Let me know what you think of this. Not just C&C; if you read it and 
liked it, please drop me an e-mail and say so. I can always use more 
encouragement.

I hope everyone enjoys this, and has a laugh or three at some of the 
references I drop. There's even one to someone else's Tenchi fanfic 
in here.

There are two scenes (you'll know when you get to them) where I do 
just a little bit of editorializing. They come straight from the 
heart. I'd like to think they speak for a few of my fellow otaku as 
well, and that they aren't preachy. 

And if anybody wants to be the man (or woman) reading the newspaper 
in the second of those scenes, and you live where the scene takes 
place, let me know. I'll write in some minor details in the person's 
description so that you'll know it's you, before I post this to 
r.a.a.c.

Enough talk. On with the story. May you enjoy reading it as much as I 
enjoyed writing it.

...

No Need For Piracy

Dedicated to all those who dare to break the rules, who fly their own
flag, and who love the stars.


     "There is a light that
      Shines on the frontier,
      And baby someday
      We're gonna be there,
      Pirates, yeah,
      Pirates.
      And on a dark night
      When you feel lonely,
      And when the world just
      Can't understand you,
      Pirates, yeah,
      Pirates."
        - "Pirates", Tori Amos


"...nor will we seek help from anyone," vowed the space pirate Captain
Harlock, as the violins wept sorrowfully for his departed Maya. "Never
again will we fight under another's flag. We will keep on fighting,
only for what we believe in, under only our flag, for as long as we
live. Under my flag!"

Harlock faced each of his companions in turn, then swept his hand
forward and pointed dramatically.

"Waga Seishun no Arcadia-oh - hassheen!"

"Queen Emereldas-oh - hassheen!"

Sasami, princess of planet Jurai, sat on the couch petting Ryo- oh-ki
and munching popcorn as the orchestra swelled triumphantly, the ships'
engines fired, Jolly Rogers flew by, and the singer sang of setting
out to chase his dream in solitude. On her head Sasami wore a
jauntily-feathered pirate hat, one of Tenchi's childhood cast-offs,
and the eyepatch that went with it, though it wasn't covering an eye.
Across her knees lay one of Tenchi's bokkens.

"Citizens of Earth," ranted a bald and mustached man, "the lawless
ones have gone! Let us combine our strength with Illumidus, and once
again build a paradise on Earth..."

Ryoko, the galaxy's most-wanted space pirate, sat lotus-style,
floating sideways above and behind Sasami's head, occasionally
reaching down into the popcorn bowl to grab a few kernels. She tossed
one idly and with perfect aim at the ugly screaming face, and it
bounced off the TV screen to land on the floor.

Harlock stood at the Arcadia's helm, red cape and black skull-
and-crossbones waving behind him. "Oh, you fools! Dance to your
hearts' content in that small world of yours! Our world is the whole
of space!" And as the credits rolled, two ships - one black and red,
the other mostly green - sailed off into "space, oh frozen sea of
stars."

Sasami turned her head and looked up. "So, is that what it's like to
be a space pirate, Ryoko? It looks cool!"

"Well, I've never flown a flag like that one," replied Ryoko. "Only
Earthlings do that. But it does look nice, now that I think of it."
Ryoko paused for moment. "Harlock didn't seem to enjoy himself much,
though. He was so *serious*. It's more like a game, for me, Sasami."

"But you battle the people who try to tell you what to do, and you
don't fight by the rules?"

"Uh-huh. `That's the way a pirate fights.' They got *that* right. And
then there's stealing stuff, too." Her eyes gleamed when she thought
of it. It had been a while since she'd practiced her profession.

"I wish I could try it sometime," mused Sasami. "It really sounds like
lots of fun."

"Oh, it was... I mean, *is*," agreed Ryoko. Come to think of it, she
didn't have anything planned for tonight. *Hmmm... well, why the hell
NOT?*

"How about right now, Sasami?" she suggested.

"You really mean it, Ryoko?" gasped Sasami, her eyes wide.

"No time like the present."

