I wrote this for a couple of reasons. One, I wanted to prove to myself
that I COULD write a non-Dark fic without it getting TOO out of hand.
Two, because I thought it was a good match of different genres. And
three, because I try to write for an hour every day and since the muse
was being a pain, I figured it was time for something completely
different. Oh, and it IS in script but I think that script is better
suited to the genre's used. Give it a whirl, it's upbeat, fun and maybe
even funny in parts, C&C is adored as always.


		Three On One and One On Three!


(Scene begins in a massive dojo ruins, tattered wall hangings marked
with symbols for power, will, balance, and chi litter the area alongside
discarded martial weaponry of all shapes and sizes. Few areas of the
once proud structure are not smoldering and the whole setting screams of
a noble beast, brought to heel by the whip)

(Doors open and in swaggers a confident, almost smug looking teenager,
wearing Chinese clothes and a pigtail.)

Young man: <sighs and scans the ruins> Awwww man, what the hell happened
here?

Voice: The death of a dream, boy. Feel free to scavenge for mementos.

(Standing from his position by a shattered statue, a slightly larger
young man raises to his full height and scowls at the pigtailed teen. On
his head rests a bandanna, on his back sits a backpack with a bamboo
umbrella topping it, and on his scowl, fangs.)

Young man: <scratching the back of his head> Humph, well that don't tell
me how I'm supposed to go about joining the Martial Artiers.

Fanged man: <scowl widens> It seems we share a common problem. Both of
us have arrived too late. <tosses the statue's head to the ground and
makes to leave>

Young man: <grabs Fanged man by the arm> Look, I came here to be a
Martial Artier, don't cha' think you could be a bit more helpful. 

Fanged man: <grabs Young man's arm with his left hand and begins
squeezing> Your getting on my nerves, hasn't anyone ever taught you
manners? 

(Sound of bones cracking)

Young man: <eyes go a bit wide and then settle down> Just my Pop, here's
one lesson he taught.

(Young man's leg flips over the tangle of arms and then pops up suddenly
in a kick that sends the Fanged man up against a wall)

Fanged man: <wiping some blood from his nose> I see. Still, I think he
forgot a few, tell you what, I'll give you a quick quiz to see just how
well you retained your lessons. Meet me at the old ruins outside Nerima.

Young man: A fight? No prob' what time?

Fanged man: <sighs> Just be there and don't leave till I arrive, I
promise you a lesson you won't ever forget. <walks out the door>

Young man: <flashes a quick smile> I'll be sure to bring an apple for
the teacher, a dead man SHOULD have his last meal.

(Next scene opens as young man is wandering through the bustling city of
Nerima. It looks as though the common people will go about their daily
struggle regardless of the current King or his guards)

Voice in the Crowd: <screaming> RANMA! 

(Young man looks up from his lunch, long strands of noodles hanging from
his mouth. Then multiple figures appear, battered fighting men with a
frail and baggey eyed boy in the lead)

Ranma: <quickly slurps up his lunch> Oh great, Gos.

(Gos and friends give chase and Ranma makes a break for it, leaping unto
a nearby roof and running at high speeds. Below, his pursuers scramble
for ladders as they draw swords. Ranma shakes his head and smiles as he
leaps to the ground and pushes his way through a raucous area filled
with revelers and drunkards. Looking back to check for pursuers, he
careens into a barmaid and sends her sake flying at a table, almost
drenching a long haired, bespectacled patron)

Patron: <glowering and trying to dry off a scarf> Idiot! I'll have you
know this was a gift from the princess of the Amazons herself!

Ranma: <taken aback> Idiot? I happen to KNOW the princess of the Amazons
and she never mentioned any four-eyed hippies. 

Patron: <evil light glistening off his glasses a SNIKT! sound announces
the arrival of a set of fighting claws on his right arm> You take that
back. Everyone knows her heart belongs to Mousse the Magnificent! Don't
tell me she never mentioned me.

Ranma: <scratching back of head with one eye squinted in concentration>
Let's see, Ranma I kill... Where you hiding... Ranma come back here and
die like woman... Nope, no mention of hair care products, large Canadian
deer or chocolate desserts.

Mousse: <seething and reacting to every taunt as if struck, through
gritted teeth> Anything else?

