Greetings folks.

I may not be currently subbed to the FFML, but I still have my sources...

At any rate, I feel I must comment on this particular fanfic, and my
comments are not going to be positive. I dislike commenting on fanfics
unless I've got something positive to say...but this time I can't find
anything positive to compliment.

All characters with the exception of Shaelynn Benton, and Akira Asagiri
are owned by other people and sure as heck not me. I would like to thank
the creator of the Esper Chronicles for the Character of Locke who will
be appearing in this story somewhere.

This is where the alarm klaxons started going off for me. I remember the
Esper Chronicles, and their prelude story "Tales of the Red Knight Saber",
written by Rob Pool. 'Locke' is the character from an anime called 'Locke
the Superpower' IIRC...and he's an Esper who can fly unscathed through the
sun, if memory serves me correctly.

The reason I remember these particular fanfics is because this had to be the
first fanfic that used SkyKnight as one of the background characters.  At
the time I was flattered that my alter-ego was popular enough to warrant
such an inclusion, however...things change.

I can't fault Mr. Pool for wanting to write fanfic. However, I *do* fault
him for including my alter-ego in his fanfic without my permission. I admit,
I am partly to blame for not saying anything about it at that time. 

Unfortunately, now somebody has used his fanfic for a basis for their own
story. And that means....

<SNIP>

and get married. There was a girl he liked but due to the fact he was
shy he didn't have the guts to talk to her. He had seen her with a red
haired man earlier but he assumed that he did not stand a chance. 

Bingo. Following the logic, that means that the 'red-haired man' is SkyKnight.

And here, I draw the line. I do not condone, in any way shape or form, any
inclusion of my SkyKnight persona or related characters in this fanfic. I
suggest to the author that they remove that reference, and rewrite that
section of the story.

That being said, I must rather reluctantly comment on the *rest* of the
story. I realize that in parts I'm probably going to sound like a
pretentious literary snob, and I apologize in advance...but I have to say
*something*.

First, the characterizations of the Knight Sabers, Sylia in particular, just
do NOT wash. Sylia would not just walk into a garage, even if it was
Raven's, and hire some unknown mechanic on the spot to work on the
hardsuits. Not without EXTENSIVE background checks, and probably some
arranged 'situational tests'.

I also  highly doubt she'd be blushing just because he 'looked cute'. This
is a woman who runs a secretive mercenary organization, and meets all kinds
of disreputable characters in the course of her activities (sorry Fargo...).
Anyhow, given the level of self-control Sylia has to have, that scene in the
garage is just utterly implausible.

Now, my final gripe with this story centers around the final scenes. Set
initially in Hot Legs, Priss is giving a concert. Then she's shot by some
crazed nut with a gun, who apparently has been stalking her.

Excuse me? Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is the central plot device for
Jeanne Hedge's "True Love" fanfic:  Priss has been shadowed by an obsessed
fan for weeks, and then he shoots her at a performance so that she can't
'leave him'.

This has to be the worst ripoff of someone else's story I've seen....the
fact that the author in this case actually kills Priss doesn't alter that
fact. It's very flimsy camouflage on a poor copy of someone else's story.
Coupled with the fact that the author has based their story on Rob Pool's
fanfic, this particular fic is almost as painful to read as Mr. Pool's
original story.

At any rate, there it is. In my opinion, the author of this fanfic had
better scrap their original premise, ditch the plagiarism, and start re-writing.

Any replies/comments/rebuttals to my commentary will have to be emailed
directly to me.

Later.
========================

Bert Van Vliet, Skyknght@sentex.net
[Http://www.jurai.net/~skyknght/index.html]
Die-hard BGC Fan, and aspiring Hi-tech Knight-in-Shining-Armour
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou art crunchy and good with
ketchup.