On Fri, 05 Sep 1997 09:34:59 -0500, Richard Lawson <sterman@sprynet.com>
wrote:

 As the wedding date approached, they realized they would
need a place to hold the ceremony. For obvious reasons, 
they didn't want to get married in the Tendo house or any
of the other old familiar places. They needed somewhere new.

Umm... call me dense.  What are the "obvious reasons"?  The dojo would
seem a perfect place.

It didn't serve too well last time...

"The best thing is, it's all the way across Tokyo from
where we live," Ranma said. "None of the crazies we usually
deal with will show up. We'll take it."

Oh, is this an "obvious reason"?  Seems rather thin.  Ryoga followed
Ranma to China.  Mousse, Shampoo, and Cologne followed Ranma *from*
China.  Ukyo left Kansai to chase Genma and Ranma.  How's the mere
expanse of Tokyo going to compare to that?  ^_^  Somewhat faulty
reasoning on Ranma's part.  In character, mind you, but faulty.  :)

Murphy's Law rules the Ranmaverse. But it is reasonable to think that
moving the wedding might at least cut down on the amount of
interference. Did it in this story? Probably not. :-)

 She thought about the man she was marrying. He often insulted
and provoked her; but he didn't deserve the way she sometimes treated
him. Did she unconsciously try to hurt Ranma, to get back at Koichi?

An interesting theory.  Yet, how does it explain her yelling at her
father / Kuno / Ryoga / half of civilization?  True, Ranma was the one
she yelled at most often, but she had anger enough for everyone.

Well, anger does displace itself in strange ways. I myself tend to get a
little angry if I get slowed down in traffic, even when I have no reason
to be in any hurry. Probably deep down I'm actually angry at totally
unrelated things and am taking it out on this.

As for Akane, most if not all of her *unjustified* anger seems to be
directed at Ranma, or people who interfere with her "love life" in one
way or another. That includes those who try to push her and Ranma
together, those who try to pull them apart, and others like Kuno who try
to force themselves on her. She does, of course get mad at people like
Happosai and da Principal -- but who doesn't?

She's rarely gotten pissed off at Ryoga. A couple of times during his
early fights with Ranma she hit and/or yelled at the pair of them, but
that's about it as far as I can remember. If she did blow up at the Lost
Boy in particular, I doubt his ego could survive it.

I haven't read the whole series BTW, and am probably forgetting some of
what I have read; so maybe there are instances that go against what I'm
saying.

Mousse momentarily froze in hesitation. He considered what
he could do and what the result would be. His actions in
the next few moments might decide whether or not he would
end up with Shampoo; the most important pivotal point in
his life. It all came down to this....

All well and good until the last sentence.  It's a bit hokey, and
unnecessary.  Just get rid of it, I'd say.

It does belabor the point unnecessarily, I suppose...

Well, this chapter didn't hold my interest very well.  Your last couple
of preludes were much better.

Everyone walked around without much feeling, going through the motions
of a wedding as if they needed to get this plot point over with so they
could go on the the *really* important stuff (like, oh, say "Hearts and
Minds").

I know this is just a "prelude", but you could still stand to make this
much more a story in its own right.  I know you deliberately wanted this
to be an understated wedding, but the emotions of the participants could
be much stronger, even if those emotions aren't articulated.

In short, you have to get *us*, the readers, emotionally involved. 
Otherwise, this seems very dry.

Hope this is helpful to you.

I see what you're saying, and yes, if people are reacting this way to
this chapter then I do need to know it, and I do appreciate the honest
response. I'll work on the wedding and pre-wedding scenes and see what I
can do to increase the emotional impact.

I would like to hear from others on this, too. Those of you who have
read this story, what do you think needs to be done?


Gary Kleppe
kleppe@execpc.com, Home page http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe
My fanfics and the FFML map are on my comics/manga page,
       http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics