Allright!  Here is the full posting of the first part of this story.  It is
in txt format, so no HTML worries this time!  Sorry about the previous
post.  Here is the original opening message, as it fits the same pretty
much.  Okay, this is a story I began a while back and set on the back
burners.  With the recent rush of self-insertion fics, I am finally posting
mine.    
A few points though.  While I do *know* a slew of martial arts moves, as
well as Tai Chi, I am not as proficient as I write myself to be.  I can
hold my own in a fight, but I would soon be slaughtered by adepts such
as the Ranma cast.  However, in the interest of the story, I am
increasing my speed and practical experience to make myself better.
Other than that, everything's me.  Oh, and when I say 'increasing my
speed', I mean *increasing* it.  It will seem like a super otaku power
at first, but bear with it as it shall serve as comic relief as well.
Anyway, I figure what's the point of writing one's self into a fictional
story without tweaking a bit?  Lastly, I don't know anything about anime
in this story.  This also happens to be the only fic I've written in
semi-script format.  Mostly I do prose, but this time I felt it should
be this way.  On with the show...
::Insert THX opening::
(This fic has been done digitally by Masters for superior posting and
mailing quality)
PM Productions Presents
A Phillip Masters Fanfic
The Waking Dream
A Self Insertion fic placed in various anime's
(The 'Insert Your Own Disclaimer' Kit! (TM))

Night fell.  I didn't notice though, for I was watching TV.  This is
something I did almost every evening, so no big deal.  After watching a
few hours of refreshingly mind numbing programming, I went to bed.
After laying in it for a few minutes, my eye's finally closed.

Now, normally, when I close my eye's, I expect I am asleep.  However,
this time, something forced me from this.  A strong light was shining
against my lids.  At first, I thought "Oh great!  I'm finally being
abducted!".  After a few minutes of still lying there, I was getting
rather agitated.  So, I opened my eye's.

They opened to a tree blossoming with flowers.  Petals of these flowers
drifted down around me, it was actually quite peaceful.  I lay there a
moment enjoying the beauty scene with a clear blue sky as it's
canvas.

Then, my synapses began to function once more.  I sat up with a gasp.
Where the hell am I?  My eye's blinked at the golden light of the
morning streaming from the horizon.  My mind was doing a quick
self-diagnostic.  I had gone to sleep, presumably, in my house.  Now I
am awakening in the grass, outside.  To say the least, I was confused.
I panned my gaze, taking in more of my surroundings.  I was sitting next
to a small pond.  At a whim, I looked down into the pond.  Sure enough,
I was still me, that much was a relief.  Beyond my reflection, a
multi-colored carp swam in concentric circles.  I looked up toward the
house before me.  It was decidedly oriental in design.  This, of course,
added to my confusion ten fold.  It seemed important to find out if I
was actually in the orient, or just a good facsimile of it.  Sitting
here was not going to answer any questions, so I rose.  Brushing myself
off, I began the journey to the house.

As I approached, the paper screen sliding door that was my destination
opened.  I leapt back as I saw an eight foot Panda standing in the
doorway.  The Panda stared at me with about as much confusion a bear
could manage.  I just let my jaw hand limply.  The fact was, I didn't
know Panda's could get that big.  Of course, no matter how big the
animal was, I was not prepared for the next occurrence.

The Panda held up a sign.

SIGN:  Who are you?

The literary question was accompanied by a "growf" from the holder of
the sign.  Two things now served to throw me deeper into my ever
building confusion.  One, the Panda was communicating in a written
language.  Two, I actually understood the language it was written in.
It seemed to be Japanese, but as far as I knew, I didn't know any
Japanese.  Learn something new everyday I supposed.  My current state of
mind led me to respond in the only way I could think of.

PHIL:  Phillip

The Panda's confusion deepened, which was a pretty awesome spectacle.
It flipped the sign.

SIGN:  Who?

I did a double take at this.  How in the world had the Panda known what
I would say?  Did he have a sign for every possible situation?  That
would be a lot of signs!  Heck, that would be enough to build a
boat!

PHIL:  Um, Phillip.  Who are you?

Argh!  I'm talking to a bear!  It reached back and held up another
sign.

SIGN:  I'm Mr. Panda.

I felt the sudden urge to fall over.  In my current state, the urge one
out, and over I went.  The Panda just looked on passively.  In fact, it
flipped the sign again.

SIGN:  What are you doing here?

PHIL:  I have absolutely no idea!  (waving a hand at the yard)  I just
woke up here this morning!

The Panda seemed to ponder this for a moment.  Unfortunately, the
Panda's thoughts were cut off rather abruptly.  My eye's went wide as I
watched a surprised looking Panda get launched airborne.  I looked down
to see a young man with his foot raised into the air.

BOY:  Get out of my way, old man!  Are you going to practice or... (He
cut off as he spotted me)  Who are you?

I stared at the boy a moment.  He stood about as high as me, with hazel
eye's and black hair done up in a braided tail.

PHIL:  Phillip.  Who're you?

BOY:  Ranma Saotome.  What do you want here?

PHIL (getting tired of receiving the ninth):  I have no idea!  I just
woke up here this morning!

I couldn't read Ranma's expression.  I decided to turn the tables.

PHIL:  Where is 'here' anyway?

RANMA (Looking at me as though I was crazy):  Tendo Dojo.

PHIL (Entirely non-plussed):  Where?

RANMA:  Tendo Dojo.  Nerima, Tokyo, Japan, Earth.

I didn't react to his sarcasm.  I was busy trying to figure out how I
got here.  My mind came up blank and I began to develop a headache.
Then, something struck me, so odd I just had to say it out loud.

PHIL:  I'm speaking Japanese!

RANMA:  No shit.

Ranma's head flew forward with a sharp *smack*.  A girl, who was
lowering her hand, stepped around him.

GIRL (Peeved):  Don't cuss, Ranma!

Ranma (Cross):  Tomboy.

At this proclamation, the girl decided to let Ranma forget about his
head.  I winced as her fist drove into his kidney.  He collapsed in pain
as the girl looked out at me.

GIRL (Taking on a gentler expression):  Oh!  We have a guest!  Who are
you?

I was getting insanely sick of being asked this question.

PHIL:  How many people live here?

GIRL (Confused):  Uh, six.  Why?

PHIL:  Get them all together, then we'll complete the introductions,
kay?

The girl smiled, then ran off into the house.

Ranma had recovered, as well as the Panda.  They seemed to forget about me
for the moment, and began to spar.  They leaped about the yard, jabbing and
kicking at each other without abandon.  I stared, interested, as I watched
their personal match.  Then, I shook my head.  A martial artist Panda!? 
This was too much for me.  I went into the house.  The inside of the Dojo
was much like the outside.  Except for a low set table in the center of the
room there was little else.  I kneeled at the table on the floor.  I was
not entirely ignorant of Japanese customs.  After a few minutes of staring
at the drab wooden wall opposite me, the rest of the occupants entered the
room.  First came who I figured was the head of the family.  He stood a bit
taller than me, with a brown Gi on.  He had a mustache, and a very
traditional Japanese look about him.  He seemed to have channels under his
eyes though, which was rather odd at first.  Following him were, who I now
figured to be, his three daughters.  Along with the girl he had talked to
earlier, came her two seemingly elder sisters.  The middle sister was a
slight bit taller than the younger.  She also had brown hair, contrasting
her younger siblings black.  She also seemed to have a more 'worldly' look
about her.  The oldest sister was almost taller than her father.  She had
brown hair as well, but was much more 'housewife' looking.  All three of
them were amazingly cute, and well built.  This was not entirely lost on
me, but I was still trying to put some sense to my situation, and failing
miserably.  I assumed that the mother, and wife of the four in front of me,
was the sixth occupant of the house.  The four sat at the other side of the
table from me.  We had a staring contest for a few minutes, then I spoke
up.

