This story is a fanfiction based on the work of Rumiko Takahashi.
No offense intended.

David Johnston, rgorman@telusplanet.net


YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY...  Part Two


It was time to start settling things.  Kuno, (that jerk!) 
had at least told me which homeroom Ranma would be eating in.  
At the door I paused.  Smart Daughter was there even though 
Sucker Punch Guy was eating lunch with Violent Daughter.  
Unless they were fraternal twins, Smart D. should have been
in a different one and two sets of twins would be pushing it.  
Apart from that she didn't seem to be eating lunch,
just checking her watch and watching the door.  "Ken," 
I said thoughtfully.  "I want to talk to Smart Daughter."

"OK.  I'll just go ahead and see what this "Ranma" has to say
about my fiancee."  Kentaro was still looking for a chance to 
show how tough he was after his embarassing performance last 
night.  I hesitated.  Letting Ken start another brawl with 
her brother was unlikely to impress our fiancee.  On the
other hand it ought to really simplify the choice between
the two of us for the girl.  "Smart thinking, Ken."  He looked
startled and gratified and headed off.  

Smart Daughter smiled as I approached.  I recognised the smile
instantly, as saying "I have nothing to fear from you, 
and if you stick any part of yourself in my face, expect to 
come back with toothmarks."  Naturally I responded with a smile 
saying "How nice that you are smiling at me, but I am totally 
clueless."

She didn't buy it, but her smile widened a little, and then she 
introduced herself, "I am Nabiki Tendo and of course I know 
your name."  I bowed and then offered my hand.  Her hand was dry
and cool, the strength of her grip gauged precisely to match mine.
And I knew that if I didn't get a chance to know her better, I'd
regret it forever.  

However, I was on the job, and thoughts like that wouldn't help
me deal with an opponent like this.   She struck first, "You know
my family has a significant interest in Ranma.  What's the basis
for your claim?"

"Has Genma Saotome mentioned Shiori Yamazaki, yet?"  Give up a 
little, get a little.  More like foreplay than a fight really.

"He says he doesn't recall anyone named Yamazaki, but it's not
a really uncommon name, is it?  Maybe you should be a little 
more specific."  She checked her watch again.  What was she 
waiting for?  

"Our claim goes back quite a bit.  My mother met Genma Saotome
while he was the student of a degenerate martial arts master.
In return for her forgiveness of an offense against her, he 
swore an oath to her.  I'm sure if he tries, he'll remember her.
What about your claim?"  As I "danced" with Nabiki, Ken was starting 
to raise his voice in the background.  My brother the diplomat.
If this hadn't been his homeroom at school, Sucker Punch Guy 
would probably be already taking him on.    

"I wouldn't count on it.  Mr. Saotome has offended an awful lot
of people and made a lot of promises in his career.  He loses 
track."  She checked her watch again and continued, "Our fathers
agreed to unite our houses to keep the Dojo running."  A 
concession and a warning.  Our claim was probably the older,
but that wouldn't keep us from being shut out unless we were
prepared to be reasonable.

"She jailed him for three months and got his word in writing."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow.  "That he might remember.  What was
the exact wording of the promise then?"

My response was cut off when the wall exploded.  In the dust,
a very female silhouette was visible through the hole.  She
strode through as if the room was her personal property and
demanded in a thickly accented voice, "Where Kouchi?" as she
looked at Nabiki.  Nabiki looked faintly uncomfortable.  

"Oh, so that's what you were waiting for." I commented.
_________________________________________________________________

Akane and Ranma were eating in close proximity.  They would
of course have vigorously objected to any suggestion that 
they were eating "together" as such, but as was generally
the case they were in fact eating without a great deal of
separation.  Oddly enough, Akane wasn't all that angry.

True, a new fiancee had shown up, but by comparison with
the previous lunatics she seemed so reasonable and pleasant,
and Ranma had quite convincingly denied any attraction to
the new girl.  Of course Akane was still a little bit angry
at Ranma's use of the expression, "even more flat-chested 
than Akane" but she wasn't normally inclined to hold a 
grudge after her initial burst of temper and kicking Ranma
out of the house for a while had given her a chance to cool
off.  At least this fiancee, although rather pretty, didn't
have Shampoo's body or Ukyou's hold on Ranma's friendship. 
So it was more with amusement than heat that she noted Kouchi's
arrival with her brother, and said, "Hey Ranma, your new 
girlfriend has come to pay us a visit."

