Henry J. Cobb wrote:
The distance you are keeping from the characters really shows in this
chapter.
You know, I had the same reaction. It was hard to believe this was a
SKJAM fic. The descriptions and characterizations were dry. It was as
if I were reading a case history rather than a story. I've kinda felt
that with the other parts, too.
Scott, my opinion is that you should go back to the beginning and try to
put some more feeling into your characters. Show us how they're feeling
by what they say and what they do, rather than telling us flat out.
Also, it seems a bit rushed. You've skimmed over some potentially
intriguing moments in Ranma's adjustment to get to "the good stuff".
Slow down a little, fill us in on the details, *involve* us a little
more. *Then* the sexual assault will have much more of an impact.
Just my opinion, of course.