Okay folks. This is a really odd one for me. I'd just finished
a
marathon session of Neon Genesis Evangelion (Vol 1-5, & 7) and I felt
like I really needed to write a fic about this series because it's so
GREAT!

Where'd you get Vol. 7?  I've got 1-6, but now I have to wait until
Sept. for vol 7...

        Incidentally... who wrote 'I'm Shinji Ikari'? I was wondering
if there
were any further installments of that fic?

That would be me.  There were 3 versions of 'I'm Shinji Ikari' posted.
The latest became the prologue to "War of Evangelion" which currently
has 3 episodes out.  The 4th is a long way from its final draft at this
time.  I can send them to you if you want.

Two hearts of One Mind.
A Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfic by the Scriviner

He'd managed to bang his head on
the hatch of his entry plug pretty hard. Which wouldn't really have
been
all that bad, since it was several hours ago and most of the pain had
faded, but that wasn't the worst part of it, actually.

Must have really hit his head hard.  Would be tough to do too since the
hatch slides up high enough so he would miss it entirely.  Usually the
hatch is fully open before moving through it.

        It was his fellow Eva pilot, sometime combat backup and
roommate
(though not by choice) Asuka Langley Soryu who was driving him nuts.
The
two of them were sprawled on the two couches in almost identical
positions watching TV.

You mean they aren't fighting about what show they're watching?  hehe,
just kidding.

Asuka, however, hadn't stopped yammering about
how stupid he'd been and how she'd never have made such a dumb
mistake,
since the two of them had gotten home and it was really, really,
REALLY
annoying. Then again, he had to admit she was probably doing it to
annoy
him in the first place. Trouble was it was working.

Well probably not to annoy him, more like show off her intelligence.
But same difference.

 It
was not surprising that the two of them did not get along all to well.

Well Shinji can tolerate her.  He shows some sort of interest in her in
several incidences.

"Actually, no. I just didn't have the heart to tell you to stop. You
seemed like you were enjoying listening to yourself rant."

Shinji with a backbone to tell people off?  That just dosen't happen...

        "The feeling's mutual!" He shot back, bringing the documentary
back on
the screen.

        Commander Misato Kitsuragi was Asuka and Shinji's token
'adult-in-charge' who incidentally owned the apartment they were both
living in. She was Director of Operations for NERV, the organization
which created, owned and maintained the Evas. Nerv was in fact largely

in charge of the war against the angels.

Ok, about Katsuragi's rank.  She is a 'captain' until episode 12 when
she is promoted to 'major.'  And she dosen't 'own' the apartment, just a
tenant.  Ya ya technicalities...I'm not too good at details but I had to
catch that one...

As a result, both Shinji and Asuka
suffered on occasion because of it.

What do you mena on occasion?  It's every meal they have to deal with
her belching on beer, etc...

        "You don't suppose there's another angel attack?" Asuka asked,
her
voice oddly enthusiastic. She wants another chance to show off what
kind
of a pilot she was, Shinji thought.

Verb tense?  Its a big problem I have...

        "Who said anything about your dinner? I'm just getting mine."
Shinji
replied, sticking his head back into the living room.

I think he would do as she asks.  Shinji and Asuka secretly like each
other...although they will never admit it.  That's why Shinji tried to
kiss her in her sleep, Asuka flirt with him at the pool, etc...

          He opened the door and found to his surprise Rei standing
outside with
a neutral expression on her face. Rei was the first of the Eva pilots
that NERV found and in most people's opinions, a decidedly strange
girl.
There was something strangely intense and at the same time resigned
about her which made her very difficult to approach. Shinji knew it
well.

I wouldn't say "found."  She is a clone, who is there to fight in the
Eva.  There are many more mysteries about her...In my opinion, she is
the most complex character in the series.

        She had an overnight bag on one shoulder and she was still
wearing her
school uniform.

She always wears her school uniform anytime she is outside of the Eva.

 I'm supposed to keep you and Soryu company."

Rei would phrase this more like:  "I've been ordered to keep you and
Soryu company."  Although I don't see Misato doing this since the two
could keep each other occupied with theeir fighting anyways...

        "Hi, Ayanami! What's up?" Asuka asked brightly.

Asuka happy to see Rei?  Was _she_ the one who hit her head?

        Asuka turned to look at Rei, who's expression hadn't changed
during the
entire exchange. Asuka's mouth quirked... she'd had her suspicions
regarding Shinji and Rei for a while now... she was pretty sure the
(that)
Shinji had a thing for Rei.

       "Why did you call him a pervert?" Rei asked, her tone still
soft and
expressionless save for a mild puzzlement.

Rei wouldn't have much interest in the matter, but it could happen.

