OK, this is a verbatim copy of a dream I had.  And I mean verbatim.  
Creepy, eh?

Why I write my fics the way I do....
or
Shampoo and Ukyo Visit.

Ranma 1/2 Characters owned by Rumiko Takahashi.  US rights are Viz's.

***

[Scene opens.  We see a man lying asleep on a bed.  He's wearing a t-shirt
and underwear, and his comfortor is wrapped around his legs.  He's is tall,
about 6'4", pale, and freckled all over.  He is built like a linebacker -
broad shouldered, wide-torsoed, thick-waisted.  Whatever muscle tone he has
is softened by a light layer of fat.  He's reasonably handsome, and has a
short mane of black hair.]

[The shot pans out to the whole room.  We see books, video games, manga, a
computer, and little else.  A banging sound is hear.  From behind the
closed door, a voice is heard.]

Voice: Hey, Chris!  Wakeup!

[The man on the bed rises, rubs his eyes, and grabs his glasses from beside
the bed.  They're rather thick.]

Chris: [barely coherent] What?

Voice: There's two girls at the door to see you!

[Chris gets up and looks at his alarm.  6:30. He groans and falls back on
the bed.]

Chris: Tell them to give me an hour.

Voice: [quitely]  They're really hot.

[Chris leaps out of bed and grabs his pants, pulling them on.  He grabs a
swig of stale Coke and mouthwashes with it while he does a quick
hand-combing of his hair.]

Chris: Send 'em in!

[The door opens, and two extremely attractive asian girls enter.  One has
purple hair and is carrying what looks like two sticks with a metal beach
ball on the end.  She's wearing a form hugging purple outfit. The other has
brown hair and is wearing rather masculine clothing.  She has a large
spatula strapped to her back, and a bandolier across her chest.]

Purple-hair: You Chris Angel?

Brown-hair: Writer of [she pulls out a sheet] "Here We Go Again," "The
Reckoning," and "Siblings"?

Chris: Yeah....[he suddenly takes a step back]...oh wow.  Shampoo and Ukyo!
 [Sits at his computer and turns on the monitor, ignoring the girls. Screen
comes up, and he opens a file, which he frantically starts to read.] 
Lessee....wait!  [He turns to the two girls.]  Why are you two here?  Last
I checked I didn't do anything that bad.  [Looks the two girls up and down,
suddenly realizing there are two extremely hot girls in his room.]  Oh wow,
what a dream.

[Ukyo whips out her spatula and brains Chris.]

Ukyo: Pervert!

Chris: [rubbing his head] Gimme a break, I'm 22, male, and there's two
centerfolds standing in my room. I'd be a pervert it I DIDN'T have a quick
fantasy.

[Shampoo brains him this time.]

Shampoo:  You be quiet and answer questions!  Number one:  Why you always
give Shampoo stupid Mousse for husband?  Shampoo want Ranma!

Ukyo: As much as I'd hate to agree with Shampoo, why can't I get Ranma
either?  What's with Ryoga, Tarou, and that Arito guy?

[Chris looks at them in amazement.  He reaches for a manga, and flips to
the back page.  He shows the picture there to the girls.]

Chris: Look familiar?

Ukyo: Takahashi-sama.  So?

Chris: She says Akane gets Ranma.  'Nuff said.

Shampoo: You give stupid excuse.  Other writers no match Ranma and violent
pervert girl, why not you.

Chris: [blushing and looking away, we barely hear him speak.] Cuz I like
you too much.

Ukyo: [yelling, looking at him like he's a pervert] What!

Chris: [louder] I like you too much, OK?! [to Shampoo]  What the hell is
wrong with Mousse anyway?  He's kind, he's loving, he's smart, and he
thinks that you are the be-all-end-all of creation.  [To Ukyo] And you! 
Ryoga's a great guy!  So he's not a jerk like Ranma, that only puts him one
up.  Tarou's everything Ranma is with a good chunk of brains and not nearly
half the ego!  And Arito's Ranma's superior in every way! [Under his
breath] Besides, no one gets Ranma in that one.

Shampoo: Aiyah!  You kill Ranma!  [She tries to grab Chris by the shirt and
lift him up.  Chris stands and Shampoo ends up lifting herself up.]  You no
kill husband!  Shampoo kill!  [She makes a strike with her bonbori, but
Ukyo's spatula blocks.  Shampoo drops from Chris's shirt.]

Ukyo: Wait a second, sugar, I want to hear this.  If you like us so much,
why won't you give us Ranma?

Chris: [sighs]  Look, when I write, I try to develop a personal feel for my
characters.  Look at my writing.  Almost all of it's from a guy's
standpoint. I make friends, in my mind, with the guys, and [voice drops to
barely audible] fall in love with the girls.

[Ukyo looks at him in amazement.  She exchanges a glance with Shampoo that
could only be described as 'huh?'.]

Shampoo: So you no let Shampoo have Ranma because you love her?  You very
mean!  Why you not want Shampoo to be happy?

Chris: [yelling] THAT'S NOT IT! [Shampoo and Ukyo are shocked by his
vehemence, and take a step back.]  When I portray Mousse, I put in a good
chunk of me.  Mousse is the guy who falls in love with the perfect girl, in
his mind.  There's a piece of me in there.  Ryoga's manic-depressive
personality reflects how I feel at times.  My character Tenno, was many
times the embodyment of how angry I feel at times.  That entire fanfic was
a release of my frustration with you people.  Andrew is in many ways "me
with Ranma's strength".  Tarou is the cynic in me.  Arito is the romantic.

Ukyo: [Comprehension in her eyes.] So when you're fixing us up with all 
those guys, you're in essence...

Chris: Fixing you up with a part of me.  [Grins sadly.]  Pathetic, isn't
it?  I'm in love with the ideal of a girl like you Ukyo, and like you,
Shampoo. [Laughs.]  Most people have one perfect woman, I have two.  I feel
like Kuno.

Shampoo:  This wierd.  [Looks over at Ukyo.]  Shampoo not like, but
understand.  At least Chris no write lemons. [Chris nods.]  Shampoo let go,
but you think about letting Shampoo have Ranma once, OK?  [She turns on the
patented Shampoo-cute smile.]  [Chris nods enthusiastically.]

Ukyo: [pats Chris on the cheek]  They're not bad guys, Chris, I was just
getting tired of constantly being broken up about losing Ranma.  Just so me
the same favor.

Chris: [grins]  Oh, you might.  I'm even writing that one in my head.  Of
course, in that one you're really a guy...and you're competing with
Ryoga...and Mousse...[He pales under Ukyo's glare.]

Ukyo: There is NO WAY I'm gonna lose to Ryoga!

Chris: Right.  Mental note: Ukyo wins.

[Shampoo and Ukyo leave the room, Chris follows and shows them to the door
of the apartment.  Chris runs back to his computer, opens up his calendar
program.]

Chris:  [while he types]  Things to consider: Lemon fics.  Self insertion
fics.  Lemon self insertion fics.  Lots of them.  [A sudden flash of metal
is seen, and a spatula embeds itself in the wall.  Chris looks at it,
pale.]  Maybe not.

***

Final notes: 

Hey, blame my subconscious, it came up with this.  After I wrote it down, I
did realize it's kind of true.  It is simply the way I write, and to me, it
makes sense.  I mean, how can I make a guy fall in love with a girl if I
can't feel the same thing for her myself?