On 25 Aug 97 at 23:56, C. Wong wrote:

[Scene opens at the dinning room of the Saotome Mansion.  Nodoka is leisurely reading a
magazine as Genma simply lies on a couch and does nothing.  Kodachi, with a white apon over
her black and red leotard, is arranging a banquet of black roses at a corner of the room.  Genma

[...]

AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Wild-eyed, foaming at the mouth rant mode ON]

PLEASE make sure that the length of a line of text doesn't exceed 72 
characters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It's _VERY ANNOYING_ to have 
to keep scrolling the screen back and forth to read all of the 
lines!!!!!!!!!!!

[Wild-eyed, foaming at the mouth rant mode OFF]

Genma [rubbing his eyes even though there is no tears]: Even though you're my own son. . . . [he
suddenly takes out a whip as his gi changes into a domanatrix outfit] For this grave offence, I
shall punish thee!

Genma in a dominatrix getup??  I think I'm going to be ill.... :)
 

Ranma [looking pained]: Farewell, my . . . dutiful parents.  Not till Akane is wed to another shall
your strayward son return!

I think you mean 'wayward'.
 

Kurumi: Actually, COLOGNE is the one who is the constant villain in fanfic-land.

Shampoo [hotly]: That no Hiba-chan's fault!  It fault of fanfic-writers with prejudice to us
Chinese Amazons!  Hiba-chan honorable woman in original series, understanding and wise, and
people insult her obviously no read actual manga! 

Kurumi [looking thoughtful]: Or maybe they see her abilities as being too scary, and considers
her a threat to the Ranma / Akane pairing?  She does seem to be set on forcing you upon Ranma
in the original series.

Shampoo: Brrrr!  That no hold water!  She almost neutral in matter.  In original series,
Hiba-chan had helped Ranma unconditionally time after time when he desperately in need.  Not
even
once had she take oppotunity to try snare Ranma for Shampoo.  She even not help Shampoo and
Ukyou at wedding bombing in final episode!  Had she really helped Shampoo as much as fans
like believe, Shampoo already Airen's bride as meant to be!

Ukyou: Hey, watch it, Shampoo!  I'M the one who is getting Ranchan in this fic!

Shampoo [grumbling]: Shampoo know, no need be touchy. Back to topic: NO ONE DARE
PAINT HIBA-CHAN BLACK IN FANFICS!  Anyone who does so shall be cursed to choose
least perfect of all suitors, be hated by all rivals, get beat up by neurotic cry-baby man for
slime-ball father's faults-  

:>

I see your point, although perhaps you're belabouring it a little. :)
 

[Cut to a small cave by a mountain that is obscured by heavy shrubs 
at its entrance, where Ukyou and Kurumi are now sitting on a rug 
placed under the dim glow of an upside down electric touch hanging 

Electric touch?  Is that what Lum does? :)

Ukyou [sulking]: Great.  Here I am, a suppositely angust-filled 
heroin tortured by unkind fate . . . now cowering within a mosquito 

You mean she's a kind of drug? :)

dent.

Yeah, I know.  I've dented a few mosquitoes over the course of the 
summer too.  Or are you talking about Arthur Dent's hillbilly cousin? 
:)

[With that, he begins to brawl in a Soun-like manner.  Soun quickly

Well, I suppose they trained together under the same 'master' - it 
only stands to reason that they might brawl similarly. :)

[Pretty soon, the ninja begin to shoot shrunkens and darts after the

                                         ^^^^^^^^^
I take it that these are much smaller than the ordinary variety? :D

girl, which of couse doesn't go too well with the cops.  Pretty 
soon, a fight consisting of flying shrunkens and sooming bullets 
erupts even as the chase continues.  Seeing that, Sister Hinako 
immediately takes out a -yen coin and thrusts it through the 

                          ^^^^
I have a yen to know just how many yen this coin was. :)

car-window.]

[CRASH!!!]

Oops! Maybe I should have rolled the window down first! :)

[Mr. Kuonji turns to Ukyou, who gives him a pleading look.  He turns
back to his wife, and sees the same look on her face.  He pounders 

He pounders?  I thought that was Akane's job. :)

[Genma begins to brawl as Kodachi sighs in resignation.  Ranma and

He's brawling again?  Well, the truce sure lasted a long time! :)

---

Well, this almost turned into an MSTing.  Well, anyways, I like the 
story, but, as usual, it needs a lot of touching up.

- Sean Connor (sec@frodo.com)  
 
        "It jams." - Intel TV ad, referring to the Pentium chip.