"Not my girlfriend.  Pop couldn't remember a thing about
her or any other Yamazaki he might have married me off to.  It's
gotta be a case of mistaken identity or somethin'," Ranma 
answered quickly.  He wanted to get his innocence solidly on
record before anything started happening.   

"Looks like she's going to let her brother do the talking to
you this time."  The brother was walking toward them while
Kouchi had broken off to engage Nabiki in conversation.  

Ranma looked up as Yamazaki approached.  A bit taller and
more muscular than Ranma, he positively loomed over the two
of them, seated as they were.  He cleared his throat and
awkwardly began, "I am Kentaro Yamazaki.  Please forgive me 
for...uh...what happened last night.  I was not myself."

"S'alright with me.  I know what Kodachi can be like." Ranma
assured him.  

"We both do," Akane concurred.  "But why wasn't Kouchi affected
by the tea?"

"Kouchi is a little sneak who only pretended to drink 
the tea but let me go ahead and get poisoned."  Kentaro changed
the subject. "Listen, your name's Ranma isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Could you tell me who the "Ranma Saotome" is who defeated
Kodachi Kuno in the Furinkan versus Saint Hebereke Rhythmic
Gymnastic match? and where I can find her?"

There was a deadly pause, then Ranma responded in a strained
tone of voice, "Why do you want to know?"

"I intend to be the one who wins her heart and marries her."

Akane started laughing as Ranma glared at her and then back 
at him, and answered, "Sorry, she's not available."

Kentaro was starting to get angry, "Listen!  I've apologised
and explained and I've been willing to forget the way you 
sucker punched me when I was out of my head.  I don't think
this an unreasonable favor!  I'm a strong fighter, I know
how to treat girls with respect, and I'm even fairly well off.
She could do a lot worse than me!"

Akane giggled and assented, "It's true, Ranma.  Kentaro-san does
have a lot to offer the right girl.  Maybe you should consider 
him."

"Cut it out Akane.   Look, it's not that your not good enough
for..."  Ranma drifted off.  He didn't like lying when he could
avoid it, particular not to a pretty straight-up guy like Kentaro.

"Just what is your relationship with her any way?  Is she your 
sister?"

"It's...kinda complicated."  Ranma considered.  Maybe he should
just show them.  He'd get rid of Kentaro, and maybe Kouchi 
depending on how she reacted.  

Then the wall exploded.  Ranma groaned, "I thought I convinced
her to start using doors."
_________________________________________________________________

She pointed her right hand, still holding a kind of mace, 
at me and demanded, "You Kouchi?".

I looked at my brother, who didn't seem inclined to intervene, 
and then back at her and answered, "He just left.   
Can I take a message?"  She didn't seem to buy it, stalking 
toward me until her weapon was definitely in my personal space.
She threatened, "Being Ranma fiance very dangerous!  Kouchi go
home!"

"What's your problem with Ranma?" I asked, backpeddling toward
Violent Daughter and Mr. Sucker Punch.  If things got out of 
hand I could always find a way to deal them and my brother
into the game.  

"Shampoo love Ranma!  Ranma already got plenty.  No need you."
She suddenly shoved outward and pinned me against a desk.  

I could hear Akane demanding that my brother help, and his
response, "I try not to interfere in girl to girl fights.  Besides
it looks like the Chinese girl doesn't need help."
  
Sucker Punch was suddenly beside us, hand on Shampoo's 
wrist, as he cautioned, "I don't approve of bullying people who
can't defend themselves, Shampoo."  

I didn't want that image.  After all, this guy was probably my
fiancee's brother, so I corrected him, "Oh, I wouldn't say that
I _can't_ defend myself," and poked her in a point that paralysed
her right arm.  Easy to do with Sucker Punch holding it still for
me.  I rolled backward over the desk and continued, "I just don't
like getting into fights I don't understand."  

