At 04:59 AM 28/08/97 -0400, Eric Adams wrote:

A couple of points on your story.  First off is at the beginning it gets
a little confusing with the number of he's and his's you throw around
and it can get a bit confusing as to who you are talking about.

(Grins) Yes, it does. I figured the pros to using that form outweighed
the cons. I had to sort of rely on my prereaders for judgement on how
confusing the pronoun use was, most said they didn't find it confusing.
It affects things subtly, I don't think I could change it now.

Also, while its understandable that Ukyou had some pretty harsh concerns
growing up the conclusions seem very out of place for a six year old to
have made, and it was implied but not really explored that her father
may have had a role to play in that decision.

Many of the things mentioned won't actually be explored. I think it
makes it more interesting, especially in the context of a story that
has been written from a very non-descriptive POV. Readers can imagine
the gaps.

Finally, I have to admit that I found a bit hard to accept that 13 year
olds were acting the way they were.  Especially some of the
conversations, and what is Ukyou doing living alone?  Is that natural in
Japan?  While I'm not whining about realism in fanfic stories or
soemthing some elements can be a bit hard to swallow no matter how much
you suspend your disbelief.

Ranma, Ukyou, and Ryouga are just not normal children. Despite their 
petty bits, they have all sort of been forced to grow up by their 
situations. None of the other characters, not the Tendos, probably
not even the Amazons, have had the rough life of Ryouga, Ranma, and
(I presume) Ukyou. Well, maybe Konatsu, but he doesn't count. So, the view
that the three kids are prematurely "adult" is the view I wrote their 
conversations from.

It's not overly normal for children to live alone, no. But, kids are
left alone all the time if their parents/guardians travel for business,
Japan included.

Of course you made want to totally choke Genma at the end, at least
until those beady little eyes of his pop out of his head, roll across
the floor and are squashed by an errant monkey.  Yes... umm... well...
gotta go.

Another person to eagerly defend Genma... ^_^

Appreciate the comments, they were interesting.

************  
Mark Doherty  -  mdoherty@mailbox.uq.edu.au
The Weekly FFML Synopses Lists are at:
http://www.uq.edu.au/~zzhdoher

My fanfics will be back on the web sooner or later.

"Kawaii must die."