PHIL:  So, it's just you, Ranma, and who else?  Your wife?  (This last was
directed at the man)

An ominous feeling descended upon the room.  I could tell I had made an
error.  However, just as I opened my mouth, the normal feeling returned.

OLDEST SISTER:  This is our father, Soun Tendo.  I am Kasumi, this is
Nabiki and Akane.  (She pointed out the people as she named them)

I bowed a little at the neck in response.

PHIL:  I am Phillip, pleased to meet you.

SOUN:  So.  What brings you here?

PHIL:  I have no idea what-so-ever.  I went to sleep in my house in
America, and woke up here.  Also odd, is the fact that I now seem to know
Japanese quite fluently.  I barely knew a few words before today.

They looked a little skeptical, but took it in stride.  I was surprised
they took this as well as they did.

NABIKI:  Stranger things have happened.

I once again went to the ground.  Why I kept on doing this was beyond me. 
For some reason, every time something surprised me, I felt an urge to fall
over.  It was becoming quite a pain, especially in this situation.

SOUN:  Well, son.  You are welcome to stay here for a while.  Until you can
find out what happened.  However, you will have to either sleep in the
Dojo, or with Genma and Ranma.

PHIL:  Ranma, I know.  Genma?

SOUN:  Ranma's father.  You will meet him later.

Well, that explained who the sixth person was.  It seemed that the mother
of these children had passed on or divorced.  Probably the former
considering the traditionalism of this family.  I would be careful not to
bring up the matter in the future.  A loud splash sounded from outside.  I
turned about to look out the door.  The Panda was standing in the pool, the
water up to its knees.  Next to it floated, what I assumed to be, Ranma. 
However, assume makes an ass of u and me.  For a red hared girl emerged
from the pond.  This girl had a pig tail exactly like Ranma's.  I was
however, damn my hormones, more interested in other aspects of this new
arrival.  Hey, she was wet, what do you want?  The girl looked very upset
for having gotten wet.  My brain kept trying to connect something, but my
rational thought was making this very difficult.  The girl walked up to the
door and stood, staring at the five of us around the table.  Finally I
couldn't help it any longer, and my rational thought gave up the ghost.

PHIL:  Ranma?

The girl just nodded, and then walked off to the kitchen.  My lower lip was
making like it was trying to do the minute waltz in thirty seconds.  I
slowly turned back to the people behind me.  I looked at them
incredulously.  Finally, Akane laid the story out for me.  It seemed that
Ranma and his father had trained in martial arts all their lives.  Genma
had taken Ranma to a one Jusenkyo Training Ground in China.  Little did
they realize that the training ground was peppered with cursed springs.  If
you fall into one you take on the form of whatever drowned in that pool
before.  This change is caused by cold water, and can be reversed with warm
water.  This whole conversation served to boot whatever was left of my
rational thought out the door and changed the locks behind it.  I then used
my newfound state of irrationality to add two and two to get six.  I turned
to the Panda, who was standing in the door now.  I looked up, and up at the
towering bulk beside me.

PHIL:  Genma?

MR. PANDA:  Growff.

PHILLIP (Trying to be a little humorous):  What?  No signs?

The Panda didn't seem livened by this small, very small, joke.  Instead it
lumbered off into the kitchen.  Ranma, in boy form, was coming out of the
kitchen at the same time.  I felt a sort of pity for the guy.  I sure
wouldn't want to change to a girl every damn time I got hit with cold
water.  However, I had to have more pity for Mr. Saotome.  At least Ranma
was still human.  A moment later, a shot stocky man came out of the
kitchen.  One look at him fired up a new set of questions.  I turned to
Ranma, who was sitting next to Akane now.

PHIL:  You say you change into exactly what drowned in the pools?