My brother called out, "Relax Ranma, Kouchi might duck a lot of
sparring sessions but-"  Startled by my move, Ranma let Shampoo 
break his grip as she lunged at me.  I tumbled backward and planted
both my feet in Ken's face using him as a springboard and interrupting
his babble.  I owed him for calling me a "girl" anyway.  Things got
a little confusing after that, what with Ken attacking me, and Akane
attacking Shampoo, or maybe Ranma.  Then the festivities were 
interrupted by a bloodcurdling laugh as a black ribbon wrapped around 
my neck.  

Ken stopped chasing me and wondered aloud, "What is making you so 
popular with all these beautiful women?  Excuse me Ms. Kuno but I-"  She
tossed him a bouquet of flowers.  He looked confused for a moment,
then fell over.  Idiot.  When would he learn not to accept gifts from
strange women?  With him out of the way, Kodachi "cracked-the-whip" 
with her ribbon and sent me flying for the wall as I choked.  This was
getting a little serious.  I popped my fans out of their hiding place 
and used the razor-sharp edge of my right-hand fan to cut the ribbon
while I threw the other fan at her arm.  Which was a little ambitious of
me under present circumstances, and the fan went wild.  Fortunately 
the only thing it cut was a thermos that someone's attack had propelled
into the air.  Not that I was paying any attention as my momentum 
slammed me into the wall.  *That hurt.*  I got back up and noticed
that apparently the *female* Ranma had joined the fray.  She appeared to
be trying to restrain Kodachi, while Kodachi tried to rip her face off.
Sucker Punch was gone.  And Ranma was wearing the exact same clothes, 
only damper and less well fitting.  Then the girl with the polearm 
showed
up, weapon ready for use.  

She looked at me, and said, in a tone of disbelief, "Did you cause 
all this?"  I fanned myself and said languidly, "Who me?  I believe 
Nabiki Tendo mailed the invitations for this party.  But it's getting
a little rough and I have to be going now..."  I made a hasty exit.
Ken could catch up with me as soon he recovered, since Kodachi's drug 
had put him safely down and unlikely to attract attention until the 
end of the festivities.  With luck, he'd wake up 
in time to say something that would make us look even more stupid.  
I headed for our observation post.  I was tired and hurt and I wanted 
to go home.

As I limped off the school grounds, I thought back and remembered.  
The guy with the fangs hadn't just vanished.  There'd been clothing 
left behind and some kind of small animal swimming around in the pond.  
A...pig perhaps?  He'd been damp when he'd come after me
to interrogate me in the yard.  Then he goes into the water 
and vanishes, leaving a pair of pants and a small animal.  Then
we have Ranma.  Kuno complains that Ranma is always concealing
his "goddess" with black sorcery.  Kuno isn't quite the idiot 
he appears.  But then, who could be?    

"Greetings, Kouchi Yamazaki!"  Think of the idiot and he appears 
as if summoned.  "To learn that a frail flower such as thyself
possesses great martial prowess concealed within such gentility
fills me with awe and admiration."

Frail flower...I was going to have hurt that oaf when I felt 
better.  "By any chance did Nabiki Tendo tell you about my 
skills?"  

"Indeed, she did.  I was most impressed to learn that you could
challenge the Chinese girl and my sister at the same time."

*Oh Nabiki, my love.  You do play hardball, don't you?*

"I would challenge you.  If I defeat you, you must date with me."

"And if I win?"  I wearily inquired.

"Then I shall agree to date with you!" he explained.  Cancel my
previous thought.  Kuno is the total idiot he appears to be.  
And on consideration I felt well enough to hurt Kuno right now.  
It took a while.  He wasn't really fighting with his entire skill for
fear of hurting me, and I was slower than usual.  With his pain
threshold, I began to worry that I'd lose through simple fatigue,
so I went for the "tornado kick".   I didn't really describe it 
before but it's pretty simple.   I run forward, leap up on one 
leg, stick the other leg straight out from my body, then release
ki to increase my angular momentum.  This sets me spinning at 
pretty impressive speed, and I kick my opponent a few dozen times.
Yes, as a matter of fact it was a byproduct of my ballet training.
Do you have a problem with that?  One of the few times I really
beat Kentaro was when I developed it.  He naturally developed
a counter move and trashed me the next time.  But the first time
you run into it, it's devastating.  Of course even when it works
it leaves me dizzy, physically and spiritually fatigued, so it's
rather important that it eliminates the opponent as a threat.  

