--
-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com
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| All of my fanfics can be found on my fanfic web page: |
|
http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman/fanfic.htm |
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Why should poor beauty indirectly seek
Roses of shadow, since his rose is true?
Why should he live, now Nature bankrupt is,
Beggar'd of blood to blush through lively veins?
O, him she stores, to show what wealth she had
In days long since, before these last so bad.
excerpt from Sonnet LXVII
by William Shakespeare
ROSES OF SHADOW
By Richard Lawson
Part Six: Beggar'd of Blood
Ranma sat atop a telephone pole just outside the Kuno mansion, flipping
through Nabiki's notes. Part of him was repelled by an activity that
greatly resembled homework. He struggled on regardless. This was one
test he couldn't afford to fail.
He ran through the symptoms and the treatments. Nabiki's notes were
concise and thorough, and Ranma allowed himself a moment of admiration.
Still, it wasn't helping him with the
*really* hard part: getting
Kodachi to admit she had a problem, and needed help.
He shuffled through the notes one last time, then heaved a mighty sigh.
It wasn't helping. He shoved the notes into his bookbag, then scampered
down the pole. He'd just talk to her and see how it went from there.
The Kuno mansion was quiet as he entered. Since Kodachi could be
anywhere, he began slowly walking down the hallway, listening for signs
of activity. Humming came from one open doorway. He walked over to it
and looked inside.
His first impression was that he was in an arboretum. A cloying, thick
scent assailed his nostrils. Black roses where everywhere - single
roses lying side by side, roses gathered together in bunches, one table
covered entirely with rose petals. Stems without petals were bundled
together along one wall. A pegboard with various tools adorned
another. Bolts of black silk were piled next to the door.
It took Ranma a while to get it. This wasn't an arboretum, it was an
assembly line. Here was where Kodachi made her roses.
She was sitting in large, comfortable chair. She was busily cutting
small patterns out of the silk. As he watched, she gathered two of the
patterns together. She put the scissors on the armrest and picked up a
needle and black thread. Deftly, she sewed the two silk patterns
together, her fingers moving rapidly along the silk. When she was
finished, she had what looked like a rose petal. She dropped it into a
large glass jar sitting next to the chair. Inside the jar Ranma could
see other silk petals suspended in a thick liquid of some sort. He was
pretty sure that the almost overwhelming fragrance was coming from that
jar.
Kodachi began the process again, her hands moving with a swift sureness
Ranma couldn't help but admire. From cutting to sewing to dropping in
the jar took about thirty seconds. All the time she was smiling widely
and humming to herself. She seemed to be enjoying herself immensely.
Ranma watched her for a couple of minutes, waiting for her to say
something. At the same time, he found it very pleasant to see Kodachi
having such a good time - and at no one else's expense.
Manic phase, Nabiki's notes whispered to him in his brain. He pushed
that thought aside, but it nevertheless succeeded in destroying his
mood.
"Hey, Kodachi."
"Ranma-sama," she said brightly without looking up.
Ranma wondered if she was deliberately avoiding looking into his eyes so
that he would not be able to judge how far gone she was by them. He
also wondered if he was becoming paranoid. Living in the Kuno mansion
made becoming paranoid almost automatic.
He watched her fingers for another minute. So nimble and graceful,
moving the silk, shaping it into an uncanny semblance of life. Just as
her current behavior was an uncanny semblance of normalcy. A semblance
that would shatter in a few days, if not sooner.
Ranma set his bookbag on the silk bolts and walked over to sit
cross-legged at Kodachi's feet. From this angle he could see her eyes,
and they seemed all right. They would have to be focused, he supposed,
to do the work she was doing.
"How ya doing, Kodachi?" He winced at the inanity of his own question.
"I am just lovely, thank you, sir." Kodachi's voice was lively,
cheerful in a way he hadn't heard before. Almost... nice.
Ranma idly cracked his knuckles. "Uh... y'know, the day that Shampoo...
when you fainted and... well, I told your brother..."
