*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
      (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)


(The future isn't what it used to be....)


"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7"

EPISODE 6: TRANSITIONS

(A Nuku Nuku MSTing)

MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 and Jeffery "Oneshot" Wong

This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.  
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment 
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or 
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.

Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are 
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc....

All Purpose Cat Girl Nuku Nuku is the property of Yuzo Takada and all
the distributors of his work.

"Transitions" is the property of Richard Lawson and he's welcome to it. 
I do not intend to offend him for making fun of his work like this but I 
figure no one else ever will and besides, I was double-dared.  Anyway, 
think of this as another form of C&C.  ;)

Special thanks to Fanfic_GT for challenging me to do this MSTing.
All blame for the suggestion can be cheerfully attributed to him.  :)   


A BORG CUBE 
22:10 P.M.


	The random hiss of the steampipes broke the deafening silence
as Joel Robinson carefully walked down the hallway, photon phaser at 
the ready.  His eyes were cold and hard as he glanced around him, looking, 
listening, waiting....

	He soon came upon the body of a dead Borg, it's face frozen in 
terror.  Joel paid it no mind as he continued his search, forcing himself
not to react to the stench, the disgusting stench that seemed to hang in the
air and assault his senses.  The smell of death.

	To Joel's surprise, he found himself laughing inwardly.  To think
that a cold and utterly ruthless race such as the Borg, a race that had 
assimilated countless other species and made them part of their collective, 
could be so utterly dominated by this new threat....

	Just then Joel heard a noise behind him.  Keeping his cool, Joel
listened carefully as the intruder came closer....and closer....it's footsteps
clanking heavily on the floor, metal grating on metal....

	"Hey Joel!  Any luck yet?"

	Joel sighed and turned around to face Crow T. Robot, who was
eating a peanut butter and banana sandwich.  "Will you get out of here 
already!  You're killing the mood!"  Joel snapped.

	"Well, eeeeexcuse me!"  Crow replied sarcastically as he lumbered
off in another direction.  Meanwhile, Joel had continued his search up the
corridor and soon found himself in front of a steel door.  Taking careful 
aim with his rifle, Joel adjusted the settings and then fired off a shot that
completely disintegrated the door.  After a few tense moments, Joel decided
it was safe to go in....

	The room was dark and cold, without any light source.  Joel 
remedied that by turning on the flashlight attachment to his phaser rifle.  
A white beam of light shot forward into the darkness, illuminating all in
it's path.  "I feel like I'm in a Speilburg picture...."  Joel muttered to 
himself as he aimed the powerful flashlight along the walls, trying to 
find evidence of the aliens that had made mincemeat of the Borg....    

	*BANG!*

	Joel instantly whirled towards the source of the sound, the 
flashlight illuminating what appeared to be a metal cabinet of sorts.  
Cautiously, Joel approached it, not wanting something nasty to spring 
out and catch him unprepared.  Then, to his surprise, he heard a voice
call out to him.

	"Joel!  Help me, Joel!  I'm stuck!"

	Joel rolled his eyes and lowered the rifle to the ground.  "Tom,
how did you manage to get stuck in a cabinet?"

 	"Uhh....Well, I had planned to surprise you from here but the 
stupid computer lock for this cabinet decided to stop functioning.  That 
*bang* you heard was me trying to get the jump on you, only the door
didn't open....heh...."  The voice of Tom Servo replied sheepishly.    

	Joel felt a smile cross over his features.  "Guess that means you
won't be coming out anytime soon...."  he replied as he turned to leave.

	"Wait!  Hey!!  Don't leave me here!!!  I'm....I'm claustrophobic!
Tom's voice begged.
	
	"Tom....You're a robot.  You're not programmed to be 
claustrophobic."  Joel pointed out.

	"I've evolved beyond my original programming to include 
psychological disorders, OKAY?!?  Now let me out of here!!!"  Tom's 
voice was approaching the edge of panic.

	"Beg me."  Joel replied.

	"Why you....!"  Tom banged himself against the door of the 
cabinet several times before stopping.   "All right....You win.  Can you 
let me out of here, Joel, please...."

	"Say, pretty please with hamdingers on top."  Joel insisted, 
clearly enjoying himself.

	"Pretty please with hamdingers on top?"  Tom's voice repeated. 

	"Oh, all right."  Joel replied as he reached for the door only to 
find no sign of how it could be opened.  "Where are the controls for this
thing?"

	"Over by the nearest wall."  Tom's voice replied.

	Joel made his way over to the controls, still chuckling to 
himself.  "You know, Tom, you could have simply asked Magic
Voice to delete the cabinet so you would be free again...."  Joel remarked
as he pushed a few buttons....

	For a brief moment, Joel could only hear the sound of a sliding
door opening above his head and then before he could react, thousands
upon thousands of face hugging, acid bleeding, fang bearing, TRIBBLES 
fell from the hidden storage compartment right onto him.  Joel never stood
a chance as they engulfed him with many times the speed of a school of
piranhas.  The last thing Joel hear, besides the screeches of the murderous
tribbles, was the sound of Tom's voice.... 

	"End Program...."		


*	*	*


THE HOLOCABANA


	Joel glared at Tom.  "That was a dirty trick!"

	Tom was still laughing as he spoke.  "All's fair in Love, War
and a game of Tribble Hunter.  Besides, what if I really DID have 
claustrophobia?  You were pretty sadistic there with me, Joel...."    

	"I had a good teacher."  Joel replied sarcastically as he rose to
his feet.  Then he noticed something and looked around the holocabana.
"Where did Crow go?"

	Tom seemed to notice his disappearance at the same time as 
Joel.  "I dunno.  Maybe he decided to go back to the bridge?"

	Joel shook his head.  "We would have noticed the exit being 
called.....Crow!  You here?"  Joel called out.

	"I hope nothing bad happened to him...."  Tom said with a note
of worry in his voice.

	Joel turned away from Tom and walked towards the intercom, 
intending to call Gypsy on the bridge and have her scan the ship when 
a feeling of deja-vu suddenly came over him.  "Say, Tom...."

	"Yeah?"  Tom replied.

	"Why don't you come over here and call the bridge?  I'll search
the hallways outside for him...."  Joel said.

	Tom bigsweated.  "Uh....er....why can't you do it?  You're 
closer and your arms work better than mine do...."

	Joel didn't answer him as he began sniffing the air.  Then he
slowly began walking towards the opposite end of the wall.

	"Joel?  What are you doing?"  Tom inquired nervously.

	Suddenly, Joel lashed out with his hand and gripped something
tightly.  He was rewarded with a muffled cry of protest as Tom sighed
and sadly muttered.  "Magic Voice, end program again.     	

	The holocabana seemed to shift slightly and then Crow magically
appeared out of nowhere, his mouth still being firmly grasped by Joel.  
"Nice try, guys.  But I'm not stupid enough to fall for the same trick 
twice.  Besides, the peanut butter smell gave you away."  Joel admonished 
as he finally released Crow's mouth.

	"Oh well...."  Crow shrugged.  "One out of two ain't bad...."

	Suddenly Gypsy's voice rang out over the intercom.  "Guys, come 
up here quick!  Sensors are picking up some kind of rift opening up 
nearby!  

	"A rift?"  Tom and Crow repeated.

	"We'd better get up there guys...."


*	*	*


SATELLITE OF LOVE


	"It just appeared out of nowhere!"  Gypsy exclaimed as she 
gestured frantically at her controls.

	"Cambot!  Give me Rocket Number 9!"  Joel commanded as the
viewscreen soon came to life.... 	 

	True to Gypsy's word, there was a large purple-like mist that 
was expanding rapidly nearby.  Crow stood next to Joel while Tom 
hovered nearby.  

	"It looks like....some sort of cosmic distortion."  Crow said. 

	"Cool!  Just like Star Trek!"  Tom added excitedly.

	"Maybe a star went supernova?"  Joel suggested.

	"Or it could be the beginning of a new galaxy...."  Crow 
remarked.

	"Look!  There's something coming out of it!"  Gypsy 
exclaimed.

	Everyone leaned in close as an object began to emerge from the
very center of the distortion.  It was hard to make it at first but as more 
of it became visible, it began to take shape....

	"I have a bad feeling about this...."  Joel muttered to no one in
particular.

	"Is that a ship?"  Tom inquired, trying to make out the design.

	"If it is, we may just have our ticket home!"  Crow replied 
excitedly.

	Joel found it hard to be enthusiastic after so many failed  
escape attempts.  But as the mysterious thing began drawing nearing to 
the satellite of love, Joel found himself hoping that his two robot 
creations were right....

	"Should I hail them, Joel?"  Gypsy asked.

	"Uh....sure!"  Joel blurted out.

	Gypsy activated the communications grid and within moments,
sent out a greeting.  There was a long pause, everyone was tense as they
awaited a response, any response....

	Then Gypsy spoke again.  "I think we're getting a...."


*	*	*


THE UNIVERSE SHIFTS....DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN THAT
HAPPENS? 


*	*	*


THE SATELLITE OF HATE


	"It's gone!"

	Joel turned to face Gypsy with a scowl.  "What do you mean it's 
gone!!  No ship that goofy looking has a cloaking device, does it?!?"	
	
	"All I know is there's no sign of the ship that was there.  It 
just....vanished."  Gypsy replied.

	"Damn it!"  Joel swore as he slammed his fist down on the 
countertop while Tom hovered over to him.  "Oh well.  You win some, 
you lose some, Joel...."  Tom remarked.     

	"First time since we got sent up in this hellhole that I had a 
chance to blow up something and it vanishes faster than Automan!"  
Joel grumbled.

	 "I still say we should have tried to communicate with it, first!"	
Crow spoke up.

	"Why?  So we could tell it we come in peace?"  Tom replied 
sarcastically.

	"No, you idiots!  So we could catch a ride home to Earth and 
not be stuck here watching fanfics and movies every waking moment!"
Crow reminded them.

	Joel and Tom bigsweated as the logic of Crow's words dawned
on them.  Fortunately, they were saved from making a lame excuse by
the red light flashing on the console.  "Oh, goodie....Inspector Fenwick 
and Dudley Do-Right are calling...."  Crow remarked as the view screen
activated.  

