Okay, this is the third installment of my Slayers/Ranma crossover, and if
you have any comments, questions, requests for other parts, protests
against the way I choose to treat Ranma, etc., please send them to
cristina@netdoor.com I love getting reader feedback, positive or negative!

Say, here's a thought: Akane learns black magic!

Ranma: You are _so_ uncute!

Akane: Ranma no baka! DRAGON SLAVE!!!!


>From the desk of Christina the Great comes...

Slayers 1/2

Part Three

Clash of the Titans! 


If you haven't read the last two parts, well, read them! It all started
when Lina and Amelia were making their usual short work of trademark
Slayers bandits. The grateful merchant women gave them a ruby-studded
silver bracelet as a reward...

Amelia: No, a reward isn't necessary, the justice in my heart is enough...

Lina: (Elbows Amelia) SHUT UP! 

But the bracelet contains a dark secret, it is really a sort of gate, that
when worn, will send the bearer to another world. Lina finds this out the
hard way, and Zel, Gourry, and Amelia end up having to go after her. On the
other world, a man tells her she is in Jusenkyo, Training Ground of Cursed
Springs. She casts Levitation before she falls into one of the springs
(Author snaps fingers, "Dangit!") and the guide tells her about the
springs. He offers her a map and some food as well. But then he tries to
cook a certain diminuitive black piggy and Lina has to rescue him ('cuz
he's so cute!). The guide suggests jokingly that it might be a poor
unfortunate that fell into Hitueniichuan, Spring of Drowned Pig. Lina isn't
amused. She pours some hot water on him, just to make sure. But she wasn't
expecting to see a naked Ryouga in the steam...

Lina: AIEE!! PERVERT!! DIGGER BOLT!!!

Ryouga: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!

But after the initial shock, they introduced themselves, and Ryouga was
willing to help Lina find a way back, but warned her at the outset of the
journey that he had a horrible sense of direction, and that it might take a
few weeks to find the old woman who could help her. She agreed, and they
set out.

Meanwhile, Gourry and Amelia are enjoying a Lina-less meal, and Zel finally
gets tired of waiting and goes ahead. He meets the Jusenkyo Guide also, and
is about to ask about Naaniichuan, Spring of Drowned Man, when Gourry and
Amelia finally come through, right over a spring. Zel saves Amelia with a
Diem Wing spell, but it turns out she didn't have anything to worry about,
since it was Nyaniichuan, Spring of Drowned Girl, and she was already a
girl. Now Gourry, on the other hand...

Gourry-chan: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I'M A GIRL!! WAAAaaaaahh!

Amelia: Come on Gourry, being a girl isn't _that_ bad, is it?

Zel: I think it's hilarious! HAHAHAHA!!

Gourry-chan: Waaaaaaaah!

Meanwhile, Lina offered to pay a rather large bill for a few hundred pounds
of Chinese food she had ordered, since Ryouga didn't have any money, but
she paid it with a gold coin out of her money pouch. Several people saw
this, and the rumors of two rich teenagers traveling around China without
anyone protecting them spread rapidly. Now Lina and Ryouga are being
pursued by several groups of trademark Slayers-style bandits. Not that it's
anything more than a bother to them, since they're taking turns beating
them up. And they still have to find Japan, too.

Zelgadis has enspelled a compass stone to hone in on whatever Lina's
current location is, but it could still be hard to trace her, given who
she's travelling with. Let's just hope this part of the journey ends soon!

Zel: Okay, now all we do is follow whatever direction the stone glows in,
and we'll catch up to her in no time at all! Stone reads... north by
northwest?

Amelia: Didn't it read southeast earlier?

Zel: AARGH!! How can they move from southeast of us to northwest of us in
three days?

Amelia: They must be close!

Gourry: Can you tell me how that thing works again?


As Zelgadis is beginning to regret ever joining the Slayers team, Lina and
Ryouga have made some progress. At least, some would call it progress...

Ryouga: Hmm, looks like we're on Mount Fuji...

Lina: I don't care what mountain we're on! We ran out of Chinese food two
hours ago and I'm starving! Find us a restaurant soon, before I die!

Ryouga: I'm trying! Let's see, Nerima's two-hundred miles south of here...
or was that north? Or was that Okinawa? Hokkaido? Kyoto?

