Subject: [fanfic][Ranma] Tiger Claw - prologue, parts 1a-1b
From: MadamHydra@aol.com
Date: 8/9/1997, 1:13 AM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com

This is my first fanfic so I'd greatly appreciate any C&C (public and/or
private).  Just let me get out my NOMEX(tm) undies...or whatever they call
that fireproof stuff that race drivers wear!

While the general plot may not be terribly original, I hope you guys like the
implementation.   ^_^

BTW, if anyone is interested in becoming a pre-reader for this story, please
let me know.  I need all the help I can get!

====================== 
  TIGER CLAW 
====================== 
A Ranma 1/2 fanfic 

	All rights and privileges to Ranma 1/2 belong to Rumiko Takahashi and
associated parties.  The characters of her series are used without her
permission for the purpose of entertainment only.  This work of fiction is
not meant for sale or profit.                
	All original characters are the creation of the author.  All copyright
privileges to these characters are reserved for the author.

--------------

Author's Notes:
	This story is based primarily on a slightly modified version of the manga
(although it also borrows from the anime series) and takes place several
months after Vol. 38.  The one major change involves the attempted wedding.
 I only have summaries of the later manga volumes (the ones that haven't been
published by Viz Comics) so if my interpretations are inconsistent with the
manga, please bring it to my attention!
	Regarding knowledge of the Neko-ken - I'm going on the assumption that only
a limited number of the main characters have actually SEEN the Neko-ken (the
Tendos, Genma, Shampoo, Cologne, Gosunkugi (or Sasuke), and Kuno).  Although
others may have heard about it, it's one of those things that's easy to
underestimate unless you experience it in up close and person.  ^_^
		
--------------
 		
Text Conventions
	(   )  -> thoughts
	>   <  -> sound fx
	<" ">  -> Chinese

	Curse forms are denoted by descriptive suffixes such as -chan or -neko

================
Part 0: Prologue 
================

	In a dank, underground chamber of an old stone temple, a slim, beautiful
woman dressed in black patiently waited for the heirs of the Funada clan to
arrive.  Yonoko carefully tucked a stray strand of her short russet hair back
into place as she glanced down at her watch but that was the only sign that
she had been sitting around in the chamber for over an hour.  She had waited
for years.  She could wait a little while longer for her employers.

	As if Yonoko's thoughts had summoned them, a young woman stormed through the
doors of the chamber with a young man lazily trailing behind her.  Both were
in their early twenties, with long black hair and bright green eyes.  The
woman was petite and quite pretty, but her spoiled, petulant expression
detracted considerably from her looks.  She wore a tight-fitting, glossy silk
dress of scarlet which was heavily embroidered in mystical designs of gold.
 The man was dressed in the same exact shade of scarlet but his clothes, a
high-fashion version of a karate gi, was decorated with a fanciful flame and
sword motif.  Of medium height, he had the sleek build and grace of a trained
martial artist. 

	In sharp contrast with her flamboyantly dressed employers, Yonoko wore a
plain but elegantly tailored black dress suit and looked the very picture of
a modern female executive.  She rose to her feet and bowed to the pair.

	"This is SO ridiculous!" The numerous metal bracelets around the young
woman's wrists jangled noisily as she slammed a thin folder down on the
table.

	Yonoko patiently replied, "Lady Haru, the report clearly indicates the
strong possibility...." 

	"Come on now, Yonoko!  We've nearly got our hands on that damn tiger statue
and now you want to go chasing after some obscure martial art style which
hasn't been practiced in hundreds of years?  And the basis for your request?
 The eyewitness accounts of a bunch of half-witted high school students!"
 She grabbed up the folder and thumbed through it.  "Especially this
'Tatewaki Kuno' character...what an idiot he is!"

	Yonoko raised a delicate eyebrow at that judgment but simply said, "It's not
just any 'obscure martial art style'...." 

	"It's just another weird kung fu cat ... thingie!"  Haru waved her hand in a
dismissing gesture, sending her bracelets clashing like cymbals.

	The young man drawled in bored tones, "That 'cat thingie', my DEAR sister,
is a rather formidable fighting technique." 

	Yonoko gracefully acknowledged the man's remarks with a slight bow of her
head.  However, she thought to herself, (That's understating the matter
considerably.  The Neko-ken is one of THE most formidable martial arts
techniques ever to exist in this world.  Or in many other worlds.)   

	The young man continued his usual, irritatingly smug voice.  "It's no match
for our own clan's Flame Blade style, of course, but rumors say that it's
highly dangerous." He paused briefly.  Then, in a voice filled with mock
remorse, he added, "Alas, forgive me, sister.  I quite forgot that you have
no idea what I'm talking about, given that you're HOPELESSLY ignorant
regarding anything to do with martial arts!" 

	Lady Haru snarled, "I'd rather concentrate on much more important things
such as my mind and my magic, thank you!"  She tossed her head and smirked at
him.  "But it's really no wonder why you waste all your time and effort on
that absurd physical junk, brother dear.  It's the only thing that you're
remotely capable of doing!  You CERTAINLY don't have the brains for any other
activity!" 

	"Foolish woman!  How dare you forget that the glorious history of our clan
was built on the martial prowess of our noble forefathers!" 

	"And see what that great fighting prowess has gotten us, Kakuji?  The Funada
clan used to be a noble house of the land!  Now, we're just a family of
common criminals, creeping about and lurking in the shadows!  Nothing
but...." 

	"I am NOT common!" shouted her brother.  

	Before the entire discussion could degenerate into one of their usual
childish shouting matches, Yonoko coughed once.  Getting no response, she
coughed again more loudly and politely asked, "If I may continue?" 

	The siblings glared at each other, but shut up for the moment.  

	"As to why I feel it's necessary to locate a master of this 'obscure martial
art style' or 'cat thingie' as you put it,.... You are both aware that your
esteemed father has approved of Lady Haru's plan to summon up the demon Ebon
and to use the entity to regain the power and status so rightfully due this
clan." She waited to get some sign of acknowledgment from both siblings.  

	Haru preened a bit while Kakuji muttered, "Just get on with it, woman."

	"Of course, my lord.  To successfully carry out this plan, we need two
items."  She held up one elegant finger.  "First, we need the onyx tiger
statue known as 'Tora no tsume' which will allow us to summon and control the
demon.  As you have stated, Lady Haru, we are very close to acquiring that
statue."