Ranma nodded in assent.

PHIL:  Don't you ever think it's kind of a coincidence how much like your
alternate forms you two resemble?

Nobody seemed to make the connection.  I was met by the blankest faces I
ever seen before.

PHIL:  Never mind.

SOUN (To the new arrivals of the dining room):  I have agreed to let
Phillip stay at the Dojo till he figures out what has gone wrong.

Genma nodded.  Ranma seemed not as enthused by the idea

RANMA:  What?!  Why does he have to stay here?!

This got him another smack in the back of the head from Akane.  He rubbed
his head and grumbled, however didn't raise anymore protests.

SOUN:  The question is, where he will sleep.  Either in the dojo, or in you
room, Saotome.

GENMA:  I don't care if he sleeps with us.  (giving me The Eye) As long as
he doesn't snore.

SOUN:  Than it's settled!  You shall sleep in Saotome's room.

Something nagged at me.  I looked at Ranma.

PHIL:  What do you think?

He looked up at me in surprise.

RANMA:  What do I think of what?

PHIL:  About me sleeping with you and your father.

Ranma stared a moment, then looked apprehensive.

RANMA:  Yea, it's okay with me.

I smiled at him, he returned a grin.  Everything seemed allright for the
moment.  This is why I was thrown back into the dark abyss of confusion by
Soun.  He was bringing new meaning to the phrase 'tears of joy'.  Now I
knew why he had those channels under his eyes.  I've heard of weathered
features before, but not quite this literally.  Everyone else in the room
seemed non-perturbed by this though, so I didn't give it a second thought. 
Now a new problem made itself apparent to me.

PHIL:  Do you eat breakfast?

This time the people in front of me hit the deck.  I got some pleasure from
that.  Only Kasumi was left sitting erect.

KASUMI:  Oh my!

That was the cutest 'Oh my!'  I had ever heard.  Not that I had heard many
in my time, mind you.  I just figured I wouldn't hear one quite this cute
ever again.  Then, she rose from the table and ran to the kitchen.  Just as
everyone finished picking themselves up off the floor, Kasumi reentered the
dining room with a tray.  I figured she must have made the food the night
before.  When it reached my lips however, I lost all other focus but the
food.  It was the single most wonderful cuisine I had ever eaten.  It
seemed that I was breaking a lot of life records for myself today.  I was
perfectly happy with this.  An atomic bomb could have gone off twenty miles
away and I would have been perfectly happy.  This was excellent!

PHIL:  Kasumi, this is the best thing I have ever eaten in my life!

She absolutely beamed at me.  I almost had to squint at the brilliance of
the smile she gave.  I was sure you power a solar panel with one of her
smiles.  

AKANE:  I could cook you some lunch, if you don't mind.

I looked up at Akane, she was smiling hopefully at me.  I was about to
reply, when I noticed some of the looks on the faces of the others in the
room.  Let's just say they did not instill any particular want to sample
Akane's cooking.  I mean, even Kasumi looked a little green about the
gills!  I thought fast, as I didn't want to hurt her.

PHIL:  Umm... I figured Ranma and I might get to know each other better. 
So we might go out for lunch later.

RANMA (Thankfully catching on):  Yea!  That's a great idea!  In fact, let's
get started right away!

Akane seemed crestfallen, but accepted this.  I felt immensely sorry for
the girl.  Nothing could be that bad, could it?  Still, I decided to get a
little more info on this before committing myself.

PHIL:  Okay, let's go.

We arose, and exited out the front door.  It was almost ten or so now, and
the sun poured brightly down on the peaceful street.  Ranma started some
small talk as we walked.

RANMA:  So?  Know any martial arts.

PHIL:  Yea.  I know kempo, and a little Tai Kwon Do.

RANMA (Nodding):  Want to spar sometime?