	Dr. Frank had put on his best smile as he positively beamed at
the disgruntled trio.  Behind him, was his able assistant, T.V's Forrester, 
preparing the good doctor's invention for the week.  "Good morning!"
Dr. Frank exclaimed chipperly.  "And how are you doing on this 
wonderful sunny day?"

	"How would we know?  We're in space, you fat assed, 
numbskull."  Joel replied in direct contrast to Dr. F's warm greeting.

	Dr. Frank's smile didn't diminish in the slightest as he 
continued unabated.  "Well, that's good to hear!  We realize that 
kidnapping you and forcing you to watch the best fanfics and movies 
we can find is a *little* unethical but it's all for the better good of 
mankind!  For when we eventually find the movie or fanfic that puts a 
smile on all your faces, we will unleash it upon the world, bringing 
peace and harmony to the world, making it a better place....

	"For you and for me and the entire human race?"  Crow finished
sarcastically.
    
	Dr. Frank's brightened.  "Exactly!  That's the spirit!  You three 
may consider yourselves to be the world's greatest cynics, but when I'm 
done with you, you will always look on the bright side of life, giving you
an extra spring in your step, promising...."

	"Okay! okay!  We get the point, Dr. F!  Geez...."  Joel replied 
with a grimace.  

	"Well then!"  Dr. F clapped his hands together.  "Shall we 
proceed with this weeks invention exchange?  As always, Joel,  you may 
go first....

	Joel bit back a sarcastic reply as he reached behind the counter
and placed his latest invention on top of it....  

	"This invention is dedicated to all the people who are too cheap
and impatient to wait for video tapes to be released in North America.  
First...."  Joel held up a small tube of orange colored gel.  "This specially 
treated dye gets injected into a anime videotape via a special compartment, 
which also contains a microchip.  This microchip sends a tiny radio signal to    
the VCR's audio and video input jacks.  Then if someone attempts to 
copy the tape, the dye explodes, destroying the tape and providing clear 
evidence that you attempted to break the law.  The dye is powerful and 
takes approximately two weeks to fade completely.... 

	"But that's terrible!"  T.V's Forrester suddenly spoke up.  "No 
one would be able to fansub anymore!  The popularity of anime will 
diminish!  People would have to pay outrageous prices and wait forever
for anime, 5 years old, to come out!"

	"Bingo!"  Tom chimed in with a giggle.  

	"You're....You're EVIL!  EVIL!!!"  Forrester cried out.

	"Like we care."  Joel muttered.

	"Now, now, Forrester....This invention will cut down on video 
piracy and that's a GOOD thing....."  Dr. Frank's smile seemed a little 
strained as he replied.    "Though it might be a bit too....thorough....for 
my personal tastes.  Anyway, tell me what you think of my invention....and 
remember, be honest...."
	
	"The invention I have here is also a microchip you put on a 
video tape that sends special signals to the VCRs video and audio jacks. 
But this one goes into the output jacks, not the input ones that your 
invention is for" Dr. F walked over to a television, hooked up to a VCR.  
He then held up a videotape labed *Johnny Mnemonic*  "This is the first 
of many videotapes to be installed with a special computer chip of my 
own.  This chip uses a combination of morphing technology and audio 
wizardry to make Keanu Reeves *appear* to be a good actor.  As you 
can tell, he actually looks like he's angry in this scene, espcially when he 
asks for room service!"

	Dr. F ejected the tape and put in another, this one labeled *Tek 
Wars*.   "And here, as you can tell, William Shatner is another actor that 
seriously needs help with his acting. This chip actually makes him look 
like he knows how to act."
 
        	"What will happen when there's a good actor on the tape, like 
Robert DeNiro or Al Pacino?" Joel asked.

        "That's easy, the chip will be able to recognize between good acting 
and bad acting. With good actors, the chip will remain on standby in 
case a bad actor decides to pop into a scene with a good actor. So  let's 
say that Keanu Reeves manages to land a part working along side Robert 
DeNiro, provided that DeNiro actually wants to destroy his acting 
reputation to work along side someone like Keanu. When DeNiro is 
acting, the chip will be on standby, and when Keanu starts talking, 
the chip will come into life and make him a better actor...."	

	"Man, will you guys quit saying the words *act*, *acting* and 
*actor* so damn much!?" Tom interrupted.  "It's *REALLY* getting on 
my nerves...."

	"But what about the story, Dr. F?  Even improved act....I 
mean, performances, can't save a lousy story, can they?"  Crow pointed 
out.

	"No, but they can make the best out of a bad situation!"  Dr. F 
replied cheerfully.  
	
	"Of course.  How silly of us not to realize that."  Tom replied,
his voice dripping with sarcasm.  As usual, Dr. Frank failed to notice 
as he continued his monologue with the enthusiasm of a infomercial. 

	"Now, my little friends....today's fanfic is truly one of the finest 
examples of anime fanfiction ever produced.  "Transitions" by Richard 
Lawson.  I'm positive that this fanfic will turn those frowns, upside 
down and give you a new, healthy outlook on life....
	
	"JUST SEND US THE DAMN FIC."  Joel and the bots 
chorused.

	Dr. Frank huffed and turned to his assistant.  "Put the joy in
them, Forrester...."

	"Be well!"  Forrester replied as the screen winked off.

	Joel grumbled a few obscenities under his breath.  "Joel....I'm 
not any happier about this than you are but let's try to remain civil this
time when we watch the fanfic...."  Crow begged his creator.

	"Bite me...."  Joel growled.

	Crow sighed.  Then alarms and sirens suddenly rang out.
"OHHHH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!"  Crow cried out.  

	"Be still my beating heart."  Joel replied sarcastically.


(Door 6: It's made of spam. You have to weed your way through it.)

(Door 5: It's made of flames.  You use a fire extinguisher to put it out.) 

(Door 4: It falls away from you, missing your foot completely.)

(Door 3: It's made of money, but when you reach out to grab it, it disappears.)

(Door 2. It's made of glass.  You use a stuntman to hurl his body through it.)

(Door 1: It's permanently open due to rust.)

(Door .7: The camera pans upward where a small hatch falls to the floor.)


	Joel walks into the theater with Tom in his arms, Crow 
following close behind.  Stepping over the air grate that prevented Tom 
from entering the theater on his own, Joel waited for Crow to pass by him
and then he placed Tom down on one of the theater seats and sat next to 
him, Crow sitting on Joel's left.

This is the final story of my Nuku Nuku series.  It is heavily based on
the other stories in my series:  "Like Fish to a Cat", 

Tom: Like chocolate for water?

"Facets of Love" (not to be confused with "The Nature of Love"), and 

""What Breast So Cold".  You can find them on my web page (URL below).


Joel: What breast so cold bursts through yonder dress?  It is the tit! 

Crow: Joel....

Please let me know what you think; I've changed the "reply to:" field to
include the FFML, since I want some discussion on this.  You'll need to
change that if you want to reply to me privately.

Tom: (ominously)  We fear change....

Joel: Does Tybalt know about this?

More comments at the end.

Crow: Oh great.  Even when the story's over, it goes ON and ON....

-- 
-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com


Tom: Sprynet.com  For those of us who are never too old to be young.

Crow: Sterman!  He's created quite a ster since he arrived....  

--------------------------------------------------
All my fanfics can be found at:   
http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman/fanfic.htm
--------------------------------------------------
--

Joel: Richard's so paranoid he has to protect his website with dashes.

Tom: Looks like he's just started construction on the second wall....

Transitions

Joel: Shouldn't this be called *Transistors* if it's about an android?

By Richard Lawson

Crow: Isn't he the host of the Family Feud?

Tom: Richard!  Loved your performance in *The Running Man*

Comments & Criticism Welcome!
sterman@sprynet.com

Joel:  Cool!  (Starts unzipping his pants)

Crow: Not *THAT* kind of criticism, Joel!

Joel: Awww....  (zips his pants back up)

Tom: Does it count if we comment on his hairpiece? 

Hiro concentrated fiercely as he carefully moved the pencil around 
the paper.  

Crow: (imitating Hiro)  Man....These spiral-graphs are harder than I 
thought! 

He was trying to make something special, and he wanted 
to get it right.  

Tom:  Now, if he can just draw the buttcrack line without giggling 
again....

He bit his lip, dropped the pencil, and picked up another one of a 
different color.  

Tom:  What's the difference?  They're both the same....

Crow: I think he means pencil *crayons*

Crow: Oh.....well now, that's a pencil of a different color....

Joel: I get it!  He bit his lip and now he needs the red pencil to match 
the blood on the paper....

He slowly shaded one area, making sure he didn't draw over the lines 
he had just made.

Tom: Yeah he wouldn't want to blow his lines again....

Crow: Cross over the line again and you're in BIG trouble, mister!

Joel: This is the line of death.  Cross it, you die!  

Crow: Take it easy, Ayatollah....

Hiro heard her come up.  He bristled.  "Not done yet, Nuku Nuku!  
Go away!"

All: Nuku Nuku go away!  Come again another day!

He didn't have to look up at her; he *heard* her smile.  

Joel: Nuku Nuku should really start wiping her mouth after meals....

"Okay, Hiro.  I'll be playing with Yuki; let me know when it's all 
right to visit."

Crow: Visiting hours are 10-6 weekdays.

He shooed her away.  

Tom: S-CAT!!!

Another pencil added its color to the picture, and then another, and 
then the sounds of Yuki's laughter made him decide he was done.  

Crow: (singing) How I love my pencil of many colors....

Joel: (imitating Yuki)  Hee hee hee!  That's supposed to be a cow!  It 
looks like a mutant turtle!  

Tom: I guess he don't have a cow then....

"Over here, Nuku Nuku!"

He watched as Nuku Nuku and Yuki laughed together again.  Then 
Nuku Nuku gave Yuki a little fish-shaped pastry before coming over 
to sit at the table next to Hiro.  "What have you finished?"

Crow: The Indy 500, the Kentucky Derby, 1500 meter decathlon.....