	Yonoko then held up another finger.  "Second, we need a host body for the
demon.  A very SPECIAL body.   To be precise, we need the body of a master
martial artist who uses the Neko-ken." 

	Lady Haru sullenly muttered, "Why is it being so picky?  After being locked
up for a couple of centuries, you'd think that Ebon would be grateful for any
damn body it can get!  And even if the demon has a taste for martial artists,
I don't see why we need to go chasing after THIS one."  She jabbed a long,
blood-red fingernail at the folder.  "Our own clan has plenty of martial
artists."  Lady Haru glared pointedly at her brother.

	Yonoko ran through a quick patience mantra before replying. "Not just any
martial artist will do, my lady.  Ebon is a very powerful entity and the host
body has to be able to handle that power.  Otherwise, the body will burn out
and became totally useless in a very short period of time." 

	"Then we'll get the demon a new one!"  

	"It's not like changing a pair of shoes, my lady.  Possession, in Ebon's
case, is a very complicated process.  It won't be available to do your
bidding if it has to waste all its time and energy constantly switching
bodies...." 
	 
	"All right!  All right!  ALL RIGHT!!!" Lady Haru threw herself into a chair
and pouted.  "Not only do we need the Tora no tsume statue but we also need
to have a master of this stupid cat-style.  FINE.  And you're trying to tell
me that a seventeen-year-old boy is this great martial artist?" 

	Her brother laughed mockingly.  "Seventeen?  A mere seventeen-year-old boy
is supposed to know something as powerful as the Neko-ken?  That's quite
absurd!"

	"Actually, he's almost eighteen, my lord.  He might be young, but his
physical abilities and martial arts skills would be considered extraordinary
for a person of any age.  I assure you, if any living person is capable of
learning and using the Neko-ken, it would be Ranma Saotome." 

	Yonoko mused to herself, (And to think that he had the strength of soul to
survive learning the Neko-ken at the tender age of six!  But that strength is
the precise reason why he suits Lord Ebon's needs so very well.)

	Lady Haru drummed her talon-like nails impatiently on the tabletop, then
stopped as a gleeful expression crossed her face.  "So, you're telling me if
we have both the statue and this martial artist, nothing can stop us from
making Ebon carry out my... OUR slightest wish and command?"   
	
	"That is so, my lady."
	
	Kakuji sniffed in contempt and turned his back on his sister.  "Dealing with
demons is no way to restore our clan's status and honor!"
	
	"Oh?  And training an army of ninja is that much better?" Haru asked in a
scathing voice.
	
	He spun around and shouted, "But at least we are warriors following a
warrior's code of honor!  There is NOTHING honorable about demons!  I find it
most unseemly that a woman of our house should stoop so low as to actually
study matters of the occult!  The only reason that I have not stopped this
absurd project of yours is because of our father's express wishes!"

	Haru gave her brother a venomous stare.  "As if you could!  It galls you to
no end that Father approved of MY plan instead of yours, doesn't it?"  
	She thought to herself, (Act the noble warrior all you want, brother dear!
 Once I have Ebon's power in my hands, both you and that senile old bastard
we call a father will be PRAYING for death!)  

	As soon as Haru finished that thought, she flung her head back and started
to howl with wild, maniacal laughter.  

	"...." Yonoko looked away and winced ever so slightly.  

	Finally, Haru ran out of air, and was forced to stop laughing.  Gasping for
breath, she primly straightened her clothes and said, "Yonoko, order our men
to grab this Ranma Saotome and bring him here."  She smiled mockingly at her
brother.  "Why don't you consider it a training exercise for your precious
ninja warriors, brother dear?" 

	Yonoko politely droned, "Excuse me, my lady.  Saotome may be the most likely
person to know the Neko-ken, but as you yourself so intelligently pointed
out, we have very little solid evidence that Saotome ACTUALLY knows it.  May
I respectfully suggest that I personally confirm his knowledge of the
technique before we divert any of the clan's resources away from the
acquisition of the Tora no tsume?" 

	There was little question in Yonoko's own mind.  She eyed the very thin,
highly edited report lying on the table and compared it to the actual report
from her operatives and contacts in Nerima.  That report, at the moment,
consisted of five large boxes of papers, photographs, and videotapes --
nearly two years worth of constant surveillance, starting from the first
incident at the high school auditorium and continuing to the present day.
 She had found the video of the great white shark getting dragged up onto the
beach and batted around like a cat toy particularly convincing.  

	Lady Haru grandly announced, "Very well, Yonoko.  I give you official
permission to investigate the matter fully." 

	"Thank you, my lady.  Within a week, I will be able to determine whether a
master of the Neko-ken walks the earth in Nerima." 

	"Naturally, we'll reward you greatly if we judge your efforts worthy." 

	Yonoko bowed deeply.  "I'm stunned by your generosity.  Rest assured that I
will spare no effort in this matter."

	Kakuji frowned and said, "Perhaps I should accompany you.  After all, only a
superior martial artist would be able to properly assess this boy's skills,
such as they are." 

	Yonoko respectfully bowed her head but her thoughts had quite a different
tone.  (Humph!  As if you could last a minute against someone like Saotome.)
   

	He added, "I'm also rather curious to see how the Neko-ken compares to the
Funada clan's Flame Blade style."  He absently flexed his muscles and
clenched his fists.

  	Yonoko's polite smile developed a faintly sinister edge.  (You want to
personally test the power of the Neko-ken?  Not even I, Yonoko the Tiger
Lily, a sorceress AND martial artist for nearly 200 years, would be willing
to try that!  I would LOVE to let you come face-to-face with the Neko-ken,...
but unfortunately, I need you alive and intact for a LITTLE while longer.) 

	She hurriedly said, "But Lord Kakuji, I wouldn't want you to interrupt your
rigorous training schedule!  And I do believe that I have sufficient
experience in the martial arts to make a reasonable evaluation of Saotome's
skills."

	He shrugged.  "Ah well, at least you can appreciate the importance of
constantly honing one's fighting abilities.  Unlike some people I know who
take refugee in believing in all sorts of mystical rubbish...." 

	"HOW DARE YOU DERIDE A LIFE TIME OF STUDY AS MERE 'RUBBISH', YOU... YOU
MUSCLE-BOUND CRETIN!?" 