Lina: Who cares? Just find a place to eat!

Ryouga: Well, at least the bandits have stopped attacking us!

Lina: That's progress?! DAMMIT, I'M HUNGRY!!!!!!!!

Ryouga: There's a place! (He points out an Italian restaurant about a
hundred yards away.) What the heck is an Italian food restaurant doing on
Mount Fuji?!

Lina: Food is food! Come on! (Lina races to the restaurant at mach two,
dragging Ryouga along the ground behind her. She finally stops at the door,
dropping the unconcious Ryouga behind her. He is covered in dirt and
bruises now. A waiter is standing behind a podium.)

Waiter: Table for two, madamoisselle?

Lina: Yes, please! (She looks around. There are a few scattered travelers
and couples sitting at different tables around the restaurant. Her eyes are
positively glowing at the sight of so much fine cuisine! "Normally I go for
quantity over quality, but...") Well, Ryouga? (She notices he's still
unconcious. She takes a mallet and bonks him over the head.)

Ryouga: Eh? (He snaps awake suddenly.) Oh! You got a table?

Lina: You've been beating up more of those bandits than I have, so in
gratitude, you get this meal on me!

Ryouga: Really? Thanks! Use the yen we lifted off those guys though, not
the gold.

Lina: Yeah, yeah... You know, I noticed you did great against those bad
guys using only your physical strength. I couldn't help thinking how much
better you'd be if you learned magic!

Ryouga: Magic? 

Lina: Yeah! Like my fireballs and balus rods! How'd you like me to teach
you a few tricks?

Ryouga: You mean... you'd do that... for me?!

Lina: Sure! It'll be fun having someone to teach!

Ryouga: I'm so happy! (He hugs Lina fiercely. Lina gasps for air.)

Lina: *Gasp* Aa..air...

Ryouga: Oh, sorry, heh heh... (He scratches the back of his head
eloquently. Lina sits back down as the waiter comes back with their water.)

Waiter: Have you decided what you would like?

Lina: I'll have everything from here... to here! (The waiter bug-eyes.)

Waiter: Will that be all for the madamoiselle?

Ryouga: And I'll have the biggest plate of fetuccini you've got. And a
glass of unsweetened tea, please.

Waiter: Very well. (The waiter returns to the kitchen, where he gives their
order to the chef.) We've got another sorceress...

Chef: Really? Damn, I better step on it... 

Lina: Anyway, Ryouga, I'd also like to know how you jump twenty feet in the
air without even using magic!

Ryouga: Oh, that? It's nothing, I'm just kinda strong...

Lina: How'd you get to be so ridiculously strong in the first place?

Ryouga: I dunno... I travel and fight a lot... I've been this way as long
as I can remember.

Lina: You're a pretty good fighter, I mean, for someone with no formal
training!

Ryouga: (He blushes modestly) You're just saying that...

Lina: Do you know any magic? Besides that rock thingy?

Ryouga: Well, I've got an energy-based attack, but it only works with heavy
ki...

Lina: Well you'll have to show me some time, but now... (She rubs her hands
in anticipation of the dozen or so trays of food coming her way.) Oh, this
world has such wonderful cuisine! I'll have to try it all before I leave!
(Wipes drool off face) Here I go!

Ryouga: Can't you use a few manners?

Lina: Manners are for people who aren't hungry! (She does her usual eating
thing, dumping entire bowls of spagetti and alfredo noodles down her throat
as Ryouga watches in fascination.)

Ryouga: Magic must burn off a lot of calories... My god, your resemblance
to my friend is uncanny! Your face, your hair, your voice, even your eating
habits and temper! You could be Ranma's twin!

Lina: I've got a guy counterpart? (Pauses from her super eatfest long
enough to say this) You've got to introduce me!

Ryouga: You even have the same huge ego as he does! *SLAM*

Lina: What was that?

Ryouga: Nothing, nothing...

Lina: So what's this guy like? (Yes, we all get to hear Ryouga's wonderful
description of the way he sees Ranma now.)

Ryouga: Well, he's the one who knocked me into Hitueniichuan, for starters,
and I have no idea how he could have done that without realizing it! He's
also the local town player around Nerima, he's got at least three different
girls hanging all over him, and he just strings them along like it's okay
to have three fiancees at one time! 

Lina: Boy, sounds like a real creep!

