Lurker's on a roll! Here's the first chapter of Onna: Yellow Side.
Warning to Cologne fans: She may seem like a bit of a villain in this 
story. But I'm trying to give her a fair treatment, balancing her 
harshness and scheming with her POV on things.

C&C is always welcome!

The Eternal Lost Lurker (squn29a@prodigy.com)

Okay! Here's the second half of the rewrite of "Her". 

As stated in the preamble to Red Side, this part is completely 
unrelated to that part. No crossover material whatsoever will occur 
in this story! (Well, except maybe the odd cameo...)

   Ranma 1/2 is property of Takahashi Rumiko, Shogakukan, Weekly 
Shonen, and VIZ Communications and is used without permission.
   Your eyeballs are property of you, yourself, and you, and are 
being abused without permission.

   *hajime*

   "Stay away from husband, spatula girl!"
   "No way sugar. Ranchan's mine, got it? Keep your mangy Chinese 
hands off him."
   "Spatula girl talk tough. Shampoo beat sense into!"
   With bonbori and spatula, Shampoo and Kuonji Ukyou tore into one 
another. The fight seemed to be on an even level, neither warrior 
giving ground. 
   After several minutes of fighting, Ukyou smirked, and threw one of 
her mini-spatulas past Shampoo's head.
   "Ha! You miss by mile, spatula girl!"
   Ukyou grinned. "I don't think so, hon."
   The spatula struck a fire hydrant, and a torrent of water erupted 
from the offended pipe, drenching Shampoo.
   Ukyou picked up the sopping wet cat, loaded her onto the blade of 
her combat spatula, and hurled her in the direction of the canal.
   In the shadows, unseen, a pair of wise old eyes narrowed. "It's 
time to put an end to this foolishness," crackled a dry old voice. 
The withered form melted back into the shadows and vanished.