	Yonoko tuned out the familiar argument.  As she gathered up the papers
scattered on the table, she carefully scrutinized the young Funadas.  In
spite of their emotional immaturity and their glaring personality flaws, the
siblings were actually quite good in their respective areas and their skills
would have been more than adequate in a normal situation.  Unfortunately,
very little about Nerima promised to be 'normal'.  Haru definitely had enough
power and training to qualify as a middle level sorceress but she was no
match for someone like that Amazon Elder from Joketsuzoku.  Kakuji was an
excellent martial artist but mere excellence was simply not good enough when
facing the likes of Saotome, Hibiki, Mousse, or many of the other martial
artists in Nerima.

	Noticing that the siblings' argument was now escalating into physical
violence, Yonoko murmured, "Lord Kakuji, Lady Haru.  If you will excuse
me...?"
	
	The two Funadas totally ignored her.  Yonoko briskly exited the room and
shut the door behind her just as Haru whipped out a magical ward and Kakuji's
hands filled with reddish energy.  As she moved down the hall, several loud
rumbling explosions went off behind her and Yonoko idly wondered if the
Funada and the Kuno families could possibly be related.   

===================================
Part 1: No More Pussyfooting Around
===================================

--------------------
Part 1a:  Cat's-Paws
--------------------

	Once she arrived in Nerima, Yonoko spent three days carefully finalizing her
arrangements.  Once the plan was put in motion, there would be no going back
and no time to fix stupid mistakes.  The slightest error could be
catastrophic.  Despite what she told the Funadas, Yonoko had absolutely no
intention of merely testing Saotome's skill.  He knew the Neko-ken; that fact
has been convincingly established early on.  No, if all went according to
plan tomorrow, she was going to leave a gaping wound in Ranma Saotome's
psyche.  

	But that would be just the first blow, one of many to follow.  Such an
injury would be more than enough to finish off most people, but Yonoko knew
that it would take much more to bring Saotome down.  He would never surrender
so easily.

	Ebon had set out the basic strategy.  "Wound Saotome.  Wear him down.  And
when he is too weak to fight, move in for the kill."  And once the 'kill' was
completed, the person known as Ranma Saotome would no longer exist....

	Yonoko read through her operatives' reports to verify that all six of her
messages had been delivered.  One message for the fathers and one message for
the old pervert, to clear the playing field.  Four messages for the women, to
provide the bait and prize.  She thought, (The youngest Tendo daughter should
be enough, but I suppose Ebon has a point.  It can't hurt to give Saotome a
little more incentive to perform to his real limits.)

	"And now for the male players."  She opened up a small wooden chest and
removed two fur-wrapped bundles. Yonoko carefully untied each bundle to
reveal a hand-sized, clay figurine made wrapped in a fur skin belt.

	Under Ebon's guidance, she had worked on those figurines for days, carefully
weaving together a complicated assortment of shape-shifting and control
spells, and then linking those spells to the fur belts.  The figurines and
other magical items was essential.  With their aid, she could maintain
several different spells at once while also keeping an eye on a complex
combat situation.

	Looking down on the figurines, Yonoko paused, strangely moved by the moment.
 Decades...no, centuries of waiting were finally over.  All those years spent
tracking down even the vaguest rumors of the Neko-ken, searching for the
smallest clue....  She could remember her joy when she had finally learned of
 Saotome.  But she could also recall her furious disappointment when Ebon had
insisted on waiting nearly two more years for the boy to 'ripen' a bit.  She
had questioned Ebon's decision to wait, strongly questioned it.  Given his
lifestyle, Saotome could have been crippled or killed at any moment.  If that
had happened, all her effort and all those years of planning would have been
totally wasted.  

	But now ... now she could fully appreciate Ebon's reasons for waiting
because the results were well worth the delay.  At sixteen, Ranma Saotome had
been a mere boy, an excellent martial artist but brash, inexperienced, and
immature in so many ways.  At nearly eighteen, he had grown into a young MAN
, and with all the training and experiences that he had been through, a truly
formidable martial artist.  He had grown in other ways, too, but those were
of only minor importance to her or Ebon.

	Yonoko pulled out a recent photo of Ranma Saotome, taken just a few days ago
by her source inside the Tendo Dojo, and smiled appreciatively.  The picture
showed Saotome standing in the courtyard, one arm thrown up in a block, his
body perfectly poised to either defend or attack.  Even with just a profile
view of his face, she could sense the intense focus, the unusual strength of
both mind and body.  Her fingers slowly trailed over the photo, tracing the
broad shoulders and the strong, sleek lines of the chest and arm muscles left
exposed by the young man's tank top.  Saotome had definitely moved out of the
category of 'merely good-looking' and into the category of 'seriously
handsome'.  

	She delicately licked her lips in anticipation.  "And once Ebon is
comfortably ensconced in Saotome's body, the two of us will finally be
together....  Enjoy him while you can, girls.  You won't have him for long."

	Yonoko sighed and shook her head to clear the fantasies from her brain.
 Pulling out a magical ward, she focused her power and uttered a soft phrase.
 The ward vanished in a puff of smoke and Yonoko inspected her altered
appearance in the mirror.  Grinning dangerously, she picked up the two fur
belts and said, "Get ready, boys.  The Tiger Lily is coming to pay you a
visit."

----------------

	It was midnight in a forested mountain area not too far from Nerima.  Ryoga
Hibiki stared into his campfire and brooded about the overwhelming injustice
of the world.  In the wake of the first wedding fiasco, Ryoga had given up on
Akane and had chosen to devote his attentions to Akari.  But as weeks and
months passed, it hadn't been enough for him.  Oh, Akari was pleasant,
understanding, and certainly affectionate.  More importantly, she knew about
his Jusenkyo curse and didn't mind at all.  He liked her a good deal, but his
'liking' for Akari was only a pale shadow compared to his burning passion for
Akane Tendo.  Despite his firm intention to leave Nerima and the people there
far behind him, Ryoga had ended up spending more and more time back at the
Tendo dojo in Akane's arms.  Even sweet-tempered Akari had her limits.  Faced
with Akari's tearful demand that he pick either her or Akane Tendo, he had
chosen Akane and had fled Akari's farm.
	
	Ryoga muttered, "And when I finally get back to Nerima, who should run me
over and grind my face into the dirt, but Ranma Saotome!"  He had naturally
attacked Saotome for that insult, just one of so many inflicted by Ranma, but
as usual, his opponent had used his speed, agility, and that all-too-sneaky
mind of his to transform Ryoga into harmless little P-chan.  What made
yesterday's incident even more infuriating was Ranma's rather absent-minded
attitude during the fight.