PHIL:  Yea.  Why not?  Good to work out against a live opponent.  (I didn't
mention the fact that I had a quite lively opponent back home who was
always eager to fight me)

RANMA:  So, you have no idea what brought you here?

PHIL:  Not a clue, wish I did though.

RANMA:  Sounds a lot like a friend of mine.  (He looked down)  Well, sort
of a friend.

PHIL:  How do you mean?

RANMA:  His name is Ryoga Habiki.  He gets lost an awful lot.  (looking up
at me) He is always after me, yet he can be gone for months at a time.

PHIL:  Why is he after you?

RANMA:  Well, it is sort of a long story.  However, his main problem now is
the fact that I am sort of responsible for him falling into a Jusenkyo
spring.  

PHIL:  What happened?

He told me the story.  I was enthralled for the two hours it took.  He
didn't miss a detail I figure.

PHIL:  Sounds like he has it bad for Akane.  Do you?

Ranma became defensive.

RANMA:  Of course not!  How could I love a tomboy like that?

PHIL:  Why do you care about her so much if you hold her in such low
regard?

RANMA:  How do you figure I care so much?

PHIL:  All those times you protected her.  No one risks life and limb like
you to protect someone they don't give a damn about.

RANMA:  Well, so maybe I do.  But still, she's so violent.

PHIL:  Yes, well, maybe that is the only way she can see to show you
affection.  You are rather violent yourself, especially when it comes to
her safety.

Ranma looked down again.  I figured he needed some time to think about all
of this.  We walked on in silence for about a half an hour.  Nerima was
quite a pretty place I noticed as we strolled.  Everything seemed so at
ease and surreal.  After a while we came upon a restaurant.  It was named
Ucchan.  We stopped in front of it.  I looked at Ranma questioningly.

RANMA:  This is where we are going to have lunch.

PHIL:  Is this place owned by the Ukyo you spoke about?  Your friend?

RANMA:  Yes.  She opened it soon after she arrived here.  She makes the
best okinomiyaki in Tokyo.

Sounded good to me, though I had no clue as to what okinomiyaki was.  We
walked into the small establishment with familiarity.  At least one of us
did, I followed with familiarity.  It seemed a bit empty for the hour.

PHIL:  Why aren't there that many people here?  It is lunch time isn't it?

RANMA:  Yes.  Well, Uk-chan doesn't do great business.  She just gets by.  

PHIL:  Oh hell.  I don't have any money.

RANMA:  Don't worry.  Uk-chan is always ready to give me a free lunch.  I'm
sure she will give up some free samples to a friend of mine as well.

Then, Ukyo decided to come out into the dining/preparation area.  I was
rather smitten by her instantly.  She was beautiful!  Her hair was dark
brown and straight.  It ran most of the way down her back, coming to a rest
at her rear, which was something to watch in itself.  Her eyes were large
and blue, with a cheerful sparkle alight in them.  I won't even go on about
the rest of her features.  Let's just say she was, to me, about as perfect
as they come and leave it at that.  She lit up at the sight of Ranma. 
Then, her face molded to a look of cute curiosity as her gaze fell on me. 
I waved meekly as she came up to us.

UKYO:  Who's this, Ran-chan?

RANMA (Putting a hand on my shoulder):  This is Phillip.  He will be
staying at the Dojo for a while.

UKYO (Smiling once more):  Well, that's good!  What can I do for you today?

RANMA:  Well, we are in need of some lunch.  And Rob here ain't had none of
your excellent okinomiyaki yet.

UKYO (Beaming at the compliment):  Well, we might just have to change that,
now won't we?

She bounced off to the grill and in a few moments came back with two of the
Japanese dishes.  They were round crusts of some type with sauce on them. 
We sat at one of the tables and began to eat.  It was wonderful tasting. 
Even better than what Kasumi had given us for breakfast this morning.  

PHIL:  Wow!  This us really amazing Ukyo!  (Something occurred to me)  Why
don't you do good business with this?

