Something tells me these titles are too long... suggestions?
Comments to : twoflowr@glue.umd.edu, and remember to vote.
-=-
SPOOF CHASE PRODUCTIONS
(http://spoof.maison-otaku.net)
PRESENTS...
Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Tournament BETA :
Round 1
A Street Fighter / Darkstalkers / Toshinden / Ranma 1/2
Samurai Showdown / Groove On Fight / Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles / And Many Others Reader-Voting
Tournament Fanfic
by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne
(All characters copyright other people, obviously. If I
ever even considered claiming that these were my own
characters I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where
I'd be forced to eat my own super combos to live.)
-=-
AUTHOR'S NOTE :
Here's the format I'm aiming for for these fanfics.
Prologue (Already posted, just has setup for the
characters)
Round 1 (Contains more intermission story, and the
fight setups; as well as the voting form so
you can pick who you want to win)
(pause to collect votes)
Round 1 (Contains the actual fights, based on votes
Results collected in e-mail, and some extra story
afterwards)
Round 2 (See Round 1)
(pause to collect votes)
Round 2 (See Round 1 Results)
Results
Round 3 (etc...)
...and so on, until the final round (5). Dividing by two
each time. NO double knockouts or draws will be done, it'll
be a clean division by two every round. That said, enjoy
the series, and send in those votes!!
Series Archive : http://spoof.maison-otaku.net/tourney
[Chapter II, Act I. Heaven.]
Far above the plane of mortals, if you can use a term like
'above' to describe an isolated dimensional phenomenon, everybody
was hustling and bustling.
Most were hustling and bustling in preparation for the
upcoming tournament. The word had gotten out; God was retiring
and wanted a handful of very strange mortals to slug it out for
the prize of being his successor. It was unheard of. It was
ridiculous. It was possibly even insane.
But since the afterlife is a world of eternal paradise where
nothing ever goes wrong and you can have anything you wish for
and are always in peace and harmony, any sort of disruption is
looked at like a man in the burning desert looks at a 7-11. It
was a desperately needed moment of actual trouble.
For Skuld, though, it was just another technical challenge.
She had wired up security systems throughout the guest quarters,
the arena and broadcast station. There had already been a few
skirmishes from various blood enemies who didn't quite feel
social today, and it was high time there was an automated system
to handle these things.
Hence, Banpei Enforcer Model 6z.
Sleek design. Polished parts. Happy smiles. And the
latest in incapacitating weaponry; tazers, ropes, nets,
flyswatters, pointed sticks, and so forth. They were here to
ensure a good clean fight, in and out of the arena.
"Why are they smiling?" Urd asked.
"Because they're happy to be doing their jobs," Skuld
smiled, in a perfect imitation of the Banpei Enforcer she was
tinkering with.
"But you painted the smile on. How do you know it's really
happy?"
"Because I made it that way. I got a bunch of imported
Genuine People Personality modules and coded them specifically so
it would be a pleasure for them to keep everybody peaceful!"
"Ah," Urd ahed. "Weren't those recalled from the market by
Sirus Cybernetics?"
"Uh... they were?"
"Yeah, something about psychological problems."
"I'm sure there won't be anything like that. After all, I
redesigned them," Skuld said confidently.
*
"Run! It's getting closer!" David yelped, waving his
chainsaw at the advancing spectre of robotic death. It smiled at
him.
"I would be happy to help you visit our extensive holding
area, sir," the robot squeaked cheerfully.
Sakura cowered behind David. "Hadoukens do nothing!
Chainsaws do nothing! It feels no pain! It can't be reasoned
with! And it will not stop!"
"Look, robot, I wasn't planning on attacking Vermillion
before the show! I was just trying to threaten him a little.
Perfectly acceptable. Be a nice robot and go away now, okay?"
David asked.
"I'm sorry, Dave," the robot responded. "I'm afraid I can't
do that."
"I'm open to ideas," David told Sakura.
Sakura nodded, and semiconfidently walked out from behind
David. The robot adjusted, locking its laser sight on her,
several pointed sticks at the ready.
David gaped. "Hey, watch it! It'll--"
Summoning her energy, Sakura lifted one leg, and slid
forward along the floor, leaving behind a dark shadow... until
she connected with the robot.
David's vision turned itself off after the explosion of
white light and sound, and the blast of air that knocked him to
the ground. A series of attacks that sounded like small
explosions chained together, and then... silence.
When he regained control over his optic nerve, Sakura was
standing over the smoking, dented hull of the security robot,
dusting off her hands. For some reason, pink petals floated
through the air around her.
"Whaaorrt?" he intelligently asked.
"Sorry for the surprise," Sakura said, helping David back to
his feet. "New technique I learned... I've been keeping it under
wraps. It's sort of forbidden in Shotokan."
"Uh, why is that?"
"It's called the 'Instant Hell Murder'."
"Eek."
"So you're Dave, huh?" Sakura asked.
"David, yes... I don't know WHY that thing chased you too.
Sorry to get you into this mess, but, um, thanks for saving my
butt, miss...?"
"Sakura," she said, shaking his hand. "Sakura Kusanago."
From the shadows, a short figure watched. His eyes flared
red briefly, before he scampered away.
*
Meanwhile, in the cafeteria, a great lamenting of loss was
occurring.
"Bummer!" Michelangelo complained. "They don't got any
pizza in these things. How am I supposed to get fed, dude?"
Mario shrugged. "You gotta me. Momma mia, I'm a gonna have
to try cooking my own pizza and meatballs if I'm gonna survive in
this place!"
Remi ignored the two, for the most part. She was busy
contemplating things.
God. GOD had started this tournament. And what's more, the
winner would be god by the time it was over. What had she gotten
mixed up into?
"Are not!"
"Are too!"
"Are not!"
"Are TOO!"
Of course, the situation didn't worry her partner in the
slightest. Popura fit in nicely with the happy atmosphere of
heaven and was having a ball. Except when that weird Devilot kid
dared to suggest she was cuter than Popura.
