Ranma 1/2: 4 Stories of porn! Part 1
by Scott Baker
(All insults go to: digihalo@fwb.gulf.net)
(With such a great title..it's hard to live up to your expectations!)
[[[Warning]]]
If your under the age of 18, please get your parents permission. $3.95 per minute. Seriously...this story is offensive, and has to be digested in a weird sort of way...so if you not in the mood for this story..then don't read it..because it will cause a small pop in your brain...and you will turn out like Jo-Jo the flying retard.
(Don't say that I'm sick...or that I have a chemical inbalace...because I know this already.)
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Prologue
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Somewhere in Montana.... Cult Members were having a little get together.
"So what do we have on the agenda today?" said a Cultist to his leader. "Well, hmm.. Hale-bopp!" he said with a growing smile. "No, no...someone did that already!" yelled a person in the back of the now 40 people. "Hmm. Well we will think of something!" he yelled back. "Should we worship the pagan lord?" asked another. "Well..maybe later on today..but, did someone bring any Crayons?" he asked the crowd. A few heads shook in the back. "Dammit!" he yelled. He turned and pouted.
Half way around the world.... Ranma picked up the phone for his daily prank call. "Hmm, who to call today?" he asked himself. He smiled. "Hmm...someone out of the country perhaps." he said again to himself. "Well...if I'm gonna be a freeloader..I better get in better with the freeloading concept! Long-distant calls!" He dialed a random number. (Hey! Don't say anything about that! I just want to get on to the next part...luckily Ranma knows English! Yeah..sure he does.)
"Hello?" Jimmy, the leader of the Cults for corn, asked as he answered the phone. "Hello!" Ranma exclaimed in a deep disguised voice. "I'm a representative of K-mart! I was wondering if I could ask you a few, quick questions?" he said in an almost pleasant voice. "Why sure." Jimmy said as he carefully twisted a cap on a pipe bomb. "Do you own a Refrigerator?" Ranma asked; "Yes I do!" Jimmy exclaimed. "Do you own a Microwave Oven?" "Sure do partner!" "Do you masturbate?" Ranma asked in the same tone. "Sure do- wait a second! You bastard!" Ranma started to crack up laughing. The cultist grew angry. "You don't really think we have Microwaves and Refrigerators here!" Jimmy exclaimed, trying not to ruin his reputation. "Then why do you have a phone, asshole!" Ranma exclaimed. "Shut up kid! What is you name!" Jimmy yelled, he was so pissed off, he didn't seem to notice that powder was getting into the cracks of the pipe bomb's cap. "It's Ranma Saotome!" Ranma yelled proudly. "Well Ranma...you will be our game tonight." he said with a grim smile. Ranma hung up the phone. "Weirdo." He said, and pored cold water on himself. "Yea! Now I can play dress-up!"
Somewhere in Montana...again... A 20-foot explosion was heard from miles away. The other cult members rushed in the kitchen to see their leaders body parts all over the place. "What happened?!" exclaimed a 12-year old cultist.(He wasn't one for the obvious.) They ran to their leaders head. "Sir, are you ok?" they all asked. "Yeah...I've had better.." he said trying to roll his head towards pieces of his body. "Who did this to you?!" The 12-Year old cultist asked. "Ranma Saotome!" he yelled, he had to blame someone...he couldn't let them know of his shortcomings!
"Well...maybe we can worship the pagan god after all! In Ranma's honor." Jimmy yelled as he laughed. Everyone cheered.. they just loved worshiping the pagan god! Kid's and their satan...like pee's in a pod.
"Let's get revenge on everyone he knows." Jimmy chuckled, as he continued to roll his head. "Can someone gimme so help?!"
Two weeks later..........
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Chapter/Story one: Damn, ain't that some yummy food!
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Ranma rushed into the TV Room. He didn't want to miss his favorite program. He sat down in front of the Television, and smiled...life didn't get any better than this. "Tonight!" the Television blared. "We will explore the possibilities of the Miracle mop!" He smile grew...he wanted a Miracle mop so bad. "Maybe I should order one on Mr. Tendo's Credit Card." he thought to himself. He half wondered were everyone had been for the past 3 days. "Hey Akane!" He yelled to the direction of the kitchen. "Yeah?" She responded. "Where is everyone?" He asked. "Well, Nabiki is up in her room..and everyone else is here...somewhere or another." she said with a grim smile. "Oh, ok." He said, turning back to his program.
Akane was smiling happily as she stirred a pot. It made her feel great that Ranma was enjoying her cooking for the last few days. He had even commented on how much she had improved. "Don't you agree that I've improved Mr. Saotome?" she said looking down at the large pot. She smiled. "Ahh. Sprinkle of this, sprinkle of that.." she said as she added unusual Spice's that Ranma tended to like. She continued to cook her feast for her beloved Ranma.