"Ranma-sama," Kodachi's voice was on the verge of laughter. "Please do
come to the point. You are so cute when you are indecisive, but too
much and I may lose control of myself and forget we are not yet
married." She slowed her hands enough to reach out and gently caress
his cheek once, still not looking into his eyes.
Somewhat to Ranma's surprise, his clothes did not catch fire as a result
of the heat radiating from his face.
They sat in silence as ten more rose petals came to life.
Ranma finally brought his pulse under control. He brought moisture back
to his mouth and tried again. "Kodachi, I think you need to go see a
sensei. A psychologist."
A petal fell into the jar. "But whatever for?"
Ranma, somewhat to his relief, felt irritated. "Oh come on, Kodachi.
It ain't right that you act this way. It's not normal."
Kodachi laughed, a soft laugh compared to her maniacal one. "But
whatever
*is* normal, Ranma-sama?"
Ranma shook his head in disgust. "Do you see other people acting the
way you do? Throwing roses, keeping pet alligators, cleaning the house
for hours on end... Is
*that* normal?"
"I feel no need to be like the common herd. The Kuno family is judged
by different standards."
Ranma closed his eyes. Unbelievably, this was going to be harder than
he thought. Bringing up his resolve, he opened his eyes again. "It
just ain't healthy, Kodachi."
"Healthy? Who are you to judge?" Her voice was still bubbly and her
smile was as wide as ever, but her hands began to move faster in their
petal-making. "I am who I am. I
*like* who I am. I feel very good and
very happy right now. So light and free, so powerful and joyful. I am
the Black Rose; why do I need to see a sensei for that?"
"Because!" Ranma floundered. "The room, the gray room. Remember
that? How awful you feel? Is that how you want to be?"
Kodachi didn't answer except to make her hands somehow move even faster.
"Kodachi?" Ranma wanted to grab at her hands but kept himself still.
"Do you hear me? Do you want to keep feeling as awful as you do when
that happens?"
Kodachi's voice was still bright, but sounded a little forced. "It is a
small price to pay for the good times."
Ranma wiped his brow. He was sweating as much as he did during a
workout. He tried to think over Nabiki's notes.
Time to take a gamble. He had nothing else left to try. "Is it a small
price to pay?"
"Yes."
"Your life is worth so little?"
The hands frozen in mid-stitch. Eyes that remained fastened on the
petal. The mouth no longer smiling. "H-how did you...? I've never
said..."
"It's one of the symptoms of your disease, I think. I'm no sensei, but
I think there's a danger that you might kill yourself if you don't get
this treated."
Kodachi resumed her petal-making. "I shall just have to be stronger
than that. I have so far, and I will continue to be. That Black Rose
triumphs over all obstacles."
Ranma cradled his head in his hands. Damn. He'd been so sure.
He spoke in a voice that was dangerously close to breaking. "Can't you
see it, Kodachi? How this life is destroying you? You poison everyone
and attack them and laugh at them and what the
*hell* kind of life is
that to..."
Ranma choked off his words. Supportive, he needed to be supportive.
Nabiki said that's what Kodachi needed.
But damn! He'd much rather prefer to fight a monster or something.
This was
*hard*.
"Ranma-sama?" Kodachi's voice was quiet. Subdued, even.
Ranma raised his head. "Yes?" His voice contained much more irritation
than he meant to show.
"If I go see a sensei..."
Ranma felt his spirits rising. Maybe there was hope.
Her hands were a blur, a speed Ranma envied. He'd have to try and learn
to move his hands that fast some day. Some of the petals, however,
looked a little misshapen when they were placed in the jar.
Kodachi spoke in a voice that was softer, barely audible. "If I go see
a sensei, will you like me?"
Ranma's heart froze. He looked into Kodachi's eyes as she at last
raised them to look at him. She was focusing entirely on him, something
deep and troubled and... needing inside of them.