"Look, I have pretty blonde hair and a little gold crown and
a nice dress!" Devilot said, posing adorably. "Beat THAT."
"I have a heart wand and a pretty uniform!"
"Well, I've got a nicer laugh. OHOOHHOOHOHHOHOHOOHOO!!"
"That's not nice, that's creepy."
"Is NOT!"
"Is TOO!"
"Is NOT!"
"SHUUUT UUUUPPP!!!" Remi yelled, slamming her hands down on
the table. "Nobody cares!"
Both girls looked at Remi, confused.
"Isn't anybody concerned about this tournament?" Remi asked.
"We're being asked to fight to be a deity! I mean, I thought
where I came from was strange, but this tops the cake with icing
and sprinkles. Isn't anybody worried?"
"No, why?" Devilot asked.
"Because... because... ARGH! Nevermind. You wouldn't
understand," Remi groaned.
"You worry too much, Remi-chan!" Popura giggled.
*
Elsewhere in paradise, Ukyou was busy cooking.
Since they had a day to relax and settle into the place
before the fighting started, she figured she'd train a little.
For her, training was cooking; she was surprised when the request
for an okonomiyaki yattai was actually filled within minutes.
She was half joking about it. Experimentally, she asked if she
could have some extra spatulas, and they were provided near
instantly. When she asked for a pig that could fly and an angel
gave it to her she decided that was enough experimenting.
The strange little kabuki ninja didn't say much when he came
up to the mobile food cart, just pointed to an item on the menu
and held up two fingers. Ukyou cooked up both orders while
listening to her customers chat.
"You remind me a lot of my pupil," Caffeine Nictotine said,
pulling at his beard.
"What in particular strikes your memory, good monk?" Kunou
asked, in between stuffing bits of okonomiyaki into his mouth.
"He talked big and loud too. And was just as
overconfident," Nicotine giggled.
"Mock not Tatewaki Kunou, or you will land in a pit of
vipers from his retribution, old man," Kunou warned.
"Yeah? You and what vipers?"
"Hey, HEY!" Ukyou interrupted. "No fighting, remember?
This isn't the place."
"Perhaps in the field of battle, then," Kunou said, letting
go of the grip on his bokken. "If the fates smile upon it, it
will be. Until then, old monk."
With that, Kunou turned and left. Ukyou barely held in the
chuckle from seeing someone had planted a KICK ME sign on his
back, then released it when her sempai was carefully out of ear
range.
"How'd you do that?" she asked the monk. "I didn't even see
you move!"
"Me? I didn't do that," Nicotine shrugged.
"But if you didn't, then who..."
Kuroko the kabuki stage hand was nowhere to be found, but he
had left some yen on the yattai for his food.
*
One of the many fine features of Heaven is that it is a very
peaceful place where one can think quietly in a state of harmony.
It's well known for this factor, as opposed to its only
competition, which is more of the poke-you-in-the-ass-with-a-
pitchfork sort of service provider.
What they don't mention is that this sort of treatment is
not guaranteed EVERYWHERE in Heaven. For instance, the cafeteria
was completely unsuitable to Athena; too many short tempered
mortals arguing about things and yelling. She needed somewhere
she could have a nice moment alone for some training and
reflection.
So, curiously, she walked six blocks west and two blocks
north and turned into the small, inconspicuous unmarked green
dome and just happened to find the single most pastoral, peaceful
spot in all of the afterlife; the Eden Museum.
Since the original Eden was destroyed in something of a
blunder on the behalf of God (although he's more willing to
shuffle the blame off on his creations), the Eden Museum was only
a recreation. If you scraped enough bark off the trees, you'd
find plastic. But that was fine for Athena; the atmosphere was
still just right for her.
Until Sie showed up, at least.
"Hey, Athena!" he called out, waving to her as he jogged
right through a heavenly garden of flowers, trampling a few in
the process. "Funny meeting you here! Amazing coincidence. I
didn't ask six people if they had seen where you went and
followed the trail, honest. So, how about that date?"
Athena sighed. "Not now, Sie. I'm having a moment of
introspection on the subject of the origin of my familiar
memories in regards to here."
"A what of what in what to what?"
"Do you like it here, Sie?" she asked. Her partner was a
nice boy, really, and very goodhearted. Just a little slow
sometimes in the thought department. Fortunately, the 20
Questions game usually got things back on track.
"Sorta," Sie said, having a seat next to Athena, under an
apple tree. "I mean, it's very... heavenly. It needs more
arcades, though. But they've got GREAT riceballs! But no
skateboard parks, at least, none I can see. And--"
"I'm enjoying it here," Athena said. "Quite a bit. It's
very homey."
"Homey?"
"Hard to explain, but I could swear I've BEEN here before,"
Athena said. "Deja vu, you know? For instance, how did I know
to come here, of all places? Nobody told us about it, and I
didn't just wander around. It's creepy."
"Yeah, but you're alive," Sie noted with awesome powers of
observation. "So you couldn't have been here before. Right?"
"I think that's how it works. I'll figure out what's going
on eventually. Only a matter of time," she smiled.
"Exactly! You're pretty smart when you want to be. So,
it's a nice forest, we're alone, how about a date?" Sie asked,
grinning ear to ear.
Athena bonked him.
*
In the lowest recesses of Heaven, which wasn't very low at
all considering this was Heaven but would have to suffice, a
bargain of pure evil was being forged in chains of fire and
brimstone.
"An alliance?" Akuma asked, narrowing his eyes.
"YES, PRECISELY," Mizuki the demonically possessed shinto
priestess stated. Akuma wished, on the whole, she could speak
without that evil ringing tone that could be heard across several
city blocks. "LIKELY YOU ARE PLANNING TO FIND WAYS AROUND THESE
SECURITY ROBOTS, AS AM I. I AM IN THE FIRST DIVISION, YOU IN THE
SECOND. TOGETHER, WE COULD ARRANGE... ACCIDENTS, SO THAT WE FACE
EACH OTHER IN THE FINALS..."
