(I've been having trouble writing recently, but this idea popped into my
head and I decided to put it down on paper - well, maybe not paper, but
you know what I mean.  I know there have been a few other HHGTTG/Ranma
combinations, but I decided to try my own.  I apologize if someone's
already done it this way or used this title.  This turned out somewhat
longer than I expect, but I am _not_ planning to continue it.  If
someone else wants to for some strange reason, then be my guest.)

                                 *****

                 "The Hitchhiker's Guide to Jusenkyou"
                             by Josh Green
                         (sort@bucket.ualr.edu)

                                 *****

The mist rose from the valley as the sun surrendered its warmth.
Exposed to the sun's rays, the small springs glittered invitingly like
oddly shaped jewels.  A trio of figures slowly approached the site, one
exercising a much higher degree of caution.

The Jusenkyou Guide was worried about this odd-seeming pair.  The older
one had told him of some of the strange places they had visited
previously and now he insisted that they be brought here.  *No good can
come of this,* he knew, but he kept the thought to himself.

Looking at the two travelers, dressed in white training gi's, the Guide
felt a shudder pass through his body.  His horoscope this morning had
said, 'Stay in bed and away from water.'  But these were paying
customers and there were few enough around places such as this.

As they stopped near the edge of the springs, the younger man gave the
pools a bored glance.  "So why'd we come here, Pop?  It's just some
water."

The Guide sighed to himself.  He had heard people say similar things
countless times.  Before learning the true nature of the springs.
"Welcome to famous training grounds of Jusenkyou.  Very tragic stories
of..."

"Come on, boy.  Let's see what you've got!"  The elder of the two
travelers leapt to the top of one of the bamboo poles that stood upright
in the springs.

"No sweat."  Leaping to a similar pole, the young man took up a stance,
facing his father.

Seeing the two martial artists about to begin sparring, the Jusenkyou
Guide began to sweat nervously.  "Honorable sirs!  No do that!  Fall
into spring very bad!"  Realizing that they were too intent on each
other to hear him, he cursed to himself in Chinese.  There was nothing
he could do but watch and pray.

After several short mid-air clashes, the younger man gained the upper
hand and sent his father into one of the pools.  The Guide looked at the
spring he had fallen into.  He blinked and looked again.  As the water
began to bubble, the Guide removed the satchel he was carrying and began
to search through it frantically.

"Hey!  What's goin' on!?"  The Guide detected a small amount of fear in
the young man's voice, along with the expected confusion.  Looking up
briefly at the boy, who was still perched above one of the springs, the
Guide realized it was too late for him.  He could still possibly save
himself though, if only he could find...

A form burst from the water at that moment, landing on one of the bamboo
poles.  It still wore the white training gi and glasses.  The face,
though radically altered, was still identifiable.  It was the dark green
skin that proclaimed that something truly horrible had happened to this
man.

The Guide's face turned bone-white and the young man simply gaped at his
once-human father.  "P-Pop?"

The Jusenkyou Guide's instincts kicked in and he began to speak, his
voice sounding mechanical even to his own ears, "Honorable sir, you fall
into Spring-of-the-Drowned-Vogon.  Very happy tale of Prostetnic Vogon
that drowned 500 year ago.  Now anyone who fall in pool take body of
Vogon." The Guide knew he wasn't telling the full truth, however.  *If
it had only been a Vogon's body, I wouldn't have been looking for my
earplugs.*

The Vogon took a breath and began to speak.

"'Consider the wurglesnarch / How it braucks and tweephs....'"

The Guide fell to his knees, gritting his teeth.  He managed to keep his
eyes open, looking at the unfortunate young man to whom the Vogon was
speaking.  The boy appeared to be going into shock.  *But if he falls
off the pole, he'll land in the spring directly below, which is...*  The
Jusenkyou Guide felt a shiver pierce his very bones.  The last time
someone had fallen into that pool, he had almost killed himself in order
to get away from the person.  To make matters worse, the spring was
highly unpredictable in nature.

"'Frunting in its mercurial croysilks...'"

The young man lost the last shreds of his concentration and fell into
the spring below him.  The water foamed for a minute, then a silvery
head rose out of the spring.  The wading figure turned its red,
triangular eyes toward the Vogon.  "Hi, Pop!"  The being said
cheerfully.

As the Vogon had stopped reciting to examine his son, the Jusenkyou
Guide took the opportunity to catch his breath and explain.  "Oh, sir!
You fall in Spring-of-the-Drowned-Robot-with-Genuine-People-Personality.
Very, very, very long and tragic story of robot that drowned 10 trillion
year ago."

"Hey!  That's nice," the Android responded.  The once-human Vogon glared
at its once-human son.  The young-looking Android beamed back.  The
Guide felt sick.  A Vogon is not a pretty sight to begin with.  A
glaring Vogon is considered to be the third ugliest sight in the
Universe, right after a slobbering Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal -
which happens to be normally followed by the worst sight in the
universe, the stomach of a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.

The older of the now truly odd pair jumped down from his perch, landing
on dry ground in front of the spring that the robot occupied.  "What do
you think you're doing, boy?"

The Android looked about itself, momentarily confused, before happily
replying.  "It looks like I'm treading water."

"Don't get smart with me, boy," the Vogon warned.  Seeing no reaction
from his son, he continued, "'Oh, that I could be as the wurglesnarch /
And blazther my proquernials floopily.'"

This time, the Jusenkyou Guide lost all control of his body.  He felt
convulsions shake him and some drool dribble down his chin.  The
Android, on the other hand, wasn't affected in the least.  "That's
really neat, Pop!  Could you do some more?"

The Vogon gave the robotic version of his son a startled glance, his
expression taking on a frightened, 'cow in the middle of the road about
to be hit by an 18-wheeler and not sure which stomach to empty' look,
and he then bolted for the trail away from the springs.

"Wait, Pop!  I wanna hear some more poetry!"  The Android called as it
sprang from the pool and chased after its father.

Alone and slowly recuperating from the poetry, the Guide looked out at
the cursed training grounds.  *At least neither of them fell into the
Spring-of-the-Drowned-Mattress.*  But then, that spring was near the
other side of the training grounds, beneath a cliff.

Sighing to himself, the Guide began making a fire.  His customers would
be wanting some hot water when they returned.  Shaking his head, he
briefly pondered the oddities of the universe that such a place as
Jusenkyou could exist.  *And the entry simply calls this place
'Harmless?!'*  The Guide turned his head toward the sky and made a
silent plea that he would be able to hitch a ride soon.  He was ready
anytime.  After all, he knew where his towel was.

                                 *****

(Well, that's it.  A couple of things.  Ranma couldn't become Marvin --
that would be more like Ryouga -- but at the same time I had a _very_
nasty idea about what spring Ryouga could land in.  MWUAHAHAHA!  *Ahem.*
So, I gave Ranma Eddie's personality.)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Josh Green, aka Pi -- SORT@BUCKET.UALR.EDU
       http://bucket.ualr.edu/~sort/fanfic.html
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