Hi!

	Aw, gee, I really don't know why I bother with these.  I don't 
anyone out there actually finds them interesting.  Oddly enough, though, 
_I_ do... and I suppose I have trouble just sentencing these parts to 
oblivion.  <shrug>  I dunno, I just find it a curious reminder of where 
this story _could_ have gone, or... something.
	Anyway, last time I did this I included little suggestions of why 
I wrote it, or why I cut it out.  Not this time (except for the last cut) 
- I can't remember what I was thinking when I first wrote Apron Strings 
(it was _way_ too long ago...)
	Well, anyway, enjoy, hopefully.  And, heh, C&C (or at least the 
comment part...) would still be nice...

	-mike
***

              Apron Strings Cuts


     Nabiki had promised herself to keep quiet, but found herself
vehemently cutting her sister off.  "But that's it, sis!  It... it shouldn't
even matter!" she said.  "Forget the last few days ever happened. 
Forget we heard anything about Nodoka.  Forget about the sickness,
and Ranma's promise.  Before any of this stuff started... were you
ready to marry Ranma?  Were you?"
     "No." answered Akane calmly.  "No, I wasn't."
     "Right.  You hardly even liked him, right?", continued Nabiki
excitedly.  "Well, there you go!  Nothing's changed, really.  You
weren't ready to marry him two days ago... has anything really
changed?  No!  And there's your answer.  No.  I will _not_ marry you."
     A simple shake of denial was her sister's response.  "It's not
that simple, Nabiki.  It really isn't."
     "Yes!  Yes it is!"
     "No, it isn't."  That steely look of stubborn determination
entered Akane's eyes, and Nabiki then knew that nothing would make
her change her mind.  It was like when Akane decided to cook -
_nothing_ could deter her.
     Nabiki sighed.  "Why, sis?"
     She gave that same little grin again.  "Like I said, Nabiki... it's
hard to explain.  I.... did a lot of thinking last night.  A whole lot.  At
first, I figured that if I refuse... he'd hate me.  I realised that I don't
know if I love him, and I don't know if he loves me... but I _do_ know
that I don't want him to hate me."  Akane saw her sister about to
interrupt, and raised a hand to still Nabiki's protest.  "I know what
you're thinking: if he were to hate me for something like that, then it
was the right decision to make, right?  I know, I know... but that doesn't
change the fact that I don't think I could deal with him hating me."  She
picked an invisible piece of lint from her sleeve.  "I don't think he
would, anyway.  He's not like that - he might be a jerk, at times, but
he's not hateful.  I don't think I've ever seen him really _hate_
someone."  She paused for a moment, then frowned slightly.  "At
least... not till yesterday - when he attacked his father.  I don't think I've
_ever_ seen him that mad... not even after Mikado kissed him that one
time, or that day when he ran away."
     "Akane."
     Akane looked up at her younger sister.
     "Is that why you're marrying him?  Because you're afraid he
might stop liking you?"  Nabiki disbelieving tone of voice made it
quite clear that she found her sister's reasoning to be remarkably
stupid.  
     "No."  Akane took a deep breath.  "It... it's hard to explain... I'm
not sure that you'll understand.  I never had a chance to talk to him,
never had a chance to find out how he felt... and realised that I couldn't
base my decision on something that uncertain... on wether he does or
does not love me."
     Nabiki's mouth dropped open a little in disbelief.  "WHAT? 
You couldn't decide... you... whether he cares or not isn't important?" 
She couldn't believe she was hearing this... hearing this from _Akane_! 
"You're right, I _don't_ understand!  If not love... then what?"
     "Something that, to a martial artist, is as important... if not more
so.  Honour.  Duty."
     "WHAT?  You're doing this 'cus of that stupid..."
     "No." interrupted Akane.  "It has nothing to do with the
engagement.  But it has everything to do with Ranma."
     "I... I don't get it." said Nabiki, sitting back with a quizzical
expression.  "I thought you said why he's doing this isn't important."
     "I did."  Akane leaned forward and took her sister's hands in
her own.  Her face turned very serious and, for a moment, she suddenly
seemed much older to Nabiki.  Almost adult.  "It has nothing to do with
how Ranma feels - but everything to do with how he acts.  
     How often have I been in trouble, since I've known him?  Even
though I usually couldn't admit it, how often have I needed his help? 
Often... too often.  But each time - he's been there.  Even if I thanked
him by hitting him, even if I've told him to leave me alone... he'd still
be there the next time.  How often, when it's been important, I mean,
_really_ important, has he put my welfare before his own?  When
Happosai made him weak, and he had to choose between the cautery
or saving me, which did he choose?  On Togenkyu, when he had to
choose between a cure for himself or a curse for me, which did he
choose?  I... I don't quite understand _why_... why he's always there...
but I just can't ignore the fact that he is."
     The elder sister was silent for several long moments before
finally answering.  "So you're marrying him because you owe him. 
He's helped you in the past... and now it's payback time."
     Akane's eyes widened in shock at her sister's coldly spoken
words.  "Wh... NO!  It's not like that!"
     "It sure sounds like it.  You might call it honour, or duty - you
can call it by whatever name you like! - but it still reads like a
business transaction to me.  You're in his debt, and now he's
collecting."  Nabiki pulled away from her sister, fully aware of angry
her words were making Akane, but pulling a grim satisfaction from
having shown her the truth.  If she was marrying him for love - say so;
if she was marrying him as a favour - admit it.  Don't hide it behind
some wall of euphemisms and archaic beliefs.
     [ARRRRRRGH!  STUFF]