"And then...?"
"THEN WE'LL SEE. BUT THE EASIEST WAY TO GUARANTEE THAT WE
WILL SEE IS IF THE OTHERS ARE ELIMINATED..."
"I can handle them by myself."
"YEAH, RIGHT, SHORTY."
Akuma flared up with a red battle aura. The flames, sadly,
were only a few feet high, because Akuma was only a few feet
high.
He had barely restrained himself from disqualification when
that Sie Kensou brat had called him a midget earlier today. He
was fully prepared to break the pathetic weakling in half, but
there were too many robots around to get away with it. His
involuntary superdeforming was becoming as large of a problem as
he suspected it would. But he WOULD show them all! He would!
"I COULD, OF COURSE, RESTORE YOU TO YOUR REGULAR SIZE IF YOU
AGREE..."
"What?"
"IT IS WITHIN MY POWER."
"I don't believe you."
"CAN YOU RISK NOT TO?"
Akuma considered.
"ALL I ASK IS THAT YOU NOT PLOT AGAINST ME, AND VICE VERSA.
WE ASSIST EACH OTHER. THEN, IN THE FINALS, I WILL RESTORE YOU
BEFORE OUR FIGHT. A FAIR DEAL, YES?"
"Hmmh," he grunted.
*
"Hi! My name is Naru! Do you want to play?"
Anita looked up at the cutely dressed l'il moppet with
expressionless eyes.
"Where're you from?" Naru asked, sitting down next to her on
the steps leading into the arena.
Anita said nothing.
"I'm from Scotland," Naru said. "My daddy fights in
tournaments. I'm going to be strong one day! I mean, EVEN
stronger!"
Anita continued to say nothing.
"Why doesn't your doll have a head?"
Silence.
"I have a lot of dolls, but they have heads. Do you want me
to give you head?"
Puzzled look.
"You don't talk much, do you?"
Activity. Noise. Reaction. Words which express exactly
what did not occur.
"I'll talk to you later, then," Naru smiled, hopping to her
feet and scampering off.
"Stupid humans," Anita commented.
One of the security robots, which had been listening
quietly, rolled quietly away.
*
"She's not human," M.A.D. pointed out, setting the joystick
down. The light from the video monitor was the only light in his
cramped personal quarters; it glared off the pale skin of both
occupants, underlighting them spookily. "I'm not sure what she
is yet. Possibly part darkstalker, possibly something more;
these robots weren't designed for anything more intense in the
scanning department."
Vermillion nodded. "I had figured as much. Thanks for your
assistance. I'm surprised you managed to get manual control of
one of those drones... I may have use of your services. Are you
for hire?"
"Sorry, but pure science knows no commercialism."
"Gee, that's a shame," Vermillion giggled. "Here I was
prepared to offer a five million dollar grant..."
M.A.D. twitched. At least, more than he normally did.
"No strings attached," Verm added, the icing on the devil's
food cake. "Not a single one."
"You'll give me extremely large research grants for any sort
of experiment I want to run regardless of how insane the supposed
society at large thinks it is??" M.A.D. asked hopefully, eyes
bugging out of their sockets.
"Certainly," Vermillion smiled. It was not a nice smile.
"If you agree to do certain tasks for me. For instance, I could
use a peek into the room of one Devilot de Deathsatan..."
*
The whirling figure of pink blurred, rolling along the
ground. Abruptly, he snapped into a crouch, shaking his muscle-
laden forearm, fist clenched.
"OOSHA!!" Dan taunted.
Splinter's whiskers twitched.
"THAT is my ultimate taunting technique!" Dan spoke, rising.
"With it, I enrage my enemy into making many mistakes, thus
enabling an easy defeat. Conquest from within as the weakness
shows through! That is how you break a warrior's pride! I, DAN,
on a righteous quest of vengeance, have perfected the self taught
shotokan--"
"You taunt the enemy?" Splinter interrupted.
"Yes! I am the MASTER of taunting, undisputed. Nothing
stands before Dan without losing emotional control! Then, with
iron fists of fury, I shatter the--"
The grotesquely mutated rat's head filled Dan's vision,
bloodshot eyes glaring down either side of its long nose,
penetrating with a gaze of ice into the very core of Dan's soul
as the monster's breath, warmed with the fires of hell, flowed
into his senses. "Boo," Splinter flatly said.
Dan ran into the corner, crying like a little girl. "Mommy,
mommy! I'm scaaaaared!!"
Splinter sighed. "I have much to teach you, it seems..."
*
"Wai, look, Kiyone-san!" Mihoshi said, stumbling under the
weight of no less than 126 bags of snack cakes. "They had all
this great food in those vending machines! And it was all free!
We can YAAAAAAAAH!"
Kiyone reflexively threw up her hands in defense, as Mihoshi
tripped over a sunbeam filtering in through their room's only
window. Hostess pastries soared through the air, covering the
entire room in sugary sweetness and plastic wrap.
"Mihoshi, quit playing around!" Kiyone snarled. "We have a
very serious mission to do here!"
"Gomen ne, Kiyone-san!" Mihoshi burbled, sniffling.
Kiyone sighed. Why. Why, god, WHY did she get saddled with
Mihoshi as a partner? No, she probably shouldn't ask; here, he
might actually tell her why. Kiyone wasn't sure she'd enjoy the
answer.
When the invitation had arrived at the Masaki house, Kiyone
had fortunately been the one to go fetch the mail. It was
addressed to Tenchi and Ryouko, but seemed very unusual... always
keen on scanning the mail since she received a thermonuclear bomb
addressed to Wasyuu from Stephen Hawking (wishing her good luck
in discovering the Grand Unifying Theory of the Universe), she
had found out that the scroll came from somewhere outside this
dimension.
Since all her GP equipment sent reports back to Galaxy
Police Headquarters -- further testimony to the level of trust
they held in her or lack thereof -- she received orders before
she had even reached the door of the house that Mihoshi and
herself were to go to the tournament instead and report on any
possible criminal activity by higher dimensional lifeforms.
