:What?

Ranma:There are a lot of women in there that are changing their kids 
since that's the woman's job.

Akane:What?!

Ranma:Um.er.I was just kidding.(Thinking)Hm, I guess that isn't it, 
afterall.

You're hopeless.(Sighs)Jeez, this is going to take for ever.

Ranma:If you don't want to wait, go use the men's restroom.

Akane:What?! No way!!! I can't do that.

Ranma:(Shrugs)Okay. You could go wait. I gotta use the bathroom anyway. 
Shampoo, Ukyo, Let go.

Ukyo:Why, Ranchan?

Ranma:I gotta use the bathroom.

Ukyo:So, I'll follow you.

Ranma:NO!!!!

Shampoo:Fine. Shampoo follow.

Ranma:NO!!!!

(Shampoo and Ukyo reluctantly release their hold of him)

Ranma:Thank you. Jeez.(Goes to men's restroom)

(Ranma goes about his business in the bathroom, using one of the 
urinals. Out of nowhere, the door opens and in enters Akane)

Ranma:(Shocked as he nearly pisses on himself)AKANE!!!! What the hell 
are you doin' in here!?!?!? GET OUT!!!

Akane:I can't!!! I have to go now!!! (Quickly runs into one of the 
stalls.)

(The door opens and in walks Shampoo and Ukyo)

Shampoo:(Looking around)Aiya. So this how man's bathroom look?

Ukyo:I've seen the inside of a man's bathroom before, but only when I 
was young, which doesn't really count.

Shampoo:It stink in here.

Ukyo:Well, what can you say. This is a man's bathroom. It's nothing like 
the ones we use.

Shampoo:Shampoo wonder why.

Ukyo:I don't really know the details, but I think it has something to do 
with them `always missing the toilet', whatever that means.

Ranma:(Near panic as he tries to stop himself)W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN 
HERE?!?!?! GET OUT!!!!

Shampoo:Oh, there Ranma.(Glomps)

Ranma:Argh!!!!! Letgo!!!! I'm still pissing!!!!(Piss gets on his pant 
leg)ARGH!!!! LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!!!!!

Shampoo:(Smiles)Okay, I look. What Ranma want to show Shampoo?

Ranma:NO!!!! DON'T LOOK!!!!(Struggles to free himself and ends up 
pissing on his other pant leg)ARGH!!!!!

Ukyo:Hey, Ranma, why're you screaming like that?

Ranma:I'M GETTING PISS ON MYSELF!!!! THAT'S WHY I'M SCREAMING!!!! GET 
OFF OF ME, SHAMPOO!!!!

Shampoo:Shampoo never let go(Hugs tighter)

Ranma:LETGO!!! YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME MISS!!!

Ukyo:Miss? How can you miss? That urinal's huge.

Ranma:UKYO, GET SHAMPOO OFF OF ME!!!!

Ukyo:Shampoo, let go of my Ranchan.

Shampoo:Shampoo never let go.

Ukyo:Okay, if you're not going to let go of him, neither am I.(Glomps)

Ranma:ARGH!!!! I'M GETTING SOAKED!!!!I CAN'T GET IT TO STOP!!!!

Akane:(Emerging from the stall)Much better.(Sees Ranma)What the hell's 
going on here?!

Ranma:Akane, help me!!!! Get them off of me!!!! I-I can't stop.

Akane:Stop what?

Ranma:What the hell do you think?! I'm taking a piss!!!

Akane:.....

Shampoo:Okay, Shampoo let go. Ranma smell funny now.

Ranma:That's because you just made me piss on myself!!!!

(All four girls distance themselves away from Ranma)

Ranma:(Still pissing)Thanks a lot, Akane. Because you came in here, 
Shampoo and Ukyo followed and now I have piss on myself!

Akane:How dare you try and blame me for this?!

Ranma:Blame you?! Of course I'm blaming you! You're the one that came in 
here!

Akane:Baka!!!(Mallets Ranma's back)

Ranma:ARGH!!!! THAT HURT!!! AH, YOU MADE ME PISS ON MYSELF AGAIN!!!!

Akane:Hmph. That's you're fault! 

Ukyo:(Points at silver box near entrance)Hey, Ranchan, what's this?

Ranma:I don't know. I don't care. Goddamn, I now reek of piss.

Shampoo:Ranma could say that for sure.

Ranma:Don't you say a word, Shampoo!

(Ranma jiggles himself a bit before are he finishes his.business. He 
looks down at his drenched pants)

Ranma:Now what am I gonna do? This stuff's probably toxic and would give 
me a rash.

