On 8/22/97 7:10 PM, Gary Kleppe at KLEPPE@execpc.com wrote:

On Fri, 22 Aug 1997 15:39:13 -0700, Eric Adams
<eric.adams@decisionone.COM> wrote:

i really like this story, so far out of your series i liked this one the
best.

Thanks for the compliment!

I admit, I think it's the best one as well. :)

anyways, a few problems with the story only center around the two weeks
it took for Akari and Ryouga to realize their love.  It hardly seems
feasible.  a longer period of time might have been more rewarding, on
the other hand the story might proceed better if you gave us some
insight into what occured during those two weeks might be fruitful and
remove that sort of awkward feeling.

I'll think about this...

It's a good suggestion, I think; while I didn't have too much problem 
having him show up two weeks later to get married, I think it works 
better if you do at least a little development of the relationship.

As for Ryouga's parents showing up at the wedding, is not entirely
necessary or unecessary, the story works fine either way and they would
only be there as a side issue.  I think in a way though, that Ryouga is
leaving behind a bit of his life, burning bridges so to speak, it
depends on the kind of future relationship you want Ryouga to have with
his parents, he seems a wee bit resentful of them in this story.

He is, somewhat. Whether that'll continue in the future, time will tell.
It'll depend on them being around once in a while, which is uncertain...

It'd be funny to have them show up accidentally at the last minute, but 
Eric's got a good point about it being a way to explore how he feels 
about his parents.

Kaede isnt that the old one eyed woman in that story?

In Inu-Yasha, yes. This version is a little different (she has both
eyes, for one thing).

I see that name, and I keep thinking of the poor female ninja from UY. :)



Travis Butler
(The Professor, formerly of Myth and Magick!, Lawrence, KS;
 tbutler@tfs.net, now from the Wandering Powerbook;
 <http://www.tfs.net/personal/tbutler/>;
 Mac page <http://www.tfs.net/business/tbutler/>)

...Like Alice, I try to believe three impossible things before breakfast.