As the wedding date approached, they realized they would
need a place to hold the ceremony. For obvious reasons,
they didn't want to get married in the Tendo house or any
of the other old familiar places. They needed somewhere new.
Umm... call me dense. What are the "obvious reasons"? The dojo would
seem a perfect place.
"The best thing is, it's all the way across Tokyo from
where we live," Ranma said. "None of the crazies we usually
deal with will show up. We'll take it."
Oh, is this an "obvious reason"? Seems rather thin. Ryoga followed
Ranma to China. Mousse, Shampoo, and Cologne followed Ranma *from*
China. Ukyo left Kansai to chase Genma and Ranma. How's the mere
expanse of Tokyo going to compare to that? ^_^ Somewhat faulty
reasoning on Ranma's part. In character, mind you, but faulty. :)
She thought about the man she was marrying. He often insulted
and provoked her; but he didn't deserve the way she sometimes treated
him. Did she unconsciously try to hurt Ranma, to get back at Koichi?
An interesting theory. Yet, how does it explain her yelling at her
father / Kuno / Ryoga / half of civilization? True, Ranma was the one
she yelled at most often, but she had anger enough for everyone.
Mousse momentarily froze in hesitation. He considered what
he could do and what the result would be. His actions in
the next few moments might decide whether or not he would
end up with Shampoo; the most important pivotal point in
his life. It all came down to this....
All well and good until the last sentence. It's a bit hokey, and
unnecessary. Just get rid of it, I'd say.
Well, this chapter didn't hold my interest very well. Your last couple
of preludes were much better.
Everyone walked around without much feeling, going through the motions
of a wedding as if they needed to get this plot point over with so they
could go on the the *really* important stuff (like, oh, say "Hearts and
Minds").
I know this is just a "prelude", but you could still stand to make this
much more a story in its own right. I know you deliberately wanted this
to be an understated wedding, but the emotions of the participants could
be much stronger, even if those emotions aren't articulated.
In short, you have to get *us*, the readers, emotionally involved.
Otherwise, this seems very dry.
Hope this is helpful to you.