A short, blue-eyed man with pointed ears appears on the screen

Mizu:  Greetings and welcome to the show.  I am Mizu, water spirit
and irritating plot device with which to bludgeon Akane and Ranma
with the Meaning of Life.  These are my two associates:

Shot widens to reveal a transparent talking head on one side, and
a burly red-hair man who looks likes he's been a few fist fights
on the other. 

Mizu (continues):  On my right we have Cogito Ergo Sum, incredibly
logical three million year old artificial intelligence who thought
that it made perfect sense to give five teenagers a thirty-foot tall
robot with which to fight evil in New York City, and of course to
clone thirty elvises to act as it's pit crew.

Cog:  Strictly speaking, the only thing on your left is One's
holographic interface icon.  

Mizu:  ...and never figured out how to use the first person.  
On my left we have Joe Boggs, borderline vampire, who eats
steak, chases girls, and thinks that the steam engine was the pinnacle
of human technological achievement.   

Boggs:  Yo.  

Mizu:  Our story today is Anand Rao's "Is Tofu Really Good For You?"
selected by Mizu through rigorously logical criteria.  And tell us,
Cog, what were those logical criteria?

Cog:  The author's name began with the letter "A"

Mizu (nonplussed):  Then let's get started, shall we?  

Dr. Tofu stood in the middle of his small living room, his feet spread
slight apart, his eyes closed, and taking deep, regular breaths.  He

Cog:  "slightly"

He immediately felt his heart start to pound, his blood and skin start to 
heat up, and his glasses start to fog.  *I have to do this!*  He thought

Boggs:  Stop.  You're making me hungry.  Man, is this guy pathetic or
what?

Cog:  Presumably that is why Tofu was fairly quickly marginalised
as a character.  

viewable
location first, since Ranma had been gently but firmly dragging Kasumi
behind him.

Boggs:  Ditto for Ranma.  C'mon.  Doesn't anyone wonder at least a little why 
he's pulling Kasumi around to look at his marks for him?  
(As Akane)  Ranma stop bullying Kasumi and face it like a man!

If he had failed, however, Kasumi would have been disappointed in him.  Not 
that
she would have berated him about it.  She had always encouraged him, no
matter how
many stupid mistakes he had made.  That's not to say that they didn't fight.

Mizu:  Hold the phone, here!  Fight?  With Kasumi?  How does he
pull that trick off?  She never raises her voice, and Akane would
lynch him if he even considered raising his voice to her sister.  
Not to mention what Soun would do.  I've seen Kasumi in a towering
rage.  She said, "Ranma, that wasn't very nice."  and blushed in
embarassment at having been so harsh.  

They
did a whole lot of that.  It was just another sign that they were 

Boggs:  Way outta character.  Too bad, cause Kasumi has been in
character through the previous two fics.  

side.  Someone who didn't _seem_ to have any ulterior motives or hidden 
agendas
where he was concerned.

Mizu:  Ranma is obviously deluded.  Kasumi has had ulterior motives
ever since she got hit with the love potion.  But hey, he's a moron.  

Those closest to the trio noticed that Ranma had started to glow.

Mizu:  Oh good.  Ranma's preparing a ki attack while embracing Kasumi.

the odds.  Yet, when Ranma had the support and love that ALL people need, 
there
was _nothing_ that could stop him.  He had grown up with out that support,

Bogg shudders:  I feel like I just bit a hypoglycemic Sailor Senshi.  

"It's the same way in life, Ranma.  If you go to University, MANY 
opportunities
will be open to you, you may not see them now, but you will later.  It will 
be
hard work, a huge challenge, but the opportunities are worth it, don't you
think?"

Cog:  While One is aware of the value of higher education, just how is Ranma 
capable of accumulating the funds required to pursue such a course?  

Mizu:  Maybe Nodoka will pay for it.  But the money should be mentioned
since it's a significant barrier for someone living hand to mouth as
Ranma has been.   

talk to Ranma.  In spite of the fact that the two of them did not have any
kind of
romantic relationship, she knew that Dr. Tofu's proposal affected him as well

Boggs:  Oh yeah?  How?  

"You've known for almost two years!  And you didn't tell me!" Kasumi yelled
angrily.

Mizu:  Quick!  Hide the axes!

