My apologies, but please let this be the last post on the subject.  If 
anyone in the future asks, answer them privately.

I have a question for all of you here.  How many of you feel hurt and/or 
betrayed by what happened?  If so, why?  Did you tell her secrets you 
didn't want anyone else to know?  Did you feel a friendship with someone, 
only to wonder if it was all a lie?  

I did.  I do.   

Around late February-early March, I went through a serious crisis in my 
life.  I spent two days in bed, doing nothing much save think of the 
x-acto knife in my drawer.  Hitomi was one of the first people I talked 
to about it.  She was very supportive of me, offering me advice and help 
through this crisis, and gave a reprieve from writing "Clothes" until I 
sorted out my problems.  In those discussions, I literally bared my soul 
to her.  

The main thing that hurts in this case is that she was not willing to do 
the same.  

I do not (and cannot) chide her for her transsexualism.  Indeed, I can 
relate to her problem, as I have my own gender identity problems.  
Personally, I am disgusted by the people who criticize her for that 
facet of her being.  Sometimes, the soul and the body disagree, and the 
mind is left to sort the dilemma out.  If you cannot understand, at least 
do not condemn out-of-hand.  I deal with far too many here at school who 
do precisely that.  

If anyone else here wishes to comdemn her, you will have to go through 
me.  I can say with some assurance that my claim is far stronger than 
yours, and, if anyone is to hand her a tanto blade, it will be me.

If you wish to verify who I am, ask anyone who saw me at A-Kon 7 or 8, 
or who have known me from school.  I am (and remain)

Nicholas Leifker

email:                         nwl9354@unix.tamu.edu
homepage (with picture!):      http://http.tamu.edu:8000/~nwl9354