	"How dare he mock Ryoga Hibiki!  When I get back to Nerima, I'll show him
that he can't ignore me like that!"

	 But for now, Ryoga sat, lost in the wilderness, hunched over a lonely
campfire.  It didn't help his state of mind at all to know that Akane had
recently begun to act as if she actually liked Ranma.  He could see it in her
face and hear it in her voice.  Ryoga could only hope that it was a temporary
phase that would soon go away.  
	(After all, a terrific girl like Akane could never really lov... like a
rude, insensitive pervert like Ranma, right?)

	A soft, sultry woman's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Ryoga Hibiki."

	He stiffened in surprise. (Huh!?  How did she sneak up on me?)  He looked
around, then saw a flicker of motion above his head in a nearby tree.
 Leaping back from his campfire and his simmering meal, he saw the shadowy
form of a woman perched on a low branch.  Ryoga couldn't make out her face
but saw that she was on the small side and had a very nice figure.  A stray
wind gust sent long strands of red hair floating in the breeze.

	"Who are you?"

	"Perhaps a friend....  You have an opponent called Ranma Saotome?"

	"What do you know about Ranma?"

	"Enough.  I know that he's a superb fighter, that he has the woman you want,
and that you're at his mercy regarding your secret identity as a little black
pig." She seemed to float, not jump, down from the branch and landed a few
steps away from him.

	Ryoga's eyes bulged in surprise.  "You... you know about that?  How...?" 

	She chuckled softly.  "I have my sources.  You've had precious little
success against Ranma, haven't you?  Oh, you've occasionally come close to
beating him in combat.  You may have actually won once or twice.  But
fighting doesn't help, does it?  No matter what you do, he still ends up with
the real prize, every time. Isn't that right?"

	"Grrrr."  It was true.  No matter what Ryoga did, Ranma always ended up with
Akane.  

	The fluttering of the woman's long red hair suddenly caused an angry
suspicion to flood through Ryoga's usually dense brain.  Red hair, short, big
breasts... surely it could only be.... 

	"RANMA!  I've had enough of your STUPID disguises!"  He grabbed his
ever-present kettle of hot water and dumped it all over the woman.

	Who stayed a woman.  A very wet, very ANGRY woman.

	< WHACK!!! >

	"You fool!  What did you do that for!?"  She slapped him again for good
measure.

	Faced with the prospect of a beautiful, enraged woman clad in a wet and now
nearly transparent gown, Ryoga could feel a definite trickle of blood
steeping down his nose.  "Uhhh...uhhhh....  It was a honest mistake!  Ranma's
always trying to trick me by disguising himself....  It's all his fault!"

	"Isn't it always?"  The woman glared at Ryoga and waved off his babbled
apologies.   She suddenly shed her 'mysterious lady' pose and gave him a
cold, hard stare. "That's not important now.  Let's get down to business."

	Ryoga shivered a bit.  Now she reminded him unpleasantly of Nabiki Tendo on
the prowl for a REAL big deal....

	"You want to defeat Ranma Saotome, once and for all, and you want Akane
Tendo for yourself, correct?"

	Ryoga mutely nodded.
	
	"I want Ranma Saotome punished for his crimes against me."

	He blinked and asked, "What did he do to you?"

	"That's none of your business.  Suffice it to say that I want him to suffer,
all right?  I want to see him humbled and broken!  And the best way to do
that is to make sure he's thoroughly humiliated in combat AND also loses his
precious fiancee."

	"I...I...see."

	"There's no way that I can do either of those things myself.  However, I can
help YOU to do them."

	"How?"

	"With this."  She held up a wide belt in her hands.

	"It looks like...."

	"...tiger skin, yes.  Saotome's strong points is his speed and dexterity.
 With this belt, the agility and speed of the tiger can be yours.  Combine
those abilities with your superior strength, and he won't stand a chance."  

	She smiled wickedly at Ryoga and added, "The belt will also help you in
another way.  You know about Saotome's little cat problem?"

	Ryoga thought a bit.  "Oh yeah, Ranma's always freaking out when he sees a
cat.  He either freezes or runs off screaming."  He smirked.  "It's a pretty
pathetic sight, but kinda funny, too."

	The woman gave him a sinister smile.  "I'm sure it is.  Anyway, this belt
will give you the aura of a cat.  You'll be able to dominate and defeat Ranma
completely."

	Ryoga hesitated briefly, then suddenly grinned as he imagined himself
triumphantly standing over a battered Ranma who was grovelling in abject
terror as Akane looked on in complete disgust.  He thought dreamily, (Oh,
Akane, I'll be able to show you what a spineless coward Ranma really is and
how unworthy he is of being your fiancee.)  He then pictured Akane booting
Ranma far, far, far away and then rushing over to embrace HIM.

	He eagerly grabbed the tiger skin belt and asked, "How does it work?".

	"All you have to do is wear it in your next fight with him.  Tomorrow
morning at 10 AM."

	Ryoga blinked.  "Tomorrow?  Why tomorrow morning?"

	The red-haired woman smiled grimly.  "Oh, didn't you know?  Saotome's
planning to secretly marry Akane tomorrow morning at the Tendo home."

	"HE'S WHAT!?!?!?!  Why...why that miserable, conniving bastard!"  Ryoga
smashed an innocent nearby tree into splinters. "He probably bullied her into
this wedding, too, with the help of those two old goats they call 'fathers'!"
 He then turned in the direction directly opposite of Nerima and prepared to
march off that instant in the true 'victory or death' spirit.

	The woman whipped out a pail of cold water and dumped it over Ryoga's head.
 Digging out P-chan from the pile of loose clothes, she held him up and shook
him hard.  "Where do you think you're going!?  If you try to get to Nerima by
yourself, you won't arrive until after the honeymoon's over and your precious
Akane's two months pregnant!"

	P-chan went rigid, his eyes bulged, and blood gushed from his nose as images
of a naked Ranma and Akane lewdly cavorting in a tacky honeymoon suite
flashed wildly around in his brain.  

	(NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!) he silently screamed, then immediately fainted.

	The woman stared at the limp piglet in mild disgust.  "Hmmm.  I think I
overdid it.  I guess the reports weren't exaggerating about Hibiki's over
sensitivity with regard to females."