Ryouga: And I've only begun! He's a bully who picks on people like me and
others without any sort of provocation, he toys with people's emotions just
for kicks, he's ruined every date I've ever been on, and to top all that
off, he's a pervert and a crossdresser!

Lina: What a jerk! Three fiancees at one time?! You've got to be kidding! 

Ryouga: Nope, and he won't let any of them go, either! Every time I try to
tell my sweet Akane that I love her, he just stomps on my head or kicks me
in the face!

Lina: And this guy looks like me?

Ryouga: Yup. Weird, huh?

Lina: Yeah! I'd still like to meet a guy like that in person, though! 

Waiter: Will you be paying with cash or credit card?

Lina: Cold hard cash!

Waiter: Very well, here is your bill.

Lina: (She reads it with disbelief) Forty-thousand yen?!?!

Waiter: Is there a problem?

Ryouga: No, no, we're fine. We'll be along in a minute.

Waiter: Very good, sir. (He leaves to serve the other tables)

Lina: Forty-thousand?!

Ryouga: It's not all that much, you know. Enough for all the stuff you ate,
surely!

Lina: Okay... (She's had a weird prickling on the back of her neck for the
past few minutes. Any mage worth their salt can recognize a bad premonition
when they see one!)

Ryouga: Is there something wrong?

Lina: Yeah... something's not right here... I know what to do! Hey, waiter!

Waiter: Yes, madamoiselle? Can I help you?

Lina: ASSHRA DIST!! (White energy envelopes the waiter, who screams in
anger. When the energy fades, where once stood the elderly gentleman in the
red tux now stands a large, horned monster. The monster lets out a warning
roar to the others in the restaurant.)

Monster: KUSO!! You saw through my illusion! But how?! 

Lina: Who cares how?! What are you, a monster, doing in this
restaurant...?(Her voice fades out as she notices the other patrons
standing up. They are shedding their disguises now, to reveal their true
monster forms.)

Monster: You shouldn't have done that, you know. Your death would have been
quick and painless, a slit of the throat as you walked out the door, but
now you force us to reveal our true forms. 

Ryouga: What's going on here? Were you people just feeding us so we would
taste better or what?!

Lina: Hmm... (The monsters that were once the customers, waiters, and
cooks, are beginning to converge around them.)

Monster: We need humans to survive! Submit willingly, or face a painful
death!

Lina: Are you kidding?! Why do you need humans to eat, anyway?

Ryouga: That's a mystery solved another day, Lina-san... (As the first
group of monsters attack, Lina casts a Flare Arrow at them. It hits, and
for some reason, does nothing but a puff of smoke. The large,
stone-skinned, horned, fanged, etc., monsters facefault as one.)

Lina: Kuso! That's why my senses didn't pick it up sooner!

Ryouga: What is it, Lina?

Lina: (For some reason, her face has turned beet-red.) Um, well, er, I'd
rather not talk about it...

Ryouga: Whatever! (He bashes two of the monsters with his umbrella, flips
back, takes time to nick a few more with bandanna-shuriken before he lands,
feet implanted in the waiter-monster's head.) Just help me take out these
things, will ya?

Lina: Okay... (She draws her sword and charges a group of three monsters.
They, in turn, are very hungry, and intend to get their meal whether some
brazen sorceress likes it or not. She hits two in a row, but the blade does
little against the stone skin.) ACK!! Ryouga! Help me! (Too late, the three
monsters jump on her in a pileup and beat her unmercifully. Enraged, Lina
kicks back with a vengeance.) I've had it with monsters that interrupt my
peaceful meals! You things never, _never_ let me finish eating before you
attack! Haiyaa!! (Unfortunately, leather boots don't have that much effect
on stone skin either. Lina is knocked out by a rather large stone daemon
carrying a rather large club.)

Ryouga: Oh no! Lina! (Now the monsters can all focus on the remaining
obstacle. They turn on Ryouga as one. He angrily faces them.) How dare you!
You're not eating either of us, you got that?! (He attacks berserker-style
now, his superhuman strength crushing various monsters' arms, stray spikes,
and other appendages. But the monsters keep coming, and Ryouga is becoming
increasingly frustrated at his impossible battle. A large globe of green
energy appears in his right hand.)

