Here's Part Eight of my Kodachi story. If you want previous parts of
this story I'll be glad to send them to you.
As always, I'd sure like to know your thoughts. The feedback I've
received so far has been very helpful.
Why should poor beauty indirectly seek
Roses of shadow, since his rose is true?
Why should he live, now Nature bankrupt is,
Beggar'd of blood to blush through lively veins?
O, him she stores, to show what wealth she had
In days long since, before these last so bad.
excerpt from Sonnet LXVII
by William Shakespeare
ROSES OF SHADOW
By Richard Lawson
Part Eight: The Color Black
Ranma was poised with the tips of his toes just touching the window
sill. His heels were flat together and his knees bent and sticking out
on either side of his body. It was a very silly-looking poise and he
assumed it when he was in a high humor.
Right now, sitting this way staring at the slowly-emerging dawn in the
hopes that it would somehow lift his spirits. It wasn't working.
Kodachi's homecoming had been muted. She had been more than a little
apprehensive about all the new faces Ranma had introduced her to. She
had begged off of dinner, saying that she was more tired than she was
hungry. Ranma, seeing the way she held herself, had known it to be
true.
His own sleep had been fitful. He was concerned that the servants were
doing more harm than good. He was worried that Kodachi had gained
sanity by becoming a drug-induced zombie. He was worried that the
stress would finally push Kuno over the edge; his behavior had not
changed, and had become even more manic in recent weeks.
Mostly, Ranma was worried that it was all his fault, that by trying to
solve other people's problems he was instead destroying their lives.
Ranma sighed and jumped out into the yard. He ran through a kata; he
didn't do them very often, depending more on the mock battles he'd
fought with first Genma then Kodachi. However, this time he needed the
ordered mechanics of the kata to try and calm his spirit.
Much to his surprise, it worked. He'd done too much damned worrying of
late. He'd done what needed to be done; time to move on and deal with
whatever happened as a result.
Smiling, he turned towards the house and started. Kodachi was standing
on the porch, dressed in her leotard. She had her arms crossed, one
hand lifted to cup her chin. Ranma instinctively examined her eyes and
found them as he had yesterday: relaxed and focused.
That, he decided, was a very good sign.
Her face, however, was expressionless. "Good morning, Ranma-sama.
Watching you work the forms was very pleasant."
"Er, thanks." He looked around, picked up one of her balls. "Ready to
work out?"
She studied him a moment more, then stepped off the porch.
They began the battle, but Ranma knew her heart wasn't in it. She was
moving almost lethargically, going through the motions with no heat
behind her attacks. Ranma had to hold himself back so much that he
found himself responding in much the same lethargic way.
He decided to press a little, try to get her out of her doldrums. He
attacked more vigorously, reaching in to poke her in the ribs, lightly
rap her on the head, other innocuous, annoying attacks. He wanted to
get her angry, to scowl at him and throw a razor-sharp hoop at his
head. Instead she just absorbed the attacks without counter-attacking
effectively.
Finally, he swept her legs out from underneath her. She just remained
where she'd fallen on her rear, her hands supporting her back as she
remained propped up. She was blinking rapidly, and Ranma realized she
was trying to keep from crying.
"Stop, we must stop. I cannot do this any more."
Ranma sucked in his lower lip, trying to figure out how to respond.
"Oh, c'mon, this is fun, Kodachi. I missed working out with you. Let's
keep doing it."
She looked up at him, an expression of surprise mixed with
self-disgust. "But I am slow and fat. I do not deserve to be your
sparring partner."
Ranma shook his head. "You're only slow 'cuz you're not really trying.
Let yourself go and you'll do okay. And you're not fat."
"Yes I am!" Something sounding almost like anger colored her voice.
"It's the medication, the lithium, it does this. It's made me gain a
lot of weight."
"Oh, I never said you hadn't gained weight." Ranma eyed her body
critically. "I'd say you've gained between fifteen and twenty pounds.
But you're not *fat*."
Kodachi's eyes widened. She stared at Ranma, examining him closely.
Ranma gazed back calmly, lifting a corner of his mouth. For once, the
words that had flown off his lips without thought seemed to be the right
thing to say.
He raised the other corner of his mouth and held out his hand. "C'mon.
Let's keep working out; you'll never get back into shape if you give up
this easy."
Kodachi looked at him a moment longer, then slowly raised her hand to
grasp Ranma's. He lifted her to her feet. They stood for a second
facing each other, Ranma still holding Kodachi's hand, their faces about
a foot apart.
Ranma gently disengaged his hand and took a step back. "Okay, time for
round two. This time, I ain't gonna be as nice to you."