	P-chan slowly revived after the woman repeatedly dunked him in some cold
water.  He dazedly wondered, (What...what was it...about Akane?  Pregnant?
 That means, she... she and Ranma... they had to... they were... oh,
nooooo....)
	
	When the woman saw P-chan fainting again, she smacked him none too gently
across the muzzle.  "Get a grip on yourself, you idiot!  How are you going to
help Akane if you keep fainting like that?"

	P-chan blinked huge, tear-filled eyes at her and uttered a pathetic little
squeal. 

	The woman sighed.  "Now listen to me.  It hasn't happened YET and it won't
happen IF you do what I say!"  She held a braided black and red cord in front
of his face. "See this?  Tie this around your wrist and it will guide you to
wherever Ranma Saotome is.  Now, are you prepared to sit still and listen to
my plan?"

	The little piglet slowly nodded his head.  "Bweeeee...."

----------------

	That same night at the Kuno family mansion....

	Kuno awoke to the sound of a soft rustle in his room.  He grabbed the bokken
lying beside him, then suddenly sprang from his bed and bellowed, "Who dares
invade the chambers of Tatewaki Kuno, he who is known as Blue Thunder!?"  A
distant rumble echoed in the night.

	There was a soft, frightened yelp, followed by a long silence.  Then a meek
yet sultry woman's voice whispered, "A lady in dire need of help."

	In the moonlight from the open window, Kuno could see the shadowy form of a
young woman.  She was petite and undeniably gorgeous, with long, red tresses
falling to her waist.  He blinked and whispered hopefully, "Pig-tailed girl?"

	His mysterious visitor sadly shook her head.  "No, I am not the woman you
love.  But I am trying to help her and others win their freedom."

	"Freedom?  You... you don't mean... from that foul sorcerer and enslaver of
women, Ranma Saotome!?"

	The woman nodded and sniffled pathetically.  "Just so.  I have come to beg
your aid!  You are my only hope!  All others have turned away from their
plight, content to allow your beloved pig-tailed girl to lie in vile bondage
to the dark Saotome.  To be so enchanted that she is deprived of her very
identity and name!"  

	She sagged to her knees and uttered a heartbreaking sob.  "And what of the
brave Akane Tendo, who hates him and curses him for the foul villain he is,
yet still cannot free herself from his evil grasp?"  
	
	Kuno dropped his bokken and grabbed her hands.  "Speak on, fair maiden.
 Please, how may I help my two loves!  I implore you!"

	"Saotome..." she shuddered before continuing in a faint whisper.  "...is
planning to secretly wed Akane Tendo tomorrow morning...."

	Kuno froze in shock.  Recognizing the signs of an imminent explosion of
rage, the woman hastily tried to finish speaking.

	"...and intends to use both Akane Tendo and the pig-tailed girl immediately
thereafter in foul acts beyond description to satisfy his vile lusts...."

	"WHAT!?!?!?"  Slight flickers of reddish energy began to drift off Kuno's
body.  "Saotome!  You fiend!  Not just one but both.  And at the same time!
 I would rend your curst heart from your maggot-riddled flesh before I would
allow my loves to suffer such lecherous tortures at your hands!  Saotome,
prepare to DIIEEEE!!!"  He swept up his bokken and leapt for the window.

	The young woman grabbed Kuno with amazing strength and hauled him back into
the room. "NO!  You must not do it that way, noble sir!  Do you not
understand?  He is the only one who knows where the pig-tailed girl is!  If
you kill Saotome before the wedding, YOU WILL NEVER SEE YOUR BELOVED
PIG-TAILED GIRL AGAIN!  She will be bound to the darkness forever!"

	Kuno stared at her for a long moment before her words slowly oozed into his
brain.  "Say... again...."

	Satisfied that Kuno was actually listening to her, the woman relaxed her
grip slightly.  However, taking no chances, she poked him on a pressure point
which left him frozen in place.  "You must challenge the evil Saotome AT the
wedding ceremony, not before!  For only then will he summon the pig-tailed
girl forth from her imprisonment so he may gloat and taunt her with the
terrible torments that await her."

	Kuno gurgled in incoherent rage.

	"And for all your great skill, you cannot defeat him unaided!"  She held up
a tiger skin belt and shoved it into his hands.  "The evil Saotome fears cats
beyond all reason and this belt will evoke that terrible fear in him. Wear it
into battle and he SHALL cringe before you like a mindless beast."

	Even in his seething fury, Kuno hesitated.  He frowned at the belt in his
hands and in low, strangled tones, reluctantly whispered, "But...but a true
warrior... does not rely on arcane... trickery to overcome his opponents...."

	The woman slowly recoiled from him and sobbed, "So... you ARE no better than
any of the others!  I thought you were strong enough to do whatever was
necessary to save your loves but I was WRONG!  Your pride is more important
to you than the women you claim to love so much!"  She slapped him hard.
 "Yes, let them suffer degradation and unspeakable misery at Saotome's hands!
 What do you care?  I hope that you survive your battle with him so that you
can see for yourself what you've...you've...wrought."

	She broke off with a heart-wrenching cry, grabbed the belt from Kuno's hands
and turned to leave.  A step away from the window, she heard Kuno's anguished
voice shout, "No!  Forgive my momentary weakness!  Please, I beg you!  You
are quite right, Saotome must die by fair means or foul!  Nothing else
matters!"

	As she stood with her back to the still paralyzed Kuno, a bone-chilling grin
of satisfaction momentarily touched the woman's lips.  The faint grin was
instantly replaced by a timid smile as she turned to face him.

	She gently touched his reddened cheek where she had struck him and murmured,
"Please...please forgive me.  It's been such a struggle....  Saotome is so
powerful, so vicious....  I had nowhere else to turn and when I thought you
didn't care...."  She pulled out a delicate silk handkerchief and dabbed at
her eyes.

	Placing the tiger skin belt back into Kuno's hands, she moved toward the
window.  "I'm very sorry about your current immobility but I was desperate to
keep you from premature action.  You will recover full motion in a few hours,
my hero, in ample time to prepare for your duel.  Remember, noble Kuno.  At
the wedding ceremony at 10 AM at the Tendo dojo and not a moment before.
 Otherwise, both Akane Tendo and the pig-tailed girl will be lost to you
FOREVER!"  She then slipped out the window and disappeared like a wisp of
mist.