Lina: (She wakes up as Ryouga is taking the rest of the daemons on, and
nurses her bruised head as she's watching. After all, she's all but useless
now, why bother attracting attention?) Damn I hate being helpless, but my
sword won't even scratch that stone! That energy... is that Ryouga's heavy
ki blast? (As she looks on, the monsters continue to try unsuccessfully to
swarm him, and he beats them angrily away.)

Ryouga: That's it! You've got me mad now! (A large field of energy appears
around him, as he concentrates harder.) SHISHIHOKODAN!!!! (The ground
shakes with the force of the energy Ryouga unleashes! A pillar of it flies
up into the sky and descends as a sheet of heavy ki energy, disintegrating
everything within a twenty-foot radius. Ryouga, still standing at ground
zero, remains remarkably unscathed. The monsters are instant piles of ash.)

Lina: Well, looks like you _do_ know some magic!

Ryouga: That? (He brushes his hands off.) Not really... let's get out of
here, huh?

Later, they are walking away from the questionable Italian food restaurant,
talking.

Lina: That was weird! Monsters starting a restaurant?! 

Ryouga: What kinds of idiots start an italian restaurant near the peak of
Mount Fuji?! They were going to eat us, too!

Lina: Was that thingy you did back there your heavy ki blast?

Ryouga: Yeah, it's called a shishihokodan, Lion Roar Bullet. It's really
not magic, just ki.

Lina: I see. 

Ryouga: But what about you? Why weren't you throwing those fireballs and
stuff?

Lina: (She's blushing again now.)Well, um, you see... It's... um...

Ryouga: (He doesn't have a clue.) What is it?!

Lina: It's that... time of the month...

Ryouga: What?! 

Lina: I said it's that time of the month, okay?! Do you have a problem with
that?!

Ryouga: You're kidding, right?! That time of the month? 

Lina: Yeah, I'm kidding. Real funny, huh?! (Sarcasm is lost on the lost
boy.)

Ryouga: Is there something important that happens around this time of the
month?

Lina: You don't know?! How dumb can a guy be?! Geez... (She leans over and
whispers something in Ryouga's ear. His face turns beet-red and his nose
begins bleeding. Ryouga's way too innocent for his own good.)

Ryouga: GAH! (He gradually recovers.) So that's why...

Lina: I won't be able to use much magic beyond a light spell for the next
couple of days. So you get to take care of any problems we encounter until
I recover! 

Ryouga: Well, Nerima can't be too far away...


Now we switch scenes to where Zel, Gourry, and Amelia are trying to swim
across the Pacific to Japan following the stone. 

Zel: Damn it all...

Amelia: I can't go on much longer!

Gourry-chan: Look! Land ahead! (The three soaked Slayers struggle onto the
rocky island. There they take a moment to rest. It's a private Japanese
beach resort.)

Zel: This is going too far! Why can't we just find those two and get out of
this stupid world?! I hate this place!

Amelia: I know... Hey, the stone's glowing brighter!

Gourry: So it is! Does that mean we're getting closer, Zel?

Zel: Yes, it glows brighter the closer Lina is to it. We're almost done!
(Several people at the beach have stopped to look at the stone man, the
armor clad blond girl, and the purple-haired child that have washed up on
their beach. A lifeguard comes up to them.)

Lifeguard: You don't look like members here, maybe you should just keep
swimming and find another beach!

Zel: (He's tired and cranky from two straight days of swimming. He is not
in a mood to be treated impolitely by some ignorant beach snob.) Leave...
me and my friends... alone... before I have... to hurt you...

Lifeguard: (Backing off wisely) Just get off the beach before I get in
trouble for letting nonmembers in!

Amelia: What?! This is a beautiful piece of land, and you force other
people to pay just to enjoy it?! How dare you money-hungry leaches do such
a thing! I shall punish the owners in the name of justice!

Lifeguard: *Sweatdrop* Sure, whatever, just get off the beach, okay?

Amelia: Don't you go ordering a princess of Seyruun around like that! 

Lifeguard: Princess?! Sure, whatever, what're you gonna do about it, little
girl?

Amelia: Grrrr!! BURST RONDO!!!! (Orange energy bolts fly from her
outstretched hand and get the lifeguard square in the chest and face,
knocking him a few hundred yards into the ocean. His charred form drifts
back to land, his fingers are permanently fixed in the Takahashi position.)