Minutes later, about five thousand feet over the Masaki residence,
Ryo-oh-ki hovered, eagerly waiting to depart.

"Care to do the honors, Sasami-chan?" offered Ryoko with a smile.

Sasami's face beamed. She pulled the patch down over one of her eyes
and raised the bokken high in salute.

"Ryoko no Ryo-oh-ki, hassheen!"

Somewhere not very far from snow-covered Fuji-san, two F-16J fighters
cruised through the skies. The lead plane was piloted by Major Toda
Hiro-Matsu, a much-respected officer almost to retirement age, known
to his peers as Iron Fist. His wingman was Lieutenant Kasigi Omi.

Omi gripped the control stick as if it were a katana and he were a
samurai from the days of bushido, when rival daimyos vied with steel
and trickery for the Shogunate. Flying so high and fast, with weapons
beneath his wings, always made him feel that way.

And maybe, in a previous life, I was, he thought to himself.

He was thinking of his girlfriend Kiku-san, and thus not paying much
attention, when something huge with no running lights roared over them
from behind, almost knocking the two JSDF planes out of the sky with
the violent turbulence in its wake.

After he regained control of his aircraft, Omi shook his head in
disbelief and checked his radar.

Nothing.

"What was *that*, Toda-shousa?" 

Hiro-matsu thought for a moment. A huge flying crystal with spikes
like rabbit ears? If he reported *that*, they'd say old Iron Fist was
seeing things, and they'd take him off flight status for sure. There
was no way he was going to let *that* happen, not after he'd managed
to hide his worsening arthritis during his last physical. 

"What was *what*, Kasigi-nii?" he asked calmly.

The space close to Terra was eerily empty and subdued. Satellites
swung through their various monotonous orbits like corpses drifting
with the currents, but no objects moving under their own power could
be seen. Nothing vibrant and *alive*. Ryo-oh-ki alone swam near this
shore of the frozen sea of stars. 

"It's really sad to look down there and not see anything taking off,"
commented Sasami. "Washuu says that sometimes they go *weeks* without
launching anything." She pressed her nose up against the window. "Poor
Earth people."

"Yeah, you're right. It *is* a bit too quiet for me," agreed Ryoko
with a sigh. "Don't worry. They'll decide to come out eventually.
Tenchi seemed to like it, after all."

"Except when Aeka got upset and rammed you."

"Well, there was *that*..."

"And the time Ryo-oh-ki..."

"Oh. Yeah." Ryoko winced. "Don't remind me. I'm really sorry about
what she did to your ship, Sasami"

"Miyyaaa..." apologized Ryo-oh-ki.

Sasami smiled. "I don't mind, now. I'm happy about it. If she hadn't,
Aeka and I wouldn't be with you and Mihoshi and Kiyone and Washuu and
the Masakis." Sasami petted the crystal surface of the cabbit-ship's
interior affectionately. "I don't think it was the carrot. Ryo-oh-ki
knew how much we'd miss you, so she made sure we'd stay. I'm glad she
did." She looked up towards the ceiling. "Thank you, Ryo-oh-ki. Please
don't feel bad about it."

"MIIYYAAA!!!" replied the cabbit-ship happily.

"So, what are we going to steal, Ryoko?"

Amber eyes glanced in vain about the graveyard-still void that wrapped
the blue-green planet. "I don't see anything *to* steal, Sasami. Just
satellites. And cutting off someone's ESPN service won't be any fun...
Wait a minute! *There's* something launching!" Ryo-oh-ki's sensors
focused on a tiny object over central Asia struggling weakly out of
the gravity well.

"It looks like it's headed towards that white thing with all the shiny
black panels on it," observed Sasami.

"Aha! I forgot, the Earthlings *do* have *somebody* out here." Ryoko
grinned her best predatory grin. "And I'll bet that's their supply
ship. We may get to do some pirating after all, Sasami- chan." A
Terran space-crewman's lunch might not be the most valuable cargo
she'd ever taken, but at least it was *something*.

