Here it is, after what, three months? Anyway, enjoy!
=====
Gratuitous Self
Part 9: Smile When You Say That
"Stop it!!!" screamed Bob. "Do I have to douse you with water to make you
stop writing?!"
"Nuhhhh..." was all Takezo said as his fingers flew across the keyboard.
"Nuhhhh? NUHHH?! Stop it, Takezo! You'll write your way to a nervous
breakdown this way!!!" Bob frantically shook Takezo. "I don't want to wait
10 years for the next part of Turning Road!"
"Hey." Takezo stopped typing for a moment to glare at Bob. "I'm not Robert
Jordan, you know. I'm just trying to get part 8 out before Kojiro or Templar
get their version out."
"But you have to rest! You must be tired after writing Part 6 and 7 in two
consecutive days! C'mon, just relax and let yourself relax..."
"Bob."
"Yes?"
Takezo gave Bob a hooded look. "If you wanna play X-Com 3 on my PC now, why
don't you just ask?"
Bob's eyes widened, then he shrugged. "Fine. Can I --"
"No. I'm busy."
"AAAGH!!! I'm going to throttle the life outta you!!!"
-----
He had fled.
Ranma could just hear Kuno now. That fool Saotome had fled like the coward
he is.
Damn it. What made him run to the school rooftop, exactly? Was it the way
Kuno grinned smugly at him as the challenge was thrown? Was it the challenge
itself?
"All you have to do is tell Akane you love and I'll never bother her again."
Was it the challenge at all? Was it even Kuno at all?
Or was it something else?
That look on Akane's face... Not hate, not anger, not even sadness.
Uncertainty.
Damn it.
Takezo watched impatiently as Kuno paid the bill, stood up, chivalrously
helped Akane up to her feet, opened the door for her, watch her exit, and
exited himself. With an audible 'tsk' Takezo got up, walked over to the
table where the waitress was carrying away the remnants of the food and
drink Kuno and Akane had, and took the napkin holder-cum-tape recorder.
Walking back to where Nabiki was seated, and settling down in his own seat,
he irritably flipped the tape recorder on the table, nearly toppling over
his half-empty cup of coffee. "Well," he finally said, "now what?"
Nabiki took her glorious time with the last of her own coffee, obscuring
Takezo's view of her face with the bottom of the white porcelain cup.
She wasn't answering him.
Takezo's lips curled in impatience. "Now what?" he repeated.
Nabiki finally put the cup down on the saucer with an audible clink. "You
know," she said, "this is all your fault."
Takezo scowled. "And where do you base that fancy piece of logic, pray tell?"
"Simple," Nabiki replied. "My scams, er, plans, always work. But I usually
work alone on them. Since this is my first failure, I can blame it on the
fact that I'm unaccustomed with working with an idiot."
Takezo snorted, so strongly that some of the paper napkins that had
scattered on the table fluttered for a moment. Damn this woman, he thought.
"Yeah, well, whatever. You still haven't answered how we'll salvage this
little operation of ours."
"Well," she said, "for one thing, there's that little piece of evidence over
there." She motioned to the tape recorder. "Another thing we can count on is
Akane's love for Ranma, and vice versa."
The simple raise of an eyebrow expressed Takezo's disbelief. "Come again?"
Nabiki lifted the cup to finish off the last of her coffee, which had
remarkably survived the last thirty second outing. "Akane's love for Ranma
and vice versa. Are you deaf or something?"
Takezo couldn't find any other way to express any more disbelief, so he used
his voice. "Are you nuts? What love are you talking about? Those two are
always chewing each other out like they hate each other! And you expect me
to believe that those two are in love?"
Nabiki put the cup back down. "Yep."
Takezo threw up his hands. "That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard.
What kind of guy would express his love for a girl by snapping at her all
the time? Ditto the girl."
Nabiki smirked. "They're not expressing his love, they're hiding it.
Overcompensating, if you will."
Takezo shrugged. "Whatever. You still haven't answered the question. What
kind of person would overcompensate for his or her own love by masking it in
anger?"
Nabiki stared at him silently.
Takezo flushed in realization.
-----
Still pretty sore from not being able to play, Bob looked up from the
manuscript and glanced at Takezo, who was taking a little respite from
writing since posting the fanfic to warm up his Super Famicom. He had put
in his favorite 16-bit fighting game and was now using Heavy Arms to pummel
a poor defenseless Deathscythe.
More parallelism in his writing, Bob thought. Is he doing this on purpose?
Bob's mind snapped back to the unplayed X-Com 3 CD lying on top of the PC's
mini tower. He stared at it in a gnawing feeling of wastefulness.