Cog:  This conversation is taking place in the kitchen, which is far from
soundproof.  I would estimate that the probability is extremely high
that other family members would overhear and investigate, especially
since Kasumi is notorious for never raising her voice, and conceals
her emotions with extraordinary skill.

Boggs:  Howcum she's acting like Akane?  

she retreated to her room.  After a while, Ranma approach her like this and 
they
would talk things out.  She idly wondered how much better his relationship
with Akane would be if he tried the same tactics with her.

Mizu:  He does.  It never works because she doesn't cool off.  

"I'm not mad about than anymore, Ranma, well not _really_.  What I want to
know is why you walked out on me?  Why you always walk out on me when I need
to talk?  Who else is there for me Ranma?  Who else is there for YOU?  You
are the only person in this house who doesn't treat me like I don't
have a brain in my head.  And that's why it hurts so much when you turn away
from me..."  Kasumi ended in a choked voice, tears starting to form in her ey

Boggs:  Because, you bimbo, if he stays and talks while he's angry, he'll
start insulting you.

Mizu, (who has morphed into the image of a blue-haired girl):  Now, now.
At least Kasumi guilting Ranma is closer to her "normal" behavior.  

Kasumi walked down the stairs wearing a beautiful white evening dress and her
hair done up in curls.  "Well, how do I look?"  She asked the assorted
crowd in the living room.

Boggs:  Like Shirley Temple on steroids.

with Ranma.  The safe and secure path was not for her...and yet... did she
have the courage to take the dangerous one?

Mizu:  Kasumi has been following the safe and secure path all her life.  
Even this Kasumi, will at most take one risk in her life.  

"Let me finish, Akane.  You.  You are NEVER going to meet a man as noble and
as honorable as Ranma.  In spite of being engaged to you against his will, he
never broke up with you, despite the numerous times you have broken up with
him.  He has also had countless opportunities to cheat on you, with so
many different girls, all chasing him, but he never did.  The only tie he

Boggs:  So what?  He never had the guts to make a move on Akane either.  
Heck, he's never even kissed her.  Face it, the kid's just a-scared-a 
girls.  That's not nobility, it's gutlessness.  

Akane looked at Kasumi and bitterly said, "Why do they always love you 
oneechan?
Why aren't I good enough?"

Mizu:  Do the words "Violent Maniac" ring a bell?  

Ranma's hands began to tremble and he closed his eyes.  Kasumi  moved
her face closer to his and whispered, "I love you.  I'm going to keep
saying it until I get some kind of a respose from you.  I love you, I love
you, I-"

Mizu:  I like this bit.  After all, brute force is the only way to
touch Ranma's feelings.   

Ryoga looked at his watch and said, "We REALLY should be going..."

"Ok, Ok... you got the directions to the church?"

"For the thousandth time, yes."

"Well, I gotta make sure with you...I don't wanna end up two weeks late
for my own wedding!"

Cog:  One was under the impression that Ryoga was incapable of understanding
directions no matter how clear or well memorised they might be, due to his
non-Euclidian pattern of locomotion.

Boggs:  Huhn?

Mizu:  Ranma's an idiot who is going to be two weeks late for his own
wedding.  

"Come one P-chan...Let's go get me hitched!"

Boggs:  Wheres the other P-chan?


As Ryoga and Ranma left the room and the door closed behind them, Ranma
asked, "So, did ya patch things up with Akane yet?"

*****************************************************************
And the answer to that question, dear friends, is ANOTHER story.

Mizu:  And one that apparently won't be told.  This one was a 
courageous story, in my estimation, one which takes events down a 
largely uncharted path.  

Cog:  However, the characterisation of Kasumi seems inconsistent.
While One realises that all humans are more than just their superficial
mannerisms, at the same time, those superficial mannerisms generally 
follow a consistent pattern.  If one practises rigid self control of
violent impulses as a matter of course over one's operational lifespan
that control can not be lightly cast away.  In this case, Kasumi seems more
likely to respond to emotional upset by emotionally distancing herself, by
inculcating guilt in the offending party or by activating tear ducts as 
opposed to verbal aggression.  

Boggs:  But I'd really like to see the lemon version...  


Anand Rao
anandr@earthlink.net