A thousand thoughts flitted through Ranma's head in the space of a
second. A sick woman, bipolar if Nabiki was right. Akane, Akane was
mad at him wouldn't talk normally to him. No Florence Nightingale, no
lifetime therapist duties, not what he wanted. "Not yet", the Kuno
family on its way to self-destruction. The old man, telling him they
were going to San Francisco, no honor in him at all. "I'm glad,"
Kodachi smiling at him. Kodachi sobbing and pounding the walls. The
eyes, in and out of focus, the food drugged, the constant feeling of
being on guard, no knowing what Kodachi was going to do next. Sitting
next to Akane at the Tendo dinner table, that was nice, he hadn't
realized how much he missed that. Kodachi as he had first seen her:
surrounded by anonymous assailants, yet standing tall and proud, full of
confidence.
All together, that summed up how he felt about Kodachi.
"Kodachi." With no idea what to do, he fell back on his most reliable
method of interpersonal communication: opening his mouth and letting
words come out with no thought beforehand. "You ain't a bad person. A
guy could like you as you are right now. You've got this disease, sure,
and it kinda weighs everything down. I'd like to see you get better.
You know, relieve the pressure. But... well, I'm not gonna hate you for
being sick. It's like blaming someone for catching a cold."
Kodachi looked down at her hands. Ranma looked at them too, and was
shocked to see blood on her fingertips. She raised one of her hands and
began sucking one of her fingertips, looking once more into Ranma's
eyes. "Are you saying... do you... you like me now?"
Dammit, get out of my life, it was a lot easier before I foolishly
grabbed your ribbon, what the
*hell* was I thinking? Ranma swallowed
heavily. "I- I don't dislike you, Kodachi." That was the best he could
give her.
And, a voice inside his head said, it wasn't untrue, either. He told
the voice to shut up and go away before someone suggested therapy for
them as well.
Kodachi took her finger out of her mouth and looked at it. She picked
up the silk shapes in her lap and continued sewing them together.
Compared to before, she was moving at a glacial pace. One stitch, two,
with hands that trembled.
She spoke in an anguished whisper. "Get out."
"Kodachi-"
"Now."
Ranma stood up, feeling incredibly weary, failure bitter in his mouth.
So much for being all understanding and everything. Maybe it would be
easier to go back to being blind and stupid. Then he wouldn't feel so
lousy.
He turned and walked towards the door, preparing to find a nice solid
wall to beat his head against. Or get some lunch, he wasn't sure which.
"In my parent's room, at the desk, middle drawer."
Ranma stopped and looked behind him. Kodachi was still making petals at
a very slow pace. She didn't pause and didn't look up at him. She just
kept sewing.
Ranma studied her for a long moment, then turned and left.
He went down the hallway to a large set of double-doors with the Kuno
family name emblazoned on them. Although he'd never gone beyond them,
he was pretty sure that's where Kodachi's parents had lived. He opened
the doors and stepped inside.
A few weeks ago, the opulence would have awed him. Now it was almost
commonplace. While he could never imagine sleeping in a bed big enough
for twenty, it didn't surprise him that the Kunos did. His eyes swept
through the room, passing over pieces of furniture and works of art
without allowing them to fully register. He stopped when he reached a
desk at the far side of the room.
He stepped through the stale air of the room, his feet making no sound
on the thickly padded carpet. He reached the desk, idly noting the mild
disarray on the desktop, certain that nothing had been moved in the
three years since the room had last been occupied.
He opened the middle drawer. Pens, paper clips, odd bits of office
supplies. And a large folder, labeled "Tatewaki and Kodachi".
Ranma picked up the folder and placed it in the center of the desk. He
opened it and began to leaf through it. It mostly contained page after
page of detailed observations about the behavior of the Kuno siblings.
