Okay, boys and girls. You always complained that I never posted any fics. Well, here's a fic. A really stupid and poorly written fic. Yes, it is a disgrace to this list. But don't blame me! Blame yourselves for letting me just post spam! 

This fic takes OOC to a new level. Yes, this was inspired by the recent OOC discussion, brought on by Slayers 1/2. So, Ranma puritans, beware!

I wrote this as a one hour fic, but I was constantly being interrupted. I couldn't go ten minutes without being called away from the computer for some stupid task. It took me three hours to right a one hour fic! And I didn't even get a chance to read it!

For all of you who think you suck, please, I invite you to try to do worse than this. You would have to try really hard to do come even close to this level of suckyness. 

Feel free to C&C this. As it is short. If you MST this, I will come up and kiss you! Anyhow, on with the torture...
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Oocy Docy Pro
     by Me!

This is a Ranma fic. I am using characters that I did not create without permission. (for shame!) But, you have all heard this 3.2 trillion times before, so why explain it again? 


     Ranma sat and stared at the beautiful sunset. Eyes watering, he felt nothing as the rays struck his slightly weathered face. Any passer by could tell that something was pondering Ranma. It was a question so simple, yet so difficult to answer. A question which has driven many men to insanity, to suicide, and occasionally to the living room couch.

     Whom did he love? He honestly could not answer that question without any doubt. There once was a time when he would have answered that Akane was his only true love, but she no longer thrilled him. Her constant malleting caused him nothing but pain and grief. There was Ukyou, whom he thought of as a friend, his best friend at that, but nothing more. And, of course, there was Shampoo. He beauty was quite astounding, but he knew he could never love Shampoo. She, and her curse, were never meant for him. 

     He was beginning to think that there was no one for him. No one whom he could love, to cherish forever. But there was someone. Someone whom he could hold in his arms for all eternity. Someone to always wake up seeing her cheerful face smiling back at him. Someone whom he could hold hands and walk down to the park with. Someone whom he truly could love; the old women with the dirty water.

     Yes, this was the women who Ranma loved more than anyone else. More than Akane, Shampoo, and Ukyou combined. Every morning as he hurried atop the fence on his rush to school, he would see her and her ever lasting smile. It made him feel good all over, inside and out. No other women could do this to him. No other women could make him feel the way she makes him feel. Yes, he was in love with the old lady with the dirty water.
          
     He didn't always feel this way. At first, she did nothing but annoy him. She constantly did nothing but splash him with that cold, icky dirty water. And for the first few weeks, every time he saw her he would fill with rage. He wanted to grab that old lady by the little hair she has left and drown her in that bucket full of dirty water. But as time went by, he slowly began to look at her in a different light. He wasn't sure if it was the constant blows to the head by Akane or the cheerful way she dumped the water, but something made her seem more attractive everyday. And now he could hardly ever get her out of his head.

     Sometimes late at night, while everyone was asleep, he would sneak out of the house, and sit quietly on the fence outside the old lady's house. There, he would sit and watch the her sleep. Her chest slowly heaving up and down; her pace maker keeping her heart on track; her dialysis machine keeping her blood cleansed from harmful contaminants. Sometimes, if he stayed awake long enough, he could even catch a glimpse of her getting up to use the bathroom. Such instances were rare indeed. But, they were worth it. He body slowly swaying from side to side; it was very much like an addictive drug for Ranma. He could never seem to get enough. He often wished he had a cam corder, so he could video tape her trek, and then watch it over and over. 

     There was one wish that has yet to be full filled; to see her undress. How he longed for the night to come when she would take off her frilly old apron, and expose herself to him, and only him. Sometimes, the anticipation would almost kill him by causing him to fall off the fence. If he could see her naked, he was sure that then he would have experienced heaven.

      He so desperately wants to tell her his true feelings he has for her. Maybe then he could even learn her wonderful name, which he had no doubt would be utterly wonderful. Every morning while passing her house, he wanted so much get to know her a little bit better, for her to invite him in for a cup of green tea. But he would continue walking right on by, like she never existed. He wanted to hit himself for lacking the nerves to ask her such a simple question. But, there was a reason to be nervous. 

     What if she didn't feel the same way about him? What if she thought of him as a reject? The thought scared Ranma more than anything else had in his life. How would he take it if she found him repulsive. Thoughts of suicide ran through his mind. Killing one's self would be unhonorable, but suicide would be better than taking the humiliation he would receive. He could not live knowing that his one love thought of him as a freak. It would be a dishonor to him, to his family, and even to her. A chill slid up his spine as pictures of his funeral swam through his mind. He could see Ukyou and Akane, crying. Crying not because he was dead, but because he had chosen a cute little old lady over them. He could see mother arguing with his father over what went wrong. Why he would choose some old lady over his fiancee's? 

     There was no doubt he could ever tell the old lady or anyone else about his secret crush. He would rather live uncertain if she loved than knowing that she didn't. Besides, if Akane or Ukyou ever found out, they would punt him to the moon. 
     
     As the last crack of the sun disappeared behind the horizon, Ranma picked himself up. He quickly brushed himself off and noticed far more time had passed than he realized. He started to leave, but took a pause to look to the old lady's house. There she was, Ranma's item of affection, dumping more of that endless supply of water into the street. He could see a little black piglet wading in the water, wearing nothing more than a yellow bandana around it's neck. Ranma laughed to himself, noting the irony of the situation. He turned back to the dojo and began his walk home. He smiled as walked, thinking that perhaps one day, one day, she will think of him as her black little piglet.


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Dustin Goeller (Spiffy)
e-mail:stinky@azstarnet.com <---- Send Flames Hear, Not To ML or Girlfriend.
Web Page:Get real! Me make a web page?  Yea, whatever...
				     
³When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.²
			-A Student Blooper From ŒAnguished English.¹
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