I was still standing, and Kuno wasn't.  Count it as a win.  Any
victory you can weave unsteadily away from, right?  Going through all
of this for an imaginary girl...or a lesbian, was still stupid and
getting more so all the time.  Maybe I'd just leave a note for Kentaro 
and head back to the hotel.  Tomorrow we could be back home, without 
making ourselves look like even bigger idiots than we already had. 
Oh my, Ken would certainly be surprised when I told him...

A form lept down in front of me.  The chinese girl.  
"Wait, I give up!  I don't want Ranma!" 

She gave a me cute smile and said, "Shampoo make sure you give up!"
She pulled a bottle and a comb out of her cleavage and jumped...
______________________________________________________________________

"Kouchi are you OK?"  Ken actually looked worried.  Sometimes
I think there's a little bit more to his feeling for me than jealousy
because Mother likes me better and suspicion because I'm smarter and
sneakier.  Then he calls me a girl again, and I know things are back 
to normal.  

I answered, "Yes, thank you, I feel quite refreshed."  A little
sore, mind you, but relaxed and...cleansed.  

"Ranma stonewalled me.   We're going to have to find her another way."

"Who's Ranma?"

"The guy with the same name as our fiance, remember?"

"We have a fiancee?  No offense, Ken, but I'd rather not marry the
same woman you do."  I could see him thinking about this, always a 
painful process.  I watched and waited for the smoke to start coming 
out of his ears.  

"Well, actually she's my fiancee, but we were both sent to pick her
up."  Ken explained.  He was obviously trying to trick me, but 
I was prepared to humour him.  After all, he'd just been relatively
nice.  Sooner or later I'd figure out

"Really?  What's her name?"

"Well, apparently her name's also Ranma."

"Do I know that name?"

He positively howled, "WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU?  We WILL have our
revenge!"

"Do get a grip, Kentaro.  There's nothing wrong with me."  I wondered
whether Ken had been taking tea with Kodachi Kuno again.  

"Oh really?  Why are we in Nerima?"

"Um...tourism?"

"And we are in a boring suburb rather than the Ginza or climbing 
Fujiyama
because...?"

"You made our travel plans, and you're boring?"

He took a deep breath.  I read his lips as he counted to ten.  "Kouchi
I am your brother and the heir of the school.  I swear by our mother, 
and by my honor that your mind has been tampered with."

"Oh.  OK."  Come to think of it, I had heard of a persistent memory 
erasure technique, although I didn't know how to do it, or how to 
reverse it.  

"Since you are not able to think with your usual ability, you must
put yourself in my hands and let me do the thinking for both of us,
until you recover your senses."

*Oh that sounds like a good idea.  I can out think you with both lobes
tied behind my cerebellum.  Let me guess.  You're going to solve all 
our problems by getting into a fight.  Oh well.  I suppose having the
slightest idea what we are supposed to be doing IS a bit of an 
advantage."  Aloud I said, "Oh.  OK."

"What we must do is challenge Ranma Saotome and Violent Daughter to a
duel!"  

*Oh there's a big surprise.  I really should...um, what
was that name?*
_______________________________________________________________________
Akane was still ragging Ranma about how both of his sides had picked
up new suitors as they started home from school.  He groaned, "Lay off
wilya?  It's not my fault, I didn't do anything, I never even met the
guy, except when I punched him out last night."  Apart from 
everything else, he also had accidentally transformed  when
that ice tea had hit him, and he hated transforming at school.  

Akane poked him and suggested, "He was probably in the audience
while you were fighting Kodachi and fell instantly in love."  Ranma
shuddered, "Just what I need.  A Kuno-clone," Ranma looked up and 
groaned again, "Maybe our pops are right.  Talking about people does
attract them, cause here they come again."  Of course since they'd
been talking about the Yamazakis all afternoon, it wasn't that big
a coincidence.  

As they moved to intercept Ranma and Akane, Kentaro called out, "Ranma
Saotome, we challenge you and Violent Daughter to a duel!"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!"

"Don't be nasty, Kentaro." Kouchi absently chided, staring puzzled at
Ranma, "Say, have we met?  I'm Kouchi Yamazaki."