Ranma had quickly inhaled his, and was watching me eat.  Ukyo didn't
flinch, but she looked a little wounded.

UKYO:  I have no idea really.

PHIL:  Well, do you advertise this?

UKYO:  No, should I?

I looked at her incredulously, trying to gauge her seriousness.

PHIL:  Of course!  How are people supposed to know about it if you don't? 
(An idea came to my mind)  How about me?  I could help you advertise.

UKYO:  Sounds great!  I'll even let you in on some of the increased
profits, if any.

PHIL:  Don't worry about that, there will be.  This is wonderful!  Get a
few customers in here and bam!  Word of mouth should work from there.  We
shouldn't even need to use TV.  I'll attack locally first.  Ranma, do you
know anyone with connections?

RANMA (Grinning):  Hey.  I got ya covered.

UKYO:  Oh!  This is exciting!

I tended to agree with her.  I had only been here for a few hours, and
allready I was 'into' the community.  I had friends, a place to stay, and a
promising source of income.  If I did find the way home, I might just stay
here.  However, I really wanted to see my parents.  I wondered if they knew
what happened to me.  Not likely.  I figured I call them later.  We
finished eating and I told Ranma I would stay behind to discuss things with
Ukyo.  He agreed and left reminding me he wanted a match when I got back. 
I just nodded my head.  Then, he was gone.  Ukyo and I began to talk.

UKYO:  You want to fight Ranma?

PHIL:  Just sparing.  

UKYO:  He's pretty good, one of the best.

PHIL:  Yea, I figured as much.  I'm no slouch myself.

UKYO (Pulling something from behind the counter):  Well, neither am I. 
Want to go at it?  Then we can discuss business.

I figured, what the hell?  Then, my eyes fell on what she had pulled from
behind the counter.  It was the biggest goddarned spatula I had ever seen! 
No, you don't understand, I mean BIG SPATULA.  Like, seven feet long, and
three feet wide.  Pizza places don't have them this big!  

PHIL:  Whoa!  Call Guinness.  What's that for?  (Yes.  I was afraid of the
answer)

UKYO:  It is my main weapon for hand to hand.  Many a foe has fallen before
my 'Reihaishiki'.

PHIL:  Divine service?

UKYO (Shrugging):  Seems to fit well.

I left it at that.  We went out back of her store.  It seemed that she
lived as well as worked here.  That made sense, it was a lot cheaper that
way.  We stood at each end of the lot behind the restaurant.  I assumed a
defensive posture and awaited the first attack.  It came quickly, in the
form of a small spatula.  It came flying through the air at me, the sun
gleaming off the edge.  My hand shot up and snatched it out of the air. 
This surprised me to no end.  I didn't even think I was that fast! 
However, my amazement was short lived as Ukyo came in for a follow up
attack.  I tossed the blade aside and watched her approach.  She leapt into
the air, hurling a few diversionary spatulas at me.  I, with lightning
speed I might add, snatched the projectiles out of the air.  My own speed
caught me so much off guard, that Ukyo had no problem connecting with her
kick.  I flew, yes flew, across the lot, to land in a heap next to a pile
of rubbish.  I came to my feet to see Ukyo running toward me.  However, the
battle had seemed to drain from her face.  Worry now etched her cute
features.

UKYO:  Oh!  Did I hurt you?  I thought you would deflect that with no
problem, with the way you stopped my spatulas like that.  You are pretty
good you know.  I've only seen Ranma snatch four of my weapons out of the
air at the same time like that.  How come I connected with my kick?

PHILLIP (Feeling awfully good for having been thrown twenty feet):  I was
shocked!  My own speed surprised me.  I didn't know I could stop that many
objects that fast.  I sure couldn't do that before!

UKYO:  Oh.  Well, it seems you have an ability you didn't know about
before.

PHIL:  Yea, I guess so.

UKYO:  You want to continue?

PHIL:  That's okay.  Let's get to discussing what we're going to do now.