	Kuno forced his fingers to close around the furred belt.
 "Yes...yes...tomorrow.... Tomorrow morning, Ranma Saotome!  I shall SMITE
your filthy presence from this earth!  DEATH!  DEATH TO RANMA SAOTOME!!!"

	In the Tendo house, Ranma sneezed loudly in his sleep.

--------------------------
Part 1b: Setting the Stage
--------------------------

	Early the next morning, Yonoko took up her position in a building near the
Tendo compound.  The room she occupied was an interesting combination of
high-tech electronics and ancient magic.  She first checked with her
surveillance team who informed her of the current location of a certain
panty-stealing pervert.  All signs indicated that the old man would be
happily occupied for at least a few hours but she told her operatives to
contact her immediately if Happosai started heading toward Nerima.  After
some final instructions, Yonoko checked her sound and video gear, then placed
the clay figurines on the table in front of her, along with several other
objects -- a long silver pin, a small straw doll which had a few black hairs
and a scrap of bright red cloth sticking out of it, and an assortment of
magic wards written on strips on paper.  Her preparations complete, she
turned her eyes to the closed circuit monitor and waited for the arrival of
her pawns.

----------------

	At 8 AM, Sasuke went to wake his master.  He opened the door to Kuno's
bedroom, took a look inside, and cringed.  Kuno sat cross-legged on the floor
with a tiger-patterned belt around his waist and a unsheathed katana in his
lap.  An incredibly intense red aura danced around his body while his face
was frozen in a mask of pure hatred.

----------------
	
	A young lady in Nerima was putting the finishing touches to her appearance
before setting off for an eagerly anticipated meeting with the love of her
life.

	Two other young ladies in Nerima were making similar preparations.
	
----------------

	A somewhat older woman left her house carrying a long, thin bundle in her
arms.

----------------

	Following the tug of the braided cord around his wrist, Ryoga soon found
himself in the vicinity of Nerima a half hour or so before 10 AM.  He patted
the tiger skin belt around his waist and cracked his knuckles.  "Ranma,
victory will be mine at last!"  

	In a much more dreamy voice, he added, "Oh, Akane, soon Ranma will never
bother you again....  And then, maybe, I'll be able to tell you what's in my
heart."

	The braided cord urged him toward the left and he set off with a decidedly
nasty grin of anticipation on his face.

----------------

	After finishing her usual early morning jog, Akane went upstairs to change
her clothes.  She paused in front of her door, then walked over to the window
at the end of the hallway.  Enjoying the bright morning sunshine and the cool
breeze coming through the window, she said to herself, "Spring break's been
really nice so far.  I hope this weather lasts."  

	Movement below caught her eye and she leaned forward slightly to see Ranma
just finishing up an intricate tai chi exercise behind the dojo. After
pausing to take a few deep breaths, he went indoors and soon emerged with a
long bo staff.  But instead of practicing his usual fast, aggressive combat
style, Ranma began a slow and elegant staff kata that looked more like a
dance than a martial arts exercise.  As Akane watched his fluid movements,
she recalled her surprise the first time she had ever seen him performing
something so slow or formal.  Given Ranma's usual impatience and his
incredible competitive streak, tai chi or stylized forms didn't seem to fit
him at all, but Akane had soon realized just how important those types of
martial arts were to Ranma. Like the times he spent alone on the roof or
under his favorite bridge, the techniques were a refugee, a small island of
calm in a hectic life.  When something really bothered him or after
particularly bitter arguments, she would often find him in the dojo, quietly
working through a complicated form or kata and shutting out the world around
him. 

	As she watched Ranma hold a crane stance while executing a complicated
series of staff strikes, she wondered what was bothering him this time.  She
thought, (He's been at practicing like this for days.  It can't be his mother
because Mrs. Saotome already knows about his curse.  And except for the usual
stuff about my cooking or P-chan, Ranma and I haven't had any really serious
fights in the last couple days.)

	(Actually, ever since Mount Phoenix and that stupid wedding fiasco, Ranma
and I have been getting along pretty well.)  Her thoughts drifted back to the
events of that fall as it had many times before.  Back to that unforgettable
moment....

	(He wanted to tell me that he loved me.  When he thought I was dead, Ranma
cried and actually said that he loved me.)  Her hand tightened on the
windowsill.  (If Ryoga and the others hadn't shown up and completely broken
the mood, I would have....  Oh, I don't know WHAT I would have done but I
didn't even get the chance!)  
	
	Her shoulders sagged and she muttered, "And ever since we got back to
Nerima, that...that idiot's been acting like the whole thing never happened!"
 

	She frowned.  "Well, at least he hasn't DENIED saying it.  I guess that's
something."  

	Akane sighed wistfully.  "And on a couple of occasions, I could have sworn
that he wanted to tell me how he feels about me...."  Her expression changed
to profound annoyance.  "But something ALWAYS happened!  Someone's always
butting in!  His fiancees, the other guys, our parents, just to name a few!
 If they would just leave us alone for a while, maybe I could figure out
what's going on with Ranma and me!"  

	"It's so confusing!  We still argue a lot.  He still calls me a violent
tomboy and he STILL makes stupid remarks about my cooking!"  The window sill
creaked under her white-knuckled grip and she forced herself to relax  

	"But...but recently, he really has been trying to be nice to me.  He's even
cut down on those nasty 'uncute', 'unsexy', and 'unfeminine' remarks of his."
 Akane stared pensively down at her hands.  In a way, she had always hated
those insults worst of all and now... now she wasn't sure what to make of
their absence. 

	(Does that mean he's starting to find me... attractive?)

	Akane's gaze returned almost involuntarily to Ranma, as his well-trained
body carried him effortlessly and precisely through every move.  As little as
she wanted to admit it, he had changed a lot from that annoying boy/girl who
had arrived at the Tendos' house slung over a panda's shoulder.  Ranma had
grown, filled out, and all the constant fighting and training had given him a
special combination of strength and fluid grace that no other martial artist
she knew of had.  She started to blush and dropped her head into her hands.  

	(All right!  He's...kind of handsome.)  But after another glance at Ranma,
she whispered,  "But it's more than just his appearance.  I mean, Kuno's got
looks.  When he wants to, Ranma can be so kind, so comforting,..."
	
	Akane couldn't help but chuckle weakly to herself.  "Until he realizes what
he's doing and starts to say something stupid."
	
	A creak of a stair startled her, then she heard Kasumi's voice from
downstairs.

	"Father, didn't the message say that you're supposed to meet Councilman
Motatsu at 10 o'clock?"

