This is pretty good. The representations of various stages of Ryoga's
childhood ring true; I think you break interesting ground showing Akane
and Ranma as parents.

If changes are to be made, I'd say make them in the second section, and
a little in the third, by cutting the aspects of caring for young Ryoga
that are repetitive. Also, I think Nabiki's soliloquy about the fathers'
screwups kind of betrays the author's mind too much (OOC for Nabiki, but
could be toned down). These aren't major problems, but some cutting
would speed up the pace a little.

It would be more like Cologne to insist that Ranma do something for her
in return for her help. Or if she wants to help Ryoga out of generosity,
it might not be a "soft spot" so much as it would be the fact that he
has been her student before, which makes her feel a little responsible.

You refer to another mushroom story here. I don't personally know it;
you might want to mention where it is, or give a summary or something,
at the beginning of the next post of this story.

Keep up the good work!

DRM
-- 
My signature file, attending all mails:

Neither titles nor eloquence do we require, he said, nor an insidious
tongue
nor familiarity with saffron myths on painted scrolls, but patience to
disengage difficulties until matters disclose their essence without
opposition, because the most subtle understanding outweighs mountains.
          -- from Evan S. Connell, _The Alchymist's Journal_