Okay, this one required a little explanation. Lisa Vannette (from BGC 8) went
on to become a great reporter (a photojornalist in fact). As time when on,
she stepped on some toes (lost a husband and gained some cyber in the
attempt) , got caught in a boomer battle (Kara her daugter gets deafened). 
A lot of this deals with Lisa trying to recover her humanity.

BGC: Shadows and Silence (A BGC:Tales of the Immortal Knight Saber side
story)

By Kain The Seeker
AKA Andrew Graham (Kaintskr@aol.com)


Lisa shot up in the bed, drenched in sweat and only a second from filling
her apartment with a glass rattling scream. She didn't though, not this
time.She rolled out of the bed and opened the bar on the other side of the
studio apartment. _Six nights running_, Lisa, she told herself, _what is
eating you?_

She looked at the grim visaged woman in the mirror. She was still pretty,
only one scar was beyond the ability of the surgeons. The one that had taken
her eye 12 years ago. Most nights she couldn't ignore it. Simple things like
the buildings climate control made sure of that. Her eye, the right one,
felt like a ball of cold lead in the cool environment of her apartment.

She poured a shot into the glass and walked out onto the patio. She closed
her eyes and pictured the view outside her apartment as it had been all those
years ago. It seemed that the lights were brighter then, now they were just
fluttering sparks that barely kept the shadows at bay.

She was startled by the sound of broken glass. _Crap_, she thought as
her right hand crushed the thick glass tumbler, I haven't had control
problems this bad in years. She held up the arm up and examined it closely,
as she mentally cued a diagnostic routine. _All green. It's not the
hardware,Lisa;_ a part of her whispered, >it's the software_.

The chrome and myomer gleamed with a slight golden shine as the remains of
her drink dribbled down her arm. She knew from long experience that she could
close her eyes and still feel the phantom half sensation of her real arm,
despite 12 years and countless neural adjustments. Some things science had
yet to find a way to do. One of them was the phantom pain syndrome.
Scientists said that they just hadn't been able to map out the neural
pathways of the brain enough.

She preferred to think that it was the way that the human soul reminded you
what had been lost. Once upon a time, she hadn't been able to look at the
arm or eye without thinking of Carl. She had killed him. She wasn't the one
that had planted the bomb, but it was her story that had gotten him killed.

She closed her eyes and tried to remember him. She could see his face on
that autumn day, as the life poured out of him, but she couldn't remember
what he looked like in bed as they watched the sunrise together. Or what
he had worn on their wedding day. His voice was gone as well, swallowed up
by the years of other screams and cries. _Why can't I remember him?_

She ran the hand up her side and brought it to rest on her face. She felt
the cold metal run across the face, leaving a trail of cold afterwards. The
textures of the tactile induction pads rasped across her nose as she brought
the hand to linger on her scar. She savored the real sensations, of her flesh
and cut out the simulated ones of her hand.

She leaned on the railing of the patio and looked down to the street far
below. It would be so easy to take that one last step. _One step over the
railing and gravity would take care of the res_t. Lisa shuddered at the
thought. _When did it becomes so easy to let go_? She took another step
backwards and drew in a long breath before retreating back into the
apartment. Back into the concealing shadows and silences of her life.


The next day she finished and filed the story that she had spent the last
month researching in Nor-Cal. Finally, she was done and her editor insisted
that she take a few days off. She decided not to argue, there wasn't anything
that she really wanted to cover right now and he was right. It had been a
long time since she had taken a rest.

She wandered the city, not sure where she wanted to go. Except not back to
her apartment. Old habits took over and before she knew it she was in The
Firing Line. She had started hanging out there years ago when she was a cub
reporter working Metro/City desk as an intern. She had always been
conformable around the tactical squad of the ADP. She was related to the one
of the officers in Investigation.

The night that a certain cub reporter had grabbed a shotgun from a fallen
trooper and held off a runaway B-class boomer before it could harm the
trooper really broke the ice. She smiled a little at the memories, they were
good ones. She had enjoyed her time with the teams and definitely given the
public an earful on life in the trenches.

Before she could slip back into the funk, someone took a seat in the booth.
She looked up from her drink and was suprised to see Leon. The old detective
smiled at her, looking at her from over the edge of his signature shades.
He set his cane beside the booth.

"Heard that you were back in town, Lisa. You didn't stop by the academy to
see me, so I figured that I would check out all the old hangouts to see if
you were slumming."

"Yeah, well I have had a couple things on my mind, Leon." She looked him
over, he still had the rougish smile and shades. He didn't look too out of
shape, but she knew that he was determined to keep as fit as possible. "How's
the leg?"

"A little phantom pain and the stump itches if I wear the prosthetic too
long. The usual."