A smile crept onto Kodachi's face. "As well you shouldn't, Ranma-sama.
You have behaved in a most ungentlemanly fashion. It is time I punished
you for that."
Ranma grinned, genuinely happy at her words. This was more like it.
The continued fighting, and this time Kodachi displayed more energy.
She still wasn't up to her pre-hospital form, but she was certainly
giving it her all. By the end, they were both sweating profusely, Ranma
having pushed the combat into more strenuous forms than usual.
Finally Kodachi called a halt, bending forward at the waist and clasping
her knees. "Is th-this how you always f-fought with your father?"
Ranma wiped his brow. "Uh, well, to tell you the truth, he and I fought
a lot more savagely. We got into some pretty vicious battles. If
either one of us wasn't in top form, the other would make him suffer for
it. A lot."
Kodachi straightened and looked at Ranma in surprise. "How is it that I
was able to defeat you?"
Ranma flushed. "Lots of reasons. One big reason was that I was way
too over-confident. And... well, other things."
Kodachi tilted her head. "Tell me."
Ranma grimaced. "I... there's this guy, I don't know if you've met
him. Name's Ryoga. He hates me. He was able to goad me into fighting
with him all night before the match."
"A large ego and poor impulse control. I've noticed that about you
already."
"Uh, yeah." Ranma rubbed the back of his head. He allowed himself a
moment of self-deprecation; it was certainly easier trying to see what
Kodachi's problems were rather than face his own. "And... well, you
were able to attach him to me. That didn't help."
"Hmm?" Kodachi furrowed her brow. "Attach who?"
"Oh. Uh, we never did talk about Jusenkyo, did we?"
Kodachi laughed, a gentle laugh that was nice to hear. "Two months
you've lived here and there is so little I know about you. There was
never any time before, somehow. I... I hope we can spend more time
together, just talking."
Ranma felt his chest tighten a little, a strange sensation he was unable
to reconcile. "Uh, sure. That'd be good." It wasn't exactly what he'd
been planning. It sounded suspiciously like dating or something.
Certainly it wasn't going to help him get away from her.
However, it was probably what she needed. He'd play along for a while
until she was adjusted. Then he could gently break it off. Maybe he
could get Nabiki's help. Or, just maybe, even Akane's.
He forced himself to focus on Kodachi again. "Uh, well, it'll help that
you don't have to do all the housework any more."
Kodachi's expression turned cold. "I suppose it will." With that, she
turned and moved quickly towards the house.
Ranma followed her, frowning. When Akane was angry, she stomped,
bulling her way through anything and everything in her way. When
Kodachi was angry, she moved with a rigid grace, her head tossed back,
in the certain knowledge that whatever was in her way would simply move
off of its own accord.
One thing they seemed to share in common, unfortunately, was getting
angry at Ranma for no reason he could fathom.
He moved slowly after her, trying not to feel irritated and failing. He
entered the dining room and watched as Kodachi took a seat, looking
quite uncomfortable. As soon as Ranma took a seat, the door from the
kitchen opened and the cook brought in breakfast. How she knew exactly
when everyone was going to be seated remained a mystery to Ranma.
Kuno had been waiting impassively. As breakfast was served, he
commented idly, "I believe you will find the food to be excellent. We
have a worthy cook."
Kodachi looked at the woman and sniffed. She picked up her chopsticks
and began listlessly pushing it around her plate.
Ranma had already begun. He too appreciated the food, but he was more
concerned for Kodachi. She looked depressed for no reason he could
fathom. He swallowed his food. "Say, Kodachi, did you take your
medication this morning?"
She glared angrily at him. "Yes!" she snapped in a tone that would have
Akane credit.
Perhaps, Ranma thought, that was why the irritation flared inside him.
Either way, he wanted to snap back at Kodachi. He controlled himself
with difficulty. He was fairly certain he didn't deserve that.
"Kodachi." Kuno's spoke with just a hint of rebuke. "Your fiancee
seeks only to ensure you maintain your regimen and thus stay healthy.
It is unseemly of you to respond to his genuine concern in such a
disrespectful manner."
Kodachi shifted her glare to Kuno. He returned it calmly. Ranma sensed
some sort of deep, unspoken communication taking place. After a moment,
Kodachi ducked her head. "My apologies, Ranma-sama, for my rude
behavior."
"No prob." Ranma felt slightly unnerved by her sudden reversal. He'd
seen Akane, Nabiki, and Kasumi do the same kind of mental telepathy.
Maybe there was something to this sibling thing after all.
---
Ranma opened up the bundle the cook had given him. The aroma of the
food made his mouth water. The cook was very good, of that there was no
doubt. Still, the food had none of the personal touches Kasumi had
always put into her food, like decorations in the rice that took on the
shape of birds or flowers or faces. Ranma missed that, despite the
shape some of those faces had taken.