Nah, he thought. It's probably another fluke.
-----
Kojiro watched two figures in trench coats leave the café. "There goes
Takezo with my girl," he commented to Ukyo.
"Ask me if I care," Ukyo said between sips of her milk shake. Her THIRD
milkshake.
Kojiro was starting to get annoyed. "Fine, then. I will."
"Go ahead," Ukyo replied without looking up.
"Do you care?" he asked defiantly.
"No."
Where is Kuno leading me? Akane thought.
The park was rather peaceful at this time. Sunset. Several couples milled
through the pathways, some happy, some not so. Signs of activity from the
vegetation a little of the path did little to allay Akane's fears.
Not that she minded Kuno's company right now, though. He was a lot better
this way. He still had that air of supreme self-confidence about him, same
as before. It was just that it was so much more... charming, without that
mask of utter pretentiousness about him.
"Is there something on my face?" Kuno asked her.
She gave a start, and she realized she was staring at him. "Um, no, it's
nothing."
"Okay," he said. He smiled at her, that amazing, wonderful, simple smile,
and they continued walking.
It was a thing to behold, that smile. She would probably never get over how
he was, smiling that way. It gladdened her in a way she never thought
possible. She saw its kind so rarely, the kind of smile that would not only
show on a person's mouth, but also in a person's eyes.
It gladdened her, and yet it saddened her, somehow.
Ranma almost never smiled this way.
-----
Bob felt a sudden pang of sadness. How very... odd, he thought. That this
feeling could be evoked by a self-insertion fic.
Bob stared at Takezo. The screen flashed as Lavos fell to a well-timed Delta
Attack.
You're wasting your talents, Takezo.
Or are you?
-----
Ukyo stood on the school rooftop, silently watching the lonely figure near
the edge of the building. She looked on as Ranma stared sullenly at the
setting sun.
I could go over to him now and comfort him, like I usually do, she thought.
Then he'd be all mine, at least for a while...
Thoughts of Ranma's smile filled Ukyo's head. He would smile at her every
time she tried to cheer him up, and she would smile back, but there would be
something there, some nagging feeling she would push aside to one corner of
her mind. She was content to be there, to console him when he needed
consoling. That... nagging thing didn't matter for now, she always thought
to herself, as she listened to him speak.
But now it did, and now she knew what it was.
The smile would be happier if it were for someone else.
Ukyo shook her head. Not this way, she thought. I won't have you this way,
Ranma. I'm sorry, but I can't console you. Not right now. Not this way.
She turned to leave, with an odd mixture of relief and regret that he
wouldn't ever know she was there.
Kojiro tailed the trench-coated pair off, back to the Tendo Dojo. He nimble
leapt over the fence and hid atop a tree as he watched the light in Nabiki's
room go on.
It can't be, he thought. She can't be taking him over to... GASP! Her room!
Sure enough, the two of them were in there. Takezo, the stinking
rat-bastard, placed a napkin holder on her desk. That creep! Not only did he
steal my girl, Kojiro thought, he stole a napkin holder, too! Someone must
stop his evil before it's too late! Like when he might do worse things, like
rip off the tabs off pillows!
What were they talking about? Kojiro couldn't quite make it out. There
seemed to be someone else talking in the room, since Nabiki and Takezo's
mouths weren't moving.
Omigod! The napkin holder was talking! It must be a disguised oni Takezo is
using to corrupt my sweet innocent Nabiki!
Whatever it was that had failed to connect in Kojiro's mind finally got the
chance to after some of the trunk lines of his brain decongested.
Get a grip, genius, it's probably a tape recorder disguised as a napkin
holder, Kojiro thought wryly. This is obviously some scam Takezo cooked up.
Oh, my Nabiki, never fear. I'll save you from that heathen somehow, just you
wait... I'll prove myself more worthy of your love than that creep...
"All you have to do is tell Akane you love and I'll never bother her again."
In disgust Takezo switched off the recorder and flung it on the bed, where
it landed next to where Nabiki was seated. "So what the heck do we do about
this, Nabiki?"
"I'm thinking, okay?" Nabiki snapped. "This is tougher than I thought."
"Tougher, nothing!" Takezo said in disgust. "There is absolutely nothing on
this tape that we can use for anything! No blackmail, no selling to fanboys,
nothing!"
"No selling to fanboys? Are you sure?" asked Nabiki. "You know, some people
make a good living that way."
What were they talking about? What was Nabiki thinking, letting that
stinking rat-bastard into her room like that? What if he jumped her? What if
he took advantage of what appeared like momentary weakness on her part?