Ranma: <snaps fingers> Oh yeah! Wo ai ne. That help any?

Mousse: <slashes table and leaps over it to stand before Ranma> Meet me
at the ruins outside Nerima, at one O'clock and bring a long wooden box!
<his glasses flare again as the table behind him splits neatly in two>

Ranma: <shrugs> Whatever, you sure you don't wanna bring one yourself?
I'm not a good judge of size so it might not fit.

(Mousse throws his head back (that's DISGUSTING) and laughs
uproariously; the whole tavern joins in. Ranma walks out with a scowl on
his face)

(Scene changes to an upstairs bedroom. A handsome man in a kimono,
wearing a bokken is resiting poetry to an enthralled young woman. She's
enthralled by HIM at least, if not the prose and she suddenly kisses a
stanza off the poet's lips. He pushes her away and looks at her sternly)

Poet: Madame, I can indeed see why such verse as this can bring one to
fits of unbridled passion but yea must note that I am thine teacher and
thus a wall of learning doth separate us.

Girl: <fiddling with her outfit> You are right, forgive me. But talk of
the dead littering a battlefield just does something to me. Even more,
the way the words roll of your tongue and the light sparkles in your
eyes, I'm afraid my breath was stolen by your magnificence. It won't
happen again sensei.

Poet: <clearing his throat> Magnificence? Truly the gods have seen fit
to give you uncommon clairvoyance. Perhaps they have also given our
meeting their holy blessing? <thinks this over and seems to become more
and more assured>

Girl: <looking up hopefully> Perhaps...

Poet: <pulls the girl too him> Yes! One can't deny the will of the gods
nor divine providence, such would be unjust. <furrows brow> But what if
we are misinterpreting their intent? What if this is a test of thine
innocence! <drops her back to the bed> But, what is more innocent, more
natural then love? <pulls her back to him, she readjusts her hair and
then stares longingly into his eyes only to have his brow furrow again>
Any more natural then that of the mad beast, uncouth and without thought
or soul <he drops her again and she rolls off the bed with the force of
it, landing on her head> But is man NOT a beast? Does not passion answer
the most basic and necisary yearnings of the soul? YES! I will MATE with
you! <he leaps over the bed and they collide in a mass of flailing body
parts> 

(Exactly one silk pair of Sailor Moon panties and one pair of Yamcha
underoos before the scene achieved lemon status, the door smashes open,
revealing an enraged male)

Girl: <holds her hand out to the newcomer in a warding pose> Diasuke! No
good husband! Don't hurt him!

Poet: <sputters out in-between reafixing his kimono> Husband? I have
shamed thou and mine own self! Oh the imperious yet fickle attentions of
fate, what wrong hast I committed to be so plagued by such misfortune?

Voice from behind Diasuke: I dunno, might it have been seducing my wife
as well?

Poet: Ah! That was it. Thank you good Hir-O-SHHHHHIIIT! <dodges a
massive assault of various sports equipment and bladed objects as more
of the Nerima Adultereded Husbands, Fitness & Kuno Hating Society poured
through the door>

<Kuno leaps out the window and lands on a grumbling Ranma>

Kuno: Why thank you peasant, you make an excellent cushion. I shall
remember you my good servant.

Ranma: <tosses Kuno off him and cracks his knuckles> Look pal, I ain't
your damn servant and you're lucky I don't have the time to beat the
hell out of you properly.

Kuno: I don't think I appreciate your tone peasant. Perhaps you'd like
to put your sword where your mouth is? If you have ANY sense at all in
that strange growth you call a head, I'd suggest you NOT be at the ruins
outside Nerima at, shall we say, two-o'clock?

Ranma: Fine, it's not like I wasn't headed that way.

Kuno: I expect to see you then, or at least proof of your cowardice,
until then. <he walks away>

Ranma: Three fights in one day? <sigh> Not much of a work out. I must be
slippin'.

The End of the Begining! Or is it? 

	Probably... but what about the bar scene where Kuno uses bad poetry to
woo women and Mousse uses his stunning appearance (takes off his
glasses) and then, when they're caught in the headlights, he glomps them
and begs and pleads for a date. 

	I don't know, what do YOU think sirs?