UKYO:  Allright.

She helped me up, and we went back into the store.  She procured some
drinks from the fridge and we sat down at a table.  I allready had an idea.
 I just wasn't sure how to go about it.

PHIL:  I figure flyers would do it.  But I don't just want to throw them
about.  We need something to display a poster or something, while still
being mobile.

Ukyo lit up. 

UKYO:  I have the perfect answer!

PHIL:  What?

UKYO (Calling into the air):  Oh Tsubasa!

I was confused.  I looked around, no one was there.  You can't imagine how
upset I was when one of the chairs began to walk over to us.  When the
chair made it, I just stared at it.

UKYO:  So how about it Tsubasa, wouldn't you like to help me?

If I hadn't seen the chair move myself, I would have thought Ukyo was a
couple of rice cakes short of a combo platter.  I considered going in for
an exam myself.  Fortunately, I had no more rational thought anyway.  I
nearly went screaming for the hills when a head popped out of the unusual
chair.

TSUBASA:  Of course Ukyo-sama!  I would do anything for you!

UKYO (Smiling shyly at Tsubasa):  I know you would.  Now be a good boy, and
change into your display sign.

Tsubasa left the room.  I turned back to Ukyo.  She laid out the story for
me.  I changed my mind on who was the crazy one around here.  Tsubasa was a
complete nut bar!  However, he seemed the perfect solution for our problem.
 A second later, Tsubasa came back in.  Well, more accurately, a sign board
walked in from the back.

PHIL:  Allright Tsubasa.  Come back tomorrow at eight, and we'll give you
the poster.  Okay.

Even though Tsubasa gave me an evil look for some reason (Have you ever
seen an evil look on a sign board?), he left.  I turned back to Ukyo.  She
looked at me with appreciation.  I was all to happy to oblige.  I'm a
sucker for cute women, especially those that can kick me across a parking
lot.

PHIL:  What time is it?

UKYO:  About six, why?

PHIL:  Well, I do have that match with Ranma.  And I don't think I want to
miss Kasumi's dinner.

UKYO:  Well, allright.  So when do you want to continue, tomorrow?

PHIL:  Don't see why not, we have Tsubasa coming back for something.  I
figure we should have that something ready for him.  

UKYO:  Yea, (sigh) I suppose so.  I'll see ya tomorrow morning then,
allright?

PHIL:  Wouldn't miss it for the world.

Ukyo smiled, I returned it.  This was definitely a good thing.  However, I
decided to wait till I actually made a move of any kind.  According to
Ranma she was really hooked on him.  I guess I will just have to put myself
in her life.  I found I was getting quite infatuated by Ukyo.  I rose and
walked out onto the afternoon streets.  Commuters were traveling to and
fro, intent on their various destinations.  I headed for the Tendo Dojo. 
It was then I realized, I had no idea how to get back.  I walked for a
moment, looking for anything familiar.  Zip, this was as foreign to me as I
was to this place.  Then, I saw someone familiar to me.  I had never seen
him before, but I had heard about him.  How many other teenagers with
backpacks and yellow-black headbands could there be.  I ran up to him.

PHIL:  You wouldn't happen to be Ryoga, would you?

The guy stopped and looked me up and down for a minute before answering.

GUY:  Yea.

PHIL:  So, you don't know how to get to the Tendo Dojo, do you?

RYOGA:  Yea.  What of it?  How do you know of there, who are you?

PHIL:  Sorry for not introducing myself.  I'm Phillip, and I'm going to be
staying at the Dojo for a while.

RYOGA (Hopeful):  Oh!  So could you lead me there? 

PHIL:  Actually, I have no idea how to get there myself.

Ryoga looked dejected.  Then, he pulled on a strap on his backpack.  

RYOGA:  Well, standing here isn't going to get us there any faster.

PHIL:  From what I've been told, following you won't either.