"Plenty of criminals here," she thought out loud. "Local
ones to the planet, though. Not Galaxy Police territory. I
wonder if we should be here at all."
"Ano? But we can't go back, right?" Mihoshi asked.
"No, we can't..... Because YOU crashed the Yagami!" Mihoshi
accused. "It'll be WEEKS before it's fully repaired itself!"
"Waaaaaah, I'm sorry! I'll fix it tomor--"
"NO! No... no. Let the Yagami repair robots handle it,"
Kiyone suggested. "Please. Don't make me beg. Let's just
concentrate on the fight. Are weapons being allowed? My hand to
hand is rusty..."
"I think so, Kiyone-san!"
"Good. Maybe we'll find some sort of criminal activity
later. Won't be a total waste. I doubt this 'God' stuff is for
real, anyway."
*
God yawned, stretching out on the chair he had been given in
the box seating of the arena.
"Are we ready yet?" he asked.
"One moment, sir," Belldandy said, uncupping her hand from
the headset microphone. "Skuld-chan? How close is the broadcast
system from being ready?... okay... uh-huh... hai. I see. Sir,
she says we're basically ready, but they're having a small
problem with one of the fighters."
"Problem? What?"
"It seems one of them, Mr. Birdie, is very enthusiastic
about the cameras. So much that he's torn one off the camerabot
tripods and is saying things like 'Hi Mom' into it."
"Oh, is that all?" God asked. "Hang on, I'll smite him."
And with that, the Lord stood, and in his might, summoned a
lightning bolt, which zipped down into the bowl of the Arena
itself. Somewhere far below, there was a small explosion, and a
pained 'Ooooh.'
Belldandy smiled. "Skuld-chan? I think we're ready now."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
THE YGGDRASIL SUCCESSIONAL FIGHTING TOURNAMENT :
ROUND ONE
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"HIEEEEE!!" Skuld said, beaming into the camera, image
projected to the millions of Heaven's prisoner-- err, citizens,
who were watching at home on cable. "I'm your Color Commentator,
Skuld-chan! Goddess third class limited and organizer of the
tournament! Let's go over the rules of how things will be done."
Skuld called up a cute graphic she had done, of little
superdeformed Banpeis holding up a rules sheet. Unfortunately,
due to a bug, it was backwards. She muttered under her breath,
and corrected it.
1. Bouts last for ten minutes. Any which go over this
limit will be judged by megamis on hand, based on
whoever had the upper hand throughout the fight.
2. There will be no draws or double knockouts. Any fights
which cannot be determined in the ten minute period
will go into overtime; double knockouts will wait until
both fighters awaken and can continue.
3. Weapons are allowed of any kind. No animal partners
are allowed as weapons; weapons must be non-sapient.
4. Stepping out of the ring and into the shallow watery
moat around it counts as a Ring Out, and the opponent
in the ring wins.
5. All initial bouts were picked completely at random.
Progressive bouts will be organized by victors of
previous ones in standard pyramid fashion.
6. The winner after five rounds, the only undefeated
fighter, will be the one who becomes the creator and
god of all that exists.
"Good luck to our fighters! Yaaaaaaaay!" Skuld cheered,
doing her best Kermit the Frog impersonation. "Let's go down to
the arena, where Urd is with our first contestants!"
MATCH 1 : DAN vs. MICHELANGELO
Michelangelo was ready for battle.
With help from that nice, but somewhat short italian
plumber, he had filled up on Pizza Power before the match. He
had practiced a little with his sensei, listened to his favorite
bodacious surf music, and was emotionally pumped and ready.
When his opponent literally rolled into the ring, rising to
a standing position with a large forearm extended, he was
beginning to wonder if he should have bothered.
"I am DAN!" Dan proclaimed. "Dare you face me in combat?
TENS have fallen before me! Bear witness to my invincible
power!"
With that, a sickly pink aura formed around the fighter,
flowing along his body, and into one arm. He made a little girly
swipe at the air, shouting "GADOUKEN!" and a puffball of energy
floated a few feet through the air, before piffling out into
nothingness.
"Uh... okay," Michelangelo shrugged.
"I... AM... *MIGHTY!!!*" Dan screamed, stomping one foot on
the ground. "Today you will be broken by my awesome powers of
combat! PREPARE YOURSELF!"
Michelangelo started a spin on his nunchaku, ready to take
this geek on.
"My money's on the turtle," Urd commented, munching on some
popcorn.
"Now now, it's not right to gamble on these things,"
Belldandy smiled. "Mr. Hibiki! Do well! I believe in you!"
"KICK HIS ASS, Greenie!" Urd shouted.
MATCH 2 : KASUMI vs. PRINCESS TOADSTOOL
The two warriors approached the field of combat, but only
after smoothing out their respective dresses.
"Hello!" Kasumi greeted, waving politely. "I'm very pleased
to meet you."
"Gosh, me too!" the Princess giggled. "With all these silly
boys around, it's nice to see another proper lady. Say, do you
want some tea? I brought a kettle."
"Why, yes, that would be lovely!" Kasumi said, stepping over
to a kotatsu that was not previously there.
The tea was poured.
The fighters sat.
Refreshing drinks were sipped.
Friendly smiles were exchanged.
THE BATTLE WAS ON!
MATCH 3 : POPURA vs. DAVID
David walked around in a slight oval, his chainsaw rattling
idly. His opponent was late.
He had spent all night getting ready, training with Sakura
for a few hours before she had to get some rest. David was used
to going without sleep, and kept on going, taking only a bit of a
nap before hand. As a result, he was impatiently strung out and
exhausted, but he always fought better when desperate. There are
a kind of people in this world who only really shine because they
have killer Desperation Moves, and David was one of them.
A little fairy floated around above his head. He swatted at
it idly. Where WAS she?
The fairy flitted about, banking left, and hovering ten feet
away from David. To his surprise, there was a puff of smoke, and
Popura the Magical Girl appeared.