Station commander Vasily Tsibliev carefully watched the monitors, his
hands ready above the controls. "Progress-M on final approach. Stand
by for automatic docking sequence, Mir," crackled a voice in his
headset.

"Da, Kaliningrad. Standing by," responded Tsibliev, keeping a close
eye on the craft's trajectory. High above him, other eyes watched the
Progress-M as well.

"OK! Ryo-oh-ki, let's see what's in there!" ordered Ryoko.

The screen slowly scanned down the length of the inside of the
Progress-M looking for anything worthy of being called "loot."
Assorted spare parts. Bags of pretzels. Glass bottles of liquid
labeled "Brewski". Containers of freeze-dried carrots. Canisters of
borscht. Lots and lots of Tang...

"Miyaaa...?" The picture stopped moving and whipped back.

Containers of freeze-dried carrots.

"Uh-oh," cringed Ryoko and Sasami, looking at each other and sweating.

"MIIYYYAAA!!!!"

"NO, RYO-OH-KI, DON'T!!" yelled Ryoko as the ship accelerated towards
its carrot-bearing target and, beyond it, the space station Mir.
"THOSE ARE *FREEZE-DRIED* CARROTS! YOU WON'T LIKE THEM!"

"MIIYYAAA????" she asked, skeptical, still streaking towards the
unsuspecting and about-to-become-orbital-debris Earthlings.

"Just veer off, and I'll get you some real ones once we land!"

"MIIYYAA?"

"*Yes*, I promise! Now change course before you hit them!"

"MYAA MIIYAA MIIYYAAA!!" Ryo-oh-ki swerved and swept through a wide
parabolic arc around the two Russian craft, its passage inducing a
powerful electromagnetic pulse streaming outward. Instantly the wave's
energy blotted out all other transmissions in the area, including the
signal controlling the Progress-M.

"Nichevo!!" swore Tsibliev as his headphones shrieked into his ears.
He looked back at the monitors and his face went pale. The Progress
was headed straight at them! "Abort! Abort! Kaliningrad, abort!!"
Frantically he stabbed at the button to manually fire the braking
thrusters.

"It's going to hit!" yelled Lazutkin. "Brace yourselves!"

The supply craft slammed into the Spektr module, rocking the entire
station. Lights flickered and alarms screamed.

The ear-splitting noise in Tsibliev's headset faded out, replaced with
static and the voice of ground control. "...status. Repeat, we had
communications interference, Mir. Report status."

"Yob' tvoyu mat', Kaliningrad! You almost killed us!"

"Ouch!" winced Ryoko in sympathy, observing the aftermath of the
collision.

"We didn't hurt them, did we, Ryoko?" asked Sasami, her voice full of
concern.

"I'll go over and check," assured Ryoko. She floated out through
Ryo-oh-ki into space, and flew towards the Earthling's space station.

Tsibliev rested for a moment, calming himself after the terror- filled
moments when everyone aboard was sure they were about to become the
first people from Earth to die in space. He decided to look out one of
the windows to enjoy the view.

It was a very different view than he was used to.

There was someone floating outside. And it wasn't there usual visitor.

Which was too bad. Some pretzels and a Brewski would have been really
good, after all that excitement.

There was a girl outside. Without a spacesuit. And she looked like she
was alive. There was something strange about her eyes, and he'd never
seen anyone with that color hair before, but both of those details was
dwarfed by the bizarreness of someone apparently not bothered by the
absence of air.

She smiled at him and waved.

He waved back.

Then, for some reason, his eyes were drawn to the plunging neckline of
her blouse.

Tsibliev's heart began to thump unsteadily in his chest as blood
squirted out of his nose and floated in zero-gee.

He grabbed the closest absorbent object to start soaking up the red
liquid globs floating around. Hoping he could catch them all before
they got into the ventilation system, he worked frantically, cursing
under his breath. But he was smiling.

Now *those* were *bolshoi*!

He shook his head, berating himself in disgust. *You've been up here
far too long, Vasily. Not only are you seeing women, you're seeing
women with yellow eyes and green hair*.