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Akane open her lunch box.
She started, then quickly grabbed her chopsticks and mixed her rice with
them. Ranma chuckled.
Akane whirled on him. "What are you laughing at?"
Ranma grinned. "Nothing. Nothing at all."
She glared at him, then muttered under her breath as she began to eat.
Ranma thought the exchange over. Akane's treatment of him had gone
through some wild fluctuations since the incident with Shampoo. She'd
ignored him completely and she'd chattered brightly with him. She'd
gossiped with him and she'd deliberately avoided him. However, she'd
never yelled at him, never become even mildly irritated with him until
just now. He wondered if this was a good sign.
"I heard Kodachi came home."
Ranma looked over at Akane. She was eating her food and staring
straight ahead. She'd spoken in an even, factual voice.
Ranma dared to hope.
"Uh, yeah. Yesterday."
"She was in there a long time."
"Three weeks. It seemed to do her some good."
At this, Akane turned to consider Ranma thoughtfully. "You mean she's
cured?"
Ranma shook his head. "You don't cure mental illness, you control it.
She's more in control now than she was before."
"Ah so." She looked down at her food. "Does that mean she's stopped
obsessing over you?"
"I, uh, don't know. She's still recovering, and... well, she still
needs someone to help support her. It sure ain't gonna be Kuno, so I'm
doing what I can."
Akane took a sip of her milk. "That's a nice thing you're doing for
her."
"Thanks." He wasn't sure if she was being sincere. It sure sounded
like it.
She looked up at him. "And then? After she's recovered?"
Ranma felt his stomach twist. "Well, then we'll see. I sure hope
she'll be able to see how screwed up our so-called engagement is, and
call it off. And then... and then I can move out and..."
Akane raised an eyebrow. "And?"
Ranma tried a nervous smile. "And we'll go from there."
Akane eyed him for a minute, her eyebrow still raised. Then she turned
back to her lunch. "I hope it all works out the way you want."
"Uh, yeah, me too."
"Keep me posted."
"I will."
Ranma went back to eating his lunch, hope growing inside him. Maybe,
just maybe, things were beginning to come together. For perhaps the
first time in his life.
---
"Jusenkyo?"
"Yeah."
"Fascinating." Kodachi was idly rubbing Midorigame's stomach. Ranma
was watching from up in a nearby tree. "And your father took you there
because he had heard it was dangerous, without knowing exactly *how* it
was dangerous?"
"Yeah." Ranma felt a familiar resentment building inside of him.
"Not a shining example of intelligence, I grant you. And your friend,
he was cursed too?"
"Well, I'm not sure I'd call Ryoga a friend, but yeah."
"A pig." She shook her head. "I didn't know such places existed."
Ranma shrugged. "I wish they didn't."
Kodachi punched Midorigame's stomach. He immediately flipped over and
began to waddle back to his pond. Kodachi walked over to the fence
surrounding the pond. She hadn't been pleased at its construction, but
had made no further objections when Ranma had pointed out that it was
necessary to protect the staff. She closed the gate and walked
underneath the tree. Ranma was about to drop down when she jumped up to
land on a branch opposite him.
Ranma examined her eyes, a habit he hadn't broken himself of yet. They
looked normal. Almost. "You're still wearing your eyeshadow."
She arched an eyebrow. "And what does that mean?"
Ranma blanched. He had never told her how much he hated her "evil"
eyeshadow. For some reason, he'd assumed that she'd stop wearing it
after being stabilized. "Uh, nothing."
It was as if she could read his mind. "You know, Ranma-sama, I'm still
the same person I always was. The medication doesn't change my
personality; it just keeps me from experiencing some of its more extreme
aspects. Don't expect some docile geisha to take my place."
Ranma bowed his head. "Sorry."
She sat on the branch, her legs dangling down. She put her elbows on
her knees and leaned forward to cup her chin in her hands. "Can I go?"
Ranma furrowed his brow. "Where?"
"Jusenkyo, of course. I'd like to turn into something. Like... an
alligator. Or an orca."
Ranma's jaw dropped open. "You *want* to be cursed?"
Her eyes were shining. "A panther! A black panther! That would be
invigorating."
Ranma shuddered. "Please, not a cat."
"What's wrong with cats?"
"That's... a story for another time." He shook his head. "I'm not sure
you've thought about what it means to be cursed. I mean, do you know
what it's like to be afraid of the rain? Of puddles? Of not being able
to swim?"
"Oh, poo, Ranma-sama. You could swim if you wanted to."