***

     There were few indications in the room that a marriage was
about to take place.  No decorations, no music, boisterous words,
pleasant cheers, happy atmosphere.  Instead, it was a little dim, the
curtains drawn against the rainy darkness outside, the door closed, the
bedside lamp and overhead light not entirely adequate enough.  It was
cramped as well - the room was hardly large enough to comfortably
hold everyone attending the event.
     Akane stood before Nodoka's bed.  She glanced nervously over
at Ranma... at her fiance, at her... at her husband to be.  He stood tall,
a little tired and ragged looking, perhaps, yet also somehow calm and
confident.  His usual red shirt was on, somewhat informal for a
wedding, perhaps, and yet to Akane it seemed totally appropriate.  The
shirt had obviously been washed after his walk in the rain of the
previous night, and the tail ends were stuffed into a pair of fancy dress
pants.  The pants belonged to Ukyou.
     What is Ukyou doing here?, wondered Akane.  Ukyou was
standing a step behind and to the right of Ranma, acting as a sort of
best man.  It had been a rather unpleasant surprise to see her here, and
yet, she wasn't making any move to stop the wedding, or to attack
Akane, or anything.  Instead she simply held her place, obviously
depressed.  She noticed Akane looking at her and looked away.
     Her father stood next to her, his face an odd mixture of sorrow
and happiness.  Tears were running down his face, but whether they
were in joy or sadness was impossible to tell; knowing him, they were
probably both.  It was strange, though, thought Akane.  For so long, this
is what he's wanted... him and Mr. Saotome.  And now that it's
happening... he doesn't seem entirely thrilled.  Looking around the rest
of the room, Akane realised no one did - Nabiki was still frowning
slightly; Kasumi actually looked a little pensive, a little worried,
standing a bit detached from everyone in a corner; Mr. Saotome, next
to his wife, still appeared devastated by all that had happened, his
grief unalleviated by the apparent achievement of one of his goals.
     Akane wondered how she looked.  Did she appear happy?  Did
she _feel_ happy?  All she felt was a little numb... and scared.  This
isn't right, she realised.  A wedding should not be this way... this isn't
how I ever imagined my wedding... shouldn't everyone be _happy_? 
And then she realised that one person, at least, was happy...
     Nodoka.