"HIEEEEE!!!" Popura greeted, posing with her pink plastic
wand. "I'm here to fight you!"
"You?" David asked. "But you're just a kid."
Popura growled cutely. "Am NOT! I'm a warrior! I can take
on the form of any sport or martial art and use it to my
advantage, and I throw SPARKLIES!"
"Oh," David said, relaxing. "Sparklies I know about. Half
the people I'm familiar with fight by throwing around sparklies."
He fired up his chainsaw again, giving the diamond-edged mining
blade some extra velocity.
Popura blinked at the chainsaw. "HEY! You could really
hurt someone with that thing!"
"Huh? OH! No no, don't worry. For some reason, even if I
slash someone up fifteen times with it, they don't get cut,"
David giggled nervously, one hand behind his head.
"Really? Why?"
"Uh... I don't honestly know."
"If I won't get cut, then I'll beat you easily!" Popura
smiled, raising her wand. "Here I come!"
David lowered the horror movie prop, ready.
MATCH 4 : BIRDIE vs. SPLINTER
Splinter sat in the middle of the ring, legs folded. His
breathing was deep, as he sought the inner peace he required
before he could properly engage in the ancient Art of Fighting.
A single lit candle in front of him flickered, reflected in his
eyes.
Birdie landed in the arena feet first, sending a shock along
the ground that could be measured on the Richter Scale.
"I BIRDIE!" he said, unravelling a chain manacled to one
arm. "I am NUMBAH one!"
Splinter looked up.
"I will not fight you," he said.
Birdie facefaulted.
"Why NOT?!" Birdie demanded, rising.
"You have not achieved the true state of the warrior. You
have many years of training to go before you can reach the state
in which it is proper to engage in such activities," Splinter
said wisely. "I smell the violence around you but not the
purity. Let us join the mind to the body and gaze in to the
heart of the candle in meditation, and then I will fight you."
Birdie stepped on the candle.
"Or we could skip that part," Splinter shrugged, getting to
his feet just in time for Birdie to pound him down, double
fisted.
"You die, mouse!" Birdie laughed. "Birdie stomp!"
Splinter rose, unfazed by the blow, and met the man eye to
eye by balancing on his tail.
"Perhaps," he stated, coldly.
MATCH 5 : CASEY JONES vs. M.A.D.
The nearby stage hand screamed, running around with flames
flickering from every surface he had.
"And that, Billy, is what happens when you immoliate
someone," M.A.D. told his young pupil. "Invariably, they catch
on fire and run around screaming. Again, I have achieved a 100%
flawless scientific theory, provable in any experimental
situation."
"Gosh, Mr. Wizard, I never knew that would happen!" Billy
beamed stupidly.
"Now, go home and do your homework. Get big and smart, like
me!" M.A.D. beamed, before turning one of his mechanical coat-
arms into a mallet and slamming Billy skyward, so he could get
home faster.
"There's a law against sending schoolchildren into orbit,
filthy punk," Casey scowled, behind his Jasonesque hockey mask.
"Bite me," M.A.D. cheerfully offered. So Casey did.
"Oneesama, can I get a coat like that?" Skuld asked.
"Please please huh can I?"
"Maybe if you're very good," Belldandy smiled.
"Oh boy!"
MATCH 6 : KUROKO vs. KUNOU
Kunou stood, facing the unimpressive stage hand. The fellow
looked like no challenge; he wore the traditional black of those
who work behind the important people, moving props around and
such. Faceless and not very noticeable. He had no weapons, save
little red and white flags, which barely counted.
"Mayhaps there has been an error?" Kunou asked, leaning on
his bokken. "Nay, friend, you do not seem of the caliber I
normally face in combat."
Kuroko said nothing.
"I will endeavor to fight my best, of course. Unless you
wish to resign yourself to your fate? There is nothing
dishonorable in denying a challenge against me; for I am the Blue
Thunder of Furinkan High, and a force to be reckoned with."
Still, the small man did nothing.
"At the very least, you could respond to my inquiries,"
Kunou requested.
So, Kuroko held up the KICK ME sign he had affixed to
Kunou's back not twelve hours ago.
This sent the kendoist into a rage. "YOU were the one to
put that accursed thing on me? I was kicked unmercifully seven
times before noticing! How dare you insult the Kunou name so
freely?!"
Kuroko extended a hand, curling it in a beckoning manner.
Tatewaki raised his sword in the classical striking
position. "Then fight we shall! PREPARE YOURSELF!"
Off on the sidelines, Ukyou was busy warming up for her
fight, making offhand remarks to Urd. "I'm worried. Kunou's not
exactly a great fighter; didn't you say that Kuroko guy was some
kind of hidden warrior where he comes from?"
"You bet. Pretty damn powerful, too," Urd said, sipping
some sake.
"Kunou's toast, then, isn't he?"
"Not exactly," Urd said, finger waving. "Skuld told me this
is 'First Season' Kunou, whatever that means. Supposedly he's
actually a challenge now and not a running gag..."
MATCH 7 : MIZUKI vs. MARIO
Demon of a dozen aeons, damned one cursed to walk the earth
as a force of darkness that purges and annihilates all it
touches, the spectre within Mizuki the priestess looked at the
cartoony little plumber in amazement.
"SURELY THIS IS A JOKE," she boomed.
"It issa not a joke," Mario smirked, "And don't-a call me
Shirley, darling."
Mizuki's grip on her prayer stick tightened, as black fire
coursed along the paper's edge without burning it. "PATHETIC. I
WILL BE DONE IN LESS THAN A MINUTE WITH THIS... THIS... THING."
Nobody noticed the arsenal of small items Mario had hidden
behind his back... including a leaf, a feather, and a fire
flower. Mizuki charged, summoning her powers...
MATCH 8 : LUIGI vs. NARU
Naru swing the sword over her head, using all of her little
muscles to control the sharp bit of metal which threatened to
topple her balance at any minute.