	On the stairway, Soun Tendo replied, "Oh no!  I completely forgot that he
wanted to discuss the panty thefts ... again!  Arrgghh!  Saotome, you aren't
leaving me alone to deal with this!  He's your master, too!"  There was the
sound of rapidly receding footsteps.

	Kasumi called up the stairs.  "Akane?"

	"Yes, Kasumi?"

	"Father has to go a meeting and I'm going out to do some shopping.  Do you
want anything?"

	"No.  Thanks, anyway."

	Akane walked back to the stairs to see her father dash out the door,
dragging a VERY reluctant Mr. Saotome along.  Kasumi gave her a little wave
and followed them out in a much more sedate fashion.

	Breathing a faint sigh of relief, Akane thought, (If Father had heard me
talking to myself,....  If he and Mr. Saotome had any idea that I've been
thinking about Ranma so much,.... The last thing I need now is for our
parents to start planning another wedding!)

	She flushed again but this time it was with anger and not embarrassment as
she remembered the first attempt at a Saotome-Tendo wedding.  Her father and
Mr. Saotome, in their infinite wisdom, had decided that the best thing to do
would be to have a secret wedding right after Mount Phoenix.  It had been an
indescribable disaster.

	(Secret wedding, what a joke!  That wedding must have been the most
publicized SECRET in the history of Nerima!  It's a miracle that Ranma and I
both managed to survive all the mayhem that stupid wedding caused.  And in
Ranma's case, it was WAY too close....  I'd never seen Dr. Tofu so mad!)	

	"But in spite of all the trouble caused by that first wedding attempt,
nothing's really changed." Akane muttered aloud.  "And that's the problem.
 Unless something changes, the same sort of thing's going to happen all over
again at the next wedding!"

	(Not that I'm in a rush to get married!  Let's face it, Ranma's no prize!
 He's rude and insensitive, he's such a troublemaker, he makes P-chan's table
manners look good, and he's always letting those other girls hang all over
him!)	

	But Akane's annoyance gradually fizzed out.  "But even if he's an arrogant
jerk at times, he can also be a pretty nice guy.  He doesn't hold grudges.
 He's willing to help almost anybody, even people who are trying to kill him
or a nasty pervert like Happosai.  He can be so damn determined that it's
frightening.  And he takes his honor very seriously."  

	There was one other thing about Ranma that always lingered in Akane's mind,
even in her most angry moments.  She didn't exactly know what to call it.
Loyalty?  Faithfulness?  

	Supporting her, protecting her, fighting for her -- whatever it took,
whenever she had needed him, Ranma had always been there for her.

	Akane's musings were interrupted by a knock on the front door.

------------------

	Behind the dojo, Ranma steadily worked his way through the complicated kata,
letting the rhythm of the movements calm his mind.  Block, block, feint,
strike, parry....  It had taken a lot of yelling and more than one pitched
battle, but he had managed to get his father to leave him alone for a few
days.  He had really needed some peace and quiet to think things over.  
	
	His eighteenth birthday was coming up in a couple of weeks.  Senior year was
fast approaching.  And although he would have died before admitting it, the
thought of going through another year of the craziness that passed for his
life in Nerima made Ranma's skin crawl.

	It was the stupid situation with Ukyo, Shampoo, and Kodachi that really
bothered him.  (It's a no-win situation.  If things don't change, somebody's
going to get seriously hurt.  And if things do change, somebody's STILL going
to get hurt!)  He bit his lip.  (And I'm not just talking about a broken
heart!)

	Ranma wasn't so worried for himself but he WAS worried about Akane.  Shampoo
and Kodachi had already gone after her more than once and Ukyo... well, Ukyo
was a dear friend but a girl who dedicated over ten years of her life to
revenge wasn't exactly the forgiving type.

	He couldn't exactly remember when he had decided that the only fiancee he
wanted -- had ever wanted -- was Akane. (I mean, we argue a lot, she clobbers
me for no reason, she blames me for stuff that ain't my fault, she doesn't
listen to me half of the time, she calls me a pervert,....)

	He broke his form long enough to sigh.

	(But when we're not fighting,...  When we're working together,...  When
she's laughing or smiling,...  It just feels SO right.  And I... trust her.
 I think I've always trusted her.)  He frowned.  He reluctantly admitted to
himself that he trusted Akane more than Ukyo, especially after finding out
about Ukyo's part in that stupid potion-dosing mess at the last wedding.  

	He went into a strike with too much force and had to recover his balance.

	(And how does Akane feel about me?  Does she...really care?  She's gotten
herself into real trouble helping me....)

	(... but she's the type who'll do that for just about anybody.  She'd
probably do it for a dog.) his more cynical side countered.

	(And I've kinda been getting the feeling that she's trying to get a grip on
that crazy temper of hers...)

	(...or are you just getting used to her pounding and yelling at me all the
time?) Ranma's cynical side snidely asked.

	(Care....  No, that's not the question.  The real question is... love.  I
want to know if she loves me.)

  	Ranma sighed again and muttered, "But it really doesn't matter how Akane
feels, does it?"

	He wanted...no, NEEDED to protect Akane.  He really hated to hurt her in any
way, he missed her when she wasn't around, and he couldn't tolerate even the
thought of losing her.  Ranma's thoughts skittered wildly away from those
horrible moments at Mount Phoenix when Akane had been lying there so still in
his arms.... He shook his head violently.

	(Enough about Akane!  She's not the problem here.  It was the other three
that I've gotta to worry about...especially Ukyo.)

------------------

	Akane opened the door to see Mrs. Saotome standing on the porch, her
ever-present katana on her arms.  She idly wondered why Mrs. Saotome
continued to carry the blade around.  After all, Ranma's mother had already
decided that her son was 'manly', even with the Jusenkyo curse.

	"Mrs. Saotome!"

	Nodoka smiled at her.  "Hello Akane.  Where are Ranma and my husband?"

	"Uh, Ranma?  He's still doing his morning workout. I think Mr. Saotome went
with my father to a meeting."

	Nodoka pulled out a note.  "How very strange. Ranma asked me to come here to
talk about his engagement."

	"Engagement?"  Akane felt a distinct twinge of anger.  (Why didn't that jerk
mention anything to me?  I'm supposed to be his fiancee!)

	At that moment, Ukyo arrived at the Tendos' front door.  She had obviously
taken great care in dressing that morning, going so far as to wear a nicely
tailored outfit and high heels.