"Here!"  He held it out to her.  "For you."

She lifted it and smiled.  "It's a cat!"

Crow: Actually it's Ranma after he freaks out.

Joel: (imitating Hiro)  I drew it to force this pig tailed girl I know to fall 
in love with me....heh heh heh....or else.  

Hiro was enormously pleased.  Sometimes people didn't know what 
the things he drew were.  

Crow: Based on those past drawings, maybe he should be on a psychiatrist's
couch.....

Tom: Especially if it looked like TMNTs sporting pigtails, bokkens 
and mallets.

Joel: Oh my!

Crow: Save the Kasumi impression for later.... 

Nuku Nuku never had any problems.  

Tom: She's god

Joel: If she's god, maybe she can get rid of the spam on the FFML....

Crow: I think that's beyond god's power.... 

"It's you!  You are always warm and nice and happy like a cat, so I 
thought that maybe you were a cat."

Tom: (imitating Nuku)  What gave it away kid?  The ears, right?

Joel: Actually, I think it's because Hiro's got pussy on his mind.

Crow: Joel....

Nuku Nuku gave him a strange, thoughtful look.  It scared him.  
"I'm sorry!  I didn't mean it.  Hiro is stupid."  He covered his 
face with his hands.

Tom: Hiro and Shampoo learned Japanese from the same teacher....

Hiro felt her hands gently but firmly take his and lower them.  
"You are not stupid, Hiro.  You know that.  In fact, you are very 
smart.  You figured out something about me that not many people 
know.  I am very impressed!"  Her smile was wide and her eyes 
bright.

Crow: Her eyes are so bright, she's gotta wear shades....

Joel: Ears?  What ears?  I don't see any ears?  Do you see any ears?  

Tom: I know a guy that can pedal as fast as Nuku Nuku....he was 
wearing a red suit with a yellow lightning bolt on it....

Hiro felt his spirits lift immediately.  

Tom: If Nuku Nuku was holding me, I don't think my SPIRITS would be 
the only thing *lifting.*

Crow: Tom....

"You mean you *are* a cat?"

All: DUH!

Nuku Nuku nodded.  "Not many people know.  Let's keep it a secret, 
all right?"

Crow: Just pretend her ears aren't even there.....

Tom: I got it!  Pretend she's an elf!

Hiro nodded back enthusiastically.  "Our secret.  Are you really a 
cat?"

Tom: (imitating Nuku)  I hate you, now feed me!

Crow: Sounds like a cat to me....

Joel: But anything the Puma Sisters tells you about me is a filthy lie.
I don't know where those photos came from.....

Crow: Joel....

Nuku Nuku laughed.  "Yes, of course.  I would never lie to you, 
Hiro.  I'm telling you the truth when I say that you're smart.  
You're smarter than I am."

Joel: (imitating Nuku)  And when I say that, I'm lying through my teeth....

Tom: Hey, if he's the only one in school that's figured out her secret, 
he MUST be smarter....

Crow: Smarter than the average bear at least.

Hiro frowned.  He was stupid, he knew that.  

Tom: Is he related to Kunou then? 

Crow: No, it can't be, Hiro KNOWS he's stupid.

Tom: Good point.

Everyone else was smart and they always let him know that they were 
smarter.  They would act and talk smarter and give him sad or disgusted 
looks.  

Crow: One smart fellow, he felt smart.

Tom: Two smart fellows, they both felt smart.

Joel: Three smart fellows, they all smelled fart.

Crow: Joel....

Even here, at the home, people who weren't like him and Yuki and 
the others never stopped letting him know that they were smarter.  
They would smile and act nice and try to be friends, but he could 
always see in their eyes how they *knew* they were smarter.

Crow: Ouch!  That must really smart.....

Joel: SHOP SMART....SHOP S-MART....

The only one who wasn't like that was Nuku Nuku.  She was always 
bright and happy and smiling and treated him like a friend and an 
equal and never ever made him feel stupid.  Somehow, though, it 
didn't feel right to have her say that he was smarter.  

Tom: One more sentence with the word *smarter* and I'm going to 
scream....

Crow: Smart move, Tom.

Tom: Bite me!

Crow: Here's a quarter....Go call Tyson, he cares!

"Not true, Nuku Nuku!  You're smarter, you don't have to live with 
us dummies.  

Tom: AAARRRRRRGH!!!

Joel: (imitating Red Foxx)  Hey dummy!  I'm talking to you!

Crow: Wouldn't you think Lawson would have been smarter not 
to overuse the word smarter?

Tom: (imitating Jack Nicholson)  SHUT UP!  SHUT UP!  SHUT....UP!!!

You can read and write and do all sorts of complicated things.  

Crow: Yeah!  Like using Unix....

Tom: ....Pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time....

Joel: ....Figure out the caramilk secret....

You're smart."

Joel:  That's Agent 86 to you!

Crow: I'm also known as Inspector Gadget in some circles....

Nuku Nuku's smiled got a little smaller.  

Joel: Is that physically possible?

Tom: (singing) Smile.....though your lips....are shrinking....  

Crow: (singing) It's a small error after all....

"Yes, it's true that I can do all those things.  

Tom: I can sing, I can dance, I can diminish the size of my smile....

But it's only because I've got machines that can help me do that.  
Without them, I wouldn't be able to do some of the things that you 
can do."  

Crow: Now go do....that voodoo....that you do....SO...WELLLLLL!!!

Joel: An android's gotta do what an android's gotta do....

Tom: JUST DO IT....Nuku.

Her smile got big again.  "I couldn't draw beautiful pictures like this!"

Crow: But I can do amazing things with my kisser!

Tom: (Imitating Nuku Nuku) I can even make people fall in love with 
me and have them write fanfics about my life....

Hiro frowned.  "You have machines that make you smarter?"

Tom: THAT'S IT!  NO MORE!  IF I SEE ANOTHER SENTENCE 
WITH THE WORD *SMARTER* IN IT, RICHARD'S THE ONE 
THAT'S GOING TO BE *SMARTING!!!*

Joel: (imitating Zigfreid)  I VANT.....SMART!

Crow: Joel, don't encourage Tom....

"Yes, Hiro.  Many machines that I carry with me all the time."

Joel: Like a can opener?

He leaned forward eagerly.  "Can I have some machines?"

Crow: Well these are the demo models but I'm sure I could interest
you in this FABULOUS juicer.  It is the very model of a modern major
juicer.  It'll transform any vegetable, animal or mineral into liquid form 
and if you order RIGHT NOW....

Nuku Nuku's smile got a little sad.  "You wouldn't want them, 
Hiro.  Trust me."

Crow: You're money no good here.  Literally.

Tom: Is there ANYTHING Nuku's smile can't do?

Joel: Can it create a bug-free, operating system that's compatible with 
every computer and computer program past, present and future?

Tom: Why?  So Microsoft can take it over?

Hiro shrugged his shoulders.  If Nuku Nuku said so, she was right.  

Tom: And THAT's the bottom line, cause Nuku Nuku said so!  

Crow: Nuku Nuku 3:16  

Joel: Watch out or she'll open up a can of *smart* ass....

Tom: (Growls at Joel)

"Can we play the reading game?"

Tom: Again?  Oh, all right.  Go and get the weji board....   

Joel: Hey, I'm getting something!  S....M....A....R....

Tom: Keep it up, Joel, and I'll tell Dr. F where you hide your collection 
of FLUX magazines.....

Joel: NO!  I'll be good!  I promise!  I promise!

Crow: Thanks, Tom.

Tom: Happy to be of service.

Hiro loved the way Nuku Nuku's eyes seemed to light up.  "Yes!  
Are you practicing all the time?"

Crow: (imitating Hiro)  Yeah, but I'm still not perfect!

Hiro grinned.  "All the time.  Soon I read to *you*!"

Tom: Boy, I can't imagine how much Nuku Nuku is looking forward to
*that* day.

Nuku Nuku's laughter was light and bubbly, just like her.  

Joel: And just like champagne, it needs a ton of sugar to make it taste 
better....

Tom: Symbolism....Gotta love it.

"Good!  Let's go get the books."

Joel: Then we'll whack the crap out of them.

He took her hand and led her to the bookcase.  He was glad that 
she was here, glad that she was happy and thought his picture 
beautiful.  The whole *world* was beautiful with Nuku Nuku in it.

Joel: Er...exactly how OLD is Hiro? 

Tom: (singing) Yeah, yeah, Nuku Nuku is great.  Yeah, yeah, Nuku 
Nuku is good....Yeah, yeah....yeah, yeah, yeah....

Crow: All this syrupy stuff is giving me gas.

Joel: I'm still waiting to see if this fic turns out like "Akane Loves 
P-Chan!"

***

Crow: Three stars?  Maybe this fanfic isn't so good after all....

Tom: Is that out of four or out of five? 

Joel: Not enough star-appeal I guess....

"Akiko-sama, I just let Atsuko-sama's boyfriend through the front 
gate.  You asked to be notified."

Joel:  Oh, thanks!  Now tell him to get lost!

Akiko felt a big smile spread across her face.  "Thank you.  I 
will answer the door myself."

Crow: A smile makes a lousy plot device....

The servant sounded slightly surprised.  "Yes, Akiko-sama."

She quickly called up some files on her computer, then made her 
way to the front door.  She timed it just right; the chimes of the 
doorbell echoed through the front hall just as she reached the 
door.

Tom: And all it took was 10 practice runs and a slightly miffed Jehovah's
Witness....  

Akiko opened, and felt her smile widen at Kei's shocked and 
slightly apprehensive face.

Joel: Akiko's smile is already spread across her face.  Where else can 
it go?

Tom: Where the sun don't shine?

Crow: Tom....

Joel: (Imitating Howie Mandel)  Your lips are smiling at me, but it's not 
your mouth....

Crow: Joel....

Kei straightened, then bowed.  "Natsume-sama.  I am honored."

"As well you should be."  Her voice was amused, as it usually was 
when she spoke to him.  She bowed back.  "I'm glad to see you, 
Kei-chan.  I was wondering if I could have a moment to speak with 
you before you go see Atsuko."