"Very good, little girl!" Luigi said, patting her head.
"You really know how to use that!"
"I'm not a little girl. I'm BIG!" Naru said, trying to make
herself look more impressive. "Nothing'll stop me from winning
this fight!"
"Want some pizza?" Luigi asked, offering a slice.
"Wai, wai! Pizza!" Naru cheered, running over to fetch it.
Luigi promptly bonked her over the head, laughed, and stalked
off, assuming he had won.
Naru rose from the ground. And rose. And rose.
Luigi slowly looked over his shoulder to see the toddler,
balanced on the end of her sword, glowing yellow with anger.
"You're gonna get hurt, mister!!" Naru yelled. Luigi hopped
back in surprise, right when Naru launched herself through the
air, pressing the attack.
"Violent little thing," Urd noted.
"She has issues," Belldandy agreed.
MATCH 9 : NICOTINE vs...
Nicotine tapped a stick against his prayer bowl, incense
burning. If the gods were smiling upon him, this would go well.
Of course, He WAS up there in the highest seat, and was probably
smiling, so Nicotine felt confident of his victory.
If only he knew what his opponent was.
There were some rumors, but someone had gone and erased all
records of who he'd be fighting. It was unexplainable.
Hopefully the mystery guest wouldn't keep him waiting; his
arthritis was acting up, and he was hoping for some sake and a
good lie down somewhere after this.
"OOOHHOHOOHOHOOOHHOOHOHOHHOOOO!!!" A horrible little voice
rang out. In a flash of purple light, Devilot, the adorable
little girl of evil appeared. Next to her was some sort of box,
covered by a red cloth.
"Oh. My opponent?" Nicotine asked. "Great. I'll warn you,
I really don't mind hitting little girls."
"Not me, not me! OHOHOHOOHOO!" Devilot laughed into the back
of her hand. "I have something super special in store for you!
Prepare to face my ultimate android creation..."
With that, she motioned for one of her two Goons to take off
the cloth. The other one used his axe to slice open the box, and
inside was...
"Wai! Wai! Waaaaai!" the Superdeformed Sakura Android
cheered, hopping up and down.
On the sidelines, Sakura facefaulted in mid kata. "Wha?
WHAAA?! What is THAT?!"
"You forget, I was in that tournament with you, Sakura
dearie!" Devilot laughed. "I collected data on you and all the
other fighters. Meet your ultimate android nemesis! SD-SAKURA!
KILL!"
"It's supposed to kill me, not her," Nicotine said, getting
between the two sailor suited warriors. "Terribly sorry. You'll
have to leave the girl out of it."
"Foo," Devilot complained, stamping her little foot. "I was
hoping the roster would pair them... but don't worry! My
creation will make short work of you, ji-san! Dr. Stein,
Jigouki, away to safer distances!"
The two goons loaded Devilot into a gilded throne, and
carried it off to the sidelines.
"Kick the crud out of it, Nicotine!" Sakura yelled. "I hate
people who clone me without permission!... shimatta! I'm late
for my fight!" With a cartoonish ZOOM, she was off.
Nicotine swing his staff around, glaring at the robot. The
robot blinked cutely, and tightened its wristguards.
"Not a problem," the monk smiled. This would be an
interesting fight.
The android's eyes glowed red, as it powered up.
MATCH 10 : SAKURA vs. LORD RAPTOR
Lord Raptor took advantage of the time before the fight to
set up some amplifiers and entertain the crowd. For some reason,
they were throwing things at him. Not that he minded; it would
take more than tomatoes, popcorn, the occasional Juji Fruit or
thirty pound steel-forged doubleheaded throwing axe to stop him
from exercising his muse.
He was very disappointed when his speakers were cut off.
Violently disappointed.
Sakura grinned up from where she had slashed the wires with
a handy pocket knife. "We're here to fight, not try to deafen
each other, bonehead."
"Last six guys who called me that died, missie," Raptor
sneered, licking his tounge along all his teeth.
"Bonehead, bonehead, boneheadbonehead bone HEAD!" Sakura
taunted, giggling as she pointed at the zombie.
Raptor rolled up his no-sleeves. "That tears it. You're
gonna meet your maker, you little brat."
"You can't fool me with that cheap makeup. Everybody knows
there's no such thing as REAL zombies! Ha ha ha!"
That's when he stabbed at her with all of his ribs at once.
Sakura blinked, as the bones slid right by her, nicking
slightly. Just enough to suggest that if they had been one inch
in either direction, she'd be gored right now.
"Um," she offered. Then she ran for it. The zombie
pursued.
"Oneesama, this isn't a fair fight!" Skuld said, tugging on
her arm. "You've got to stop them!"
"They haven't broken any rules, I'm afraid," Belldandy said.
"Nothing we can do."
Sakura turned, facing the charging demon. This won't work,
she thought. Not unless I use all the power I have... slowly,
she built her Ki.
MATCH 11 : CHIN GENZAI vs. VERMILLION
Chin flopped into the ring, face first. He splatted against
the pavement with a meaty thunk.
Sie Kensou irritatedly stepped back outside the ring. "You
drank too much again, sensei! But you've got to have this fight,
so don't come running to me if you lose!"
Chin twisted around, and balanced neatly with one foot on
his sake jug. "Boy, don't be shilly! Sake makes me SHTRONG!"
"Sake makes our expense bills go up! How am I going to
afford a date with Athena-chan if you keep drinking like this?"
A box of Juji Fruits sailed from the audience, bopping
neatly off Sie's head. Chin caught the box and started munching.
"Leave sensei alone, baka!" Athena called. "Let him fight,
he knows what he's doing!"
"Kid's got spunk," Chin commented. He swivelled, perched on
the sake gourd, and faced his opponent.
Vermillion was dressed in a black trenchcoat. But it wasn't
just black; it was BLACK. It was the absence of color. It was
so black, that light fell into it, your eyes just slid off it,
and if there was a visual representation for absolutely nothing
whatsoever, this coat was it. The shiny shotgun in one hand and
pistol in the other, however, were not nothing.
