Note from the author 
         The following is a work of fiction (as if you didn't know that). 
Any resemblance to any persons living or dead is purely coincidental.  I
wrote  this in a fit of inspiration.  I think a was listening to the radio,
and the idea just hit me, and wouldn't let me go, so here it is.  This is 
only my second 'fic, the first of which (Cry Me A River) wasn't exactly 
a hit.  So if it sucks, just chalk it up to me being a bad writer.  If you
like it, C&C would be appreciated. 

These characters don't belong to me...  But I don't think anyone really
cares.

Okay, Dedications... This is for Palooka-Belle, Amazon of the North,  My
friend, Patrice, and Luis Majluf  'cause he's just so cool.

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One Glomp Too Many
* * * * * * * * * *

          The sun was just starting to rise over Tokyo, but already there
were people on the street.  Over-achievers, out for their morning jogs, 
the delivery man, double-checking his route to make sure he didn't miss 
anyone, and the Sailor Scouts, fighting a monster at the Cherry Hill 
Temple.  Now, this was a normal occurrence, and no one thought 
anything of this-  Somehow, the Cherry Hill Temple had become the 
"Official Site Of Anything Weird."-but this battle drew someone's 
attention.  Even as the pretty young women fried, beat, froze, and 
electrocuted the enemy, someone was sneaking up on them.
          "Moon... Tiara..." Sailor Moon drew in a deep breath to let out a
good yell, "...MAGIC!!!!"  In a flash of bright gold light, the monster let
out a scream as she was reduced to dust.
          "This is just a little early in the day for me," murmured Sailor
Moon as she wiped a glimmer of sweat off her brow.  Sailor Mars just
grinned evilly,
          "High Noon is too early in the day for you, Serena."  She
remarked.  Anything to start a fight.  
          "And just what's _that_ supposed to mean?"  Sailor Moon demanded.
She was _not_ about to take this from _her_.  She was the leader, and
therefore, the boss, was that not right?
          "Just that you're a lazy, incompetent, crybaby!"  Sailor Mars
knew she was getting to her.
          "Brat!" yelled Sailor Moon, and she and Sailor Mars began their
infamous tongue-duel.  
          "Um, excuse me, you two..." Sailor Mercury began politely.  She
got no response.  
          "Hey, Sailor Moon!"  Sailor Venus's attempt was equally in vain.
          "HEY, PAY ATTENTION!!!!"  Sailor Jupiter roared.  The two 
quarreling scouts shut up quickly.  Sailor Mercury and Sailor Venus got
the sweat-drops on their foreheads that the Japanese are famous for. 
Jupiter grinned, "Nothin' like the direct approach."
          "PRETTY LADIES!!!!" Suddenly, the shrill sound of an old voice
rang in their ears, and Sailor Jupiter turned around just in time to see
the small man hanging from her left breast.  His head rested on her chest
as he attempted to snuggle deeper into her cleavage.  
          "Ahhh!!!!" Sailor Moon screamed, "What is it?!?!"
          "I don't... know" said Mercury, running a computer-scan on the
small figure.
          "I-it's TERRIBLE!" Sailor Venus almost screamed.
          "It's an old pervert.".  It was the ever-observant Sailor Mars
who made this comment.  Sailor Jupiter looked down, and sure enough,
Happosai stared back at her, smiling his gap-toothed smile.
          "Hey, Cutie.  How 'bout a little kiss?"  He asked.  Sailor
Jupiter looked disgusted as she punched him, sending him flying face-first
into the dirt.
          "Ahhh...mmgghhh!" Happosai's scream was cut short as his mouth
filled with soil.  He spit it out quickly, almost retching, then he quickly
recovered, and made his way towards Sailor Mercury. 
          Sailor Mercury looked appropriately concerned as Happosai charged
at her with his cry of "Pretty Lady."  Fortunately for her, and
unfortunately for the old lecher, Sailor Mars decided to come to her 
friend's aid.
          "Mars Celestial Fire... SURROUND!!!"  a burst of fire exploded,
and surrounded Happosai.  He was sent flying, and lay on the ground,
twitching.  
          "Well, that's that."  she said, brushing her hands of imaginary
dirt.  
          "Not quite!" said Happosai, leaping to his feet, "But good try. 
Now come, and we'll make beautiful music together."  Sailor Mars looked
terrified. 
          "Jupiter Thunder... CRASH!!!"
          "Venus Crescent Beam... SMASH!!!"
          "Mercury Ice-Bubbles... FREEZE!!!"
This combination of attacks sent Happosai reeling back to land on his butt.
          "OUCH!!!"
           Suddenly, after the fight was almost over, and when he wasn't
really needed, Tuxedo Mask appeared, roses and all. 
          "Sailor Moon, use your Moon-Wand!" he directed.  Sailor Moon, who
already knew that but didn't want to argue with her dream-hunk, nodded.
          "Right!"  After giving the appropriate speech, and doing all of
the gestures, Sailor Moon held up her Moon-Wand (TM), "Moon, Healing..."
(another really deep breath), "ACTIVATION!!!".  A bright light surrounded
Happosai, and he began to shake from the energy pulsing through him. 
Suddenly,  he stood up and began to dance around giddily.  
          "I feel pretty, oh so pretty..."  
          "What's wrong with him?"  asked Sailor Venus.  Sailor Mercury
consulted her computer. 
          "It seems that he was never evil in the first place, just
perverted.  I guess the overload of goodness from the Silver Crystal 
made him... feel pretty."
          "That explains sooo much." said Mars, glancing at Sailor Moon. 
She was licking her moon wand like it was some sort of addictive drug.
          "What's that supposed to mean?" Sailor Moon demanded, but because
her tongue was still licking the Moon-Wand, it came out more like, "Wath
tha thapoth tho mime?"  Sailor Mars sighed, and glanced around, hoping 
Tuxedo Mask had stuck around.  She had seen so little of him, and the last 
time she had seen Darien was in karate class, when he was still trying to 
master "Hean Shotan".  He was nowhere to be seen.
          "What are we going to do with him, now?" Sailor Venus asked,
gesturing towards Happosai, who was now attempting the Macarena.  Sailor
Jupiter shrugged.
          "There's only one place I can think of now..."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

          "So, have you seen the old man?"  A twenty-something orderly
placed three aces on the table to contribute to the game of "Rummy".
          "Yeah, that's too bad.  How'd a fit and verile old Martial Artist
wind up in a place like this?"  His older companion gazed at his hand, and
then sighed as he picked up another useless card.
          "I heard he had a run-in with the Sailor Scouts."  said the
younger man, "Man, if I could have a piece of that..."
          "Yeah, man." The older orderly licked his lips, "They'd make your
fantasies come true." 
          "Oh yeah."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

          Happosai stood in his padded room, gazing into his imaginary
mirror.  He held an imaginary brush in his hand as he brushed his imaginary
flowing black hair.  He was singing under his breath.
          "I feel pretty, oh so pretty..."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Comments?  Questions?  Flames?  

Hope you enjoyed it,
Mercury Blue
thill@jetstream.net

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"Go bleach your roots, creep!"
                                          -Sailor Mercury
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