Re : [FFML] [Fanfic][Ranma](gamma) Tainted Honor part 1

Chris McNeil wrote:

Stormy : Shut up and send it!

Me : All right, already!  Here goes.


Ah, you have an annoying co-authour too...


Ah... Stormy is, shall we say, my other half.  Check the revenge-finale
I wrote (Schism) if you need an explanation.  I use her somewhat
sparingly as a .sig character now.

    As always, it was at this point that Ranma awoke.  The


Ryouga, you mean?


Eep.  Yes.  I wonder how many C&C'ers will miss that.

depression was overwhelming, and he had to have a release.  The
agonized cry was seemingly torn from his chest; "Shishi Houkoudan!"
    The devastating column of ki, in its most perfect form,
shattered the night; the thunderous shockwave drowned out Ryouga's
own cry of suffering.  Then it was subsided, and he fell to the
ground as if dead himself.


Whoo.  Easy to follow his trail by the craters every morning.  ^_^


Oh, yeah.

<long segment snipped>

Nice descriptive prose.


Thank you.

    Still more terrifying was the fact that he was alone.


VERY nice.  ^_^


Again thank you.  This section was difficult to write, but it was fun,
in an evil sort of way.

    Ryouga hung his head.  "He . . . his last words . . . he told me
to tell you he loved you."
    "NO!" the last scream tore itself from Akane, and she threw
herself at Ryouga, sobbing violently.  Ryouga just put his arms
around her, holding her tightly.  It rent his heart to see her in
such pain, and he stayed there with her long into the night.


Now THAT could be taken more than one way... ;p


Hmm... prolly could, at that.  May have to rephrase.

    "The guardian was," he continued, his voice devoid of emotion,
"well, I guess it would be best described as a dragon.  It was
terribly powerful, and it shrugged off every attack we threw at it.
It ignored techniques, ki-blasts, everything.  We couldn't touch it."
    "Ranma . . . he screamed at me to get clear, then leaped in with
the most powerful ki-blast I've ever seen.  I think he made it up
right there."  He paused again, his mouth suddenly very dry.  He


Ah, yes.  Anything Goes Martial Arts make up plot-enhancing attack.
Very ancient technique!


Ayup.  Of course, Takahashi-san did it first.  Can you say "Falling
Dragon Bomb"? I knew you could!

    Genma nodded solemnly, pangs of grief barely tangible through
the numbness.  "A warrior's death.  It . . . it honors him."
    "He died a whole man," Ryouga responded quietly.
    "And bought wholeness for many others as well."  Glancing down
at the relic darkly, he added, "I would gladly trade mine, though, to
have him back."


I'd love to see what would happen if somebody tried to take Genma up
on that.


Heh... he'd do it, but not so "gladly" as he claims, I think.

    Ryouga nodded silently.  Slowly he rose and made his way out
into the rain.  The sensation of the droplets on the skin of his face
was one he was still not accustomed to, and there were times when he
did not appreciate it.  Right now, he would almost have liked to have
the curse back.  P-Chan could have hidden from the pain.
    That line of thought led to Akane, and Ryouga felt tears welling
up in his own eyes. <Oh, that I could ease her suffering.  Why,
Ranma, did you have to die?>


Where does Akari fit in?  Where will Ryouga's priorities lie now? 
Very interesting questions for future chapters...


Yes, I'm still working on how to account for Akari.  I don't know the
character NEARLY well enough to put her in the story.

As for priorities, well . . . a guilty conscience and a promise to a
dying man will keep Ryouga in Akane's camp for the foreseeable future.

Until she finds out about P-chan anyway... then all hell could
conceivably break loose.

                      * * * * * * * * *

    The cemetary was oddly quiet, considering those present.  Ukyou,
Shampoo, Kodachi, Akane . . . it was a battle waiting to happen,
except that nothing remained to fight for.  Others were there, as
well.  Kunou was present, though he himself was not sure why.  The
Saotome and Tendou families were, of course, there as well.  A few
friends, and even some old enemies, had arrived also.  Some were


Somewhere in China...

Pantyhose Tarou: CELLLLLEBRATION TIME COME ON!!!

^_^

Tarou: I think not.  I don't sing.  But throwing a party sounds good...


Heh... no doubt.

    Looking at Akane, he realized for the first time just how much
she had loved Ranma.  She wore the look of one shattered;
hopelessness and depression were engraved on her face--a look Ryouga
knew very well, as he'd seen it in the mirror a thousand times.