"You look weird," Chin said, flipping to stand on his head,
somehow managing to drink from his gourd in the process.
"So I'm told," Vermillion said, quietly.
"Was Tim Burton your father?" Chin giggled.
A thundering BOOM rang out. Smoke poured from the shotgun,
ejected shell landing on the floor at Verm's feet. Chin held the
shattered remnants of his sake jug; clay shrapnel and a liquid
spill at his own feet.
"That was my favorite jug," Chin whined.
"You can buy a new one with the medical insurance," Verm
said, raising his pistol to finish the job. Chin bounded to his
feet, and ran through all the drunken style dodging techniques he
knew; he was gonna need 'em.
MATCH 12 : SIE KENSOU vs. B.B. HOOD
Sie marched off to his ring in the Arena. Che! The old man
really went too far sometimes. That gun-guy was dangerous, and
here Chin was being irresponsible again! Of course, if Sie said
that right to his face, the old man would probably knock him
silly. Hrm.
He was getting used to the wackiness of this tournament, so
when his opponent turned out to be the poster girl for Aryan
Youth, in a cute little red dress right out of the Brothers
Grimm, he wasn't surprised.
"Hello!" she said, waving. Her little doggie yapped cutely;
not an animal weapon, Sie had learned, just there to be cute.
Same with the butterflies that flapped around her.
"Yo," Sie said, loosely waving, with his patented arrogant
smirk.
"We're gonna fight now!" the girl said.
"Wait!" Sie Kensou said, holding up a warning hand. "One
second."
"Ano?"
Popping a fresh rice bun from his sleeve, Sie twirled once,
caught the ball, and stuffed it whole into his mouth. Chewing,
swallowing, smirking. "NOW we're ready."
Ms. Hood pulled a machine gun from her picnic basket.
"Goody goody!" With that, she opened fire.
MATCH 13 : AKUMA vs. ATHENA
The lone figure of evil stood on the platform. The red aura
flared around him, spiking occasionally; it was ready, blood
pounding in his head, ready to do violence. Ready to slaughter,
maim and cripple; to rend asunder.
"You're so KAWAAAAAAAII!" Athena giggled, handing Akuma a
lollypop.
A little sweatdrop appeared behind Akuma's head. This was
not going according to plan.
"Oh, I love your hair!" Athena said. "It's so pointy and
such a happy red color. And where did you get that little black
halloween costume? You look scary for sure! I like the beads
too. Do you like my costume? I spent a lot of time on it!"
"I am going to kill you," Akuma flatly said.
"Hai, hai, you nice little boy," Athena said, patting him on
the head. "It's good to be confident. Maybe when you grow up,
you can be a fighter just like me!"
"I am going to tear your body in half and let you bleed to
death right here on the floor!" Akuma bellowed, trembling with
rage.
"Really? Well, good luck to you!" Athena said, hopping back
and assuming a fighting stance. "Maybe afterwards I'll get you
an ice cream. Would you like that?"
Akuma gave up and just threw a fireball at her. The demon
in him raged. It raged cutely, but nevertheless, it RAGED.
"That boy ain't right," Urd shrugged.
MATCH 14 : ANITA vs. UKYOU
Ukyou looked around for her opponent. All she saw was a
sullen little girl, clutching a doll to her chest, looking very
worried.
"Excuse me, have you seen... 'Anita' around?" Ukyou asked,
checking the note she had written on her hand.
The girl pointed to herself.
"There's a lot of child abuse in this tournament," Ukyou
pondered aloud.
"I'll fight," the girl said, very quietly indeed.
"Well... I don't want to hurt you," Ukyou said, "So I'll go
easy. Is that okay? I don't honestly care about being god, but
I have to participate. It's the honorable thing to do."
The girl shrugged. Ukyou sized her up; no weapons, except
maybe the doll. Definitely no battle stance she had seen.
Resolved to hurry up with this, Ukyou stood her ground, waiting
for the other girl to make the first move.
Anita showed no signs of moving.
So Ukyou didn't move.
And neither did Anita.
"This could take awhile," Urd commented.
MATCH 15 : KIYONE vs. REMI
"Now remember; the better we do in the tournament, the
better for the mission," Kiyone said, giving her partner some
last minute instructions.
"Mihoshi will do very well, Kiyone-san! You can count on
me!" the Blonde said, snapping into a salute.
"Good. We've been authorized to use force, but keep your
blaster on Heavy Stun," Kiyone reminded her. "We don't need a
Public Relations nightmare here."
"RIGHT!" Mihoshi cheered, posing. "Off I go!" With that,
she jogged off to her ring, only tripping over her own feet twice
in the process.
Kiyone stepped over the small moat around the nearby ring,
and faced her opponent.
"Hullo," Remi said, waving.
"A witch?" Kiyone asked, blinking. "Wow. I thought they
were just in fairy tales."
"I'm pretty sure I'm real," Remi said. "About as real as
any of this is. Hang on a second, okay? I need to summon my
Muse."
With that, the little witch took out a violin, crooked it
against her neck, and played a short ditty. The notes formed in
the air around her, half note, quarter, whole, rest... one of
them grew in size, until it plopped down next to her, a blobby
thing with a long flag attached. It had a cartoony face, which
growled and gnashed its teeth. This was hands down the third
strangest thing Kiyone had ever seen.
"Uh... what's that?" Kiyone asked.
"It's my Muse," Remi said. "He helps me fight. Ready?"
"Eh-heh. I'm ready," Kiyone nervously said, pulling out her
hand blaster. "Let's go."
MATCH 16 : MIHOSHI vs. DEVILOT
"Wai! Officer Mihoshi, ready for action!" Mihoshi said,
striking a pose upon entering the arena. She had put on her
cleanest, spiffiest Galaxy Police uniform, the one that vaguely
resembled a drive-in diner's waitress costume. It had a very
tall hat.