***
     
     "Do you think it would have helped if you'd talked to him, sis?"
asked Nabiki.
     "Of course!"
     "Why?"
     Akane looked at her sister in surprise.  "Because... I'd know
what he was thinking... what he wants from all this!"
     Nabiki shook her head sadly.  "And what gives you the idea
even _he_ knows he's doing, what he wants?  Have you seen
_anything_ that indicated that Ranma has a _clue_ as to what he's
doing?  He's spent the last two days running and hiding... or thinking,
as he puts it.  How much sleep has he had lately?  Food?  When has he
even been good at dealing with his emotions?  Or talking things
through?  What happened last time he got really, really stressed out?" 
Nabiki paused just long enough for Akane to begin to open her mouth,
then overran her.  "He lost it.  He ran away.  He dissapeared for a
week.  Even after you spent that whole night talking to him."
     "But... but he came back!"
     "Yeah, sure... and yet we still don't know where he was for that
week.  Is that what's going to happen after all this?  Is he going to
dissappear for a week - two maybe?"
     "He wouldn't run off!  He..."
     "Do you know where he spent last night, sis?"
     "What?"
     "He never came back from his little 'walk', remember?  Turns
out he spent the night at Ukyou's.  She's in there now." added Nabiki,
nodding towards the door.  "Strange, isn't it, that he didn't have time to
talk to you... but he had time to swing by Ucchan's."
     Nabiki watched as her sister's eyes widened, clouded.  
     [ARGH! ARGH! ARGH!]
     With a deep breath, Akane opened the door.  She stepped into
Nodoka's hospital room.  Nabiki followed silently.


***

     "For, I think, the very seem reasons that you did those things
you did.  Because it was the right thing to do.  Because every time I've
needed you, you've been there.  Now, it was my turn to be there for
you.  You needed me.  How could I refuse?"
     There was a moment while Ranma studied her and seemed to
mull the answer over, and then he turned away.  For an instant, it
almost seemed like he was... disappointed?  "Is that why you did it,
Akane?  To pay back a favour?  To cover a debt?"
     "What?  No!" she answered angrily.  Is that what he thought of
her, of her motivations?  The way he said it, she came off sounding like
(and she hated to think it) Nabiki.  And yet, a small voice in the back
of her head whispered, isn't it?  What other reason did you have to
help him?  Didn't it feel good to have the positions reversed, just this
once?  He's always coming to save you; this time, you saved _him_. 
What's more, it was in a battle he couldn't hope to cope with: caught
between his mom, and his honour, and his guilt, he _needed_ someone,
he needed _you_, to back him up.  And you were there.  "I was there
because..."
     Because why?  What other reason could you have for wanting
to marry him?  Why?
     "Because..."
     She knew why.  She could feel it, amidst all the confusion of
emotions still swirling in her mind.  It was stronger and truer than any
of the others that worked to obscure it. 
     "... I..."
     But she wasn't yet ready to face it.
     "Because I... I... didn't want to see you get hurt."  She ended
lamely.
     Ranma turned back to her and again studied her face.  "That's
not much of a reason to get married, Akane."
     "Hey!" she said.  "You almost married a duck once, when you
thought is was me!  Because you thought it was your fault..."
     "Yeah, but I didn't turn into a duck, Akane!"
     "I didn't say that you did!"
     His expression suddenly got very serious.  "Then are you
saying it's you're fault that my mom's dying?"
     She felt a sudden chill run up her spine.  "No!  No, of course
not... " she said.  But inside, a sudden guilt blossomed, a guilt she
hadn't even realized she was carrying with her.  And it struck her... is
_this_ why I almost married him?  Because I felt guilty?  "... it's just...
I..."
     "What?" he prompted.
     "I... What if it's my fault that you couldn't be with her?"  As she
spoke the words, they sounded true to her.  Was this the real reason for
her willingness?  Not some sense of duty, not of... something else... but
of _guilt_?  "And if so... that that's what killed her?"
     "WHAT?" exclaimed Ranma incredulously.
     "You almost left for a cure, a while ago." she said, now
speaking softly.  "After that bad day... that day you decided you were
going to stay female, leave for China, find a cure.  Well... what if you
had?  What if you had found a cure, returned, and left to live with your
mom?  Maybe... maybe everything'd be different!  Maybe she'd still be
alive... at least, you would've spent more time with her!
     But... I convinced you to stay... selfishly... I needed you, we all
did, but we... I... we didn't think about what _you_ needed."  She felt
a growing shame inside of her.  She had walked into that hospital
room, nervous but oh-so-proud, sure that she was doing the right thing
for the right reason, that she was playing the part of the grown-up
martial artist, so full of honour and dignity.  What a joke.  Her
motivations were as base as Kuno's.  Guilt, fuelled by greed. 
     "Akane..."
     "What if this is all my fault?  What if..." she whispered, more
to herself.
     "Akane..."
     "Just in case... I had to... I had..."  Ranma was right... she
_had_ done this to cover a debt; not for him having saved her, or for
being there where she need him... but for what she may have
inadvertently stolen from him. 
     "AKANE!"
     The urgent, almost angry tone of his voice stopped her.  His
eyes burned into hers as he reached forward and gripped her arm.
     "It's not your fault!"  He said.  "You didn't convince me to stay,
remember?  I left...  Or should I say, you _almost_ had me convinced. 
Almost.  I just needed to think about what you'd said, but I couldn't...
I was... confused.  But as I walked through Nerima that night, I came
across my mom.  I couldn't believe it... she was still looking for me,
no, looking for Ranko, worried, cold, even though it was really, really
late.  She was so happy to find me... not angry, not at all, just really
worried.  I walked her back to her place, and we talked.  And she
convinced me to at least stay there the night.  And I did.  And the next
one, and the next..."
     She remembered the time well.  Ranma had disappeared,
walking off into the darkness, leaving the empty thermos behind. 
Akane had felt that, despite her best efforts, she had failed him... that
she had lost him.  But a week later, he had sudden returned, male and,
apparently, in fine shape.  But he had never spoken of what had
happened during his time away, and Akane, simply happy despite
herself to have him back, had never pressed the matter.  "You mean..."
she queried.   
     "Yup.  That whole week I was gone... I was at my mom's."
     "But that would mean..."
     "Yeah.  I had to stay in girl form for the whole week."  He
said.  "But you know... it really wasn't all that bad... as long as I was
around her.  And she relaxed on the girl stuff, too."  He blushed
slightly and looked sheepishly away for a second.  "Well, most of the
time... but even when she _did_ get a little excited, well, I knew I
wasn't going anywhere, that no one would see me, so I played along,
and you know..."
     "What?"
     "I... even had a little fun.  It was nice getting to be with mom,
and she seemed so happy, too.  It was nice playing at mother... at
mother and..."
     He paused for a second.  Akane watched as Ranma came to
some kind of realization.
     "... daughter."  He whispered.
     "Ranma?"
     For several moments he remained quiet, then finally snapped
out of it.  "Uh, yeah..." he started.  "So... I spent that week I was away
at my mother's.  I had to ask her not to call you guys; she didn't want
you to worry, but I told her I didn't want anyone to know where I was. 
But after a week, she forced me to decide - either stay with her, and
she'd let the Tendos know, or to go back home.
     "It's almost funny." he said, without humour.  "Go home.  I
_was_ at home!  But... but in a way, this house here, with you guys, the
Tendos... I guess it's home, too."  He sighed, looking down at his lap.
     But then he returned his gaze to her, almost looking angry again. 
His grip on her arm tightened.  "But all that's just to say that her death
is in no way your fault.  How could you even think that?"