Tom: Uhhh....aren't they doing that right now?  Why ask?

Kei's eyes widened.  He nodded numbly and followed her into her 
study.  

Joel: Oh man, first the smiles, now the eyes....

Crow: How does one nod numbly?

Tom: See a dentist?  How the hell should I know?!

She sat behind her huge, oaken desk while Kei placed 
himself in one of the comfortable chairs that faced it.

Joel: Using the uncomfortable chairs to brace up his feet.

Akiko looked steadily at him for a minute, her expression 
studious.  "It has come to my attention that you have graduated 

>from college."


Crow: (imitating Akiko)  Don't bother denying it!  I recognized your 
voice from the McDonald's Drive Thru speaker....

Kei bowed his head.  "Yes, Natsume-sama.  I begin working for 
Mantor Shipping in a week."

Crow: Wasn't Mantor a wrestler in the WWF? 

Tom: MANTOR!  PART MAN, PART ANIMAL, ALL BUSINESS....  

Joel: Faster than a speeding bus!  Able to leap over basketball playing 
dogs in a single bound.....  

Akiko raised an eyebrow.  "Doing what?"

"Well, they've got me in some sort of management program.  

Joel: (Imitating Scott Adams) Yeah, they want to put him where he does 
the least damage.

Crow: This isn't some Dilbert Book.

I'm not sure exactly what my duties will be yet, but I look forward to 
understanding them and carrying them out to the best of my 
abilities."

Joel: What is this?  A fanfic or a job interview?!?

Crow: I'm still try to figure out what to do with this mop and bucket....

Akiko snorted.  "A carefully rehearsed answer.  Bravo."  

Tom: I prefer HBO myself.

Joel: You would.....

She looked over at her computer monitor, which was turned so that he 
couldn't see it.  

Tom: Yeah, before it was turned the other way so Akiko couldn't see it.

Joel: You know, if Akiko would just invest a few dollars into a screensaver,
she wouldn't have to do that....

"Are you aware that Mantor is completely owned by MHI?"

Kei dropped his jaw for a moment before shutting it.  

Crow: Ah, crap!  There goes my retainer....

Tom: My parents always warned me about eating those hard candies but
did I listen?

"No, I was not, Natsume-sama.  Forgive me; I will look for employment 
elsewhere."

Akiko glanced at him sharply.  "Why?"

Kei thought for a moment, apparently taking time to answer 

carefully.  


Joel: Because you're a vindictive, psychopathic bitch?  Oops, damn!  Not
careful enough.... 

"I do not want to place you in the potentially compromising position 
of trying to objectively decide my employment future.  If I turn out to 
be completely incompetent, I do not want you to feel embarrassed to 
fire me.  If I am gifted and deserving of promotion, I do not want the 
appearance to be one of favoritism should you choose to advance me."

Crow: Pick me and the toilets will sparkle like new!

Akiko shook her head.  "There are many, many levels that separate 
you and me.  If our paths were to cross during your employment 
with Mantor, it would not be for decades, until you have risen 
sufficiently within the organization that you would report 
directly to me.  Very few reach that plateau; you would have to be 
gifted indeed to reach it."

Joel: (imitating Akiko)  Or you can just sleep around like I did!

Tom: Only the very best get to man the *shake* machine....

Kei tried so sound confident and, 

Tom: So Sound Confident.  Their advertising slogan:  Our sound system 
is so sound, we're confident it'll last for generations to come, generating
so-so sound for your hearing pleasure! 

Crow: Purchase a sound system before the end of August and receive 
ABSOLUTELY FREE, the movie soundtrack for  "Sordid Sounds of 
Silence...."

Joel: Sounds good to me!  

Akiko admitted to herself, mostly succeeded.  "I believe I possess such 
gifts.  I am at least willing to try."

Tom: TRY?!  Do....or do not!  There is no try!

Akiko smiled.  "When I first began to work for MHI, I did not 
start as low as you did.  I worked directly with my grandfather as 
he ran the company.  

Joel: (imitating Akiko)  Fortunately, I only had to work *under* him....

Crow: Joel....

After many years, he resigned as CEO and installed me in that 
position.  I admit there were some rough spots, but I was able to do 
okay.  

Joel: That sounds perverted if you think about it....

Crow: Is there anything you DON'T find perverted?

Joel: Uhh....Justice?

Tom: Installed? Mantor must be a DOS company....

Crow: No, if it were, she'd  been SETUP into the position.

Tom: Oh.

If I had started as you did, I would still be stuck somewhere in 
middle management, fighting tooth and nail for a senior position.  
I, too, am confident enough in my gifts to believe that my talents were 
put to better use as CEO, rather than fighting political battles in the 
lower-to-middle management positions."

Crow: But we'll never know for sure....SINCE SHE'S THE 
PRESIDENT'S FREAKING GRANDDAUGHTER!!!!

Tom: It's not what you know....it's who you're related to.

Joel: That's deep, Tom....

Kei smiled.  "I think so, too.  MHI is currently as stable as it 
has ever been.  

Crow: The CEO, on the other hand....

More, it's gained quite a reputation for championing the ethical uses 
of new technology, due mostly to your efforts.  You are a remarkable 
person, and more than worthy of the accolades that are thrown at your 
feet."

Tom: Do people actually talk like this in real life?

Joel: Careful Kei, or your lips will dry out and start cracking....

Crow: (imitating Kei)  Did I mention I got straight A's in *sucking up*

Akiko's eyes narrowed slightly.  "Hmm.  That was either a genuine 
compliment or an attempt to gain the first advantage in the 
political wars to follow."

 
Tom: (imitating Akiko)  But just in case, tell me how remarkable I am 
again....

Kei blinked.  "I assure you, the former."  He smiled again.  "One 
of the things Atsuko has taught me is how... refreshing it is to 
talk in a straighforward and open manner.  She puts up with very 
little in the way of word games; she prefers honesty in all 
things.  I can't help but agree with her.  I like honesty, too."

Joel: So, in a nutshell, he's *honestly* kissing up to her....

Akiko's features relaxed.  "Well, good.  As it happens, I believe 
that you were being genuine just now.  Still, there is a time and 
place for playing games of obfuscation with your company's rivals.  
Your first lesson will be to learn when to be open and when to 
be... obscure."

Tom: Duh? 

Crow: (imitating Akiko)  Yes!  Just like that!

Joel: Next we'll learn when *no* means *yes* and *yes* means *you'll 
never know for certain....* 

Kei drew his eyebrows together slightly.  "First lesson?"

Tom: First it was her lips, then her eyes, and now her eyebrows....This 
woman has hidden talent!

Joel: Next thing you know, she'll be headlining comedy films and 
yodeling out of her butt....

Crow: Maybe she's doing an impression of Spock?

Akiko nodded, pleased that he had picked up on that.  She had 
judged him correctly.  "It is my intention to transfer you onto my 
personal staff.  I need good, dependable people to work with me 
while I run this company.  People whose loyalty I can count on 
implicitly, people who are intelligent and motivated."

Crow: People who can make a descent cup of tea and stand still when 
I throw heavy objects at them....

Tom: People who know the three golden rules of marketing.  Lies, 
more lies, and sex....

Joel: People who will address me as *Mistress* and wear tight black 
leather underneath their clothes which they will remove when I....

Crow: JOEL!

Joel: What?

Kei tried to bring moisture to his suddenly dry mouth.  "Natsume- 
sama!  I... I'm not worthy."

All: HE'S NOT WORTHY!!!  HE'S NOT WORTHY!!!

Akiko raised an eyebrow.  She didn't care much for humility.  
"You're not?  Which are you - undependable, untrustworthy, 
slothful, or stupid?"

Tom: Uh....E!  All of the above!

Joel: Duh....What was the question again?

Crow: Ah!  *D* it is!

Kei gaped, struggling to find a way out of the trap he'd fallen 
into.  

Joel: Yeah, those pitfalls are a real bugger, eh?

Tom: Yeah!  And the way they keep disappearing and reappearing 
randomly, like I'm SO sure....

Crow: Even if a crocodile's mouth WAS closed, I'm not stupid enough
to jump on one....uh....I think we're getting off topic guys.

"I - that's not what I meant.  Uh, surely there are other 
people more...."  He trailed off, evidently realizing that he was 
about to dig himself in deeper.

Tom: I'll say one thing....He's no Nabiki Tendo.

He drew a breath, held it, then slowly released it.  "Natsume- 
sama, I am not entirely sure I have sufficient experience to 
adequately perform the duties that would be required of me in such 
a position."

Joel: (imitating Akiko)  It's easy!  You just thrust your hips back and 
forth....

Crow: Joel!

Akiko smiled, glad that he could think clearly and well in a 
difficult situation.  "That's better."  She looked over at the 
computer screen again.  "Your grades at college were good.  Very 
good.  The records of the jobs you worked at during college 
indicate a solid work ethic, an ability to work with minimal 
supervision, and the intelligence to creatively solve problems."  
She looked back at him.  "I do not make this offer lightly.  You 
might think I am merely offering you this position because of your 
relationship with my daughter.  In truth, it was that relationship 
which made me notice you.  But my duty to MHI is too strong to 
waste important positions such as this on nepotism.  I would not 
place you on my staff if I did not think you showed some promise.  
It is up to you to realize that promise.  The rewards are 
substantial, but the journey will be long and hard.  Do you feel 
up to the task?"

Crow: ZZZZZZzzzzzz.....oh!  Is that paragraph finally over?

Joel: Too bad this fanfic isn't over....

Tom: *Enter* Key!  Try using it!

Kei swallowed.  He stared at her for a minute before straightening 
a little in his chair.  "Yes, Natsume-sama.  I would very much 
like to justify your faith in me.  I humbly thank you for the 
position, and give you my word of honor that I will always keep 
the company's best interests at heart."

Tom: (imitating Kei)  At least till the company goes under and I escape 
to Mexico with the embezzlement money....

Akiko smiled again, a little sadly.  His words were remarkably 
similar to the ones she'd given her grandfather years ago, and 
that wasn't necessarily for the best. 