She looked at him and realized that there was still some of the attraction
to him. The old McNichol charm is still going strong. _Too bad Priss ruined
you for the rest of us Leon_. He still had eyes only for the megastar, even
though he hotly denied it. Unlike most of his friends, she knew that Priss
was just as hung up on him. Only neither of them could walk away from their
lives for the other. Leon twisted a little under the scrutiny of her gaze.

"Oh, I've got something that you might find interesting. One of the squadies
got something interesting on his camera and came to me to get it
identified.", Leon slid a photo-disc across the table, "I'm sure that an ace
reporter like yourself would find this interesting." He stood up to leave,
and looked at her one last time as he picked up his cane and hobbled out the
door. "Give me a call if you want to talk, okay?" She watched him disappear
into the night.

She sat at her desk and popped the disc out of her concealed carrier bay.
She laid it on the oak desktop and looked at it for long minutes. Leon had
done this with her before. He would leak cases that had got quashed for
politcal or corporate reasons and she would write them herself or pass them
to an associate. Some of her best stories had come from Leon.

Back then she would have leapt at the chance for a scoop like the ones that
Leon was offering. _Now all I do is wonder if it is worth the energy to
pursue it. Calculate what I have to do and what the payoff will be. Compare
the bottom line to the sweat and effort._ She stood up and looked at the
desk for a long time before finally walking away and going to bed. _I'm
not ready for this_.

She came out of the bed screaming, the only reason that the building wasn't
awake was the sound proofing of her apartment._ Seventh times the charm_,
Lisa, she told herself as she went through what was rapidly becoming a night
routine of drinking and recriminations. Again ending with the long gaze at
that final step.

_Then why don't I do it_, she asked as she turned away. Before she could
answer herself, she was back at the desk again and going through her morning
routines. Afraid of what her reply might be.

Finally the work and bills were finished and the only that remained was
Leon's disc. She held it in her hand and looked at it for a long time. As if
she could find the answers she needed in it's surface.

She suprised herself at the level of indifference and lack of energy with
which she looked at it.  Angry at herself, she slip the disc into her
computer and called up the contents. She flipped through the data. It was
the typical footage that she had seen before, and the angry drive that had
pushed her to look was burning away rapidly with cold indifference replacing
it. That was when she found what Leon had hinted toward. _It can't be_.

Two frames near the end, both badly blurred as if shot from a moving vehicle.
Most likely an ADP transport. She worked with renew energy and an interest
that startled her. Several minutes with her graphics programs, some of the
best money could by, paid off. It beeped loudly as she cleaned up the image
and zoomed in on a highlighted section of the picture. _Swordsman._ The
hardsuited vigilante was in flight and looked just a beautiful as the
first time she had seen her years before. Lisa couldn't believe it, even
with the evidence in front of her. To her, the Knights had always meant hope
in a dark world.

_I thought that they called it quits after Nene died_.

Leon looked at the clock on the table beside him as the pounding continued
on his door. 3:23. _Who in the hell_? He asked himself as he hobbled
to the door and checked the screen. _Ah, she looked at the disc._

"Morning, Lisa, would you like some coffee?" He asked as she stalked by him
and took a seat at the kitchen counter. _She's pissed._ He could tell,
he had years of experience at dealing with angry women.

He put a cup in front of her and took a seat across the counter from her.
She locked eyes with him and waited for him to explain. _Oh, no. I'm not
going to be cornered that easily_, he told her silently as he went through
the routine of adjusting his prosthetic. Finally she broke her angry gaze and
sighed.

"Alright, Leon. What the hell is going on? Why are they back in business?"

"I'm not sure if they are. Manuel, that's the squadie that took the photo,
said that they only appeared once and for only a couple hours. That was a
couple weeks ago. They did a quick dash into the tower and then disappeared
into the city. My sources in investigation told me that they were seen
fighting an unidentified mech in the tower. Genom denies everything. That's
all I know."

"Why give it to me?"

"I know that you keep all kinds of records of the Knights and related
incidents around the world. Someone told me you were researching a similar
vigilante that operated out of Nor-Cal in the States." He put down his cup
and looked at her, "I thought that you would be interested."

Lisa stood and walked to the window and looked out on the city. Long minutes
passed as she stood there. She finally broke the silence, quietly speaking
without bothering to turn.

"I had them, did you know that? I could have unmasked them all."

"Why didn't you?"

"I'm still not sure. Nene... you remember Nene Romanova? The dispatcher you
used to pick on so much?"

"Yeah, I remember Nene." Leon went cold at the realization of what she was
telling him.