"Man, does that smell good!" Ranma exclaimed as he half-heartedly watched his show. "Maybe I can steal some before dinner." Ranma said with a smile. He got up from his show, and stretched. He cunningly walked towards the kitchen. He poked his head into the kitchen. "Akane?" he asked quietly, not seeing anyone. His smile grew larger. He quietly entered the kitchen. "Mmm...smells good." he said as the aroma tickled his nose. He located the source of the smell...a large pot on the stove. He walked quickly over to it. He opened it. He looked inside...looked like soup to him. He got a spoon and took a bit. "Yummy!" He exclaimed.
"RANMA!" Akane exclaimed. Ranma turned to see Akane with a crazy look in her eyes. "Yeah?" Ranma said with a guilty smile. Akane took a butcher knife from a cutlery board. "Um. Akane...what are you doing?" He said now noticing the large knife pointed at him. "Why making the main course, Ranma!" she said with a crazy smile..and a twinkle in her eyes. "Oh, what?" He asked with wonder in his eyes. Akane turned, and put down the knife. Ranma sighed. She picked up a large piece of meat. "Could you help me beat this?" Akane asked with sincerely. "Help you beat the meat? Why sure!" Ranma exclaimed. He had always wanted to be the one beating the meat...but either his father or Kasumi usually did that for him. "I wish father was here. He would be so proud of my beating skills." He said with a warm smile. "Why your father is here, Ranma!" Akane exclaimed with a crooked smile. "Oh? Where?" He asked. "Oh...he's here and there." She said while beating her meat. Ranma just shook his head, Akane had been acting strange lately..but hell she could cook now!
Nabiki look closely at her financial records. For some reason she had been at a loss this month. "Damn. Shouldn't have invested in Chia Pets." She said with a frown. She looked at a letter on her desk. "Make your own 1-900 number!" the caption read. "Hmm." She thought as she reviewed the letter again. "I wonder if they are in the market for 'Phychic-Porn Lines'?" She smiled. "We could carry out your nastiest thoughts...without you telling us!"
"Nabiki, Dinner!" Ranma yelled as he walked half-way up the stairs. "Alright!" She responded back. Nabiki calmly walked out of her room. She got down the stairs when the stench hit her. "Oh GOD!" She yelled. She shielded her nose. "ARE WE COOKING DEAD PEOPLE?!" She yelled terrified of smelling that again. Ranma gave a weird look at Nabiki. "What are you talking about?" Ranma asked bewildered. Nabiki gave Ranma an even weirder look. "YOU CAN'T SMELL THAT?!" She yelled in complete disgust. "Are you deliberately trying to upset Akane?" Ranma asked with a snarl. "I wish I was, Ranma." Nabiki said looking nausea. "Well, it smells terrific to me!" Ranma exclaimed, he turned his back in disgust.
"Nabiki!" Akane yelled from the kitchen. "Can you help me?" Nabiki looked to the direction of the kitchen. "Well..I'm gonna straighten this out!" Nabiki exclaimed and walked towards the kitchen. She walked into the kitchen, she shielded her nose as the smell got stronger.
"Hmm." Ranma said as he waited patiently at the dinning room table. He heard some peculiar sounds coming out of the kitchen. "Wonder what they are doing?" he asked himself to no reply.
Akane emerged from the kitchen. She smiled at Ranma. "Where is Nabiki?" He asked. "Oh...she had to leave." She said with a creepy smile. "Oh..ok...guess she'll be missing out on this wonderful food!" He exclaimed, as she began to serve him the food. "Yes..yes she will...but she won't miss out tomorrow!" Akane exclaimed, licking her lips. Ranma dug in...he was starved. "Such wonderful food!" he thought.
Akane smiled at Ranma's eating. She was so glad he like her new cooking. Ranma smiled back in adoration. "Ranma, you have Mr. Saotome in your teeth." she said with a slight smile. "What?" He asked. "You have something in your teeth, Ranma." He nodded..and picked the foreign meat out of his teeth. "Damn! Ain't that some yummy food!" He exclaimed. Akane smiled warmly. "Why thank you Ranma!" She exclaimed with a mischievous smile.
Akane got up from her eating. "Would you like some dessert?" She asked Ranma. "Oh, what are we having?" He asked with a smile. "Something rich...something rich indeed." She said, while looking at a picture of Nabiki on the wall.
End of Chapter 1!
Wow... wasn't that tasteful! Just wait for the sadistically filled next chapter, Akari's little secret!
Scott Baker
iNSANiTY Software
http://www.insanitysoft.com
|If you think I'm crazy then your god d*mn right!| - Chris Randell;
Sister Machine gun.