Ranma scanned through them, finding in them confirmations of Tatewaki's
recollections of days past, as well as the beginnings of both Kodachi's
and Tatewaki's current behavioral patterns. The words were dry and
without emotion. Ranma felt himself slightly in awe of the woman who
had sat where he sat now, dispassionately detailing the mental illnesses
of her children.
And yet, she'd left. In the end, she'd abandoned her children, her
husband, and her honor.
Ranma recalled the relief he'd felt when Genma had appeared at his
window, how eager he'd been to leave the Kuno mansion in Genma's
company, and decided he shouldn't judge Kodachi's mother so harshly.
At the end of the file, he found a preliminary diagnoses, done by a
pediatrician who admitted he knew very little about mental illness and
referring the children to a psychologist. That psychologist's name and
phone number were at the end of the file.
Ranma moved his eyes to the side of the desk, where they rested on a
phone. Three years, that was a long time ago. The doctor had moved his
practice, the referral was no longer valid, the phone in this room was
no longer connected. And dammit, now
*he* was beginning to deny like a
Kuno.
Picking up the phone, Ranma dialed the number in front of him.
---
Kodachi was sitting rigidly on the chair. She was dressed in an elegant
blouse and long slacks. She had a rose in her hair and a pin on her
collar. If it weren't for her evil eyeshadow, Ranma might almost think
she looked rather pretty. He could also see the tendons in her wrists
bulge as she wrung her hands.
Ranma could understand. He felt nervous himself. The waiting room was
large and plush. Soft music played, the tones were muted, everything
was designed to hide the fact that very ill people were treated here.
The outer door opened, and the psychologist's receptionist came
through. Kodachi gave a strangled cry at the intrusion. The
receptionist smiled reassuringly and resumed his place behind the desk.
Kodachi's eyes had gone very wide and she was breathing rapidly. She
looked to be on the verge of doing... something. Something that
wouldn't be good.
Ranma reached over and placed his hand over hers, giving them a gentle
squeeze. Kodachi clutched his hand tightly, looking into his eyes.
Ranma tried to smile, and actually managed it. Kodachi smiled nervously
back at him.
Something buzzed at the receptionist's desk. They looked over to see
the receptionist indicating the door. "The sensei will see you now,
Kuno-san."
Kodachi looked once more at Ranma. He nodded to her. She bit her lip,
then stood up and walked across the room. She opened the door, stepped
inside, and closed it behind her.
Ranma sighed and leaned back in his chair. Now, at last, it was out of
his hands.
He stared at the ceiling for a long time, letting his mind drift. He'd
gain nothing by worrying needlessly. He spent the time wondering how
Nabiki was doing with Akane, and what he would say to her once Kodachi
let him go.
"How dare you!" Ranma jerked upright. Kodachi's voice was barely
audible, but he knew enough of her intonation to know she must be
shouting. Which meant that the room she was in was very nicely
soundproofed.
He looked over at the receptionist, who had also noticed the shout. The
receptionist glanced at his phone, then made a vaguely reassuring
gesture. Ranma leaned forward, staring intently at the door. He heard
nothing else.
After perhaps thirty minutes, something buzzed on the receptionist's
desk. He picked up the phone, listened, then replaced it. "The sensei
will see you now, Saotome-san."
Ranma raised his eyebrows. That wasn't what he was expecting. He stood
up and walked quickly over to the door.
Once inside, he saw an extremely well-appointed office. He looked
around for Kodachi, but didn't see her. He saw a tall, stately man
sitting behind a large desk. He had his hands clasped in front of him
and was eyeing Ranma critically. "Please sit, Saotome-san."
Ranma sat in the large chair indicated. "Where's Kodachi?"
"Kuno-san is on her way to the hospital. She has been committed to the
psychiatric ward there pending treatment."
"Hey!" Ranma leapt to his feet. "No one said anything about having her
put in the loony bin!"
A mild expression of disgust came over the sensei. "I don't like your
attitude or choice of words, Saotome-san. It is hardly a 'loony bin'.