"I had a photo of her. She was the pink one, the one that the squad called
Hacker. She had just been hit by a boomer and her face screen was knocked
off. A one in a million shot from where I was at. I could have written my
own ticket with that picture." She sipped from the cup for a moment while
she sorted out the old memories, "I confronted her the day that Miriam
attacked the ADP building, but she never got to answer. The boomers attacked
and she rushed off to defend the building. _Without a hardsuit, against
boomers_. Finally, the other Knights arrived and she used her suit to defeat
the one in control of the building's security system." She looked at him for
a moment before turning back to look at the dark city. "She saved my life. I
could have ruined hers and still she fought to keep me alive. I...I couldn't
betray that trust. So, I gave her the disc and one of the two photos I made.
When she was killed, I went up on top of the roof of the Paper and cried. It
was so dammed unfair. She didn't deserved to die. I never got to thank her."

Lisa put the cup down and walked to the door while Leon watched. She turned
to look back at him one last time as she opened the door and stepped out.
"Thanks for listening Leon. And tell Priss I am sorry to have disturbed."

"Priss? What makes you think she's here?" Lisa smiled as Leon looked at her
with a panicked expression. Lisa had to work hard at not laughing at his
expression, it was so comic. She succeeded, barely.

"She left her jacket on the couch and you can't affort 40,000 yen Kaluaha
coffee blends like the one you just served me." With that she closed the
door and was gone.

Leon smacked his head on the countertop in frustration. Here he was feeling
so sure that the secret was covered up and Lisa spent next to no effort and
discovered it in less than 10 minutes.

"Leon, you shouldn't have given her that disc." Priss said as she came into
the room wearing his shirt. _It looks a lot better on her than me_,
Leon noted, _but then I'm biased_.

"Yeah, well I had heard some things and when I saw her, I just couldn't let
her build up those walls she is behind. Manuel would have gone to someone
else eventually and I trust Lisa's sense of restraint. Priss, you have told
me more than once that I should go with my instincts."

"Yeah"

"Well they tell me that I had to give her something that would shake her
up. Get her out of the rut of violence and blood that has become her world."

"You know she could figure out the identities of the rest of the Knights."

"Afraid that she might Priss? Maybe she already has, Lisa would have been
one hell of a  detective if she had wanted."

"No, not really. I just think that it would be best if the past was left
in the past."

"The why did you step back into that hardsuit after 20 years without it?"

"I.. I can't tell you why Leon. You have to trust me on that."

"I do Priss, and you've got to trust Lisa."

Lisa set in the den and watched her daughter Kara play with her cat. Jake
sat nearby and watched both of them. Her ex-husband hadn't changed much in
the last six years, she could already read what he was going to say by his
body language.

"She always happier when you come to visit." This surprised her, _he's
changing tactics on me_.

"Yeah, I'm sorry that the job keeps me away for home so long." She looked
back at him, "I think of her all the time Jake."

"Well, she doesn't understand that Lisa. All she know is that she gets to
see her mother more on the Vid than in person. What is worse is that she
can't understand why her mother won't hold her."

"You know why." Lisa struggled to put the past out of her mind. It was hard
not to see herself grabbing her daughter and throwing her clear of the
explosions. Or hearing the screams as Kara's bones snapped under the pressure
of her cyber-enhanced grip. Or picturing the doctor as he informed her that
Kara wouldn't hear another sound till her teens when she would be able to get
an implant.

"It wasn't your fault. Quit blaming yourself for it Lisa." She stood, anger
finally getting the better of her. She was about to start screaming at him,
start the argument that always begins between them.

This time she was stopped by a gently touch on her hand. She looked down
at her daughter. :Mommy, don't fight with Daddy please: her daughter signed.
Lisa sighed ,pushed the anger out with it, and signed back to her. :I'm sorry
dear, Mommy has a lot on her mind and she is very tired.: Her
watch beeped, a reminder of her appointment, one that would be almost
impossible to resheducle. :I have to go and see someone right now, but I will
be back soon. Okay?: Her daughter's face clouded but only for a moment.

Kara grew excited and started to sign rapidly, Lisa had to struggle to keep
up with her. :Okay, but you have to hug me bye, and promise to be here for
my birthday party next week.: Lisa was shocked, she had completely forgotten
that it would be her daughters 8th birthday in a week.

_What else have I forgotten ?_ She went down on one knee and wrapped
her left arm around her daughter and hugged Kara close to her chest. Taking
care not to touch her with her cybernetic arm. Then she nodded as she
released the small child from the hug and signed out a reply.

:I promise.: Kara leaned forward and kissed her before running to play with
her cat again.

"That is the first time that you have touched her in a long time Lisa." Jake
said as he walked her to the door. He was smiling as he said it.

"I know, it's ..." she bowed her head to hide the tears from view, "so hard
to touch her when I realize that she is so fragile." She looked up at her
ex-husband, "I'm afraid that I will hurt her again." Jake sighed and put a
gentle hand on her shoulder. She could still hear the scream as her hand
crushed Kara's arm.