Ranma remembered Shampoo's memory trick and tried to reason a little,
"If you can't remember me, why are we going to fight?"

"Kentaro is heir to the school.  That means sometimes I have to humour
him."

Meanwhile Kentaro tried to reason with Akane, "Oh, uh sorry, that just
sort of slipped out.  I never found out your real name, y'see."

"And you think that makes it OK to call me violent?!"  Kentaro barely
blocked Akane's punch and took a kick in the side.  Akane was once again
demonstrating her ability, when angry, to penetrate the defence of
fighters of superior skill simply by totally neglecting her own 
defence.  She punched him again, and he grunted, and then said "Fine."
and then counterpunched at full power.  Akane was more used to giving 
than getting punishment, but had a innate toughness not to be sneered 
at.  She came back, stronger than ever, only to be effortlessly flung 
through the air by her opponent.  

"Akane!" Ranma called, leaping to catch her.  Kentaro nodded to Kouchi
and they both sprang into action, Ken legsweeping Ranma off balance as
Kouchi lept in to land like a limpet on Ranma's back, fingers stabbing
in at just the right points on Ranma's neck.  The world narrowed for 
Ranma as he reflexively broke Kouchi's hold, and got to his feet, trying
to ignore the roaring in his ears.  Kentaro took his time with the 
punch,
starting low and rising from his knees to Ranma's chin, passing over 
Ken's
head, as Ranma did a gainer and a half backward.  

"You!"  Akane surged up from where she'd been dropped and hammered 
Kentaro with both fists, sending him sprawling backwards and jumping
on him to finish him off.  But there was a featherlike touch, 
and a sweet alto whispering, "Shhh, calm.  He'll be all right, and
so will you.  Just go to sleep."  And she did.  When she woke up,
Ranma was gone.
_________________________________________________________________________

Genma was playing shogi in human form when Akane stormed in and glared
at him as she shouted, "They have Ranma!  Who are they?  What did you do 
to them?!  What are they going to do to him?"

"Akane, Kouchi and Kentaro Yamazaki are total strangers to me.  In these
years on the road with Ranma I never stayed with, or made any 
arrangement
with anyone named Yamazaki.  You have my word."

"What about before you took Ranma on your little trip?" Nabiki asked, 
just
arriving herself.  "Think back to when you were Happosai's student, and
you were captured by a woman named Shiori Yamazaki.  As I understand it,
you did a great job of getting on her nerves.  So much so that she put
you in jail."

Genma turned white.  "I-I never knew her last name.  It wasn't my fault!
Tendo, you could have just as easily been caught by her, remember?  She
laid that trap for us and defeated the Master?  She blamed me for the
Master's acts."

Soun Tendo was equally aghast.  "From what you told me, she was a very
powerful and angry young woman...  This could be a problem."

"Well, you were his accomplices." Nabiki dryly continued.  "And I'll 
just bet that you were willing to promise anything to get away from 
her, including children you were yet to have.  I've been doing a 
little research on her, and she is the owner and defacto ruler of 
the small island of Yamamaru, with a small army of martial arts 
students following her every word."

"This-this is not good."  Genma stammered "She is more than a martial 
artist, she's a sorceress.  There is no telling what she intends to do  
 
with Ranma once he is brought to her."  He abruptly lept to his feet.
"We must organise an expedition to Yamamaru and save him!"

"A-hem" Nabiki drew their attention.  "I happen to know which boat 
they arrived on and where it is in Tokyo Harbour.  If you hurry, you 
could catch them before they sail and avoid having to take on an 
army of martial artists and their crazy queen.  I've got a couple 
of calls to make."
_______________________________________________________________________
We were ten minutes from departure when the rescuers showed up at
our fishing trawler for whats-his-name.  Naturally the crew, (all of
whom were Yamazaki students) attacked.   Kentaro looked puzzled, 
"Tendo, Saotome, Violent Daughter, Chinese Girl, Crossdresser, wheres
the sister?  The one person I wanted to come rescue him, and she isn't
here?"

"Um, who?"  I asked, feeling frustrated.  Somehow I usually felt more
on top of things than I did right now.  