Gourry: Wasn't that a little harsh?

Amelia: A fitting end, for one so rude as he! Now to find those owners,
those scions of evil and injustice!

Zel: *Big sweatdrop* Maybe later, Amelia. Right now, though, we still have
to find Lina!

Amelia: Lina-san! Okay, mister lifeguard, we'll leave, but just you wait,
when we come back, you'll have Lina-san to deal with, too! 

Gourry: (To herself) Be afraid... be very afraid...


And finally, we go now to the famous Tendo Dojo, where we can hear one of
the most celebrated lines in all of anime...

Akane: Ranma no baka! *WHAM* How DARE you eat Ukyou's cooking when I made
dinner for you! You are such an insensitive jerk!

Ranma: But, Akane! Your supper wasn't ready yet, and I was _really_ hungry,
so I just went over to Ucchan's for a bite to eat!

Akane: How convenient, three minutes before my rice was going to be ready!

Ranma: I can't help it if you're too slow! Why are you mad at me, when it's
your own fault?

Akane: Grrr... Fine, be that way then! See if I care!

Ranma: Okay then! (Their argument is cut short by the umbrella that is
suddenly implanted in Ranma's face.)

Ryouga: How dare you treat Akane-san so poorly, your own fiancee!

Akane: Ryouga-kun...

Ranma: Mmmph mph fnmdnph (It is relatively difficult to speak when the end
of an umbrella is still rammed inside one's mouth. Ranma yanks it out
angrily.) Butt out Ryouga, this isn't your business!

Lina: Hi! Excuse me, are you Ranma Saotome?

Ranma: Um, yes... why?

Akane: Don't tell me you're another one!

Lina: Another... what?

Akane: Another fiancee, stupid, what did you think?! Geez, we're gonna have
dozens of 'em by the time all of this is sorted out! What kind of getup is
that, anyway?

Lina: That's so rude, talking like that to the great sorceress supreme,
Lina Inverse! How dare you make fun of my taste in clothing!

Akane: Great, this one has delusions of grandeur...

Lina: I'll finish this line of discussion later! So, you're Ranma, huh?
Ryo-chan over here's told me a lot about you!

Ranma: Ryo-chan?! (Glances over at Ryouga irritably) What exactly did he
say?

Lina: Well, he said you looked and talked just like me! Funny, I don't see
any resemblance...

Akane: Hmm... allow me! (She splashes Ranma with water. Instant
girl-Ranma!)

Ranma: What was that for?!

Akane: Skipping out on my supper! 

Lina: (She studies girl-Ranma for a second.) Wow, he wasn't kidding! The
same voice, hair color, and everything! 

Ranma: Look, I don't know who you are, Pop isn't here right now to explain
what you're doing here, and I'm telling you right now! I'm not gonna marry
you, understand?

Lina: MARRY?! What on earth gave you the slightest impression that I even
_liked_ you, let alone wanted to marry you?!

Ranma: You mean... you're not engaged to me after all?

Lina: What are you talking about?! I never had any intention of marrying
you! Ryo-chan was right, you're a real player, aren't you?

Ranma: Thank god... the last thing I could stand right now is another
flat-chested violent maniac engaged to me... Hey! I am _not_ a player! You
take that back!

Akane: (giggles) That's a pretty accurate summation!

Ryouga: Yeah, Ranma, what would you call it?

Lina: Flat-chested... violent... maniac... why... you... BAKA!!! (Lina
draws her sword and charges. Ranma barely dodges her furious attacks.)

Ranma: Yup... thank god I'm not engaged to you! I've enough trouble with
the flat-chested violent maniac I was already engaged to! Ain't that right,
Akane? (The two girls and Ryouga attack at once with a fury born of hell.)

Akane: Ranma no baka! (Brandishes her trademark Hammerspace Mallet)

Ryouga: How _dare_ you insult Akane-san and Lina-san like that! Die, Ranma!
(Brandishes his traditional bamboo/depleted uranium red umbrella)

Lina: You _jerk!_ How rude, making fun of other girls' chests! Male
chauvinist pig! (Brandishes her sword angrily)

Ranma: Ack! Wait! I'm just pointing out the truth- AAAH!! That hurt! Ow!
Ouch! Watch where you point that thing! Gah! Saotome Ultimate Technique!
(Ranma runs away, a little trail of smoke is all that's left of him.)