Joel: (imitating Akiko)  HA! HA!  I GOT YOUR COMPANY!!! AND 
YOU'RE GOING TO CROAK SOMEDAY!!!  NYAH! NYAH!!!

"That is good.  We will have to talk sometime, however, about how to 
balance your obligation to this company with your other obligations, 
especially to those of your family."

Tom: Were you inbred?

Crow: Tom....

"I understand, Natsume-sama."

"That's not quite right for my subordinate.  Why don't you call me 
Akiko-sama?"

Crow: NEVER forget the *sama* or you're a dead man!

Tom: This job's so good, you forget the fiber....I mean the sama.

Joel: How about boot licker?  Would that work?

Kei drew another deep breath.  "I could never do that.  I would... 
I would prefer to call you... Mother-in-law."

Akiko blinked rapidly.  "What?"

All: HE SAID I COULD NEVER DO THAT.  I WOULD....I WOULD
PREFER TO CALL YOU....MOTHER-IN-LAW!!!

Kei jerked his head once, slightly; 

Joel: Sorry about that, Akiko-Sama. Those pantyhose really make your
legs look good....

Crow: Joel....

Akiko imagined that a silent imprecation had just been uttered.  

Tom: Hey, I got your *IMPRECATION* right here, man!

Kei rose to his feet and bowed deeply to her.  "With your permission, 
I would like to ask Atsuko to marry me."

Joel: Yeah, that's the way to get a job, ask a potential boss to marry
their child and take her away forever....

Tom: Couldn't have picked a better time to ask....     

Outwardly, Akiko eyed him critically.  Inwardly, she exulted.  
She'd been trying to push him to this decision for the past year.  

Joel:  oh.

Tom: Never mind then....

Crow: That'll teach you to shoot off your mouths....

Joel: Yeah, I feel like Fanfic_GT.....

Tom: Heh heh heh....

She had been treating him more and more like a part of the family, 
at the same time making veiled threats about people who lacked 
courage and acted indecisively.  She'd been hoping that the job 
offer would also make him feel secure enough to be able to 
propose.  He'd surprised her a little by how quickly he'd acted, 
but she was still delighted.

However, there were other issues that needed to be addressed, and 
it was necessary for her to be harsh with him.  She needed to be 
sure of him.  And she needed him to be sure of himself.  "You 
realize, of course, that you're marrying a cat?"

Crow: (imitating Akiko)  And the only other member of my family 
who's ever done that, has been disowned.  I certainly hope you prove
more trustworthy than Oscar....

Kei gaped at her, looking as if he'd been slapped.  A look of 
anger flitted across his face before he brought himself under 
control.  

"I am asking to marry Atsuko.  The person I met and fell 
in love with is... is more than what she used to be.  She's as 
human as you are."  

Tom: (imitating Kei)  I AM NOT A HERMAPHRODITE....I AM A 
HUMAN BEING!!!

She saw him wince, regretting the words as soon as he'd said them.  
"I'm sorry, I don't mean that way the way it sounds.  I meant, she fits 
my definition of human.  And her own.  That's all that matters."

Joel: At least until Mulder and Scully come a-knocking....

Akiko fought to keep the smile off her face.  So far so good.  
"And what of your parents?  Do they know you intend to marry a 
cyborg?"

Crow:  Do androids dream of electric sheep?  Of course! 

Tom: (Imitating Akiko) Just be careful where you stick things. There 
was someone I knew named Makoto that married a Cyborg named 
Ifirita and it was the darnest thing....

Crow: Tom....

Kei lifted his chin a little.  

Tom: I guess the Novocain finally wore off. 

"I have mentioned it to them.  They thought I was making a joke, and 
I have not tried to correct that impression.  

Joel: Android?  BWHAHAHAHA!!!   What are you, Dr. Ito?  Let me 
guess....her name is Cutey Honey right?  No?  Maybe one of the Puma
sisters then....?

I have told them that she is incapable of having children.  Since I am 
the youngest of four children, and since my two older brothers are 
already married, they do not have a problem with that."

Crow: Hey, they could always adopt.

Tom: What do you think they'll adopt, children or kittens?

Akiko narrowed her eyes, while inwardly she was impressed.  He'd 
walked a thin line between telling the truth about Atsuko and 
concealing her true nature, something which would be sure to 
scuttle the marriage.  Akiko had helped Kyusaku create a 
convincing human identity for Atsuko, one which included a full 
background with all the necessary paperwork.  

Tom: When the Witness Protection Program just isn't good enough.... 

Joel: She's working as an office secretary for Gritty Kitty Litter?

Legally, she was a 22-year old woman, the daughter of Akiko and 
Kyusaku.  

Joel: Screw legally!  How was she physically?!?

Crow: Joel....

Akiko hoped that no one noticed that her daughter had evidently been 
born three years before she and Kysaku had been married.) If she 
was going to build a normal, human life for herself, Atsuko was 
going to need to conceal her true nature.  

Crow: You might want to start with some earmuffs....

Atsuko understood, although she did tend to tell anyone who became 
close to her about her origins.  So far, it hadn't caused any 
problems.  It helped that Atsuko was always cheerful, helpful, and 
tended to make everyone feel good.  People who got to know her had 
no desire to shatter her world by exposing her.

Tom: Wow, the author's REALLY building Nuku Nuku up isn't he?  
It's almost like he's trying to show the readers just how much she's 
affected people's lives....

Crow: But.....Surely he wouldn't need to do that unless....something 
was going to happen....

Tom: Who knows?  And don't call me surely....

 

Akiko ruminated a bit, 

Tom: Ruminated? What, did she give Nuku Nuku a curse?

then decided to see how far ahead Kei was thinking.  "Do you ever 
plan to tell them?  I don't think you can keep it a secret forever."

Tom: Hey, you never know.  Doesn't look like Akane's going to find
out P-Chan and Ryouga are one and the same anytime soon....

Crow: The same goes for Kunou and his *beloved* pig-tailed girl....

Joel: Not to mention Redneck Gajin is really a woman....

Crow: WHAT?!?!

Joel: Just wanted to see if you paying attention, buddy....  

Kei nodded.  "I know.  If nothing else, Atsuko will want to tell 
them.  She hates lying."  He sighed.  "I want to wait until after 
we're married, and after they've gotten to know her better.  I 
think Atsuko and I can win them over.  But I sure want it to be 
after our marriage is firmly established."

Joel: Actually, I just wanna boink her before my parents tell me to stop 
seeing her...so marriage is the best way to go.

Akiko continued to be impressed by this young man.  He *had* 
thought it through.  "Very well.  I want you to be sure of this, 
Kei-chan.  If you later decide that marriage with Atsuko is 
something you didn't want, if you break my daughter's heart in any 
way, I will be... very disappointed."  Her voice was even and 
soft, almost a whisper.

Crow: Why is her voice so soft? Are HER lips shrinking now?

Joel:  (imitating Akiko whispering)  And if you fail to....SATISFY....my 
*every* fantasy when we start seeing each other behind Atsuko's back, 
I'll *REALLY* be disappointed....

Tom: Be nice to my daughter and I'll be nice to you, big boy....   

Crow: Guys....

To her satisfaction, the blood drained from his face.  He 
understood the threat quite clearly.

Tom: If the blood drained from someone's face, wouldn't the skin die?

Joel: And if the blood drained from his face...I wonder where it went 
down to....

Crow: Joel....

Joel: Well, you never read a lemon with a sentence like *the blood 
drained from his penis....* do you?!

Crow: Get your mind out of the gutter, Joel.

He surprised her, though.  He sat a little straighter and stared 
into her eyes.  "Do you love your daughter, Natsume-sama?"

Crow: (imitating Akiko)  I told you to call me *Akiko-sama* you idiot!  
How do you expect me to engage my daughter to a man with such a 
short-term memory!?!

Akiko blinked, once again at a loss for words.  "What?"

All: HE SAID DO YOU LOVE YOUR....AW, SKIP IT!!!

He leaned forward a little bit.  "Will you ever decide that you do 
not want a robot for a daughter?  Will you ever disown her?"

Crow: Will you ever stop asking these moronic questions?

Akiko was slightly awed by the audacity of his attack.  "Your 
point is?"

Tom: (imitating Akiko)  Hey!  I'm the mother-in-law!  I'm supposed to
ask the intimidating questions....

Kei sat back in his chair.  

Crow: (imitating Kei)  Heh heh heh....Advantage: Son-in-law.

"I would not dare to tell you that my feelings for Atsuko are stronger 
than yours.  But they are just as real.  I love Atsuko.  Marrying her and 
trying to build a life with her is the single most important thing to me, 
and will remain so for as long as I live.  Please do not attempt to question 
my sincerity or imply that I will grow tired of her.  You dishonor both me 
and your daughter."

Joel: (imitating Kei)  With a body like hers, you REALLY think I'd get 
tired of her?

Tom: Kei just has to watch where he sticks things...after what happened 
to Makoto and Ifirita...

Crow: Tom....

Akiko let her face grow cold.  She spoke in a stiffly formal 
voice.  "I do neither.  Whatever you may think, I have my 
daughter's best interests at heart."

Crow: (imitating Akiko) As long as they don't get in the way of mine.

Tom: (imitating Akiko)  I always loved my daughter!  All those 
battlemechs I forced her to fight in the past was just a phase I was 
going through....

He bowed his head, accepting her words.  "I know that."  He 
paused.  "Do I have your permission to ask Atsuko to marry me?"

With her eyes lidded, she nodded once.

All: LIDDED?!?

Tom: *Closed*, sure.  *Shut*, okay.  But *Lidded*?

Joel: With my cap hooded, I left for the ballgame....

Crow: Put a lid on it, Joel....

Kei stood up and bowed deeply.  "Thank you, Natsume-sama."

Tom: That's AKIKO-SAMA!!!  A..K..I..K..O....SAMA!!!  

Her face and voice didn't change.  

Crow: Her face must be pruning by now....

Tom: (singing) Cold as ice....

"I believe, Kei-chan, that you wanted to call me Mother-in-law."

Joel: No, I'm quite sure you said Akiko-Sama....  