Did I just think weakness off my goddess? thought Kojiro. My goddess! Blasphemy!
Kojiro, perched atop a branch, began the Ritual of Purification in order to
cleanse himself of his sin of free thought. This involved several
complicated steps, one of them the bath of 5000 yen.
"Well," Nabiki finished, "if we can't beat him..."
"Join him?" Takezo tried to finish.
"Nope. Work around him," Nabiki said with what looked like a smug grin.
Takezo looked at Nabiki. "What do you mean?"
"Simple," Nabiki said. "If we can't sell the tape to fanboys, we sell
something else to fangirls."
"Fangirls?" Takezo said, puzzled.
"Yes. We simply..." Nabiki turned to the window, behind Takezo. "What IS
that sound?"
"Oh, that," Takezo said. "It's Kojiro. He's bathing himself in 100-yen coins
on top of the tree by your window."
Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "You mean, you knew he was out there all the time
and you didn't tell me?"
Takezo shrugged. "I figured you'd sent him to make sure I don't do anything
untoward to you."
Nabiki chuckled. "No, I didn't. He looks pathetic, doesn't he?"
"You mean the way he tags along with you like a lost puppy? Whether you want
him to or not?" Takezo smirked. "He sure does." He suddenly stopped, and
gave Nabiki a concerned look. "Do I do that?"
"Huh? Oh, no," Nabiki said.
Takezo crossed his arms. "I thought you liked men who grovel."
Nabiki didn't answer.
"Let's go this way. It's shorter."
And with that Kuno pulled Akane off the path and into the woods.
NOW Akane was getting scared. Where WAS Kuno leading her?
"C'mon! This way!"
Ukyo, walking through the park, saw everything.
-----
John Smith took a break from writing his thesis, 'Effects of N2 on the
Attack Patterns of Sachiel' and warmed up his mailer. He immediately spotted
'Turning Road 8' and began to read idly.
Templar was fast asleep on his bed, snoring loudly. He had been up all
night, finishing off his version of Turning Road 8. He had decided to post
it in the morning, and then he promptly went to sleep. Boy, is he going to
be ticked, John thought.
Pretty soon, he had forgotten about Sachiel and N2 and Crusaders and knew
only the fanfic before him.
-----
Now, Kojiro thought. On the count of three, I'm going to leap over to the
window, smash through, and rescue Nabiki from the heathen. Yeah, that's it.
He steeled himself, took a deep breath and began to count.
"One..."
"Ranma," Ukyo called out.
Ranma gave a start. "Ucchan," he called back down from the top of the
school building. "What is it?"
"Kuno is leading Akane into the woods. You'd better do something." Ukyo
called out, keeping her voice as even as possible.
"He is?! Why that stinking..." He stood up to go, but then he turned to
Ukyo. "Hey, thanks, Ucchan!" With that he leaped off.
After a while, Ukyo finally said, "You're welcome." She turned to go
herself. "I just too proud to take him like this, I guess..."
"Two..."
Nabiki watched Takezo walk up to the side of the window. "Takezo, what are
you doing?"
Takezo faced Nabiki. "Huh? Oh, this."
"Three! Banzai!!!"
Takezo opened the window, and in fell Kojiro.
"Hey hey, Kojiro!" Takezo smirked. "Nice of you to drop by! Did you need
anything?"
Nabiki stifled a laugh. Oh, these two...
"Onore!" Kojiro began to lunge at Takezo, but stopped when he looked at
Nabiki. He then flushed beet red and grinned sheepishly. "Uh, uh,
Nabiki-san! I, I... eheh, I was in the neighborhood, and I thought I'd just,
you know..."
"Drop by," Takezo finished.
"Yeah, yeah, that's it!" Kojiro got up, brushed himself off, and climbed
back out the window. "Well, been nice seeing you, Nabiki! You too, Takezo!"
He waved. "Bye now!"
With that, Kojiro leaped out backwards.
"Well," Takezo said as he started to leave, "I guess I'd better get going too."
"Okay," Nabiki said. "Take---"
A loud splash erupted from outside.
Nabiki turned to look and saw Kojiro floating in the koi pond in Takahashi
fashion. That Kojiro...
She turned back to look at Takezo, but he had already gone.
"...care," she finished.
Damn it, who knows what Kuno might be doing to Akane right now, Ranma
thought frantically as he ran through the park.
"Shorthaired girl and a guy, right? Sure I seen 'em. Just went through the
woods thataway."
Ranma didn't even stop to thank the guy. Ranma just blazed through the thick
vegetation, and ran, and ran, and ran, and...