"I know it's hard for you, Lisa. But you have to forgive yourself sometime."

"I'm trying Jake, I really am trying."


"Ms. Vanette, I am glad to see you again after all this time. When was the
last time that we got to talk?" Lisa did a quick mental calender check.

"That would be about 9 years ago, I think, Dr.."

"Oh, please call me Sylia, Lisa." Lisa was thrown off stride by this change
in Sylia Stingray, she had changed greatly in the years since they had last
talked. That interview was almost painfully formal, especially compared to
the first occassion that they had talked together 20 years ago. It was as
if she had lost some great weight that had been weighing her down. "So, what
is this about?"

"I.. came to ask a favor of you, Sylia." Lisa placed the portfolio on the
table and slid it across to her. "I would like your impressions on this ...
and your permission to publish it."

Sylia Stingray picked up the portfolio and started thumbing through it.
Several minutes passed as she quietly flipped page after page of photographs.
The minutes dragged on further as she finally hit the written part of her
project and spent a long time looking over the contents and reading it
closely. Finally, after a hour or more, she put the portfolio down and looked
over to the reporter.

"Why do you need my permission?"

Lisa pulled one photo out of her jacket, it was old and worn but still clear
enough to make out the face of the woman in the hardsuit. Sylia looked at
it impassively and waited for Lisa's answer.

"Nene Romanova was a Knight Saber, one of yours. She saved my life, even
though I could have ruined her life and the lives of all her friends. She
was my friend, Sylia, and I never got to say thank you. She died before I
could, I want to say it now. By showing all the good that the Knights did
in this city." She met Sylia's quiet gaze and added, "FOR this city."

Sylia stood and walked over to the window and looked out. Lisa waited as
the older woman looked from the window to her and back. Long minutes passed
as the scrutiny continued. Finally Sylia walked back to the table and looked
her in the eye.

"What do you want, Lisa?" Lisa knew that it wasn't about the book. Sylia
was asking for something more from her. She swallowed nervously and tried
to explain why she was doing it.

"I... want to be able to hold my daughter without being afraid of breaking
an arm or leg again. I want to have her whole and able to hear her mother
say, I love you. I want," tears long dammed up started to flow, "to be able
to remember what my first husband looked like. To see his face like it was
when we made love. To feel something again when I am on a job. To not be
afraid of whether I live or die." She brought her right hand down on the
table, cracking the thermal plast cover, and raised the hand up to Sylia.
It's chrome shell was unscratched. She could barely talk through the sobs,
"I want to feel again, Sylia. _To be Human_." She slid to the floor
and continued to sob. Lisa barely noticed as Sylia wrapped her arms around
her and just held the crying woman in them for a long time.

After a long time, Lisa looked up at the senior Stingray and whispered her
answer.

"I just wanted to say _Thank You_."

"The answer is yes. Lisa, Nene knew how you felt. She would have wanted you
to forgive yourself."

Sylia watched as Lisa drove away. Her partner stepped into the room, quietly
but Sylia sensed her presence. She waited quietly as the other woman leafed
through the portfolio that Lisa had left behind.

"I never realized how much she followed our jobs after that night."

"She took a lot of those photos, but most came from the ADP archives and
the net. It's the interviews that interested me. She went to a lot of work
to find that many survivors. I am surprised at the diversity of lives that
we affected." Sylia replied quietly. "Maybe you should have come in and let
her know what really happened all those years ago. Told her the truth, and
not let her continue living with the lie." Her partner frowned and leaned
back on the couch, this was an old arguement between them.

"I can't go around telling everyone that I knew the truth, Sylia." Sylia
sighed and sat down beside her partner. "Half of Megatokyo would wind up
finding out my secret, and I can't do that. Too many others of my kind would
be put at risk."

"I know, but it doesn't make it any easier to see that type of pain when
I know the truth."

"If it is any comfort, Sylia, I don't like it anymore than you do."

"That's good, because the day you stop feeling the pain, Nene, is the day
we part company."


Lisa looked out at the city, and watched the lights blink on as the sun
disappeared over the horizon. The brightness that she had remembered in the
past was again there, it had always been there. She had stopped looking for
it. The impulse to take that first step was still there, but now she had it
mastered. She knew why she didn't take that step. Why she wasn't afraid of
the shadows and silences anymore.

She could feel something coming back to her again. Now, when she closed her
eyes and pictured Carl, he was in his tuxedo at their wedding or in their
bed watching the sun rise come up over the horizon. She could begin to see
the day when she would again hold Kara and not be too concerned about
breaking a limb. She could wait another 8 years to have Kara hear her say "I
love you Kara." She even knew what that feeling within her was. It was the
name of a white angel flying on wings over the Megatokyo skyline.

Hope.


Fin.