Crow: (imitating Kei)  Oh great, my mother-in-law's going senile....

Kei straightened and stared at her in surprise.  He studied her 
thoughtfully for a minute before slowly smiling.  "That is 
correct.  May I go see Atsuko now, Mother-in-law?"

Tom: Better to lie now and save the laughter for outside....

Akiko moved her head to the door.  

Crow: Cool!  She's modular!

Joel: I hope Akiko knows what she's doing....

Tom: What do you mean?

Joel: Letting Kei marry her daughter....She may be getting *ahead* of 
herself....  

Crow: Heads are going to roll for that pun....

Kei bowed again, and left.

Tom: (imitating Akiko)  Hey!  You forget to scrape!

Akiko waited until he was well away.  Only then did she allow the 
smile to reclaim her face; only then did she begin laughing.

Joel: (imitating Akiko)  Naive Fool!  BWHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Tom: She hasn't changed at all!  She's still after her son!!

Crow: What horrible, unspeakable, plot could Akiko be planning for 
our poor heroine and his hapless fiancee?   

Tom: Tune in next week....Same Cat time, Same Cat Channel!

She wasn't losing a daughter.  She was gaining a damned fine son- 
in-law.

Tom: Or....not.

***

Crow: (singing)  Twinkle twinkle little stars....

Tom: Well, let's recap the fanfic so far....Hiro drew a picture and Kei 
went in for a job interview....

Joel: And there's SO much more to come!

All: (weakly)  Yay....

Kei spent a moment at the top of the stair, trying to calm his 
racing heart.  

Crow: (Imitating Kei)  Now, what am I supposed to do...I think I'm 
supposed to take a step *down*...and then another....

Joel: (singing) Walk like a man....Walk like a man....

Tom: Baby steps....baby steps....

Akiko was a scary person.  

Joel: Wait till you see her as a dominatrix....

Tom: R.L. Stine still has Goosebumps after meeting her.

Crow: I don't know what scarier....that pun or Akiko acting so calm 
and rational....

She fairly radiated power and confidence, 

Tom: She's a regular Three Mile Island....

Crow: A one woman Chernobyl....

Joel: In an alternate universe, she'd be Bill Gates!

Crow: Don't be stupid.  There's no such thing as alternate universes!

as a good CEO and Chairperson of the Board should.  She also was 
given to bouts of irrationality that made him extremely nervous.  His 
greatest fear was that one day he would wake up to see her standing 
over him, pointing some futuristic weapon at him and smiling that evil 
smile she liked to send his way.

Crow: Akiko Natsume IS the Terminator!

Tom: Either that or the spokemodel for Colgate....

Crow: Everyone in this fanfic seems to be smiling in some fashion.  I 
wonder if there's something bigger going on here that we don't know 
about....

Joel: Maybe they've all recently had sex?  

Crow: Joel....

Atsuko had laughed when he'd told her this and had said that Akiko 
would never do a thing like that, not any more.  That last 
qualifier didn't reassure him in the slightest.  Still, just now 
he'd been able to see a little of the warm and loving person 
Atsuko was always describing to him.  She showed it in strange 
ways, 

All: (singing)  When you're strange....

but it was clear that she cared deeply for Atsuko and was 
making very certain that Kei did as well.

Crow:  (imitating Kei)  Hey, what with all these red dots moving on 
my chest? 

Tom: Better hope nobody sneezes....

Joel: ACHOO!  Oh, crap....I did it again, Sarge....

Kei decided that he was as calm as he was likely to get.  He began 
to walk nervously down the hall, for once not taking in the 
opulence around him.  

Tom: Ooooh!  Look at the bigshot author trying to impress us with his
fancy vocabulary....Sic em, Crow!

Crow:  *Kei determined that he had achieved a state of inner tranquillity that 
had no equal and could not ascend further.  He inaugurated to perambulate 
with a plethora of unreasonable concerns while descending the lobby, 
formerly naught embracing in the fancy-shmacy environment that surrounded
he.*  

Joel: You tell em, Crow!  That'll show em!

The wide hall and the lavish decorations failed to make an impression 
on him.  He had far more important things to think about.  

Joel: (imitating Kei)  Nuku Nuku!  Kei needs some sugar baby....   

Crow: Oh, please....

Tom: (imitating Kei)  How on earth am I going to convince Nuku Nuku 
to put her mother in a home?

He reached Atsuko's room.  Kei stood in the open doorway and looked 
inside.

Joel: (Imitating Mackie) Gee, I hope I can see her in her underwear this 
time!

Tom: Hey, it's a hell of a lot safer than spying on Priss.... 

There were no small rooms in the Mishima mansion.  

Crow: I wonder which room Heihachi and Kazuya slept in....

Atsuko's room was as big as the apartment in Nerima she used to share 
with Ryunosuke and Kyusaku.  

Crow: They never would have left but this strange boy with a bandanna 
kept crashing through the wall, asking for directions....

At the far end, a large four-poster canopy bed was covered with 
stuffed animals, many of them gifts from Kei.  The walls were covered 
with different kinds of pictures; family portraits, photographs from 
various outings, 

Joel: Dirty pictures from that weekend in Kyoto....

Crow: Shut up, Joel! 

Tom: She could save a lot of money on glue by putting all those in a 
album....

and drawings Atsuko had received.  Kei noted that she had a new one; 
an amorphous creature of some sort, brightly colored.

Tom: Here we go again....

Crow: Let's see if Joel knows.  Joel, what's the definition of Amorphous? 

Joel: The opposite of Sally Struthers? 

Crow: No, that's *THIN*....

Tom: Here's a clue:  It's the condition of everyone's fanfics just as they 
get started....

Joel: OHHHH....Shapeless!

Atsuko herself was at her workstation.  Various computers 
surrounded her, as well as technical gear of all sorts.  She often 
helped her father with his projects, in between her other 
volunteer work.  Currently, she was staring intensely at the 
screen, a look of deep concentration on her face.  

Tom: (imitating Atsuko)  I don't care if it takes me the rest of the 
day!  I'm not moving till this stupid *magic eye picture* comes into 
focus.... 

She was idly petting one of the cats that lived in and around the 
Mishima mansion.

Crow: (imitating cat)  Aiya!  Shampoo have to find hot water before 
stupid girl make her use litterbox....

Joel: Sayyyyy....I just realized Atsuko's stroking her puss....

Crow: Don't make me hurt you, Joel....

Tom: Let's just say if Atsuko were a guy, she'd already be at third base.  

She hadn't noticed him.  Kei smiled; one of the things he loved 
about her was the total commitment she had to any project she 
undertook.  

Tom: (Imitating Nuku Nuku) God, when is this STUPID picture going 
to start looking 3D?!?  My eyeballs are going to dry out...

Kei wasn't sure if that was something she had learned 

>from her adoptive parents, or if it was just a part of her nature.  

Probably a combination of the two.  

Crow:  Yep....nothing like *well-meaning* parents to bring out the 
best in you, at least until your nervous breakdown....

Kei just stood there and watched her.  She was beautiful, but that 
wasn't important, especially since she could make for herself 
whatever body she wanted to.  

Joel: That's going to be some honeymoon....Woo hoo!

Crow: Joel....

She'd kept the form that Kyusaku had given her when shed been 
reborn, 

Tom: Who's the cat that won't cop out when there's danger all about?

Crow and Joel: SHED!

Tom: They say this cat is a bad mother...
        
Crow and Joel: SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

Tom: I'm just talking about Shed....

Crow and Joel: Then we can dig it.

Tom: (singing) It's a complicated fic but no one understands it but it's  
author....

Crow and Joel: RICHARD LAWSON!

and had even kept her hair the same scarlet color.  The only thing 
she'd changed was her canines; she'd replaced them with normal ones, 
no longer wanting to give the impression of having fangs.  

Tom: She didn't want to be mistaken for Miyu.

Crow: Nuku Nuku.  The Vampire Slayer.

Joel: Yeah...and imagine how much it would hurt if she decided to give
Kei some head....

Crow: JOEL!

Joel: Bite me!

Tom: I'd rephrase that if I were you.... 

In her mind, it diminished her humanity.

Joel: Let me get this straight....Having fangs makes you *more* 
human?

Crow: Has anyone told Data about this? 

What was making Kei's heart race right now was the possibility of 
spending his whole life with her.  

Joel: I think it's the possibility of the *honeymoon* that has his heart 
racing...

He loved her very much, and the very *reality* of her, of the woman he 
loved, was enough to take his breath away.

All: (singing)  Take my breath away....

The cat on her lap meowed at him.  

Crow: (imitating cat)  Shampoo needs air!  Help!

Atsuko looked up and saw him.  She beamed, carefully set the cat on 
the floor, then vaulted over her workstation to fling herself into his 
arms.  "Hello, Kei!"  She kissed him passionately.

Tom: Ah, young love....

Joel: I hope my girlfriend that enthusiastic when I come home....

Crow: You never mentioned having a girlfriend before, Joel.

Joel: Well....you'll be the first one to know.

In the six years they'd been dating, Atsuko had never greeted him 
with anything less than total enthusiasm.  He'd made some feeble 
attempts to get her to be more discrete, but eventually he'd given 
up, admitting to himself that he enjoyed her demonstrative nature.

Tom: Though it does get a little embarrassing during funerals....

Joel: (imitating Kei)  Hey, Atsuko!  Why don't you *demonstrate* that
SPECIAL position I taught you yesterday.... 

Crow: Joel....

Sometimes she'd forget little things, however, like the fact that 
he needed to breathe.  After about a minute, he pushed himself 
away, gasping.  "H-hello, Atsuko."

Crow: (imitating cat)  Now you know how Shampoo felt!

She smiled up at him.  "Did you talk with Mother?  She wanted to 
see you first before we went out."

Kei nodded.  "Did she tell you what it was going to be about?"

Tom: (imitating Kei)  Did I mention I brought you some speckled trout?

"No.  She did say she was going to make you an offer only and 
idiot would refuse."

Joel: Yeah, but that *offer* puts me in a bad spot!  Idiot was right to 
refuse....