The little girl across the ring from her laughed into the
back of her hand. Her two Goons, flanking her on either side,
chuckled to themselves.
"Oh boy! A Galaxy Police officer!" Devilot giggled. "This
will really be a good test of my SECOND masterpiece of science!"
"Ano?" Mihoshi asked. "Wai! Science? What'd you make?"
"Only... THIS!" Devilot said. There was a blast of purple
light, and...
It was really big.
It was REALLY big. It blocked out the sun. The huge pink
mecha, just bristling with plasma cannons and photon torpedoes
and rotating barrel chaingun turrets, gleamed in the light. On
its chest, the goat's head symbol of the Deathsatan family
empire.
"OOOOHOHOHOHOHOHHOHOOHOOOO!!!" its speakers echoed. "I,
Devilot de Deathsatan IXX, will now crush you in a Cyberbot-style
mecha of my own design : the SUPER-8 MARK IV!"
"Waaaaaah!" Mihoshi yelped, falling flat on her butt. She
raised her gun. The monstrosity locked 791 guided missiles on
the policewoman. It was not going to be pretty.
"Oneesama, can I have one of those?" Skuld asked.
"Where would you keep it? The temple is too small."
"Uh... right. Foo," Skuld pouted.
*
God watched, as the sixteen matches took place.
It was all going according to plan. What little of a plan
he had made. Soon he could ditch this reality and go work on
something far more exciting; and one way or another, the humans
would have a caretaker to fill his shoes.
Munching on a box of Juji Fruits, he watched the spectacle.
And lo, it was good.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO CAST THE DECISIVE VOTE THAT CHANGES FATE!!!
As is customary in reader-polled tournament fanfic, YOU decide
who wins what fights! If you've read this far, you're probably
interested in how it turns out, ne? It'll turn out how the
majority of readers decide. DON'T DELAY! Mail in this form
today! It takes very little of your time, and if everybody who's
enjoyed this series so far votes, we'll have a better fanfic for
all concerned.
When deciding, consider all of the following...
* Who conceivably would win, given the strengths of these
characters and their abilities?
* Who SHOULD win if you had anything to say about it, because
they deserve it?
* Who would make for a funnier fight later on if they won?
What would maximize your entertainment value?
* If you can't decide, perhaps you could flip a coin?
A couple notes, for when you consider :
* Powerful bosses / hidden characters like Mizuki are up
against very wacky people here. The rules of drama MOSTLY
offset the sheer physical advantage they have, to make
things an even fight. Bosses cannot just steamroll into the
finals, but have a challenge to face.
* Nobody can die. That would not be heavenly.
* For no explained reason, being slashed to bits or shot full
of holes doesn't instantly kill you. That's just how these
things work in fighting games. (Notice no Bushido Bladers
in the crew. :)
Cut and paste the following form, putting X's in the boxes where
appropriate, and mail to the given address. THE DEADLINE FOR
SUBMISSIONS IS SEPTEMBER 5th, 1997! After that, no more votes
will be accepted, and Round 2 will be tallied, written and in the
books. Good luck and may the weirdest one win! (I might decide
to go with a shorter voting period so the fanfic gets written
faster if I notice that more votes came in earlier in the three-
week period than later.)
.----------------------------------------------.
| ROUND 1 PAIRINGS : |
| |
| [ ] Dan vs. [ ] Michelangelo |
| [ ] Kasumi vs. [ ] Princess Toadstool |
| [ ] Popura vs. [ ] David |
| [ ] Birdie vs. [ ] Splinter |
| [ ] Casey Jones vs. [ ] M.A.D. |
| [ ] Kuroko vs. [ ] Kunou |
| [ ] Mizuki vs. [ ] Mario |
| [ ] Luigi vs. [ ] Naru |
| [ ] SD-Sakura vs. [ ] Nicotine |
| [ ] Sakura vs. [ ] Lord Raptor |
| [ ] Chin Genzai vs. [ ] Vermillion |
| [ ] Sie Kensou vs. [ ] B.B. Hood |
| [ ] SD-Akuma vs. [ ] Athena Asamiya |
| [ ] Anita vs. [ ] Ukyou |
| [ ] Kiyone vs. [ ] Remi |
| [ ] Mihoshi vs. [ ] Devilot |
| |
| Comments about the fic series so far : |
| ____________________________________________ |
| ____________________________________________ |
| ____________________________________________ |
| |
| MAIL TO : twoflowr@glue.umd.edu |
| SUBJECT : Tournament Voting Submission |
| DEADLINE : September 5th, 1997 |
`----------------------------------------------'
DO NOT E-MAIL A FORM IF IT IS PAST DEADLINE!
Do not e-mail empty forms!
Do not e-mail incomplete forms!
You'll be wasting my time and yours.
Be cool. :)
Thank you, and enjoy the rest of Spoof Chase's MAGICAL
TROUBLESHOOTING CROSSOVER FIGHTING TOURNAMENT BETA.
-Stefan Gagne
The scoreboard so far is :
ROUND ONE ROUND TWO ROUND THREE ROUND FOUR FINAL
Dan \______?______
Michelangelo / \______?______
Kasumi \______?______/ \
P. Toadstool / \_______?_____
Popura \______?______ / \
David / \______?______/ \
Birdie \______?______/ \
Splinter / \____?____
C. Jones \______?______ /
M.A.D. / \______?______ /
Kuroko \______?______/ \ /
Kunou / \______?______/
Mizuki \______?______ /
Mario / \______?______/
Luigi \______?______/
Naru /
SD-Sakura \______?______
Nicotine / \______?______
Sakura \______?______/ \
L. Raptor / \______?______
Chin \______?______ / \
Vermillion / \______?______/ \
S. Kensou \______?______/ \
B.B. Hood / \____?____
SD-Akuma \______?______ /
Athena / \______?______ /
Anita \______?______/ \ /
Ukyou / \______?______/
Kiyone \______?______ /
Remi / \______?______/
Mihoshi \______?______/
Devilot /