   Ranma 1/2:
   "ONNA" Red Side vs. Yellow Side

    YELLOW
     SIDE


   Act One: Schemes

   Chapter 1: The Bombshell

   "Great-grandmother, I home," Shampoo called unenthusiastically as 
she stalked into the Nekohanten. 
   "So I noticed. How went your fight with the Kuonji girl?" Cologne 
asked.
   "It go okay. I say it draw."
   Shampoo was surprised when Cologne's staff whacked her upside the 
head. "Don't lie, girl. I was there, you know. I saw what happened."
   The purple-haired teenager blanched. "Great-grandmother...see 
fight?"
   Cologne nodded, smirking. "Although I wouldn't call it much of a 
fight. You should have seen that trick coming."
   "Shampoo no realize hydrant was there..."
   Cologne rapped Shampoo several times with her staff. "Excuses, 
excuses! I'm so SICK of excuses!" She sighed, and closed her eyes. 
"Shampoo, you are a disappointment to me."
   "Great-grandmother?" Shampoo asked, voice wavering.
   "Shut up, child. I did not give you permission to speak." Shampoo 
gulped. When Cologne took this tone of voice, she was beyond angry. 
   Switching to Mandarin, Cologne continued, "Xian Pu, you 
consistently fail in your battles. At the tournament in the village 
of the Niichieju, you failed to defeat the outsider. When you hunted 
her in Japan, you failed to fulfill the Kiss of Death. When you 
discovered she was in fact male, you failed to fulfill marriage. You 
have tried, and failed, repeatedly to win your groom. You have failed 
to kill Tendou Akane, you have failed to kill Kuonji Ukyou, you have 
failed to kill Kunou Kodachi, you allow the idiot Mu Tsu to persist 
in his pining after you rather than dispatching of him. And 
furthermore, your training has lapsed to a state unbefitting a 
Niichieju." Her eyes opened to narrow slits, and she pointed her 
staff accusingly at Shampoo. "You, Xian Pu, are a pathetic disgrace.
"
   Shampoo's eyes brimmed with unshed tears, tears she dare not shed 
now. Cologne smirked and whacked her hard with the staff. 
   "Even now, you disgrace yourself further, crying over a rebuke 
from your elder." Cologne snorted disdainfully.
   "Great-grandmother," Shampoo spoke in Mandarin, "Please. Allow me 
time. I will train harder. I will win Ranma. I'll drive away the 
other girls, and Mousse. You'll be proud of me."
   "I will never look at you proudly again, Xian Pu." Cologne closed 
her eyes and perched on the counter. "As of this moment, you are no 
longer my heir."
   Shampoo gasped. "Great-grandmother, no!"
   Colone swung her staff with enough force to dislocate Shampoo's 
shoulder. "You will no longer call me grandmother. You are not worthy 
of it."
   Shampoo began to cry silently.
   Cologne scowled. "You are being replaced, Xian Pu. I have, in 
truth, had your replacement in mind for some time. You have never 
shown any particular level of promise as a warrior. At best, you 
would be more skilled than anyone at using the bonbori and various 
other weapons. You might even excel at hand to hand combat. But, the 
truth is, you have nothing beyond that. No mastery of your chi, no 
potential to tap your chi...in fact, you've shown no desire to even 
*learn* to use your chi!" Cologne slowed her rant to catch a breath. 
"I've found a girl to take your place as my heir. She is stronger 
than anyone. She has mastery of her chi, and is virtually impossible 
to defeat in one-on-one combat. Very few can match her level of 
prowess at the martial arts. I have considered for quite some time 
replacing you as my heir, and this is the real reason I came to Japan 
in the first place."
   Shampoo gasped. "Grandmo--"
   "DO NOT CALL ME THAT!" Cologne roared.
   Shampoo cast her eyes down. "Elder Khu Lon, you are saying that 
you didn't come here to help me win over Ranma?"
   "No, child. I did not. I came here to observe my new heir, and to 
observe you. I had hoped that being here would strengthen you, that 
you might show that potential you'd been lacking. Instead, you have 
become soft, and weak, and have less potential than ever. You have 
failed me, and you will be replaced."
   "By an outsider?"
   "Yes. But she will not be an outsider once I take her in."
   Shampoo considered this. "Elder Khu Lon, who is to be my 
replacement?"
   Cologne closed her eyes and smirked. "Why, Saotome Ranma, of 
course."
   Shampoo exploded. "WHAT!? Are you out of your mind? The Niichieju 
will never accept a man as the heir to an elder."
   "Ranma is also half woman."
   "It doesn't matter! His true form is a man!"
   "Not for much longer," Cologne replied confidently. 
   Shampoo scowled. "Alright then, assuming this plan of yours works, 
what about a husband? Even if Ranma were to accept becoming Niichieju,
 you'll never convince him to marry a man, and have children."
   Cologne smiled. "Oh, but I will. In fact, I've already chosen 
Ranma's husband-to-be."
   Shampoo was floored by this. "Elder Khu Lon, I fear for your 
sanity!"
   Cologne scowled. "What did you say?"
   "I doubt the validity of this scheme. I don't see how it could 
possibly work."
   Cologne smirked. "It will work."
   Shampoo stood, and clenched her fist. "No," she hissed. "I will 
see to it that it fails."
   Cologne raised an eyebrow, and stared Shampoo right in the face. 
"You are threatening me?" she said dangerously.
   "Call it what you want, Elder Khu Lon," Shampoo replied.
   Khu Lon considered this for a moment, then nodded. "As you wish," 
she said, turning away. "But one more thing..."
   Suddenly she whirled on Shampoo, and struck her in the chest with 
her staff, knocking her through the front door.
   Standing in the doorway, Cologne called, "You're no longer welcome 
in this establishment, and you're no longer allowed to associate with 
any Niichieju. Consider yourself an outcast, Xian Pu." With that, she 
slammed the door.
   Shampoo sat up in the street, and blinked back tears. Not knowing 
what else to do, she ran.

   Cologne sighed. That had not been easy. But Shampoo was planning 
to interfere with her operation. That was unacceptable.
   She wished the girl could see things her way. That everyone could 
see things her way. All she wanted was to ensure that her people 
remained as strong as they had for centuries. Was that such a 
horrible thing to want? Nations fought devastating wars over much 
sillier things.
   Sighing, she hoped that the girl wouldn't suddenly become 
dangerous. She knew from long years of experience that when backed to 
the wall, people had a tendency to surprise you.
   The door opened, and a weary figure dressed in travelling clothes 
stumbled into the restaurant. "Where...is...the Tendou...dojo..."
   Cologne grinned. "Well, hello Ryouga! What a coincidence. I've 
been wanting to speak with you..."



____
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Ryodachi Kouma
"The Eternal Lost Lurker"
squn29a@prodigy.com
http://pages.prodigy.com/EtLostLurker

no da.