Ukyo:(Still looking at the silver box)Ranchan, what is this?

Ranma:I don't care.

Ukyo:C'mon, tell me.

Ranma:(Looks at box)It's a condom dispenser.

Akane:(Gasps)T-there're c-condom dispensers in the men's bathroom?!

Ranma:Yeah. What's wrong with that?

Akane:That's disgusting.

Ranma:I wouldn't be saying that. 

Ukyo:Why not, Ranchan? That is disgusting. Who would buy c-condoms from 
this.vending machine? It is disgusting.

Shampoo:Ukyo right. It disgusting.

Ranma:So? The woman's bathroom isn't much different than this.

Akane:You've got to be kidding me. This place reeks of urine.

Shampoo:Yeah. Bathroom smell like Ranma smell.

Ranma:What?! Who do you think made me do this?!

Akane:And not only that. The women's bathroom smells quite nice cause 
there's usually air refreshers.

Ranma:So? We have the same thing also. What do you call those little 
blue things in the urinals, huh? They ain't there for show.

Ukyo:It's different, Ranchan.

Ranma:Why are you tellin' me this?! I have to find away to get this 
stuff off my pants.(Walks over to sink)

Shampoo:(Notices glomps of phlegm in sink)Aiya, sink is disgusting.

Ranma:What do you expect? This is a man's bathroom. Jeez.

Ukyo:Well, it's nothing like that in the women's bathroom. The sinks are 
clean and there aren't globs of soap below the soap dispenser.

Ranma:Ukyo, Shampoo, Akane..I don't really care.(Raises his leg onto the 
sink)Damn, I hope this stuff's gonna wash out.(Turns on water)

Ukyo:(Walking over to urinal)So, this is what a man's urinal looks like, 
huh?

Ranma:What?

Ukyo:So this is how a man's urinal looks, huh? I never seen one before. 
I only seen urinals when we went to school together, and those were 
`boy's urinals'.

Ranma:(Shrugs shoulders)Who cares?(Starts washing pant leg)

Ukyo:(Walking back toward Ranma and notices something)Huh? What the 
hell's this?

Akane:What?

Ranma:What?

Ukyo:My feet feel like they stepped in gum. My shoes feel sticky 
underneath.

Ranma:That must be from the urine.

Ukyo:EWWW!!!! THAT'S DISGUSTING!!!

Shampoo:Ha ha!!! Ukyo step in Ranma's urine.

Ukyo:No I didn't I went to a different urinal. How could this be?!

Ranma:.......

Akane:(Glares at Ranma)Well???

Ranma:Well what?!

Ukyo:Is it true? Did I really walk over..urine?

Ranma:Yep. Most guys tend to miss, for some reason.

Shampoo:Like you, Ranma?

Ranma:What?!? I DIN'T MISS!!! YOU MADE ME MISS!!!! Now, I'm stuck here 
tryin' to wash it off! Jeez!!!

Ukyo:Let`s get out of here. This place is horrible. I don't understand 
how you can use a restroom this disgusting.

Ranma:Actually, it's much better than most of the other ones.

Akane:You've got to be kiddin' me! You should see what's in the stalls! 
There's writin' all over the place!

Ukyo:Really? I wanna see!(Heads toward Akane's stall)

Shampo:Shampoo want to see, too!(Follows)

Ukyo:(Looking at writing)Ew, all these writings are disgusting. `For a 
good time call..' The numbers are illegible. Who writes this sorta 
trash? And look there's a reply `Sorry, but that isn't the correct 
number for your mother' This is nothing like the stalls in our restroom.

Ranma:Huh?

Ukyo:The writin' in the women's stalls are nothing like this. They 
usually have something like `My son just ran away from home, what should 
I do?' and there's usually replies like `Call the Runaway Child Help 
Center' or something like that.

Ranma:What? You mean you have conversations in stalls?! Like passing 
notes in class.

Ukyo:Well..I guess.

Ranma:By what you're describing, your women's bathroom seems 
weird.(Finishes washing pants)Man, that oughta do until I get home. Once 
I do, I'm gonna burn these clothes.(Places hand on counter and to get 
leg of counter)Shit!!!

Akane:What? What happened?

Ranma:I just put my hand in a puddle of urine.

Shampoo:Urine? On sink?

Ranma:Every here and there, we have people that hafta go so bad that he 
just pisses in the sink.

Ukyo:Okay, now THAT is disgusting. Are you kidding me?! 

Ranma:Hey, people do that.at least the guys do.