	"Mrs. Saotome!  I hope I'm not too early."

	Nodoka looked startled.  "Early?  For what?"

	"For the meeting, right?  Ranma sent me a message saying that you wanted to
discuss our engagement."

	"But Ukyo, I didn't ask Ranma to send you a note."

	"But...."  Looking around in confusion, Ukyo noticed Akane still standing in
the doorway in her T-shirt and shorts.  "Uh, what are you doing here?"
	
	Akane acidly replied, "I LIVE here, remember?"

	Shampoo stalked through the front gate.  She was wearing a tasteful silk
dress that, for once, didn't look like it was painted on. 

	Akane scowled.  (Oh great.  Now Shampoo.)
	
	"What is Akane and spatula girl doing here?  This suppose to be private
meeting with mother-in-law."

	"Now wait a minute, you Chinese hussy...."

	"Who you call hussy, spatula girl!?"

	"Ho ho hohoho!"  A familiar eerie laugh filled the air and a few black rose
petals drifted in the breeze as Kodachi strolled into the Tendo compound and
gave Mrs. Saotome an elegant bow.

	"Allow me to introduce myself.  I am Kodachi Kuno, otherwise known as the
Black Rose of St. Hebereke High School, and I'm so glad to finally have the
opportunity to meet the gracious mother of my darling, darling Ranma,"
Kodachi gushed.  She then noticed Ukyo, Shampoo, and Akane all staring at her
angrily.  "What are you little tarts doing here?  How dare you intrude on a
private conference?"

	Akane gritted her teeth.  "As I said before, I LIVE here."

	"Hey!  It's a private meeting, all right, but it's MY meeting, not yours!
 Butt out!"

	Kodachi whipped out a piece of paper.  "My darling Ranma specifically asked
me to come here to meet his mother and discuss our engagement!"

	Ukyo yanked out a piece of paper of her own and snarled, "Well, I've got one
too!"
	
	Akane marched out the house and confronted Kodachi, "And what do you mean by
'our engagement'?"

	"Husband send message that he want Shampoo to meet his mother."  She scowled
angrily at a now familiar looking paper.

	Kodachi, Ukyo, and Akane turned on Shampoo and shouted in unison, "HE'S NOT
YOUR HUSBAND!"

	"Yes he is!  Amazon law say so!"

	"Do you want to know where you can stick your Amazon law!?" Ukyo snapped.

	"There's no way I will allow some half-witted barbarian harlot to lay claim
to my dear Ranma!"  

	"Spatula girl and crazy girl want to fight for Ranma, they got it!"  Shampoo
smirked and went into a combat stance.

	Ukyo pulled out her throwing spatulas. "You asked for it, you bimbo!"

	With her ribbon twirling, Kodachi giggled and said, "Nobody crosses the
Black Rose!  Suffer and learn!"
	
	Nodoka coughed and firmly said, "Excuse me, girls.  Why don't we try to
settle this in a more lady-like fashion?"  Akane quietly fumed in the
background as the other three women instantly assumed a more demure attitude.

	"Sorry, Mrs. Saotome..."

	"Please forgive my unseemly behavior...."

	"Shampoo apologize...."

	"Now, ladies, about those notes...?"

--------------

	Back at the Neko-hanten, an irate Muu-muu was clutching a throwing knife in
his bill and struggling to loosen the latch on his cage.  Before leaving for
the Tendo dojo, Shampoo had taken the precaution of locking him up but
Muu-muu was not about to let his beloved Shampoo go sneaking off to some sort
of secret meeting with Ranma.

	(I don't know what you're up to, Saotome, but I'm not going to let you touch
Shampoo!)

	The latch gradually started to move....	

--------------

	Just as he had completed his exercise, Ranma heard a faint commotion near
the front door of the compound and decided to investigate.  He had no idea
that serious trouble was lurking nearby.  Then again, his usually fine-tuned
sense of danger never had much success in dealing with his fiancees.  He
carelessly jogged around the dojo and hopped up onto the walkway fence only
to freeze in surprise when he saw his four fiancees (real and self-appointed)
quietly engaged in a fierce but excruciatingly polite argument as his mother
looked on.  Ranma felt chills run down his spine as they all turned to stare
up at him. 

	(Oh great!  All the problem women in my life.  Mom included.)

	His instincts told him to run for it. He actually took a step back when
Nodoka said, "Ranma, could you come here for a moment?"

	He sighed, straightened his shoulders, and hopped down off the fence.  (Why
do I have the feeling that things are about to become REALLY ugly?)

	His mother give her son a stern look.  "Can you please explain these notes?"
	  
	He stared at the four messages.  They were all basically the same, each
inviting the addressee to a 10 AM meeting at the Tendo house to discuss the
matter of his engagement.  He looked up to see everyone, Akane included,
glaring at him.

	He held his hands up as if trying to fend them off.  "Hey!  Don't look at
me!  I didn't have anything to do with this!"

	"Ranma honey, you'd better be telling the truth or else you're going to get
hurt."

	"Husband no lie about this?"

	"Darling!  How could you have possibly forgotten such an important event?"

	"Son, are you... absolutely sure?" his mother added in a firm voice,
absently picking loose the wrappings on her sword.  Akane thought she saw him
flinch at his mother's question.
	
	Staring at his mother, Ranma thought bitterly, (Why has Mom suddenly gotten
on my case so much?  What did _I_ do to make her believe that I'd lie about
something this serious?  I'm not like Pop!)
	After his mother had learned of and accepted his Jusenkyo curse, everything
had been great...for a while.  But things gradually changed, especially after
the Saotome home had gotten fixed.  His mother had moved out of the Tendos'
home.  Ranma and his father had stayed.  
	(And I thought it was bad when I was pretending to be Ranko!  I love Mom but
I just can't relax around her.  She pounces on every little thing that she
considers 'unmanly' or dishonorable!  The slightest mistake, the smallest
slip-up....  It's like she's LOOKING for an excuse to use that stupid sword
of hers!)

	In response to his mother's question, Ranma leaned forward slightly and said
very emphatically, "Yeah, I'm sure.  I didn't write those notes and I don't
know anything about them, okay?"  It was bordering on the edge of outright
rudeness to his mother but he couldn't help it.

	Suddenly, behind him, Ranma heard an all too familiar voice yelling,
"SAO-TO-ME!!!!"

(continued in Part 1c)