Kei laughed.  "Atsuko, can we talk?"

Crow: Isn't that what we were doing?  

Tom: Maybe they've been communicating telepathically up till now.

Joel: They can't talk out loud!  They won't be able to smile anymore....

Crow: Now THAT's a cryptic statement if I ever heard one....

"Of course!"  She disentangled herself and led him to where a 
couch and two easy chairs surrounded a table.  Another cat was 
sprawled on the table, watching them with uninterested eyes.  

Joel: (imitating cat)  I still don't see why Luna thinks this girl could be
a sailor senshi....

Atsuko sat on the couch and pulled him down next to her.  "So, 
were you stupid or not?"

"Well, that's open to interpretation.  

Tom: He wasn't stupid enough to refuse her but agreeing to have an
affair with her on the side wasn't bright either....

I took her up on her offer, though.  I'm going to be working directly 
for your mother, on her personal staff."

Joel: I'll bet there's going to be a LOT of late nights....

Crow: Joel....

"Neat!"  Atsuko had many different kinds of smiles -– since she 
was almost always smiling, she needed to have some variety.  

Tom: How about a frown?  Maybe mild irritation then?

Crow: (imitating Ranma)  It's just....this may sound silly but until now, 
I've never seen you laugh.  I always see you smile, but I've never seen you 
laugh."

Joel: Can't you stop plugging stuff for at least *One Hour*?

Crow: Bite me!

This smile was a pleased, warm, slightly-excited smile.  "Mother 
likes you a lot, Kei.  

Joel and Tom: *snicker*

She wouldn't do this if she didn't.  And I'm sure you're going to like 
working with her.  She knows lots about business and stuff, exactly 
the things you want to know about."

Kei nodded.  "Yes, it is an incredible opportunity.  I only hope I 
can prove worthy."

Crow: (imitating Atsuko)  You don't have to suck up anymore, Kei.  
You're home now....

This smile was the proud, knowing, touch-of-love smile.  

Tom: Collect the whole set!

"Of course you will, Kei!  You'll do wonderfully and show everyone 
how smart and capable you are and one day you'll run the company as 
well as Mother does."

Kei snorted.  "Oh, I don't think that's going to happen."

"Why not?  

Tom: (imitating Kei)  Well, my cocaine problem for starters.... 

Ryunosuke doesn't want to run the company.  I'm busy 
doing other things, and I wouldn't be any good at it anyway.  
Mother wants someone to follow in her footsteps just like she 
followed in Great-grandfather's.  

Crow: .....right into his grave?

She's chosen you to be her protégé, and she'll train you for years and 
years 

Tom and Joel: And YEARS and YEARS and YEARS and YEARS and.....

Crow: (Chanting)  NO MORE YEARS!  NO MORE YEARS! 

and then she'll resign as CEO and name you as her successor."

Kei gaped at Atsuko.  She sounded so sure.  He shuddered slightly, 
reeling from the implications.

Tom: (imitating Kei) Why....that means I won't have to worry about
being killed when I eventually leave you for someone younger....

Atsuko smile was reassuring now.  "Don't worry, Kei.  It's going 
to work out for the best, you'll see."  She hugged him tightly.

Joel:  Mmmmmm....speaking of workouts....

Crow: Joel....

This reminded Kei of the reason he was here.  Suddenly, he found a 
whole new reason to tremble.  

Tom: (imitating a nervous Kei)  Uh, Atsuko?  W...w...well....I was 
h....hoping you wouldn't mind if you would....that is....sign this 
pre....prenuptial agreement.... 

He placed his hands on Atsuko's shoulders and separated them a little.  

Crow: Ouch!  Who does he think he is?  Dr. Tofu?

Joel: (imitating Kei)  This is so cool!  Shoulders come off, shoulders 
come on, shoulders come off, shoulders come on....

Tom: (singing)  Shoulder bone connected to the....collar bone....

He looked into her eyes, wanting to burn the sight of her into his mind, 
hoping that he could hold the memory of the next few minutes in his 
mind forever.  

Joel: Kei didn't start the fire. It was always burning since his love began....

If he didn't lose his courage.  "Atsuko?"

"Yes, Kei?"

"I... I love you.  You know that, don't you?"

Tom:  (imitating Atsuko)  Really?  Well, gee....I know we're friends and
all but....

Atsuko nodded her head rapidly.  "I love you too."

All: (singing) Sweetttttttttt Emoooooootionnnnnn

Kei had tried to choose his words carefully.  "Is the love you 
feel for me different from the love you feel for your family and 
friends?"

Joel: Hey!  Are you trying to insinuate something happened between 
me and them?!?  Why, I wasn't even in town that weekend....

Crow: (imitating Atsuko) My love for you is as powerful as my love for 
AOL.....

Tom: (imitating AOLer) ME TOO. ME TOO. My love is as powerful as 
my love for AOL.

Joel: I may be sick.

Atsuko frowned, a sign, Kei knew, that she was thinking seriously.  

Tom: Not to mention the universe is coming to an end....

Joel: Or that hell has frozen over.

Crow:(Looking up)  Hey, look!  Pigs are flying...

"I know that sometimes it seems like I love everyone the same.  

Crow:  Er...I think she's been hanging around Kuno too much...

I used to believe it, too.  But I've came to realize that the love I 
felt for Mother, Father, and Ryunosuke was different.  More 
intense.  If they were gone, there was an emptiness inside me that 
hurt.  When I saw them, I was very, very happy, happier then when 
I saw my friends.  

Joel: (Singing)  Happy Happy! Joy Joy! Happy Happy!  Joy Joy!

I decided to call those feelings 'family love'."

Joel: Not to be confused with puppy love.

Tom: (singing)  And they called it....family looooooove......

Crow: I have this sneaky suspicion that this fanfic is endorsed by the 
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints....

She reached up a finger and began to trace his face.  

Tom: She's either gone blind or she's flipping him the bird....

"At first, you were a friend.  I went out with you because Mariko said 
you were nice and I was curious about what dating was like.  Then I 
saw more and more of you, and you *were* nice, 

Joel: (imitating Atsuko)  Especially down *there*....

Crow: Joel....

and friendly, and respectful, fun to talk to and be with, and I found 
that I was looking forward to seeing you as much as I looked forward 
to seeing my family.  So I decided that I felt 'family love' towards you."

She smiled, this one full of excitement and wonder.  

Tom: And yet another smile....

Joel: This fic has more smiles than the Miss Teen USA Pageant....

Crow: (imitating host)  Miss Nerima, what would you do if you found 
yourself rooming with a boy that changed into a girl?

Tom: (imitating Atsuko)  Oh, GOSH!  Uh....I think I would rather room 
with Oscar....He LOVES cats after all....

"Then we kissed.  That was in my first android body, and Father had 
some crude circuits set up, ones that transmitted signals to the 
pleasure centers of my brain.  The more we kissed, the more I 
liked it.  That changed the love.  It made it more than 'family 
love'.  I call it 'Kei love'."  She grinned affectionately.  "I 
like 'Kei love' a lot."  She placed her hand on his cheek and 
kissed him.

All: (singing)  And then she kissed me.....

Kei accepted the kiss, breathing in her fragrance.  

Tom: Smells like chocolate!

Joel: A kiss is never just a kiss unless you've got Dentine....

Crow: I wonder who Atsuko is going to compare Kei to?

It was the best answer he could have hoped for.  He looked into her 
eyes again when she pulled away, his fear leaving him.  "I... I have 
similar feelings for you.  'Atsuko love'."  He grinned.  "I want 
to have that feeling with me always."  Suddenly his fear rose up 
anew and dragged the smile from his face and replaced it with 
nervous gulping.  

Crow: (imitating Kei)  I knew I shouldn't have stopped at 7-11 for
that Big Gulp....

"I... I want to have you with me always."

Tom: That and the *force*.

Atsuko smiled in a knowing way.  "Father once told me that he'd 
always be with me.  I didn't know what he meant at first, but I 
think I know now.  It means that there's a part of him that will 
always be thinking of me and loving me, just as there's a part of 
me that's always thinking about and loving him.  You and I do that 
too.  We love each other, and that means wherever one of is, they 
carry the love of the other with them."

Tom: Crow, I don't think I can sit through many more of these *touching*
speeches....  

Joel:  I don't know about you, Tom, but I wouldn't mind seeing some 
more *touching* between them....

Crow: Well, what do you suggest we do?  Speed the fanfic along past the
mushy parts?

Joel: Hey!  That not a bad idea!  Tom, do you think you can hover over 
to the little window when the projector is playing?

Tom: Hmmm.... 


(Tom slowly rises from his chair and then quickly makes his way across
the theater towards the window, hovering up to it's level.  The fanfic is
soon obscured by Tom's silhouette.)  


Crow: Well?  Any luck?

Tom: I think I can *just* reach it....


(Tom reaches out with his fully functional arm and flips a switch.  All of
the suddenly the fanfic starts racing forward at incredible speed.  After 
several moments, he decides to stop and see how the fanfic is going.)

"You're certainly better built than I am."

Atsuko gaped at her.  "You're a cyborg, too?"

Akiko chuckled.

Crow: Woah!  What a plot development!

Joel: Keep going, Tom....


(Tom fast forwards the fic again for a little while....)


Crow: Wait a second!  Back up a little bit....Okay, let's see what this 
scene is all about....

"Oh, Kei, I'm sorry!  I'll go wash it off."  She ran to the 
adjoining bathroom, where Kei could hear water running.

Joel: ALL RIGHT!!!!  Good eye, Crow!

Crow: Take it easy, Joel....

Kei furrowed his brow, wondering how that could have happened.  
He looked around the room and froze.  One of the monitors at her 
workstation had a huge hole in the front.  Bits of glass, metal, 
and wiring were strewn in front of it.

Crow: Boy, talk about screen burn....

Joel: We've all fantasized about it at some point but finally Atsuko had 
the guts to do it!

Tom: You've crashed on me for the LAST time, computer!  DIE!!!

