On 8/3/97 1:33 PM, Ryan Mathews at mathews1@ix.netcom.com wrote:
Here's the second chapter to "Mother's Day", the short Tenchi
novel-in-progress. As always any comments would be appreciated.
Hmmm. Should be interesting. :)
Aeka took a deep breath and let it out. "Alright! I know when I'm
beaten. I will attempt to find some clothing that will be... appropriate
for you."
"Oh, thank you, princess!" exclaimed Ryoko, jumping with joy.
"You're such a good sport!"
Really. ;> If Ryoko were actually serious, I'd feel sorry for her. Court
sophisticates can trip up someone not in the know in sartorial details,
quite easily. ;>
"It's alright. I'm getting used to it."
Minor word nit: I'd expect Aeka to use 'all right' instead; 'alright'
sounds more casual, which really doesn't fit her. More meaningful nit: I
have trouble picturing her saying that. It might help if you give a
little more indication of *how* she said it -- with a resigned sigh? A
small but gamely struggling smile?
"That's right," said Ryoko. "Tenchi and I are just deliriously
happy! That's the way it is when you're truly in love. Every day is more
wonderful than the last! Isn't that right, Tenchi?"
"Yeah, right, whatever," said Tenchi, sweating bullets. "Do you
think you could move back a little?"
"Oh, Tenchi! You're such a tease!"
Funaho smiled. "It's wonderful to see my great-grandson so happy."
Hmmm. And how sardonic was this smile? :)
Misaki's big eyes misted with tears. "Isn't true love beautiful?"
Now *this* I can believe. ;>
Aeka walked over to sit on Tenchi's other side, when Misaki cleared
her throat. "Aeka, dear. Aren't you forgetting something?"
Would she be *that* direct about it? :)
Ryoko grinned. "Don't worry. I'll take real good care of him."
Tenchi looked ready to die of embarrassment.
"Are they always like this?" Funaho asked Tenchi.
"No. Only when they're awake."
Funaho started to laugh.
"Your great-grandson certainly has a way with the ladies," commented
Misaki.
Funaho nodded. "Agreed. But that's not what makes me laugh. It's
just that Ryoko and Aeka, they remind me so much of you and me when we were
their age."
"Huh?" said Ryoko, Aeka, and Tenchi in unison.
"Aeka, do you know why your father instituted the rule of two
queens, one from Jurai and one from offworld?" Funaho asked.
Misaki started to sweat.
"It was to keep Misaki and me from killing each other."
Heh. I like *this* twist to the tale. Could never tell it now, ne?
"Now you're really exaggerating," said Misaki. "I would never do
anything to harm you!"
"What about the time you set me on fire?"
"That was an accident!" Misaki shouted. She turned to the others to
explain. "You see, the chemical was only supposed to vaporize her clothes,
leaving her naked in front of... the..." Her voice trailed off as she
realized she'd admitted everything. "--royal court," she finished.
Aeka was shocked. "Mother. I had no idea."
Heh. :)
Tenchi nervously changed the subject. "Grandfather sends his
regrets. Ordinarily he'd be here, but he's with my father in Hawaii. My
father's attending a big architectural convention and Grandfather convinced
him to let him come along."
One wonders how much precognition he has. ;>
She blinked and staggered backward. For a moment she was certain
Kagato had returned. She took a second look and saw, to her relief, that
she had been mistaken. This man's hair was blue and very long, and his eyes
sparkled in a way Kagato's never did. Still, the angular face, the pale
skin; the resemblance was frightening.
You'd think this would tell her something. <wry g> I'm not sure how I
feel about the theory this implies, though; I'm not terribly thrilled by
the suggestions some have made that Kagato was Washu's lost son, and this
isn't much better.
"Look at that hair!" said Sasami. "You really are Ryoko's brother!"
Lhim-Zen smiled and sighed. "Actually, I hope Mother will forgive
me for saying this, but that's one trait I wish I hadn't inherited. It gets
in the way when I'm trying to do experiments." He retrieved the string from
his pocket and tied his hair back into the ponytail.
Frito: <Cackling> Buzz cut! Buzz cut!
Lyra: Hush.
"I hope you don't mind my saying so," said Tenchi, "but you resemble
someone else besides Ryoko. Are you by any chance related to--"
Washu cleared her throat. "I don't think Lhim wants to spend the
entire afternoon discussing his family tree. I want to know what you've
been up to for the last ten millenia!"
Hmmm. :<
"I hitched a ride with a chocolate smuggler."
"Chocolate smuggler?" asked Tenchi.
"Oh, yes. Chocolate is the most popular illegal export from Earth.
A little over a ton is smuggled off the planet each year. It's just so much
better than chocolate grown anywhere else. I think it must be your planet's
soil."
Heh. :)
Misaki sniffed. "Chocolate smugglers. The scum of the galaxy.
Exploting people's sweet tooths for obscene profits. They disgust me."
"Really?" said Funaho. "Then what are those six boxes in our ship's
hold marked 'Hershey's'?"
Misaki grimaced, then sighed. "How much for your silence?"
"One box."
"You're cruel, sister."
Double heh.
Ryoko stood up. "That's it. I'm out of here." She took a step
and suddenly became dizzy.
"This is a disappointment," said Lhim-Zen. His voice sounded cold,
as if he were a different person. "I didn't want to resort to this, but I
had no idea you'd be such a hard sell."
Ryoko turned slowly, trying to keep her balance. In Lhim-Zen's left
hand was a palm-sized device that looked familiar. Ryoko tried to place it.
Lhim-Zen's fingers brushed the device and
I was wondering when this was coming. Someone as psychopathic as he
appeared to be in the prologue is bound to let it show *sometime*. Hope
not too many more people get hurt. :(
Misaki blinked. "Oh, dear. I am such a bad girl."
"Uh-oh," said Funaho. "I think Misaki just had an idea."
Hmmm. :)
END CHAPTER ONE
So where's chapter 2? :)
Travis Butler
(The Professor, formerly of Myth and Magick!, Lawrence, KS;
tbutler@tfs.net, now from the Wandering Powerbook;
<http://www.tfs.net/personal/tbutler/>;
Mac page <http://www.tfs.net/business/tbutler/>)
...Classified Ads: The Final Frontier.