In after what seemed to be an eternity, the underbrush started to thin out,
and Ranma leaped over what seemed to be a wall. He landed on a strangely
familiar street. He followed it down, mind partly on Akane and Kuno, and
partly trying to figure out what this street was...
Suddenly it dawned on him. "Hey! This is..."
"Thanks for today, Kuno," he heard Akane say, in front of the Tendo dojo
gate. "I enjoyed it very much."
"Well, I'm glad you did. Let's do it again, sometime." Kuno said with that
disgusting smile of his.
"Sure!" Akane then noticed Ranma, standing there. "Ra... Ranma." She fell
silent.
"Ah, Ranma, there you are," Kuno said. "Well, what do you say? The offer
still stands."
-----
"Now!" cried John Smith. "Tell her now!"
A "Nuhhhhhhh..." came from the direction of Templar, or 'J'. Whatever.
"Whuz' goin' on?"
"Shaddup!" snapped John. "I'm trying to read here!"
"Read?" 'J' said, sitting up. "Read what?"
"Turning Road 8."
"But I thought I already let you pre-read the thing? Why read it again?" 'J'
asked.
"Not your TR 8," John replied, "Takezo's TR 8."
"Takezo's? What do you mean, Takezo's?" 'J' demanded.
"This one," John answered. "The one he just posted."
"What?!" 'J' exclaimed. "He beat me to it again?!"
"Yep."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
"And now," High Commander Sasaki Kojiro said to another full audience of the
Crusaders of Nabiki Tendo, "it gives me great pleasure to present to you my
installment of Turning Road."
"Uh, High Commnder, sir," said an older Knight, "is it Turning Road 9?"
"No, of course not," said Kojiro irritably. "It's Turning Road 8."
"Well, um, that's bad, sir."
"And why is that?" asked Kojiro.
"Well," said the Knight, fidgeting, "the Heretic has beaten you to it again,
sir."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
-----
He ran.
Ranma could just hear Kuno now. That fool Saotome ran like the coward he is.
Damn it. What made him run to the dojo rooftop, again? Was it the way Kuno
grinned smugly at him as the offer was given? Was it the offer itself?
"Well, what do you say? The offer still stands."
Was it the challenge at all? Was it even Kuno at all?
Or was it something else?
That look on Akane's face...
Disappointment.
Damn it.
Takezo stared at the ceiling as he lay in his bunk. What was that woman's
game? Why did she act the way she did? What did she mean, 'fangirls'? What
were they going to do about Kuno?
He sighed. Ah, well, he thought. At least my room's peaceful. At least I can
lie in peace. I wonder why that is, though. Just as well.
He heard a knock on the door. "Yo, Takezo, can I come in?"
"Sure," he said.
The door opened, and a tall, brown-haired guy came in. "Hey, Musashi, how's
it goin'?"
Takezo sat up and climbed down the bunk. "Oi, Mitsuru! Ah, well, same old."
The guy, the disgustingly handsome dorm head Ikeda Mitsuru sat down at the
table in the center of the room, putting down two cans of orange juice. "Oh,
really now? My informants have told me of your little expedition in a trench
coat."
How he find that out? "Oh, you know, huh?"
"Yeah, well..." Mitsuru opened his can and took a swig. "How is that
Nabiki? Still the sneaky little devil, huh?"
"She sure is." Takezo opened his can and started to lift it up to his mouth
when... "Hey, wait a minute. What do you mean, 'still'?"
Mitsuru put his can down. "'Still' as in, as before. Why?"
Takezo leaned over from his side of the table. "You know her?"
Mitsuru smirked. "You might say that. She and I go waaaaaaay back."
Takezo was surprised. "How? How'd you know her? You go to a different high
school! An all-boys one, no less!"
"How? As in literally, figuratively, or biblically?" joked Mitsuru.
"You know what I mean."
"Okay, okay," said Mitsuru. "Well, it was summer, we met at the beach and
the summer festival, and I didn't know she was how she is."
In the foreground, a super-deformed Kisaragi Shun popped up. "For more
information, see the video for DoCo's 'Owaranai Natsu Yasumi'."
-----
John Smith slapped his forehead. "That's who the silhouetted guy was in that
video? That's incredible!"
"Heathen! Heathen! Heathen!" 'J' was jumping around, raving like a madman.
John smacked him with a boot. "Aw, shaddup!"
Bob grinned slightly after reading this part. He once again glanced over at
Takezo, who was presently making Locke cast Ultima in an attempt to beat Kefka.
This guy is completely nuts. Then Bob thought for a moment. It makes perfect
sense, though...
-----
"And?" asked Takezo.
"And," continued Mitsuru, "it was amid a field of sunflowers..."