***

	This last one is kinda interesting - to me, anyway.  I had 
inserted these little suggestions, here and there throughout the story, 
of the katana, and tried to make its presence definate, though subdued.  
I was, in reality <chortle> trying to mess around with some Freudian imagery.
	It didn't work.  I wasn't skilled enough to handle it, I guess.  
I tried ending with some image of the katana still lying between Nodoka 
and Ranma at the very end, some kind of phallic separation between the 
two that couldn't be fully overcome... or something.  Or maybe the fact 
that she had given it to him was supposed to be important.  Heh.  All it 
did was mess up the ending - so I eliminated it.  Some other time, I 
suppose...

     "And as my daughter I... I have something to give to you.  My
legacy to you, passed from mother to daughter.  It would not do for me
to move on without doing so with you."  She made a weak gesture
toward the katana that still lay at her side.  "Daughter, please... draw
the sword from its sheath."
     Without trepidation, though with a sense of disbelief, Ranma
smoothly drew forth the blade.  It gleamed softly in the moonlight as
she held it in her hands.
     "That blade... is now yours.  I... I have held it for far too long. 
It belongs to you now.  My gift... my gift, to you..."

***

	Well, I suppose that it.  I thought there'd been more - but I 
suppose that's _more_ than enough, assuming anyone got this far.  If you 
did... hope you liked it!

	-Mike

***
Homepage and Fanfiction at:
http://aix2.uottawa.ca/~s669330/
***