Akane:ONLY the guys do. We would never do something like that. Heck, if 
we make a mess on the sink, we would wash it off before we leave.

Ranma:Really?(Starts washing hands)

Ukyo:Yeah, sometimes, we would clean up the mess even if we didn't use 
the sink.

Ranma:.....

(Ranma finished cleaning his hands)

Ranma:Well, whatever. Let's go.

Akane:Fine, let's go.(Opens the door)

Ranma:What are you doing?!

Akane:What?

Ranma:You just opened the door!!!

Akane:Yeah, so?

Ranma:You just opened the door with your hand.

Akane:(Sarcastically)Hm, I always thought I had to use my hands to open 
a door, but now you confirm my assumption.

Ranma:No. You just touched the handle with your bare hands. 

Akane:Yeah, so? What's wrong with that?

Ranma:Well, after people finish.urinating.sometimes they leave without 
cleaning their hands.and guess what they need to touch to open the door?

Ukyo:DISGUSTING!!!!!

Shampoo:AIYA!!! THAT TRULY DISGUSTING!!!

Akane:(Feeling sick)Ugh.I think I'm gonna be sick.

Ranma:(Shrugs his shoulder)Hey, you wanted to know. 

Akane:Fine, I'll just wash my hands.(Goes to sink)

Ranma:Be careful not to touch that urine puddle over there.

Akane:.....You could have at least cleaned it.

Ranma:Hey, I didn't make the mess. That means I'm not gonna clean it.

Akane: (Starts using sink furthest away from puddle) Fine, I'll use this 
sink

Ranma:Well, it doesn't matter, there's most likely a puddle over there 
also.(Notices something)Actually..you're standing in it.

Akane:(Looks down)EEEKKKK!!!! I'm standing in urine!!!!

Ukyo:Man, I can't believe a bathroom could be this disgusting..

Shampoo:Aiya. Ukyo right. Shampoo never see anything this disgusting.

Akane:Get it off me!!! Get it off me!!!

Ranma:It's not a bug, you know. Besides, it's just shoes. Go out and get 
new ones.

Akane:.......

Ranma:Well, are you going to wash your hand or not?

Akane:Fine.(Starts washing hands)How am I going to get that urine off my 
shoes?

Ranma:Same way I got it out of my pants. Put your feet in the sink and 
turn on the water.

Akane:I think I just may do that.

(Akane finishes washing her hands and then proceeds to wash her feet, 
one foot at a time. Once finished, she turns off the faucet)

Ranma:Um..nevermind.

Akane:Now what?

Ukyo:It's probably something disgusting.

Shampoo:Shampoo willing to bet on it.

Ranma:Well, think about it. After a guy takes.a tinkle.and IF he decides 
to wash his hands, he needs to use the sink.

Akane:Yeah, so?

Ranma:Well, he needs to use his dirty hands to turn the water on.and 
guess what he needs to touch in order to turn the water on before he 
could wash his hand?

Akane:That's disgusting.

Ranma:That isn't the most disgusting. There's always those clogged up 
toilets..

Ukyo:Clogged up toilets?

Ranma:Lettme show you.(Goes to stall and looks in)Nope, not that 
one.(Checks another)Not that one either. Wow, two in a row, a 
record.(Checks another stall)Ah just what I was looking for.

Ukyo:What?

Ranma:Take a look.if you could stomach it.

Ukyo:(Looks into stall)EEEEWWWW!!!!!!! I'M GONNA THROW UP!!!! THAT'S 
SOOOOOO GROSS!!!!!

Shampoo:What?

Ukyo:Why don't you look for yourself?

Shampoo:(Looks)Shampoo leaving. Shampoo never seen anything that 
disgusting before!!!(Turns to leave)

Ranma:Just don't forget to use a napkin to open the door, and don't 
touch the walls. We'll meet you outside.

Akane:(After washing her hands again and shutting faucet with 
napkin)What`s so disgusting?

Ranma:(Grabs Akane's arm)Um.you better not look. Actually I recommend 
so.

Ukyo:Yeah, you really shouldn't look. 

Akane:I wanna see what you saw. Letgo of me, Ranma.

Ranma:Suit yourself.(Let's go)

Akane:(Looks in stall)Oh god!!! Now, I'm really starting to feel sick.

Ranma:It's probably that urine smell. No one should really stay in a 
man's bathroom for prolonged periods of time.

Akane:It`s not the smell. It's toilet clogged with crap.

Ranma:(Looks intently at the toilet)Man, that baby's really backed up. 