Ryoga shot me a look.  Then, his face fell.  He looked around as though he
had no idea where he was, which was probably true.

RYOGA:  Allright, I'm out of ideas!

PHIL:  Well, I know I came from that direction, so let's try that way
first.

Ryoga had no complaints, so we took off down the chosen path.  We were
lucky, after a moment of walking I began to recognize the neighborhood. 
Sure enough, a few more minutes later brought us to the Dojo.  Ryoga fell
to his knees and began chanting about love and destiny.  I left him at the
gate.  Upon entering the house I was greeted by Kasumi.  I said 'hi' and
went to the dining room.  No one was there.  I looked in the back, no luck.
 Defeated, I went back to Kasumi.

PHIL:  Where is everyone?

KASUMI:  Oh.  I'm letting Akane cook tonight.  She was very insistent
because we had company.  I'm not sure where the rest are, but I'm sure they
are far from here.

Oh.  I thanked Kasumi and headed for the kitchen.  At least I could watch
the 'master chef' in action.  Upon entering the kitchen, I saw a sight that
made me shiver.  Akane was standing over a cutting board with a katana! 
Something tells me even in Japan they don't cut foodstuffs this way.  She
let out a cry that made me step back a bit, then brought the blade down
multiple times.  With every swing I heard crunching noises, and small bits
of wood flew about the room.  I gulped.  She must have heard, because she
turned to me, panting.  Her face lit up.

AKANE:  Oh!  Phillip!  Do you need something?

PHIL:  Uh... no, just wanted to watch.

AKANE:  Oh.  Allright, go right ahead.

Belushi turned back to her cutting job.  I walked around to her side,
narrowly avoiding having my eye taken out by an unknown projectile.  She
seemed finished by the time I got a good look at what she was dicing.  It
was a carrot, a single carrot.  She dumped the carrot, and about half the
cutting board, into a bowl full of some sort of sauce.  It may have been
the light, but I swear the bowl was glowing a light green.  I decided to
make a tactical, yet hasty, retreat.  The thought of putting this food in
my mouth... frightened me.  I didn't know where to go.  I couldn't just
leave, this was my place to sleep.  I couldn't turn her down blatantly, I
was a guest.  Then I had an idea.  I ran to the phone in the hall.  Sure
enough, there was a personal phone book next to it.  I opened it, and
flipped through it, until I found what I was searching for.  Ukyo Kounji's
number.  I dialed it, soon she picked up.

PHIL:  Hello, Ukyo.

UKYO:  Hi Phil-san!  What do you need?

PHIL:  Akane's cooking.

Silence answered me from the other end.  After a few moments of dramatic
pause, Ukyo replied.

UKYO:  Get out.  Get out now.  Honor is not worth your life in this
situation.  Come here, since you don't know any other places around town. 
Anyway, I can feed you as well as shelter you.

PHIL:  Will I be welcome here if I ditch out?

UKYO:  Akane is used to people running out on her cooking.  As for everyone
else, I'm surprised they aren't allready gone.

PHIL:  Well, actually, they are.

UKYO:  Then, get over here!

PHIL:  See ya in a minute or two.

I sneaked out of the house and headed back for Ukyo's.  Ryoga was nowhere
in sight.  I wondered what happened to him.  No one could get lost getting
from the front gate to the front door, could they?  Though I supposed it
was lucky that he did, if going in meant he was stuck with Akane's
questionable cooking.  I booked down the street, wanting to make very good
my escape.  To my surprise, my 'booking' was much faster than normal.  The
sidewalk blurred by at an incredible rate.  This shocked me so much I never
saw the pole coming.  However, I did feel it.  

END PART ONE.
Okay, now this should be more acceptable.  I would appreciate any and all
comments!  Please tell me if you liked this or not, and what about it you
liked/disliked.  I would really like to know if this is worth continuing. 
Thank you.  Oh, and apologies to Blade, if he reads this :)
PMasters