"Oh, no," said Shinobu as he entered the room, "not the Nabiki story again."
"Yes, the Nabiki story," Mitsuru said. "Have a seat. Anyway, to make a long
story short, I kind of, well, we..."
"Never met again, partly because you had to part ways at the end of summer
vacation," interrupted Shinobu, opening his own can of juice, "partly
because she doesn't know you're around, since you told her you had to return
to Ikeda Temple, and partly because you're too insecure to meet her again,
because of her little reputation. Frankly, I don't understand what your
problem is, Mitsuru. So she's cold, insensitive, and selfish. Personally, I
find that very attractive in a woman."
"That's not it!" exclaimed Mitsuru.
"Insecure? Mitsuru? In the same sentence?" Takezo asked, incredulously.
"That's completely unheard of!"
"Oh, don't let his self-confident demeanor fool you," Shinobu said between
pulls of his juice. "Underneath that utterly disconcerting air of charm and
cheerfulness and self-confidence lies a mass of worry and indecision. Why,
just this morning he was having trouble with one of his life's toughest
questions --- What strength hair spray to use."
"Aw, put a sock in it, Shinobu," Mitsuru snapped, gulping down his own
orange juice and smacking Shinobu on his lavender-colored hair.
Should... Should I ask him? thought Takezo, gripping his own can of juice
between his hands. I don't know if it'd be appropriate...
"What's the matter, Takezo?" asked Mitsuru, slamming down his can on the
tabletop. "Speak up."
"Well, I don't know it I should..." said Takezo, hesitating.
"Takezo, where's your best friend, Kojiro?" asked Shinobu suddenly.
"I dunno..." answered Takezo to the unexpected question. "Hey! No wonder my
room was so peaceful!"
"You had something to say, Takezo?" Mitsuru said.
"Oh, right..." Takezo paused for a moment, then... "I have something to ask
you, Mitsuru..."
"Yes? What is it?" asked Mitsuru.
"Well..."
"Yes?" Mitsuru leaned forward.
"Well... When are we going to wise up and get beer? I'm getting tired of
orange juice."
-----
"My Lord Commander! Please say something!"
"Uh..." Kojiro's head felt like it was filled with Bavarian cream. Bad
Bavarian cream. "What... what happened?"
"You kinda zoned out for a while, milord."
"Ah, yes, well, where was I?" Kojiro could sort of make it out... "Ah yes.
As I was saying, it gives me great honor to present to you my installment of
Turning Road 8!"
"But sir, I already told you, the Heretic has posted his own installment
already. Sir? Sir? Are you alright?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
"Sometimes," Bob said, "I think you'll never finish writing this fic."
"I may just yet," Takezo replied between Rocket Punches on Dr. Wily's UFO.
"But, since I'm enjoying myself, why rush it?"
"True," Bob said. "By the way, have you heard from either Kojiro or Templar
lately?"
"As a matter of fact, no," replied Takezo. "They've been very quiet lately.
I wonder why?"
In Part 10: What is Nabiki up to? What does she mean by 'working around'?
Where does Takezo stand with her? Where is Kojiro hiding out? And where does
Mitsuru fit in all of this? Will anyone finally figure out what 'J' stands
for? Who knows?
Finally, after much wait, Part 9 is finished. My thanks and apologies to all
those who waited, and waited for it. I hope that this installment is up to
your expectations. Or maybe not. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this as
much as I enjoy writing it.
Gratuitous Scorecard:
Nervous breakdown: 5 pts. And the hope that it doesn't happen, otherwise,
when the heck are we getting Book 8 of the Wheel of time?
Heavy Arms/Deathscythe: 5 pts. for the series, 10 pts. for the Super Famicom
game name.
Lavos/Delta Attack: 5 pts. for the game, and a 'Please tell me where she
is!' for all those who found Schala.
N2/Sachiel: 5 pts. for the series.
The name of Takezo's dorm: 10 pts. for the English name, 15 more for the
Japanese one.
Owaranai Natsu Yasumi: The song itself: 5 pts. Title in English: 10 pts. OAV
it can be found: 5 pts.
Locke/Ultima/Kefka: 5 pts.
Rocket Punch/Wily: Game series: 5 pts. Exact game: 5 more pts.
And the thirty point bonus question always asked: What does 'J' stand for?
Until Part 10, ja matta!
TimeRunner, August 17, 1997
TimeRunner
Representative of the Crusaders of Nabiki Tendo at
the Church of All Worlds
=====
"Put your money where your foot is!"
TimeRunner's Fics can be found at:
TimeRunner Central
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/7482/index.html