"That's not the point." Ranma felt strangely defensive. "It's awful
being turned into a girl. I hate it."
Kodachi snorted. "The only reason you hate it is because it happened to
you without your prior consent. If you'd just get over that part of it,
you'd probably find that you don't mind it so much."
Ranma nearly fell out of the tree. He stared at Kodachi as his mind
reeled. That was something that had quite simply never occurred to
him. He had no idea how to respond to it.
Kodachi was intently watching his reaction. Her voice was slightly
strained as she asked, "Don't you think?"
Ranma shook his head, more out of confusion than anything else. "I hate
turning into a girl, no matter what you say. I'd do anything to be free
of my curse. Anything."
Kodachi studied him a moment more. Ranma thought he saw disappointment
in her eyes, the source of which eluded him.
Kodachi leaned forward until she fell out of the tree. Ranma yelped and
tried to grab her, but much too late. He watched as she did a complete
somersault in the air before landing on her feet. She began wandering
towards the house.
Ranma jumped out of the tree and ran until he caught up with her. "Uh,
I'd go to Jusenkyo with you, but Shampoo and the Amazons'd kill me
before I got within a hundred kilometers of the place."
"Don't fret, Ranma-sama. For now, I am struggling enough with being
myself without throwing other genders or species into the mix."
Ranma chuckled despite himself. He quickly sobered. "How are you
holding up?"
Kodachi stopped just short of the house. She spoke rapidly. "Did you
know that black is the absence of color? Some people think it's the
other way, that black is all colors mixed together but that makes
white. You take white and you remove the colors one by one. It fades
through different shades, and some of the colors are nice but something
is missing and you can't quite place your finger on it. As more and
more colors disappear the blackness begins to show more and more
prominently and then you have a world where you can see nothing but
darkness and there's nothing left."
She turned to look into Ranma's eyes. "My world was full of bright,
sharp colors, even if some of them were painful to look at. Now the
lithium is draining the color from my life and I named myself better
than I knew. I am Kodachi the Black Rose, the Rose of No Color, and I
can't decide between bright and painful or safe and dark."
Ranma found that his mouth was dry. This aspect of Kodachi terrified
him. She was supposed to be beyond this, supposed to be getting better.
The same person she had always been, she said. Just not as extreme.
The woman who sobbed in the gray room was still alive. He was seeing
hints of her now.
He drew a breath. "I... I think you got another choice. Stay, uh,
safe, and, um, add some color as you go along. If you stick with it
long enough, you'll... you'll find a white rose waiting for you
eventually." He squirmed uncomfortably. He would never have the Kuno
family's gift for speaking allegorically.
Kodachi looked at him for another moment. She sniffed. "Do yourself a
favor, Ranma-sama. Stick with your somewhat crude manner of speech. If
you try to imitate the speech patterns of others, you might come across
as insincere."
"Hmm? I, uh, wasn't trying to be insincere."
Kodachi shifted her gaze from one of his eyes to the other, searching
for what, Ranma didn't know. "Good," she said softly. Then she faced
forward and entered the house.
Ranma fell bonelessly to a cross-legged position, holding his head in
his hands. Again. Every encounter with Kodachi drained him in one way
or another. He wasn't sure how much more he could take.
He had to remember what he was doing this for.
He sprang to his feet and ran from the mansion.
---
Ranma crept his way along the rooftop. He listened for a moment, until
he heard the sound of movement from inside. Then he hung down and
tapped on the window.
Akane stared at him incredulously. Then she came over and opened the
window. "What are you doing here?"
"I, uh, just wanted to see you. Can I come in?"
Akane looked at him dubiously. "I don't think that would be a good
idea."
Ranma sighed. "Okay. How's your father?"
"He doesn't mention you or your father anymore. No one talks about it
around him, so he doesn't explode anymore. I think he's calmed down
now. I'm not sure he'll ever forgive your father, but he might talk to
you."
"That's good. Do, uh, you want me to talk with him?"
Akane stared at him for a long time. Ranma tried to still the
irritation before it reached his face; people had been staring at him a
lot today.
Finally, Akane spoke. "I don't know, Ranma. I just... don't know."
"Will... will you give me some time before deciding? Let me try and
work things out with Kodachi."
Akane let out a quiet breath. "Okay. You'd better go before Dad sees
you."
They held each other's gaze in the darkening twilight. Ranma didn't
know what to feel, didn't want to stop looking in her eyes, wanted to go
back in time and find his younger self on the eve of the fight with
Kodachi and tell him to pay attention, that his whole life was in the
balance and that he'd better not blow it.
Ranma lifted himself away from Akane's gaze and ran off into the
gathering blackness.
~*~
END PART EIGHT