Comments are welcome and encouraged.

well as always, I have to comment on all Eva fics...except Sailor Moon
crossovers.  I vomit at that horrid series and it should never be
combined with as great a series as that of Neon Genesis.  I'm doing this
as I read, so if I miss something, please tell me.  and of course
comments on comments are welcome :)

        "Of course, stupid Shinji," said Asuka from across the room as

Grammar?  maybe say:  Well of course Shinji.  Are you stupid?

        "Asuka split it into parts. The military weapons were able to
hold off the Angel's other segments long enough for us to defeat
them one at a time." While the actual combat hadn't gone as well as
the slightly edited version he gave to Kensuke, it still had gone
well. This battle didn't even involve any N2 mines.

Which angel is this?  or are you creating a new one?

  He didn't quite understand what caused the second
impact, but he did know that this lecture was wrong.

Grammar:  maybe say:  ...but he did know everything the teacher taught
about it was wrong.

        "We have reason to believe that this Angel can separate into
three parts. So, be careful." Maya concluded her portion of the
briefing, and stepped back from the podium.

Have Misato give the entire briefing.  She's the one who usually does
it.  The debriefing usually is the one which more people speak.

Shinji fired next, the rounds of his rifle bouncing off the Angel's AT

field.I hope those aren't "bullets."  I believe the rifles use laser
pulses for ammo.  Not too important, but it maybe something to remember

         Shinji didn't need an alarm clock. Misato or Asuka would
always wake him, But, today was different. He had overslept by almost
three hours. He quickly dressed, and left for the school, wondering
what the repercussions would be.

I'm not sure if Misato or Asuka would wake him.  I think he is just an
early riser.  In fact it seems he is the one who wakes Misato up.

Without an AT field in the way, the knife was easily able
to cut into the Angel. The joint exploded in a shower of green blood,
and the Angel broke into three parts.

BTW:  the prog knife can cut through an AT field.  (episode 12)

        "Tell us about your great victory, Oh Captain Eva!" Touji said

as he mock bowed to Shinji.

sounds more like something Kensuke would say.

        "Tell him about us!" Asuka interjected, wanting to steal the
spotlight.

she would interject without commanding Shinji to tell them.  She would
feel like she could tell the story better.

Overall impression:

Not bad for a first fic, only why choose such a hard series to write on
for your first fanfic?  The storyline is so complicated that its easy to
miss stuff.  You could have gone more in depth with the characters, but
it seems that wasn't what you were focusing on.  If you haven't read
some other Eva fics already, I'd recommend you do because it can improve
your future fics dealing with this series.  I like to concentrate on the
character personalities in this series, but that's just me.  I did like
your combat descriptions, something I lack in my own fics.  But like I
said its pretty good for a first fic.  I'm looking forward to reading
more.

Captain Jack