Ryouga: Well, that takes care of that...

Lina: That was fun! I feel much better now!

Akane: So what brings you here anyway, Ryouga-kun?

Ryouga: For one thing, Lina wanted to meet the legendary Ranma Saotome,
King of the Crossdressers, for herself!

Akane: Well, Lina, you got a pretty good impression of what he's normally
like. I'm Akane Tendo, pleased to meet you!

Lina: Pleasure's all mine! (She shakes Akane's offered hand warmly.)
Ryouga...?

Ryouga: Yeah, I know... (Akane glances at him, curious.) Akane, I'd like to
share something with you...

Akane: Hmm? What is it, Ryouga-kun?

Ryouga: Here, follow me. (He takes them to the bathing room, and soon
after, a yell is heard from within. Nabiki, from her vantage point outside
the door, sighs in disappointment.)

Nabiki: Oh honestly, Ryouga, you imbecile, I didn't even get a chance to
find out and squeeze you for all you were worth first! You keep a pretty
good secret!

Akane: You mean... you... the whole time I've known you...

Ryouga: I'm sorry to cause you so much pain, Akane-san, I'll understand if
you'll hate me forever now... It's just... well, at first I was just
scared, then, I realized you loved P-chan, and you needed a friend, and...

Akane: Ryouga you baka... you should have told me at the start! What's done
is done, though... 

Lina: (She whispers to Ryouga) See? That wasn't so bad now, was it?

Akane: I forgive you, on one condition.

Ryouga: Anything, Akane-san!

Akane: Get...

Ryouga: What? ("Oh no, she's going to tell me to get out of Nerima forever
now!") Get what?

Akane: Get me a real pet! I've lost my little P-chan, I'd like another pig!
(Ryouga crashes to the ground in surprise.)

Ryouga: (recovers) Anything for you!


As they are leaving the dojo, Lina gives Ryouga a pat on the back. Ryouga's
still in shock.

Ryouga: I can't believe... she forgave me... just like that!

Lina: See? I told you to go ahead and get it over with! If you had done
that five years from now, who knows what she would have thought?

Ryouga: Now all I have to do is get up the nerve to ask her out...

Lina: Later, later! You still have to take me to that old woman, you know!
Good thing Akane gave me this map, now I don't have to wander around
aimlessly anymore!

Ryouga: Yeah! Let's go!

Lina: Ryouga... (She turns around and faces Ryouga, who's started off in
the wrong direction, as usual...)

Ryouga: Yes? (He knows what she's about to say, he's heard it his whole
life.)

Lina: It's _this_ way.

Ryouga: Right! Um, I knew that...


They FINALLY get to the Neko Hanten, and guess who's waiting for them
there?


Zel: Lina! You're okay!

Lina: Zel?! What on earth are you guys doing here?

Amelia: We finally caught up with you, Lina-san! We've been chasing after
you for over a week!

Gourry: You'll never believe what happened to us! 

Lina: What happened?

Gourry: Look at _this!_ (He takes a bucket of cold water out of nowhere and
splashes it over his head. HE is now a SHE, tall, blonde, well-built, and
better endowed than Lina is!)

Lina: No... it can't be! You fell in... the spring of drowned girl?
DAMMIT!! Fate, why do you mock me so?!?! How can not one, but _TWO_ guys
have bigger chests than me?! ARGH!!!!!!

Amelia: Lina-san, what...

Lina: And YOU!! You're twelve years old, for goodness's sake, and your
chest is still bigger than mine! I'm fifteen, dammit! Why me?!

Cologne: (Walks in from the kitchen) Now, what's all the fuss? (Notices
Lina and Ryouga) Oh, you've finally come, eh? I found your friends looking
for you and your companion.

Ryouga: Can you help them get home?

Cologne: Hmm... girl, what is your name?

Lina: Lina Inverse. 

Cologne: Very well, Lina Inverse, tell me your story and maybe I can help
you.


As Lina is explaining herself, Ryouga takes his leave politely. He's tired,
and he wants to find a place to sleep. He figures Cologne would let Lina
and her friends stay at the Neko Hanten, and Lina could find him tomorrow.
As he finds himself in front of the Tendo Dojo (where else?), he realizes
he won't have a place to sleep there, either. As usual, Ranma stomps on his
head at the gate.

