On my holiday in the land of Kulture, hand guns and religious extremists,
all of whom drive on the wrong side of the road, I had the dubious
pleasure of being shown to one of America's many attempts to cultivate
'culture', in this case the imitation of my own country's eating
refinements.

My hosts for this were none other than Travis 'just one more bookstore'
Butler and Greg 'G'day Mate' Sandborn and the venue was the 'Outback
Steakhouse', a chain of restaurants across America which attempts, and I
use that word lightly, to bring a bit of Australian culture into the lives
of Americans.

Now, the American accent sounds to the ears of Aussies' as being very
nasal, drawling and above all, *grating*.  Americans trying to do an
Australian accent is... is... lets just leave it as akin to blackboards
and fingernails.  Travis and Greg took almost unholy pleasure in telling
the waitress, who I must say was cute *grin*, that she was dealing with a
True-Blue Aussie with an amusing outlook on life ;).

The food itself was quite good, but the names, by the Lost Eye of the
Serpent, the names.  I ended up having fun explaining to the waitress just
why certain names were unsuitable.

'The Outback Special' wasn't too bad, being a medium size steak.
'Victoria's Filet' is, for some reason, a small sized tenderloin steak.
'The Melbourne' is also a steak, a rather large one, which puzzled me as
Melbourne isn't a cattle town.  Rockhampton is though, so a dish called
the 'Rockhampton Rib-Eye' is apt.

My home town of Brisbane has something along the lines of a 'Brisbane
Shrimp Saute'' and a 'Brisbane Caesar Salad'.  New South Wales is saddled
with 'Botany Bay Fish O'The Day'... it fits, just.  For those who follow
politics, the 'Prime Minister's Prime Rib' is rather funny given its size
and our current PM.

What really made me laugh, was not the 'Mad Max' n or 'Sweet Chook O'Mine'
nor even 'Bloomin'Onion' (An Outback Ab-original), but a dessert named
'Chocolate Thunder From Down Under' being a pecan brownie, rich vanilla
ice cream topped with hot homemade chocolate saude and chocolate shavings.

Picture the latter in your mind.  Now, Australian residences of 40years
ago and/or no town sewerage have something called the 'Thunderbox', or in
other words, an outside toilet.

Quite put me off actually ordering that.  Quite astounded aforementioned
cute waitress  (she was really interested in seeing what an Aussie thought
about their menu ;) )

We dawdled over dinner, Greg and Travis telling me about American culture
or what passed for it (No, I haven't seen *those* 'Australian For' ads
yet), computers and of course, Fanfics.  Greg discussed his Nabiki _New
Horizons_ fics with the almost universal-among-authors query 'People
actually *like* my work?'.  Yes Greg, you do suffer from Hitomism ;)

Unfortunately, I had forgotten to bring over some *real* beer so my
planned 'XXXX.  Its Australian for beer, for when you can't spell Beer'
bit did not happen.  I'll send you some when I get back to Australia Greg.

FYI, 'Fosters' as Americans know it is not 'Fosters' as it should be.  For
one thing, its brewed in Canada.

Greg in person is .. a respectable American.  Travis in person is... an
interesting character.  Both of these statements could be expanded upon,
but not at this time ;)

                                      ~~~~~
                  The Chaotic Trickster - kergma@humbug.org.au