(The toilet is back up with human feces. There weren't even any toilet 
paper in the toilet. It was just feces.)

Ranma:Man, that stuff must had came out in clumps.

Akane:.....

Ranma:Man, that must had been in there for a few days. Imagine how bad 
it must had been a few days ago.

Ukyo:What? 

Ranma:Yeah. It's been soaking in that water for a while so it oughta be 
pretty broken up now. I wonder how bad it would be back then.

Akane:That's gross. That's truly, absolutely gross.

Ranma:That stuff must had jutted up outta the water back then.

Ukyo:That's too gross to look at, flush the damn toilet.

Akane:You do it, Ranma.

Ranma:Yeah.right. I'm not gonna touch that handle.

Akane:Fine, I'll do it.(Raises a leg and pushed the lever down with her 
foot)

Ranma:NO!!!!!

Ukyo:What?

Ranma:Get outta here!!! That's gonna overflow!!!

Akane:No it isn't. There's no toilet paper in it.

Ukyo:Oh my god!!!

(The toilet overflows as the water saturated with human feces flows over 
the rim and plops onto the floor in clumps)

Ukyo:(Retreats to safety)Oh no. It's overflowing. Now what are we gonna 
do?

Ranma:(By Ukyo's side)We leave..that's what we do.

Akane:(By Ranma's side)We can't do that.

Ranma:Akane, this is a MAN'S bathroom!!! In a MAN'S bathroom, if you 
leave everything alone..that means LESS bad stuff would happen. Let's 
leave.

Akane:Oh no, the puddle's getting larger!!!(Points)

(The puddle around the stuffed toilet expands)

Ukyo:Okay, I've seen enough. I'm leaving.

Akane:Same here.

Ranma:Let's go.

(Ukyo opens the door)

Ranma:No!!!!

Ukyo:W-w-what? Jeez, you scared me, Ranma.

Ranma:You just opened the door without a napkin. Now your hand is 
filthy.

Ukyo:Fine, I'll go wash it then.

Ranma:Uh.how? That puddle of crap has just spread all the way over to 
the sink. If you wanna wash your hands, you'll hafta stand in that.

Ukyo:......

Akane:I know. Let's go use the girl's bathroom. You could use the sinks 
in there to wash you hands.

(Ukyo and Akane quickly exit. Ranma gets left behind in the bathroom 
because his back was toward the door. He was looking at the sink.)

Ranma:Perhaps you could jump.but to get back-(Turns around)Hey, where? 
No!!!! Ukyo!!! Lettme out!!! I can't touch the door. I can't reach the 
napkin!!!! Help!!!!

(The door never opens. The puddle continues to spread)

Ranma:Eeek!!!! I can't touch the door!!!! If I do, my hands will be 
filthy again!!!!(Looks at growing puddle)That's it, I'm outta 
here!!!(Opens the door and leaves the restroom)

Akane:(Waiting nearby)Man, what took you so long?

Ranma:Thanks a lot, Akane.

Akane:Now what?

Ranma:Why couldn't you keep the door open? I had to touch the door to 
open it, and now my hands are filthy.

Ukyo:Well, do what I'm gonna do. Just use the sinks in the female 
restroom.

Ranma:How? I'm a guy!!!

Akane:(Notices something)Oh my god, that stuff's seeping out from 
underneath the door.

Shampo:Aiya! What that?

Ukyo:You know that stuffed toilet you saw a short while ago?

Shampoo:Yeah. Why?

Ukyo:That's what happened after we flushed it.

Shampoo:Aiya!

Ranma:Akane, Ukyo, Shampoo...

Akane:What?

Ukyo:What is it?

Shampoo:Yes?

Ranma:There are things girls should never see nor know anything 
about..the men's bathroom happens to be one of `em.

(Fade to black)


<End for now>


     I hope you liked it. I hope this story was humorous enough that you 
laughed at least once sometime through the story. First off, I would 
like to say that I own Rumiko Takahashi my thanks for creating such a 
wacky universe that is very easy to explore. Why did I write this? I 
don't really know. The idea sounded a bit unique and humorous at the 
time. I hope it still is. Comments are very welcomed. If you want me to 
write more stories like this, please let me know. I think I should stick 
with drama than comedy. Also, I'm sorry for any spelling or grammatical 
mistakes.


		Jeffrey "OneShot" Wong

<Bye>




-OneShot
Jeffrey Keith Wong: jeffwong@li.net
http://www.rit.edu/~jkw7063/fanfic/index.htm
http://www.li.net/~jeffwong/index.htm
The latter site has been updated on Aug 4th.