"Never mind, Kouchi, just help me repel our boarders."  We waded into
the fight.  It was a close thing.  Our crew had the edge in numbers
and were getting quite a hard time from the girl with the 
polearm and Tendo, and while Ken was good, he wasn't good enough to
to beat Shampoo and Violent Daughter together, and I couldn't help
him while Saotome kept coming after me.  He kept getting closer and
closer with each swipe, and he must have had almost a 50 kilo
weight advantage.  It felt like fighting a sumo acrobat.  

I kept an eye out for Ken, though, and when Violent Daughter hit
him hard enough to leave him wide open for a blow with Shampoo's 
mace that would have split even his rock head open, I was ready
to throw something to distract her.  I grabbed the first thing
that came to hand.  A bucket.  As it flew toward her, she 
automatically bashed it out of the air with her mace.  That was
OK.  All I wanted was to give him a moment to recover, and an
opening to counterattack.  But she vanished out of the way of
his punch as the contents of the bucket splashed over her.
Pain shot through my head as I stared at the cat which had 
suddenly appeared in the middle of a pile of discarded Chinese
clothing.  Naturally Saotome clobbered me, sent me flying.  
My head slammed into the railing.  My vision doubled for a moment
as I watched Ken return the favour by leaping up into the air,
upsidedown, reaching down to grab Saotome's shoulders to pull him
up into the air and slam him into the trawler bridge.  

I just walked away, down to the room where we were keeping R-r-r-
you know.  I looked at him for a moment, then poured a bottle of
water onto him.  Another jolt of pain shot through my head as I 
looked at her.  
___________________________________________________________________

The fight stopped almost immediately the moment that Ranma, 
in his female form, and I, with a convenient kettle appeared 
on deck.  I ordered the Yamazaki crew to stop fighting, 
and Ukyou, Akane and Kentaro immediately dropped hostilities 
to rush to Ranma.

Kentaro immediately pulled his copy of Saotome's agreement out of
his coat and handed it to "her", as he went into his speech, "Ms.
Saotome, I feel that you should become aware of an family 
obligation-"

"Stow it," I rudely interrupted, and poured some hot water on 
Ranma's head.  "He isn't bound by the agreement.  We didn't know
what we were doing.  This mission has been a wild goose chase."
I jumped over to where the cat had been and called, "Here, 
kitty-kitty." before I poured more hot water on Shampoo.  "Of 
course if somebody hadn't erased my memory of Ranma right after 
I figured out that there was no Saotome daughter, we could have 
all been saved some grief."  Shampoo blushed as she scrambled 
for her clothing. 

Akane stared at me, and asked, "But...if you thought Ranma 
was a girl how could you think yourself engaged to her?"

My temper exploded, "What is everyone in this town blind?!  
I'm a guy!"

Kentaro shrugged as he explained, "He's my younger brother,
just, kind of girlish in the way he looks and sounds."

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!  I am not girlish!" I could feel my
battle aura start to grow.   

"Well that's not important, right now," interjected 
Mr. Saotome, "The important thing is, there's no reason
for further conflict, and we can all go home, no harm 
done."

Ranma looked up from his reading of Kentaro's document,
and said, "Old man, according to this, if I'd ever had
a sister, you would have been honourbound to turn her
over to Ms. Yamazaki."

"Yes, well, I would have found some way to deal with the
problem if the issue had arisen."

"Like you did my last two or three engagements?  Did you
ever get tired of planting the seeds of future trouble?"

"Now boy, no real harm was done."  

Ranma glared at him, then gave up and turned to us, "So,
the books are closed between our families and you'll be
heading home?"

Kentaro was nodding when I said, "Actually, I think I'll
be hanging about for a while.  Girl-Ranma was always 
an abstract concept, more of a family debt than someone
I was really interested in.  But I have met someone here
I'd like to know better."

"Wait a moment, Kouchi.  Do you intend to run out, while
I have to go back and report to Mother?"

"You are the heir to the school after all.  Don't worry,
I'll write out a report for her, since you probably aren't
up to explaining it."

"Well, maybe, just maybe, there's a girl here I'm interested
in as well!"

I recognised that look in his eye, "Kentaro, don't you dare!
I saw her first!"

"But as you pointed out, I'm the heir to the school and have 
so much more to offer a clever, ambitious girl."

"You are such a jerk!"
______________________________________________________________