He must carry around a mirror.  I doubt he's been to his place enough
times.  ^_^  More nice descriptive, tho.


Thanks.  I figure he's probably stumbled into enough public restrooms to
have seen a few mirrors along the way.

    She was followed by Ukyou, who spoke at more length.  "Ranchan
was as much a friend as anyone could ask.  He was loyal, and
trustworthy, and kind.  He would have done anything for any of his
friends, and often did.  He feared nothing, save the occasional cat,"
she smiled for a moment, then the levity dissolved into tears.  "I am
glad to have been his friend, even if I was nothing more."


I take it they've admitted their love by now?  Why is Shampoo still
here, then?


No... but Ranma's last words are now basically common knowledge, and
Ukyou couldn't really argue with that.


<snip speech part 1>

Oh, yuck.  Isn't this laying it on a little thick even for Ryouga?
Or is he trying to say Ranma had no skill?  ^_^

wronged someone, he sought to make it right, even when they would not
allow it.


Like I said...even for Ryouga, that may be a little much.

    "I wish I could claim to be as honorable as he."


No comment.


About that whole speech: Two words : guilty conscience.  Ryouga is at
least partly responsible for Ranma's death, and he knows it.

    As he finished, he could feel a tear forming in his eye, and he
tried to prevent it from falling.  Not wanting to be seen as weak, he
stepped aside, and moved to stand by Akane.  Depression overwhelmed
him as the memories returned.


Well, noone will accuse you of false advertising.  This certainly 
isn't the most cheerful beginning you could have.


Aye.  I had one person ask me, regarding an earlier version of this, if
all my stories were as dark as this and Bubblegum Collapse.  I didn't
think this was NEARLY as dark as Collapse, but I guess that's me.

Tarou: I beg to differ.

Well, yes, but not all people consider fem-boy getting knocked off to
be a GOOD thing... ;p


*cackle*

    Again alone, he faced the disturbing memories.  The elation of
seeing Ranma dump a canteen of water over his head without changing,
the momentary celebration, and the interruption that was a dragon's
roar.  He remembered the battle that raged then, with all his attacks
ineffective; he couldn't even throw a decent Shishi Houkoudan, as the
thought of being cured had robbed him of his depression.  Then came
Ranma's final attack, a devastating explosion of ki-energy that had
shattered the cliff face, and Ryouga's desperate dive to catch him
before he fell.  He had missed him by less than a second, even a
half-second--and he knew well where that precious time had gone.  He
knew . . . and the knowledge broke him.
    Tears began to fall as he walked away.


Ooh, what happened?


Wait and see... bwahahahahaha *coughing fit*

Stormy : You just don't do that maniacal laughter bit right... let me
try.  *insert very Kodachi-esque laugh here*

*shiver*  Where'd you learn that? 

Stormy: You don't *learn* something like that.  You just know it.

I've created a monster!


Well, there you go.  If I didn't tear you apart, it's more the fact 
that it's quite good so far then any niceness on my part.  ^_^


Thank you, again.

Again, special thanks for Nicholas Leifker.  As is often the case,


Didn't we do this already?  ;p


Nah, it's just deja vu.

In this gamma version, I tried to add more detail throughout,
especially in the second and fourth scenes (telling Akane and the
funeral), as well as more foreshadow.  Tell me what you think.
Thanks!


Looks nice so far.  I'll be looking forward to future installments.


Thank you very much.  I appreciate the time and effort of C&C'ing it.  I
hope to have the beta of part two out sometime next week, though that
may be a bit optimistic.

Blade
*********
High Priest of the Goddess Ukyou
Official Fanboy of Pantyhose Tarou
Founding member of the Viz-basher-bashing Club
Author of unbelieveable talent
Debater beyond compare
Really humble guy


In the words of an acquaintance of mine : "Remember, behind every great
man is a great ego."

-- 
***********************************************************
Douglas A. Reeves <dougreeves@earthlink.net>
Bubblegum Crisis fan and writer of fanfiction
Storm Warnings - http://web2.airmail.net/a0011387/
-----------------------------------------------------------
"Well, they are lucky.  Let them be
 nine-lived and contradictory,
 curious enough to change, prepared to pay
 the cat price, which is to die
 and die again and again,
 each time with no less pain.
 A cat minority of one
 is all that can be counted on
 to tell the truth.  And what cats have to tell
 on each return from hell
 is this; that dying is what the living do,
 that dying is what the loving do,
 and that dead dogs are those who do not know
 that dying is what, to live, each has to do."

		-- from "Curiosity", by Alastair Reid
***********************************************************