At 16:58 7/25/97, Captain Jack wrote:

Comments are welcome and encouraged.

Shinji fired next, the rounds of his rifle bouncing off the Angel's AT

field.I hope those aren't "bullets."  I believe the rifles use laser
pulses for ammo.  Not too important, but it maybe something to remember

Oh, no.  The boy is right here.  They **definitely** use bullets... there
are even scenes in the series where you see belts of railroad-car sized
cartridges being loaded into EVA weapons...

         Shinji didn't need an alarm clock. Misato or Asuka would
always wake him, But, today was different. He had overslept by almost
three hours. He quickly dressed, and left for the school, wondering
what the repercussions would be.

I'm not sure if Misato or Asuka would wake him.  I think he is just an
early riser.  In fact it seems he is the one who wakes Misato up.

Yes and no...  Shinji **IS** the early riser of the group - he has
breakfast ready by the time Misato is up, and by the tiime Asuka has
finished her shower.  Of course, it's always possible that PenPen wakes up
Shinji... ^_^

Without an AT field in the way, the knife was easily able
to cut into the Angel. The joint exploded in a shower of green blood,
and the Angel broke into three parts.

BTW:  the prog knife can cut through an AT field.  (episode 12)

Actually, Zen does not think so.  The AT Fields of the angels are
neutralised by the fields of the EVAs... the knife can just cut the
material that they are made from.  IE, as long as the EVA is *holding* the
prog knife, it'll go through the AT Field... but if they were to *throw* it
for example, it would not.

Not bad for a first fic, only why choose such a hard series to write on
for your first fanfic?  The storyline is so complicated that its easy to
miss stuff.  You could have gone more in depth with the characters, but
it seems that wasn't what you were focusing on.  If you haven't read
some other Eva fics already, I'd recommend you do because it can improve
your future fics dealing with this series.  I like to concentrate on the
character personalities in this series, but that's just me.  I did like
your combat descriptions, something I lack in my own fics.  But like I
said its pretty good for a first fic.  I'm looking forward to reading
more.

Zen agrees that it is a pretty good fic.  And the circular wuality that the
thing has with the opening and ending lines is **perfect** for an EVA fic.
VERY much in character for the whole series. ^_^

Zen also agrees that he will be looking forward to more in future. ^_^

Captain Jack

Zen no Itan-sha