At 06:16 PM 7/9/97 +1000, you wrote:

On my holiday in the land of Kulture, hand guns and religious extremists,
all of whom drive on the wrong side of the road, I had the dubious
pleasure of being shown to one of America's many attempts to cultivate
'culture', in this case the imitation of my own country's eating
refinements.

        In all fairness, Travis *did* take him out to get some good
Kansas City BBQ the night before - right after the 43rd bookstore, 
the Plaza (with its open sewer creek), and the giant shuttlecocks
on the lawn of the Nelson-Atkins Art Museam.  (Now *that's* culture,
mate.)

My hosts for this were none other than Travis 'just one more bookstore'
Butler and Greg 'G'day Mate' Sandborn and the venue was the 'Outback
Steakhouse', a chain of restaurants across America which attempts, and I
use that word lightly, to bring a bit of Australian culture into the lives
of Americans.

        If you say so.

Now, the American accent sounds to the ears of Aussies' as being very
nasal, drawling and above all, *grating*.  Americans trying to do an
Australian accent is... is... lets just leave it as akin to blackboards
and fingernails.  Travis and Greg took almost unholy pleasure in telling
the waitress, who I must say was cute *grin*, that she was dealing with a
True-Blue Aussie with an amusing outlook on life ;).

        Knock it off, Bruce.  She was 16 and you kept asking if she
ever did it 'down-under'.  The local police are still looking for
you.  It's okay.  I told them Travis arranged the whole thing.

The food itself was quite good, but the names, by the Lost Eye of the
Serpent, the names.  I ended up having fun explaining to the waitress just
why certain names were unsuitable.

        Among other things. ^_-

'The Outback Special' wasn't too bad, being a medium size steak.
'Victoria's Filet' is, for some reason, a small sized tenderloin steak.
'The Melbourne' is also a steak, a rather large one, which puzzled me as
Melbourne isn't a cattle town.  Rockhampton is though, so a dish called
the 'Rockhampton Rib-Eye' is apt.

My home town of Brisbane has something along the lines of a 'Brisbane
Shrimp Saute'' and a 'Brisbane Caesar Salad'.  New South Wales is saddled
with 'Botany Bay Fish O'The Day'... it fits, just.  For those who follow
politics, the 'Prime Minister's Prime Rib' is rather funny given its size
and our current PM.

What really made me laugh, was not the 'Mad Max' n or 'Sweet Chook O'Mine'
nor even 'Bloomin'Onion' (An Outback Ab-original), but a dessert named
'Chocolate Thunder From Down Under' being a pecan brownie, rich vanilla
ice cream topped with hot homemade chocolate saude and chocolate shavings.

Picture the latter in your mind.  Now, Australian residences of 40years
ago and/or no town sewerage have something called the 'Thunderbox', or in
other words, an outside toilet.

        Known as an 'outhouse' here in Kansas.  We still use em too.

Quite put me off actually ordering that.  Quite astounded aforementioned
cute waitress  (she was really interested in seeing what an Aussie thought
about their menu ;) )

        Among other things....  ;-)

We dawdled over dinner, Greg and Travis telling me about American culture
or what passed for it (No, I haven't seen *those* 'Australian For' ads
yet), computers and of course, Fanfics.  Greg discussed his Nabiki _New
Horizons_ fics with the almost universal-among-authors query 'People
actually *like* my work?'.  Yes Greg, you do suffer from Hitomism ;)

        Let's get this straight.  We dawdled because you were making
good time with the waitress and they kept refilling your glass.  If
I hadn't bored her with talk about fanfics, we *never* would have gotten
out of there.  I have to admit, your 'Crocodile Dundee' routine really
had her going.  (She kept asking to see how big his 'knife' was.)

Unfortunately, I had forgotten to bring over some *real* beer so my
planned 'XXXX.  Its Australian for beer, for when you can't spell Beer'
bit did not happen.  I'll send you some when I get back to Australia Greg.

        Truth is, I told him to go back and get it right then.  We
would wait for him.  (Imagine, this guy is talking about REAL Fosters
while I'm forced to chug the imitation crap from Canada.  You have
no heart, mate.)  ^_-  P.S. I'm *still* waiting for the beer.

FYI, 'Fosters' as Americans know it is not 'Fosters' as it should be.  For
one thing, its brewed in Canada.

        I just said that..... I think.

Greg in person is .. a respectable American.  Travis in person is... an
interesting character.  Both of these statements could be expanded upon,
but not at this time ;)

        [Greg cocking his HK91 and leveling it at Kergma-san]  Aw, go
ahead, sport.  Tell the nice folks.  My Aussie-English dictionary
describes a 'Respectable American' as 'armed, crazy, and drunk most of
the time.'  I won't tell you what it says about an 'interesting character'.

                                     ~~~~~
                 The Chaotic Trickster - kergma@humbug.org.au

        BTW, the waitress's name was Tammie.  She's 16, goes to St.
Thomas Aquinas High School, and really digs Aussies.  Good thing we
got you out of there before she had a chance to give you her address.
No telling *what* might have happened.
        It's okay.  The wife and I went back there for dinner the other
night and told her you're 30, married to someone named 'Kun-chan', and
have three kids.  She's kinda pissed right now, so I'd lay low for
awhile.  Woman scorned, you see.  Nuff said.
        Glad I could help.


        - Greg
        (The wife ordered the 'Chocolate Thunder From Down Under' and
couldn't understand why I kept making faces while she ate it.)