        "Oooooh!" Asuka groaned angrily. Rei was simply impossible to
talk to.
Sometimes she thought that the two of them were conspiring against
her... after all, she WAS better then both of them combined and they
knew it.

Asuka wouldn't admit this.  She thinks _she's_ the best of the three.
Episode 11 when Asuka forces her leadership on the other two because "I
being the most qualified."  Even though Rei throughout was the quiet
leader.

        Rei sat primly on the easy chair and didn't say anything.

By the way, TV dinners usually have meat.  What did Rei do with it?  She
refuses to eat meat, but wouldn't want any food to go to waste...

        Shinji noted a very slight change in Rei. He was one of a very
short
list of people who'd spent any considerable amount of time with Rei
and
it was possible for him to read some of her moods, difficult though it

was. Her eyes brightened slightly and the corners of her mouth almost
curled up. She asked in her same quiet monotone, but Shinji thought he

heard a hint of amusement, "Someone like me?"

A slight change?

        "Trust me, Ayanami... You're better off without this guy. He's
probably
just waiting for you to doze off so he can rip your clothes off or
something..."

I don't know what to say about this.  Is this a rip on Shinji or a
warning to Rei?  Asuka has contempt for Rei so probably a rip on Shinji.

        Rei's expression had slipped back to neutral as she replied,
"But he's
already seen me without clothes on. Why should it matter if he sees it

again?" Asuka's jaw dropped. Shinji's face reddened considerably.
Asuka
marched over to the couch, grabbing a throw pillow on her way with
which
she began to beat on Shinji's head, "You lecherous, perverted, filthy
minded... MAN!"

Now it seemed like a warning for Rei.  But you are pretty close to Rei's
personality here.

        "So you admit it! Take this! And THIS!" she proceeded to
brutally beat
on his still ringing head with the throw pillow, "How dare you take
advantage of Ayanami!"

More like:  I can't believe you!  etc. etc.  Remember, Asuka secretly
likes Shinji as well.

        Asuka's eyes grew wide as she passed her gaze from Rei to
Shinji then
back, "You don't mean to say that the two of you've been sleepi...?"
She
couldn't bring herself to complete the sentence... she couldn't really

understand why... it wasn't even as if she was getting jealous at
all...

Oh yes she is....

        "It wasn't his fault he lost his balance and landed on me."
Rei
volunteered quietly. Shinji acked as Asuka glared at him and readied
the
throw pillow again.

More like ready to punch him, or use a heavier object.

        "But..." Shinji tried to explain... if any of this got back to

Misato... or worse to his father. This would not be good...(")
        Shinji woke up softly to the strains of the American song (A
song with English lyrics?) 'Fly Me To
The Moon' being sung by Megumi Hayashibara playing in his right ear.

But it seems he likes song number 24 (I think, maybe 25)  which I think
is song number 9 on the NGE II CD.  Just something that could have a
different effect for the story if you wanted to use it...

        She was most definitely not sleepwalking. She was looking at
him
intently. Her eyes were obscured in part by her hair and by the
shadows,
so he couldn't see any more of her expression. She reached out and
gently ran her fingertips across his cheek.

ok, way off from her original personality...She can't understand
emotions so using them would be just as hard for her to do...

        "It's my favorite tape... how did you know?" he asked, trying
to mask
his nervousness with small talk.
        "I just did. It felt right."

I like this.  They are closer than meets the eye...

        "I do not understand it either. Commander Katsuragi didn't
really tell
me to keep you and Asuka company... she just said I could stay here if
I
wanted to."

hrm?  she wouldn't come over to stay because she just wanted to...

and I
know you experienced the same when you synchronized with my Eva.

I haven't seen this episode, but I thought he was rejected by her Eva.
have to read the scripts to make sure...

        In her own room, Asuka Langley Soryu was sound asleep... also
bound and
gagged firmly, but not so tightly as to cut off her circulation. Rei
had
made sure of that. After all. She didn't want her sleep or Shinji's to

be interrupted.

Whoa, how'd that happen without Shinji hearing anything?  He's a light
sleeper you know...

I did this C+C as I read.  I hope it helps.  Overall, I enjoyed it.
There aren't many NGE fics that come through.  I'm trying to make it
more popular on the ffml with my fic.  There a lot of good parts to
this, only I think you got the personalities of Shinji and Rei wrong.
Shinji runs away from any sort of confrontation, meaning he wouldn't be
fighting tooth and nail with Asuka.  He does argue with her, but he's
more on the defensive than attacking her.  As for Rei, I can't see her
being that bold with Shinji.  I have suspicions that they have feelings
for each other, but Rei is more like Shinji's mother.  But it still is a
good fic.  I hope you rewrite some of this so some stuff fits with their
personalities.  I hope this helps.

Captain Jack