It is a place where we can temporarily place people to give them intense
psychotherapy and determine the right kind of drugs they need to control
their illnesses."
Ranma wasn't convinced. "Sounds to me like straightjackets and padded
cells."
"It is nothing of the sort. Please allow me to finish and don't bring
any of your prejudices into the discussion."
Ranma bit back a growl. After a moment, he threw himself back into his
chair.
The sensei nodded serenely. "Good. First of all, you should know that
her commitment was completely voluntary. I suggested it and she
concurred."
Ranma couldn't help dropping his mouth open.
*That* was an impressive
accomplishment. For the first time, it occurred to Ranma that perhaps
the sensei knew quite a bit about how to deal with people like Kodachi.
"Kodachi has indicated that, as her future husband, you are looking out
for her needs. I would ask that you let all concerned parties know that
she will be in the hospital for not less than one week, and possibly as
long as a month."
Ranma wanted to say that he was
*not* going to be her husband, but
restrained himself in time. "What's wrong with her, sensei?"
The sensei looked at some notes on his desk. "Based on my conversation
with her today and the notes of her previous behavior you've provided
me, it is my diagnosis that Kodachi suffers from cyclothimia, fairly
rapid cycling, with mixed states."
Ranma sighed. "Oh. I thought she had a bipolar disorder."
Now it was the sensei's turn to raise his eyebrows. "And from where did
you get your doctorate?"
Ranma smiled in self-deprecation. "Okay, I get the point. Sorry, go
on."
The sensei smiled back at him. "As it happens, cyclothimia is a mild
form of bipolar disorder, so your diagnosis wasn't too far off."
Ranma nearly choked. "Mild?"
"Compared to the more severe forms like bipolar II or bipolar, yes.
Normally, cyclothimia is treated with simple therapy, and possibly an
anti-depressant. However, I am concerned with how quickly Kuno-san has
been cycling of late, and with the severity of both her hypomania and
her depression. I want her to undergo some drug therapy, see if we can
get it under control."
Ranma had been left a couple of laps behind. "What does all of that
mean?"
The doctor leaned forward. "It means that she's sick, but she can get
better if we can get the drugs right, and if she stays on them, and if
she gets the support she needs. I'll be responsible for the first.
Kuno-san has indicated to me that you will help her with the second.
And all of us will need to cooperate on the third."
Ranma heaved a huge sigh. This was no less than he expected, except the
part about the drugs. "How long until she's stabilized?"
A ghost of a smile covered the sensei's face. "Well, I can see that
you've done your homework. Most people would ask me when she was going
to be cured." He leaned back. "If all goes well, she should be
stabilized when she leaves the hospital. That doesn't mean she won't
have significant issues that need to be dealt with. She should be
beyond some of her more... expressive outbursts, however."
"Okay." That sounded fair enough. "So I should just sit back and
wait?"
"And prepare yourself. I won't kid you: this will be very hard for you
and everyone else in her family. And, in fact, I think your recent
engagement was one more stressor on her life, something that may have
contributed to her recent deterioration."
Kodachi's shout suddenly came to mind. "You're saying it's my fault
she's in the hospital?"
"No. I'm saying that her feelings for you are strong, and that you'll
need to use that link to her to keep her healthy and in control."
Lifelong nurse. He was getting trapped again. He slumped in his chair,
and managed a weak, "Thank you, sensei."
The sensei nodded. "She wanted me to give you this." He picked up a
black rose from the desktop and handed it to Ranma.
Ranma took it and moaned gently. There were so many things this rose
symbolized; he felt he was being crushed under its weight.
He stood up, nodded once to the sensei, and left. As he left the
office, he held the rose under his nose. He smelled the same scent from
the workshop, just much less intense and overwhelming. He wondered if
Kodachi's scent was being similarly muted in the hospital. He wondered
if that was a good thing or not.
With no better place to put it, he tucked the rose behind his ear and
made his way back to the Kuno mansion.
~*~
END PART 6