Ranma: What's up, P-chan? Looking for Akane's bedroom?

Ryouga: Sorry to disappoint you Ranma, but I'm in too good a mood to let
you ruin it. Akane knows the whole story, and she forgave me for
everything! 

Ranma: Well, that would explain why she's been ignoring me all night...

Ryouga: You're pathetic.

Ranma: Hmph! I was gonna let you sleep in my room, but with that attitude,
forget it!

Ryouga: I don't want your hospitality! I can find a place to sleep on my
own! See ya...

Ranma: Wait! (Too late, Ryouga has turned and walked away. Just in time to
get glomped by *shudder* Azusa.)

Azusa: Charlotte! You can come sleep in Azusa's widdle bedroom!

Ryouga: NO!! I'm not Charlotte, for the last time! Get off me! (Ranma
collapses to the floor, laughing.) What are you laughing at, jerk?

Ranma: Nothing much.

Ryouga: If you're looking for a fight...

Azusa: My kawaii darling Charlotte! Come home with Azusa, Charlotte! (Azusa
is booted into the stars by Lina, who has come up from behind.)

Lina: And don't come back! (She shakes her fist at the airborne Azusa.)
Hehehe, guess I got here in time!

Ryouga: What?

Ranma: Not _you_ again...

Lina: What's your problem, anyway?

Ranma: That outfit you're wearing, for one thing.

Lina: Excuse me?! Are you insulting the clothes a master sorceress chooses
to wear? I'd take that back if I were you, before you get hurt.

Ranma: Ooh, I'm so scared! The little girl in the pink Halloween costume
threatened me! What are you going to do, blast me with your magic?

Lina: That's it! I've had it with your impertinence! LIGHTNING!!! (The
surrounding area is filled with brilliant white light. Taking advantage of
the distraction, Lina bonks him over the head with the pommel of her
sword.) 

Ranma: Ouch! What was that for?! Is that all you can do, light? Geez, even
I can do better than that!

Lina: Grrr... Kuso, I can't teach him a lesson when I'm like this!

Ranma: What's your problem anyway, PMS or something?

Lina: YOOOUUUUUU!!!! BAKA!!

Ryouga: Don't treat Lina-san like that! How dare you insult her!

Ranma: What are _you_ gonna do, piggy?

Lina: Don't bother, Ryo-chan.

Ryouga: Huh? But... he...

Lina: Trust me, Ryouga, this guy's not worth the effort. He's so unsure of
himself that he has to put others down to make himself feel superior.

Ranma: What?!

Ryouga: You're right. Let's go, Lina. (The two turn to leave.)

Ranma: Hey! Wait a minute! Ryouga! Weren't you going to fight me?! 

Ryouga: Why bother? We both know who'd win...

Ranma: Ryouga...

Ryouga: (Lina whispers something in Ryouga's ear. He grins, whispers back,
and turns to Ranma.) Okay, Ranma, I challenge you! In one week, meet me at
the Neko Hanten for our fight! If I win, you promise never to interfere
with my dating again!

Ranma: You got yourself a deal! But if I win, you give up fighting me for
good this time!

Ryouga: It's a deal.

Akane: (She's watching from her window) Those idiots... can't they ever
stop fighting?!

Lina: (Walking back to Neko Hanten with Ryouga) Just you wait, Ryouga... by
the time I'm done, you'll be a master of black magic! Now if only I could
get the old lady to hurry up with her research...

Ryouga: You mean she -can- help?

Lina: She said she had to do some studying first, though, she had some old
books she was reading when I left. I'll have to introduce you to my friends
now!


End of Part Three

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! All
comments, etc., go to cristina@netdoor.com  I'm getting a lot of good
feedback from readers with the same good taste as me, and I've gotten a lot
of good ideas from other people too numerous to name. If you have some
story ideas, please, feel free to share them! Stay tuned for Part Four:
Lovely! Ryouga's Magic Training! (I couldn't resist that name!)
And just for all of you Ranma lovers out there who have been complaining to
me about how Ranma doesn't deserve to be treated this way, I say go read
someone else's fics, 'cuz I like Ryouga better and I think he and Akane
were meant to be! Don't flame me for saying that, it's just my own humble
opinion. ^_^

See yall next time!

Christina Rose