Kei simply didn't know how to react.  The conclusion that Atsuko 
had punched the monitor was as inescapable as it was impossible to 
believe.  He could count the times Atsuko had been angry on the 
fingers of one hand, and she had never resorted to senseless 
violence.  She would only attack those that attacked her.  She 
could be... overly effusive in the way she hugged everyone, but 
there was never any malice present.

Crow: Anyone who smiles as much as Atsuko has to be a *little* 
psychotic.... 

Joel: (imitating Atsuko) Smile and the world smiles with you.... 

Tom: (calls out)  Guys?  Should I keep fast-forwarding?

Crow: Let's wait a minute and see what happens....

A cold lump began to form in his stomach.  Something was very, 
very wrong.

Crow: Diarrhea is like a storm raging inside you....

Atsuko came out of the bathroom, walked up to him, and hugged him 
tightly.  "Kei, I love you, I love you, I love you.  

Crow: (Singing) And where he goes, she'll follow, she'll follow, she'll 
follow....

Joel: (imitating Kei singing) SHE LOVES ME! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!

You are more special to me than anyone else, and I am so happy that 
you want me in your life, that you've accepted me for who I am.  You've 
given me more happiness and joy then I've ever felt in my life."  She 
pushed herself away and held out her hand.  "Here."

Kei looked down.  In the palm of her hand was her engagement ring.

He stared at her face in shock.

She smiled sadly.  "I do not think we should get married."

Joel: Wha?!?

Crow: Aw man!  It's Akane and Ranma all over again....

Joel: (imitating Atsuko) I love you Kei, but I've recently discovered some 
more feelings that I call *Casual Love* and I'm not about to give them    
up for *one* guy....

Crow: Cute, Joel.  Real cute....   

Tom: (calls out)  So do you want to skip ahead any further or not?

Joel: Go ahead, Tom!


(Tom flips the speed control switch again until....)


Crow: Wait!  I think this is the climax of the story!  Tom, rewind it a 
bit!  No! that's too far!  Now back a little bit more....There!

She walked up to him and kissed him on the cheek.  "I love you, 
Papa-san.  I always loved you best.  You gave me life and intelligence 
and joy and love.  I thank you for those truly wonderful gifts."  She 
laughed, a sound of pure joy.  "Nuku Nuku loves Papa-san."

Kyusaku felt as if he was choking on the force of his repressed 
sobs.  Tears flowed freely down his cheek as he stared at his 
daughter, standing there with her hands clasped in front of her, 
beaming at him.

Tom: (sniff)  

Crow: That's....that's the most beautiful thing I've ever read in my 
life....It....It makes me glad to be alive....to appreciate the things I have 
in life....and the wonderful people that gave them to me....

Joel: Care Bears had more soul....

Crow and Tom: BITE US, JOEL!   


*BLAM!!!*


(The entire theater fades into darkness.)


Joel: Hey!  What happened?

Tom: Uh, sorry guys....I think all that rewinding and fast-forwarding 
finally killed the....projector....

Crow: K....killed the projector....

Joel: Then....that means....

All: WE'RE FREE!!!


(Joel and Crow leap up from their chairs, Tom joining them a moment 
later and they all started dancing around the theater, continuously 
banging into each other since they couldn't see anything but not caring.  
Then the six doors open, illuminating the ecstatic trio....)  


*	*	*


SATELLITE OF HATE
A FEW HOURS LATER....

		
	The sounds of mass celebration echoed throughout the satellite 
as Crow and his friends celebrated the destruction of the projector, 
spelling an end to them having to watch good fanfics anymore.  Joel was	
busy doing the lambada under Gypsy while Tom was flying around the 
room, belting out show tunes.  Meanwhile, in the corner of the room, 
Crow was standing at the counter, wondering why the Madds hadn't 
called them back yet about the projector.  Dr. Frank had been less than 
pleased when he was informed of Tom's tampering and they had not 
heard another word from them since.... 

	Crow glanced at the floor to see Cambot, drunk as a skunk.  An 
evil prank came to mind and Crow quietly placed the lens cap over 
Cambot.  A few moments later, Cambot jerked up and frantically zipped 
about, thinking he had gone blind.  Then the image of Dr. Frank 
suddenly appeared on the screen, a big smile on his face.

	"Good news everyone!"  Dr. F announced.  "My wonderful 
assistant, Forrester, has managed to construct a new projector, that can
be send up and reinstalled into the theater by next week!"

	The celebration came abruptly to a halt.  Everyone froze except
for Cambot, who was still frantically trying to signal for help.  
"WHAT?!?"  Everyone shouted in unison.

	"HE SAID GOOD NEWS EVERYONE!  MY WONDERFUL...."  
T.V's Forrester began.

	"Now, now, Forrester.  No need to stoop to their level."  Dr. Frank
admonished.  "Anyway, I'll be sending up a special droid through the 
umbiliport to reinstall it.  I suggest you don't try to interfere with it or       
you'll be in for a rather unpleasant shock, if you get my drift.  Also this
new projector has a special defense mechanism of it's own should a 
*certain* robot decide to speed it up again.  So until next time, Be well!"

	Tom groaned as the screen winked out.  Crow and the bots 
looked at each other and sighed.  It seemed they still had many good 
fanfics to look forward to....    

	Suddenly alarms rang out again.  Gypsy rushed over to the 
controls and activated Rocket Number 9 as she exclaimed.  "Guys!  That 
strange satellite is back again!"

	"Good.  We can take out our frustrations on it!  Mr. Servo!  
Prepare to lock weapons on target!"  Joel commanded.

	Tom hovered over to the controls and began powering up the  
forward cannons.  A few moments later he adjusted the target sensors
and nodded.

	"Weapons locked."  Crow announced in a descent imitation of 
Sulu. 

	Joel grinned evily as he watched the satellite emerge from the 
mysterious rift once more, a sitting duck.

	"You're space dust!  FIR...."


*	*	*


THE UNIVERSE SHIFTS ONCE MORE....WHAT ARE THE ODDS?	


*	*	*


SATELLITE OF LOVE


	Joel blinked as the satellite disappeared.  "Hey, where'd it go?"

	Gypsy checked the readings on her console and did her best 
impression of a shrug.  "It just disappeared.  There's no sign of the ship 
or the rift anywhere.  It's like it never ever existed."

	Joel sighed while Tom hovered over to him.  "Oh well.  You win 
some, you lose some, Joel...."  Tom remarked.     

	"Besides...."  Crow added.  "That ship was probably full of face
hugging, acid bleeding, tribbles....or....the ghosts of dead crewmen that
project horrible images into your head....or....some alien disease that 
makes you age *really* fast or something else just as bad...."  	

	"You're probably right...."  Joel reluctantly admitted.

	"Speaking of tribbles, let's get back to our game.  I've got a new
idea for a level that combines the tribbles with zero-gravity.  We all 
wear these jetpacks and....

	Tom trailed off as he noticed the red light beginning to flash on
the console.  A moment later, Joel and Crow noticed it too.

	The Mads were calling once more....


THE REAL END.


(Feel free to hum the closing theme as you read my author's notes.)


As the curtain falls on MSTing number six, I'd like to mention that 
Jeffery and I finished this MSTing within one week of me being dared 
to do it.  Sorry if it ran a little longer than usual....

Normally, at this point, I would give very special thanks to Jeffrey 
"Oneshot" Wong, whom, without his help and C&C, I wouldn't have 
been able to finish this MSTing.  However, this time he went above and 
beyond the call of duty by working together with me on this project and 
he deserves as much credit for this MSTing as I do.  :)  

I'd also like to thank Timothy McLees, Luna and Artemis, Chris 
Bergstrom, Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight) and Sakura for being nice 
enough to post my MSTings on their webpages.  As well, I'd like to thank 
Keener and JD Farber for helping to advertise this MSTing on the FFML.
If there's anyone else I missed, I apologize. 

Finally I'd like to thank Richard Lawson for writing "Transitions" and 
giving us a lot of material to work with.   I hope you're not too offended.  
If you are, feel free to MST my own works, I won't mind a bit.  Also, if 
anyone here has not checked out the complete and  *unMSTED* version
of this story, I'm sure Richard would be more than happy to send it to 
you.  It really is a beautiful story.

C&C, as always, is appreciated.  (fcasper@yesic.com) (jeffwong@li.net)    
Feel free to send in any anime fanfic that you would like to see MSTed 
and I'll take a look at it.  Also, if you're interested in seeing any previous 
episodes of this series, you can check them out at the following webpages 
or, if you wish, I'd be happy to e-mail them to you.  ;)

Sincerely,

Megane 6.7 and Jeffery "Oneshot" Wong


Tenchi's Vault of Anime MSTings
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/4007/MSTings.html 

(Home of my MSTings and the MSTings of many other talented authors.)


The Official Homepage of Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong 
http://www.isc.rit.edu/~jkw7063/fanfic/index.htm


(Author of the popular "Usagi's Usual Morning" series and a great human being.) 


100% Anime Fanfiction
http://www.smoky.org/~cberg/fanfics/

(216+ fanfics and going strong.  Be sure to check out the Review page!)


Jupiter Knight's Great Sailor Moon Fanfic Archive
http://www.dragonfire.net/~JupiterKnight/fanfics.htm 

(A great source of Sailor Moon Fanfics.)


Zen's Fanfiction Page
http://www.mindspring.com/~databank/fanfics.html

(One of the most controversial fanfic writers today and one of my favorites.)


The New Luna and Artemis Central Command
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/9897/

(The source of most of my MSTings and updated weekly with new fics.)


Sakura's Lemon Fan-Fiction Archive
http://anime.muck.com/~sakura/main.html

(Ever growing collection of Lemon Fanfiction from all walks of Anime.)



Oscar's Sailormoon Z and Hentai Fanfics, Archive Page
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/3272/

(Proceed at your own risk....)


"She walked up to him and kissed him on the cheek.  "I love you, 
Papa-san.  I always loved you best.  You gave me life and intelligence 
and joy and love.  I thank you for those truly wonderful gifts."  She 
laughed, a sound of pure joy.  "Nuku Nuku loves Papa-san." 
 

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations 
are trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights 
reserved.


Keep Circulating the Fanfics....