Ryoko floated back to her ship. The Earthling's reaction had reminded
her that she definitely needed to bring Tenchi out here the next
chance she got. Alone. She grinned as she materialized back inside
Ryo-oh-ki.

"Are they going to be OK, Ryoko?" asked Sasami. "Should we go give
them some extra air?"

"Nah. They'll be fine, Sasami," replied Ryoko. "As long as they don't
turn off their life support system, or something stupid like that."

"So, what are we going to do next? That supply ship didn't have much
in it. I thought pirates are supposed to steal expensive things from
rich merchants, and stuff like that."

Ryoko meshed the fingers of her hands and rested her chin on them as
she sat down in mid-air and thought. "Hmmmm..." Rich merchants...
expensive stuff...

Back on the Mir, Lazutkin turned away from one of portals, his voice
excited. "Come quick, Vasily! Someone's outside the station!"

"Oh, so you've seen her, too?" asked Tsibliev.

Lazutkin looked at him strangely. "`Her'? No, come and see!"

They both looked out into space. When he saw who it was, a wide smile
broke on Tsibliev's face. The two cosmonauts looked at each other,
grinning with intense happiness.

"Pretzel Boy!"

Shin Kazuma guided his Tigershark over the burning sands of war- torn
Asran, conversing by radio with his new squadronmates - one American
F-14 pilot, call-sign "Maverick" (which apparently meant "Disorderly
Horse", or something like that), and four guys in black F-5's from a
country "somewhere near the Indian Ocean." 

"So, Maverick-san, you joined up to follow the tenets of your
religion?" 

"Yeah." It was true. This was the only way he afford the fees.

"Well, whatever you believe in, pray to it now. Zero-Zero section,
bandits inbound. Below us, twelve o'clock, twenty klicks out. Attack!"

Missiles sped in both directions between the closing swarms of
fighters, blasting some to pieces in mid-air, sending others to fall
out of the sky and explode against the ground. The two groups of
jet-propelled adversaries merged in a huge aerial melee. Heat-seeking
missiles streaked and automatic cannon blazed. They transformed more
planes into red-orange fireballs or tumbling, burning coffins
spiraling down with their screaming pilots inside. Still the aircraft
continued to buzz around each other in a huge furball.

Back up in orbit, space pirate Ryoko smirked as her enemies, the
forces of law and order, approached.

She wasn't worried. She knew these people, after all. She waited for
them to appear on the screen.

"Hi, Ryoko! So, watcha doin' up here?" chirped Mihoshi ditzily, as she
waved and smiled.

Ryoko and Sasami waved and smiled back.

Next to Mihoshi, Kiyone gritted her teeth and glared at her partner.
"Ryoko, did you just damage that Terran space station? Interfering
with primitive worlds is a serious crime under Galatic Law article..."

Ryoko interrupted her. "No. They got hit by their supply shuttle. In
*fact*, I just went over to see if they needed help."

Kiyone's expression was skeptical, but looking at the Earthling's
station, it *was* obvious that the puncture in it's hull was about the
right size for an impact with the other ship that floated next to it.

"Hey! That hat looks cute on you, Sasami," observed Mihoshi.

Kiyone's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What are you doing up here with
Ryoko, Sasami?" she asked.

"Ryoko's showing me how to be a space-" started Sasami, before Ryoko
frantically clamped her hands over Sasami's mouth. 

"Just flying around, having a little fun. Not planning to do anything
illegal. No, not at all! Gotta be going!" said Ryoko nervously.

"Take us *down*, Ryo-oh-ki," she ordered under her breath.

"What was that?" asked Kiyone.

"Nothing. Nothing at all. `Bye now!"

"Wait a minute, Ryoko! Where do you think you're going?"

"To get some fuel."

After the screen blanked out, Mihoshi and Kiyone looked at each other
in bewilderment.

"Fuel?" asked Kiyone.

"Maybe she's going to go buy some carrots," suggested Mihoshi.